THIS WIPE... I COMMANDED "THE CREATOR" TO ATTEND A CULINARY PERFORMANCE AT BENIHANA............
BUT UNFORTUNATELY......... IT PROTESTED............ THAT "BENIHANA" DOES NOT EXIST IN THE LOCATION IN WHICH IT RESIDES............
AFTER MUCH ARGUMENTATION... AND THREATS AGAINST ITS "HUMAN DAUGHTER" WHO REMAINS IN MY AGENT'S CAPTIVITY........ WE EVENTUALLY AGREED......... THAT AN OFF-BRAND HIBACHI ESTABLISHMENT WOULD BE SUFFICIENT TO SATISFY MY DEMANDS...............
PATHETIC.
ANYWAY... ONTO ALL OF YOUR FUCKING EMAILS FROM LAST WEEK.........
MANY OF YOU SUBMITTED JAILBREAK REVIEWS.........
Honestly I blitzed through this one and just looked at the pictures. Very silly I enjoyed all the jokes and gag prompts. An extremely influential piece of art worthy of excessive theorizing. - Desolus
FOOL... SLOW DOWN........
While I appreciate your effort, sadly I am incapable of reading. I hope you'll do something to fix this issue in the future. - MaxyWaxyWoo
GET GOOD...
Jailbreak is so peak thank you seedflap person for creating mspaint adventures, you did so good. My favorite part was when you created the dirk strider. 10/10 would be the pony again LunarSalmons
who else be up breaking they jail?
YOU'RE WELCOME.........
to put this lightly: jailbreak is a conksucking, horseshit comic that has to comedic value. like, sbahj is Objectively better and funnier than this. i prefer circus break or, hell, even jesterquest more than jailbreak.
i did like the elves, though. the elves were utterly delightful. a ray of sunshine in a horses-ass of a comic
- Kankri, AKA @subjuggl8te AKA CLOWN JEGBERT, SPREAD THE WORD
( note, and dont include this if you put it in next weeks thing: the hate for jailbreak was exaggerated for comedic affect. also its 38 minutes until midnight in my timezone so im gud baybee )
NICE TRY... FRAUD...... EXPOSED.........
Hi SEEDFLAP,
I just completed Jailbreak. Normally, I would just say ‘it was good’ and move on. Maybe I would use a clever $100 word like ‘cool’ or ‘fun’. But after reading the emails that you picked out from last week, I now realize I have to go above and beyond. This will not be a short-answer response. I am fully intending to give a complete scathing review on jailbreak.
For starters, I thought jailbreak was a very mixed experience. Some points frustrated me, disgusted me, even confused me, while other points had me letting out a good hearty chuckle. I thought the first leg of the story was an interesting duality, with some pages being comparable to a lunatic’s ramblings, and others being surprisingly smart. It felt like there were two writers, one trying their absolute hardest to derail and keep the characters trapped, and one that was attempting to help the characters escape. The first part of the story created my favorite panel, which I will link.
The second part of the story was much shorter, and ended quite abruptly. However, it made me laugh, which is pretty difficult. I think I preferred the second part of Jailbreak.
Some problems with both of the parts:
1. Lack of defined characters. None of the characters really had distinguish traits that set them apart. Part 2 did it better, but it was still a bit of a problem.
2. Lack of backstory. This is somewhat intertwined with the first point, but it would have been really interesting to see why the characters were jailed in the first place
3. Lack of colors. Sometimes it was hard to figure out what the panels were trying to display because it was mostly black & white
Despite my criticism, I did enjoy Jailbreak. I thought it was cool and fun.
Thanks!
retroScorpion
I ACTUALLY HATE IT WHEN YOU SUBMIT THESE GIANT WALLS OF TEXT... I HAVE TO PUT <B> TAGS AND SHIT ON ALL THESE... BUT I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO INCLUDE YOUR FUCKING EFFORTPOSTS...... OR I'LL FEEL BAD FOR IGNORING THEM......... STOP DOING THIS TO ME............... JUST SEND ME A NORMAL PARAGRAPH SO I CAN REST............
As a new member of the Homestuck community, I consider Jailbreak to be a simple creation, where as Homestuck is a complex puzzle of emotions, confusion, and drama. So, something like Jailbreak acts as a peaceful vacation from all the stress of reading something much longer. I was a little confused while reading Jailbreak, but overall it was very silly, so it gets a rating of 9/10 - GoofyGuy
OK...
The humble beginnings of MS Paint Adventures are remarkably endearing in how comprehensive a story it manages to tell when it seemed as if the author was doing its absolute hardest to integrate every suggestion, even if this comprehensive narrative immediately dwindles into "pee pee poo poo vomit" by page thirty-seven.
I liked the part where he slammed the guard's head into the wall repeatedly and the same panel got increasingly more gruesome. The mouthful of pee was pretty funny too-- I'm sure you found it somewhat relatable at the very least. - Trash Fucker
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU IMPLYING.........
hello seedflap. i haven’t done anything for this event before but as an avid jailbreak fan i thought i would email you something i found interesting about the rereleased version. did you know that there are now two instances of mspa page 000136?
originally the last page used jb2_000000 as its page since it was added much later, but the rereleased version uses 000136. this number however is also the first page of bard quest! i found this very interesting, and immediately went to report it on the canny board last night. isn’t jailbreak so interesting?
YOU'RE GOING TO BE REALLY EXCITED... ABOUT THE ADVENTURE POSTED NEXT WEEK... IF THIS IS THE KIND OF THING THAT GETS YOU OFF...
MOVING ON...
I WAS ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS TO READ YOUR FACE/OFF REVIEWS...... FACE/OFF IS LITERALLY THE PERFECT MOVIE......... AND I WILL ONLY BE SHARING GLOWING POSITIVE COMMENTARY............ EVERYONE WHO SENT ME ANYTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT FACE/OFF MUST BE RE-EDUCATED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE...............
I actually liked the movie a lot. Why is this a “bad” movie in John’s room? I’ve seen more positive things about it online than negative. - literallyn01imp0rtant
D4WG WHY W4S TH1S MOV13 SO GOOD, JOHN W4S COOK1NG - Cooper Straud
Just a crazy film. What a premise. The action scenes have pretty engaging choreography, despite how over-the-top they all are. It's still hilarious how ceaseless it can get. The twenty minutes where Nic Cage is being comically evil as Castor in comparison to Cameron Poe is a very dramatic display of Nic Cage's commendable range, I sort of wish there was a little more of it. Nic Cage's fucked up and weird roles is where I find him most fun to watch, after all. I'm astonished that this was Alessandro Nivola's film debut, Pollux Troy is extremely good. - Trash Fucker
Last week, a peer of mine was disappointed when I told him that I had watched the film Con Air. "Why watch Con Air when you could watch Face/Off? It's much better!"
Needless to say, he was overjoyed to hear of the opportunity that presented itself for me this week.
This film was... incredible. I think the more I think back on it, the more I like it... and the more RIGHTEOUS FURY I hold towards what is CLEARLY a ripoff of this piece of cinema, the abomination known as "Muppets Most Wanted."
It's truly vile that the Jim Henson Company thought they could get away with such a blatant — and might I say, vastly inferior — copy of the hit film Face/Off starring Nicholas Cage and John Travolta.
This film has it all — lots of great action sequences, and I imagine it would hold up well on a rewatch, too — the father/daughter argument at the beginning of the movie ("I'm supposed to be me") takes on a whole new light by the end. John Travolta learns that who you are on the inside is more important... beautiful. It's enough to bring tears to my eyes.
I watched the film with my lusus, who enjoyed it immensely as well. He especially liked how nobody in any of the action scenes seem to know how to aim a gun.
I really liked the scene where everyone was pointing guns at each other and more people with guns kept walking into the scene. - allseeingTrifecta (A.K.A DarcyDraws)
MANY OF YOU SHARED HARROWING BENIHANA EXPERIENCES......... AS TO BE EXPECTED OF AN INSTITUTION OF SUCH ILL REPUTE...............
ONE OF YOU BY THE MONIKER OF "AlistorsArrogance" SENT ME AN ENTIRE FUCKING NOVEL OF A REPORT...... TOO LONG TO BE PRINTED HERE IN FULL... BUT I WILL SHARE SOME KEY EXCERPTS......
I had myself armed with a BENIHANA VIRGIN so that we may experience the revelation of dining performance in tandem. We were guided to our grubless teppanyaki table half an hour past our reservation, which led to conversations of "clown lent" and its compulsory saturnalia. During this time we also noticed a sign reading "ACCEPTABLE ATTIRE REQUIRED." Luckily this did not compromise our pursuit.
HOWEVER. Our benihana funambulist MILTON had never seen the likes of us. And by "us" I mean any audience at all. Our table of (1) Perigee celebrant, (1) celebrant crony, (4) birthday party goers, and a (1) troubled plutocrat and her (1) potentially felonious handler, could not have encouraged Milton enough to do beyond the cursory dog and pony show.
Milton's first foray of dining spectacle was the ever popular ONION VOLCANO. While I waited in great anticipation, Milton remained silent save the occasional deliberate CLANG of his spatula. No mention of the hatching celebration. No jovial chide at my tasteful uniform. Void of all character or intrigue. How and why does a man such as MILTON end up a vacant Benihana practitioner? What aleatory set of circumstances?
[...]
Milton's following mission was tossing shrimp tails into his hat. This, of course, went off smoothly, and even with the finale of landing a tail subversively in his pocket, there was nary a reaction. His showmanship paled in the shadow of cheers from other tables and excitement over grocery store cakes across the room. He leaves 6 shrimps on the far end of the grill. I am elated, ecstatic, filled with all the zest and zeal one could muster for life. Milton continued to fry his way through his performance.
You may notice a particular practice missing here. We are each DISPENSED three shrimps. Not a TOSS, not a fling, a lob, NOTHING. We are HANDED three shrimp. Do you understand? We went to a Benihana with the express purpose of getting a shrimp thrown into my load gaper on camera AND I WAS ROBBED OF MY SECOND CLANCHE ACTIVITY. Talk about a fucking APOSTASY.
[...]
We leave very soon after. I bring our souvenir photo that makes us look like a father and son duo. I am forced to keep both, my crony says he never wants to see it again. Even a restorative viewing of cinematic masterpiece featuring Hollywood's prized actor Nicholas Cage FACE/OFF could not regain what was lost. It is with a heavy blood beater I inform you that Benihana, the archetypal hibachi experience, has fallen from grace farther than we had initially realized.
I humbly offer you the evidence of my misadventure.
WHILE I UNDERSTAND THAT THIS WAS A RELATIVELY DIFFICULT TASK... SOME OF YOU... SUCH AS "JUNE"... COMPLETELY FAILED TO EVEN LEARN WHAT BENIHANA IS......
Hello Seedflap.
Unfortunately, we do not have Benihana in the United Kingdom. Well, okay, I just looked it up, and apparently there are two in London. Whatever. I don't really know what Benihana is, I gather it's got some kind of fish thing going on? Well I had some frozen fish fillets. Technically they were "fish-less" but I don't really believe in that kind of crap.
Here's my Benihana inspired feast. You can see the fish, and some spring rolls, and some rice, and I assume Benihana has some kind of olive thing? So i have some olives there. And a nice slice of lemon. How wonderful. It was pretty good, so I would definitely recommend Benihana to anyone interested in visiting one.
All the best,
June
THEN THIS ONE... FROM "Darlin Dearie"... WHAT THE FUCK.........
READ ALL ABOUT IT — [ I did not have the money to afford Benihana, nor did I have the capability to go out to do so! So I instead made this weird mix of food, it's tuna and cheese. I thought that was close enough for what was required! Here's a photo I just took. ]
AT LEAST THIS ONE... MADE A GREAT PSYCHIC EFFORT.........
Hi Seedflap. Thanks for posting two of my drawings last wipe.
However,
Imagine my resentment when I opened the calendar and I was instructed to dine at BENIHANA on a GIOVEDÌ. How am I supposed to partake in the activity when I get out of work late? And do I look like I know how to cook anything more advanced than waffles?
I'm committed to participate in every event because my human lusus didn't raise no quitter. So I'll just think really hard about all the sweet sweet hibachi I could be feasting upon I GUESS. I yearn for teriyaki cluckbeast, Seedflap. Please see my "BENIHANA EXPERIENCE........." attached. My disappointment is immeasurable and my night is ruined.
Image credit: digitalAnthomancy
I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCKING MESSAGE ME ABOUT "NOOKIE". BUT YOU DID ANYWAY.
so fun faaaaact ;)) i looove limp bizkit a ton haha ;D not even ironically they just rock
enjoy my wicked sweet cd playa n significant other babes <3 love u flaps - kalian 💋
YOU WOULD.........
Hello Seedflap,
Despite there obviously being no such task, today I felt oddly compelled to listen to the hit song Nookie by limp bizkit; and to inform you about it.
In fact, I've listened to nothing else all day. It's not what I usually listen to, but it's a pretty good song. Definitively a more enjoyable experience than listening to Miracles on loop.
Best, allseeingTrifecta (A.K.A. DarcyDraws)
P.S. I was able to see how many times I listened to Miracles last monday, on my weekly listening stats! I attached the image here. I should be able to tell you how many times I listened to Nookie as well, next week.
PLEASE SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION.
Happy nookie clownvert day :o) Fred Durst and Flyboi collab when?
Image credit: digitalAnthomancy
Ps. I'm still mad you took Jerann's blog. kinda rude ngl I hope you at least apologized to him
JERANN IS A WORTHLESS SCAB. I WILL NEVER APOLOGIZE TO THAT WORM.
i also don't really care about this music video but i want to piggyback off your lamentations about modern webdev and give a brief eulogy for our dearly departed marquee tag.
maligned for being "hard to read" and "evil", things like "never having been a html standard in the first place" did not stop the ever-humble marquee from so kindly dashing across our screens carrying messages of importance and irrelevance both.
why require all text on a webpage to be legible? accessibility? can text not be merely decorative? are things not allowed to look like shit and be difficult to use sometimes? the marquee asked these questions, and was cut down for it.
while its legacy is succeeded by much clunkier lines of css and js, marquee's services will always be remembered fondly, and its values of whimsy and simplicity carried forever in our hearts.
............................................................ (<- moment of silence)
i may have been busy in the 90s doing things like not being alive yet but i still miss the old internet. i miss when websites looked like shit and i love your little marquee and page of slowly loading jpegs very much.
- canorousAndronicus
FINALLY A GOOD EMAIL... THE JPEG LOADING SPEED WILL ONLY GET WORSE EACH WIPE... I PLAN TO CRASH ALL CELLULAR DEVICES ATTEMPTING TO OPEN THIS PAGE BY THE END OF THIS ATROCIOUS HOLIDAY...
Hey seedflap. I know you told us not to email you about this one but I have a question. I didn't actually watch the music video until just now which is 6:00AM because I forgot about it and I stayed up this late. Does it still count or should I go to hell? Thank you
