I understand the entire thing of feeling hollow. Like you're supposed to be feeling something, like you're supposed to be crying or something, but nothing's coming out, nothing's there. It's like an error.
My dad passed away when I was young so I didn't know much about him other than stories so I get the entire thing of not feeling much about it.
Sometimes it's best to not dwell on it to force yourself feel something, but rather accept it and attempt to move on. You'll hurt yourself more if you try to force emotions to come out because unwanted ones will take over. Like you said, posting art, reblogging, etc, something to keep your mind off of it. It'll help in the long run.
All in all, I am sorry for your loss, and I hope that maybe there will be more light than dark in the future.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
I'll be honest, if anything happens socially like this (death, injury, other people's feelings) I become hollow and cold inside. Even thinking about myself does this. I have learned over the years that distractions help which is why I am not just leaving to let myself dwell over this kind of stuff. I did cry a tiny bit but not nearly as much as my sister or brother. The pain will hit when it hits.
I've actually done a tiny bit of research about this a while ago about how it's natural for some people to have a delayed grief response and I think that is what's happening with me. And if it is, I am not looking forward to when the pain hits.
It just sucks because I feel like I should be hurting. I feel like I should care more. But it seems like the only time I care and cry over things are when they are academic. I stress and have panic attacks and absolutely ball my eyes out trying to get good grades that won't even matter but I can't even feel like a normal human to the permanent loss of a direct family member.
I'm sorry. I just needed to say that last bit. I know I'm not less than human because I'm not feeling the "right way" (even though there is no right way in this situation). But it's just something that has been in the back of my brain for a long while. How I knew this was a very real possibility that I would react to death. I just thought maybe when it actually happens, I would have a real response and not just shut down... which I guess is technically a real response.
Again, thank you for these kind words. At the moment I am doing just fine. I have a good support system both online and in the real world, so everything will be okay if I start to slip into a bad mental state.
I hope things get better too because I also found out some other upsetting news concerning other family members. I might have more loss in my near future, but for now I'm not going to think about that.
