#jumbled

[theburningsky]

MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH YUM YUM YUM in Image

I heard H deleted his posts and comments on threads several hours ago. Good for him. I hope he can stay away from the weird people there. But I see many fans lament the loss of Met Gala photo dump (among several other things). While I also mourn for it, at least we had enough time to archive the treasure that is Met Gala photos.

It has been a week and fans still ride the high from hudcon content, be it from H himself or other news outlet. One of the infamous photo (or maybe the most infamous?) in H's post I think is this one

Fans go crazy over it. And for good reason. They really spent time alone in a private enclosed space. Twice if the tea is to be believed (I believe). What did H mean? What did THEY mean? Because let's be serious, C knew and consented to it.

Of course, there must be some playful joking aspect in why H posted this. But the underlying meaning for this particular photo is, for me, simply because H can and he knew it. And it became second nature to him.

Same with H's comments on C's IG posts. Especially this one

No one (no hudcon fans, at least) will deny the sexual nature in this comment. And I'd like to think C's photo at the sink in H's Met Gala photo dump is exactly like his comment here.

And I think fans can't stop bringing up this photo since it dropped because subconsciously we feel the meaning and atmosphere in this moment captured in photograph.

And why is it important? Like I said, because H knows he can take this kind of photo (of C) and he knows he can share it. So he did it. Do you guys remember a photo shared by Evan from SUE podcast of C's bare back in SNL dressing room?

As far as I remember, fans didn't like the fact that Evan took and share that photo. It felt invasive and creepy. Almost like a violation of privacy. And I agree.

Both this photo and the one H took at Met Gala show C at 'vulnerable' angle: his back facing the camera, his eyes didn't make contact with the camera or the person behind it, body slightly bent forward.

In H's photo we didn't feel uncomfortable (and not because C was fully clothed) seeing it whereas in Evan's we feel disgusted (and not because C was topless. Please, we all celebrating C in VMan magazine, right?)

The difference is the photographer and their intention. The photo of C at the sink, taken by H, is the proof of how deeply intimate hudcon relationship is at this point. And frankly it took me by surprise. In the span of a year they manage to deepen their bond to this extent.

Yes this photo can be seen as a playful joke between friends but for me, this photo is one example of H's feeling (at least at that moment) captured in image, instead of words like his usual comments on C's post, and it's very deep and telling I don't know if we're supposed to see it.

But I will see it because they, yes they, decided to share it. Even though now H deleted it.

[photozoi]

Jumbled

Mr Mung, Silken Windhound, 5 months

[cherrysnax]

yknow I see posts going around like “uwu I love fat people” and y’all eat it up, but that’s like the extent of your activism for us.

yall rlly dont give a fuck about fat people and like im tired of people patting themselves on the back for the bare necessities. what do u do for fat people ever. do u stick up for them? even when there’s no other fat ppl around? do u make an effort unlearn fat phobia? do u stop comparing ur body to ours, saying “at least I don’t look like that”? do u celebrate fat bodies the way you celebrate thin ones? how do you treat the fat people in your life? do you still laugh at fatphobic memes? do you treat fat people with eds with compassion or do you wave them off? do you call out fat fetishization? do you listen to us?

do you actually care about fat people or are you just trying to be woke 😝

[euphorictruths]

[gojowned]

y’all’s tumblr glitching too right

[reid-and-writing]

We love pining for people we're not good enough for

[thepeculiarartofdisappearing]

Five months ago I fell in love with a man who was as distant from me then

as he still remains now

with a whole country between us

-

After talking to the first or maybe the second love of his life he tells me

I don’t love you anymore /

I don’t love anyone /

I still don’t love myself /

-

And tell me where to put that

Where do I find the hands big enough to carry

that weight

How does a person swallow that

without choking

on it

-

There is a man now that I’ve been seeing

His eyes are sometimes blue and sometimes green

and the other morning he woke up and kissed me

before falling back asleep

And yet I still feel like a placeholder

(I still am the in-between)

And yet I still am choking on feeling unlovable

(I don’t know why it’s so damn hard sometimes just to breathe)

-

Body in the mirror says,

You know he will get tired of you

-

There isn’t much appealing about me some days, and so

Body as offering,

Body as consolation,

Body as appeasement

-

Is this enough for your troubles

By troubles I mean me

-

I wrote last month that I don’t want to disappear when he kisses me

and so it doesn’t make sense that I am still trying to fade into bones and ambience and background noise

-

In a moment of daring or maybe depression, I ask

Does it bother you I am like this /

Does it bother you that I am the way I am /

He says

It only bothers me if it bothers you /

You have a great body now and you had a great body then, too

-

And so, I say nothing. I have learned my lesson.

Or at least I was supposed to

-

Time and time again

I fall for men with strong arms and weak hearts

But still I am always too much

It is better they don’t know how much of me there is to carry

-

And so it is I am always trying to shrink into someone that might be a little more lovable

Into someone that might take up a little less space in his arms

In order to make more room for me in his heart

As if that makes any sense at all

They ask

Aren’t you tired of disappearing

And I want to scream yes but I don’t know how to exist without killing myself

-

And here I am,

Tuesday morning

Wondering why I always shrink instead of asking them to grow