#joyva

[taxi-davis]

[miss-rumphius]

I’m gonna be real the Tahini Vanilla smoothie I just made tastes like Halva and I am in no way mad about this. It’s definitely the healthier version of a Joyva candy bar.

[jillal0pe]

alright so I've got a full tin of Joyva chocolate Halvah and I want to make something with it as opposed to eating it straight.  Suggestions?

[miss-rumphius]

Eating Joyva's sesame crunch candies is a totally healthy snack right???

[pigweekend]

Halvah Nuthah Donut

I knew that today would require abundant strength, both mentally and physically, and I hadn't slept well, so I wasn't screwing around this morning.

Arizona Pomegranate Arnold Palmer

Chunky bar

I am not a gambler of money, but I do live very close to a world famous horse track, so we decided to take some family on a fun tour. First you buy a tremendously overpriced breakfast from their buffet that hires waitstaff from a parallel dimension that has no such thing as restaurants.

Donut

Donut

Bagel with tons of cream cheese

Strawberries

Creamy scrambled eggs

Some kind of frittata 

Sausage

Rock hard french toast sticks

Croissant

Semi donut

Semi danish

CORN POPS!

The donuts are very small so you can stuff your judgement in your hidey hole. I look at those Corn Pops as a tremendous victory. A "just when you thought it was safe" kind of victory. Too bad the french toast sticks were deep fried until you could use them to chock the wheels of a semi-truck. They might have just been Jenga pieces. I ate everything too fast to check for markings or wood.

The tour takes you behind the scenes of the racetrack where thousands of very serious people do secret expert work to keep zillion dollar horses from going nuts and killing everyone. Every time a horse came within a hundred feet of the tour group, we were instructed to bunch up tightly against a wall and avert our gaze to remain safe from its vicious stinging scorpion tail. I had no idea these majestic prancing ponies were nature's deadliest weapon.

Half a corned beef and pastrami sandwich

"Fresh" potato chips

Pretty good pickle

Halvah

Some branches of our local mega-grocer have the redeeming feature of a simulated Jewish deli. If you can deal with their truly abysmal attitudes, they make pretty decent sandwiches and serve up Dr. Brown's weirdo sodas and everything. The signature potato chips seemed like they were probably good when they were originally made two weeks ago. The secret weapon is that it's one of the few places you can find a selection of Joyva candies. Joyva is the ground sesame empire who make pretty much the only tahini sauce you can get anywere around here. My favorite candy of theirs is Halvah, which might be an acquired taste. As far as I can tell, it's just straightup ground sesame shaped into a rectangle and it is kind of like biting into chalk as envisioned by Play-doh people. SO GOOD.

The other half-a-sandwich

Hours later I decided to tear down part of a wall made of ancient concrete board and joined with steel mesh. I am not a particularly sensible laborer, so things like safety glasses and leather gloves usually only occur to me a few days later. The steel mesh is designed to decapitate anyone foolish enough to crawl around inside your walls, so it does really remarkable things to your hands when you dig in there with my kind of cool dude abandon. There is now a nice ragged 12 foot right-triangle void in my living room. I work cheap. Call for a quote!

S'more Sundae Vanilla Soft Serve with Sprinkles

I also can't recover well from having to shift a food decision on the fly. If I have thought long and hard about what I am going to eat and I get to the counter and literally the dumbest child on earth tells me all the essential ingredients are missing, I have no internal tools that allow me to lambada my way around the obstacle and come up with a creative countermeasure. I basically go through 25 personal steps of unjustified inner rage and hastily default to a classic. I also had to explain to this person how to give me change. The math was very basic and America is doomed. At least the part of America that trades hard on ice cream futures. Did I use any of those words right?

Two small pizza slices stuffed into my mouth as fast as possible over a counter

This wasn't my pizza tee hee!

2.5 homemade margaritas

Sam Adams Summer

Peanut Butter Cheerios

Some kind of Special K cheese snaxx

Another margarita

Fudgesicle

The breakfast was lead heavy... the lunch was uranium heavy... but all the empty spaces in between put me into a night time panic so I just started shaking the entire refrigerator into my mouth.