So a few months ago I told my mother that I'm trans. It was kinda a long talk where I confessed many things about how I feel mentally and so on and she took it quite alright. Told me that I'll finish my studies, get a job and can do an operation. I didn't say anything about that at a time, because, well, for me it is obvious that you do not require an operation to be what you want to be. So I just left that statement unanswered, because she obviously couldn't know a lot about this topic.
And then few months later after finally confessing to my all friends (who took it so fucking well, I love them) and asking them to not call me by my birth name (I didn't ask to call me by my chosen name, cuz it's quite dangerous for now) and use he/him for me. And then I decided to ask my mom to do the similar thing.
You see, in Lithuanian, every word has a gender. So if you, for example, say "my dear" in Lithuanian, depending on a person's gender the word has a different ending. But of course there are some words which are gender neutral, so I asked my mom to use those (my father is transphobic when it is about me, so I wouldn't want him to know). I explained why I want this and why I feel a bit offended when she uses feminine words toward me. I tried to tell her that as soft as possible, because I know her, but, unfortunately, it did not go too well.
As I expected, she got offended a bit and started defending herself by saying that she calls me these things because she loves me. I said yes, I understand this, but I asked her to understand me too. It still seemed that she took it quite personally and was still offended. Nevertheless, she said that she will try to use gender neutral words and that I should be patient with her. Whatever.
So, our conversation continued and she said that I should not expect people to perceive me as a man. That wasn't very nice, but anyway - if people in my environment found out, I would be afraid to go out, so I obviously not expect anyone to "see" me as a man. I said that I want at least her to accept me.
And then she continued. To be honest, I sometimes forget that not everyone are on tumblr and understand these things but even for her it sounded ignorant.
Mom said that I cannot be trans without operations (didn't specify which ones, so idk whether she referred to the top or the bottom one). I said, that I can. She didn't agree with me. And then she seriously stated that if I do not want to/do not have to have operations, it could mean that I'm just a lesbian. And that I have to think about it and maybe change my views.
To be honest, I didn't know what to reply. Just finished the call and decided not to talk about that shit again.
I don't know whether she is transphobic or she just lacks some knowledge. But if I had a kid and they would confess me with tears in their eyes that they are trans, I would try to understand them, research some info about it. Idk. My mom is the type of person who always researches info and I hoped that she would do the same now. She didn't.
Just don't know what to think. I hoped to get an ally but it felt like she just confirmed my thoughts about the fact that my parents are okay with LGB without the T even if they say the opposite. Especially when it is about me.
