Discover Top Posts Tagged with #just another post

thoughts

This man isn’t happy – diabetic, overworked, alcoholic, tired, broke and broken. He didn’t have a good life. Born to a large family, stopped schooling at 13, experienced multiple business failures, got cheated of his life savings by so-called friends, married a discontented wife, supports 4 kids, none of whom cared enough to say hi, nothing much to his name.

Life really is a vicious cycle.

His lack of an education meant that he could not communicate effectively in English, a serious disadvantage when it came to building a career, or understanding the endless documents that the government sends him regarding housing, loans, retirement, whatnots.

His lack of love in his early upbringing meant that his kids could not receive fatherly love, and his wife could not get his attention. Friends. They were his world. Wife and kids? They were his burdens, the source of his misery, the symbols of his endless need to work, work and work.

Instead of being part of his kids’ happiness, they forego including him. Him, who gave them life, also brought them pain.

Imagine this: waking up at 3am, changing into school uniforms, getting bundled into the lorry. Napping in the vehicle till the deliveries have been made, and suddenly, they reach school at 6am. Carrying the goods and delivering them to stall owners in the school canteen, sitting around waiting for the morning bell to ring. At the end of school, taking a bus to the family stall, changing out of school uniform, and serving customers till whatever time it is. Great if you have time to get your homework done while you’re there. Going home, getting scolded for whatever misdeeds done, showering, cramping in a tiny bedroom with 3 other people, waking up at 3am.

We didn’t cry over it. We didn’t show emotions about it. My brothers and I simply went through with it. Because it’s our lives, it’s the way things were, are.

Of course, we received many privileges. Growing up, we had parties, we went out with our friends and we spent whatever cash we got. After the age of 16, we never worried about being reprimanded for reaching home past midnight.

This man, he’s like an oversized kid. Thinking about it now, he really does behave like one. Friends over family, because kids don’t know how to prioritize any other way. Enjoyment over rest, because sleep is for the weak. Being juvenile over little things, glaring at people like they owe him a living, brushing off his wife’s reminders and chiding.

I, I have a part-time job. Have had it since I graduated from junior college. Wow, it’s been 3 years? Pays me $12 an hour. Alongside the job, I’m currently studying full-time in a local university. Other than for special occasions, like my birthday, I haven’t really gotten allowances from him, or from my mum, in a long time. I eat, drink, shop and pay my bills with whatever I earn. I spend as many hours as I can in school, because to be honest? I hate being at home. I hate seeing whatever’s at home.

I started writing this to write about the man who so influences my life. But I don’t know where this is going.

I, I have never had a relationship. I never tried. It’s not that I don’t know who I like, or that I’ve never liked anyone, I just never feel like I could give anyone the love they deserve. I knew what guys liked, and I knew how to be the opposite. I grew fat, my acne-covered face is also full of acne scars and I was always so strong, so independent. I didn’t need a guy, that’s what I demonstrated. I always lied and told my friends, nah, I’m too young, we’re all too young, and we should focus on ourselves and not on getting attached to another human. As much as I believe that, I also didn’t believe in myself.

How? I’ve never learnt to. My parents, they fight. Ah, all couples do. Do they punch each other? Push each other into glass doors and break those doors? Do they drink so much, get so intoxicated, they attempt to commit suicide in front of their kids? Even as their kids beg them not to? That was my dad by the way, my mum never did. The next day he woke up, it’s as if he had no memory of it.

We gave up. When they fought, we stayed in our rooms. We stopped retorting them. We stopped telling them about our days. They don’t know the lives we lead. Every time we ask a simple question,

“Who closed the laptop?”

and the response we receive, it’s as if we’re the parents, and they’re the kids.

“I only closed it, I didn’t touch anything else!”

That not just answered the question, but begged another – why are you talking back as if we said you set fire to the books?

My mum, she’s a frumpy woman. It’s easy to get her upset. Mention money, or her husband, or permission to go out with friends. Anything triggers her actually. Because she has had a sad life, apparently. No friends, though she just had a holiday with 2 ladies she’s known for 2 decades. No money, though her husband always, always gives in to her. No happiness, though she has a roof over head, living parents, living kids, living husband, a personal computer, whatever. However, I can get her. Her husband doesn’t care anymore. Whether she’s awake, asleep, happy, upset, out with friends, staying at home, he doesn’t care. Unless she’s stopping him from drinking with his friends. Then he cares. And that can really be miserable. Another reason why I don’t look forward to marriage.

I don’t want to write anymore. I don’t want to think. It’s too hard, I’m tired.

That’s all for now, I guess.

#thoughts #just another post

random pick-up lines up ahead

feel free to be flattered and be angry

tell me to stahp tho

#just another post #alyrious