Synopsis : You decided to write some letters to every boy who was a part of your past as your last message after getting diagnosed with chronical disease.
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[Received, 12.10.2020] | one | two | previous | next
To,
Moon Junhui
I seriously don't have in my bone to write something to you after what I did but if I don't talk to you and clarify some things I wouldn't be able to live my life properly. I'm not here to apologize cause the damage made by me is beyond that but I do feel like a crap and the universe did punish me for all of my deeds.
I couldn't clarify all of the things which I intended to tell you when you would reply me back, I didn't expect you to block me so immediately and hence the things were left unsaid.
I'm not here to justify the reasons why I don't think what I did was right but to tell you that it wasn't your fault at all.
As I told you before, I knew I wouldn't ever be able handle a long distance relationship and I was right. I knew I would miss you and need a distraction to actually concentrate on my academics rather than the concept of missing my boyfriend.
I wasn't aware you were working and studying at the same time, I'm sorry. We wouldn't talk for days if not weeks and I being with you from high school till I joined university, I was used to having someone around giving me company and keeping me busy.
When you went, at start I did my best to communicate with you, but you know how I can be, I can't talk on call with someone for hours and so it was getting very difficult for me too.
Then as the time passed both of us got really busy in our lives and then I met Jeonghan. I didn't tell him about us, cause honestly I didn't even think he would become a person who would have a huge impact on my life.
It all started by a causal talk and I didn't even acknowledge or felt anything special about it but after I met him personally when he came to Seoul, everything just turned upside down. He made me forget about you, he was fun to be with, I started looking forward to spend time with him, God I feel awful while telling you all of this.
I know you hate me, but I beg you to think thi gd through my point of you. I don't know how it all happened and I don't know why I let that happen, I know it won't repair the damage which has already being caused but I wanted to reach out to you to tell you I never meant to hurt you like that.
I really regret treating you wrongly and I hope you don't blame yourself for it, you deserve better. I'm sorry I failed you, I'm sorry I failed us. I just hope that whenver you'll find someone who loves you truly, you won't lose her like I lost you.
The thing happened between us was all because of me and my carelessness and its my fault not because of you. You know how to love Jun don't ever forget that.
Please don't punish yourself my pushing people away from your life. Please don't break people's heart over something you went through in your teenage years.
People change and they get their karma, like I got mine. I'm sorry Jun, I heard about you and Xien and let me tell you, that girl loves to roll death, she'll not leave you so I beg you to not destroy her. I know you have feelings for her don't be afraid to show them, don't lose her.
Please Jun, I know you're not angry at me but at yourself for letting all of that happen, please don't blame yourself, it isn't your fault.
Take care of yourself and fix what you've broken, you and Xien, you have a long way to go. I'm sorry once again, let's make peace with what happen cause holding the grudge is only going to cause harm.
I hope you live a long and healthy life, take care of yourself Jun and thanks for all the amazing time you have given me and for being my shoulder to lean on.
