May 12, 2022
#Sabar ... #Redha ... #JustGetThroughIt ... #OneDamnWholeDay ... #InsyallahSemuaOkay ... (at Subang Jaya) https://www.instagram.com/p/CdcDJfqP-kBstaEg-QGCrn04zeGmPi3i4FqWO80/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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#Sabar ... #Redha ... #JustGetThroughIt ... #OneDamnWholeDay ... #InsyallahSemuaOkay ... (at Subang Jaya) https://www.instagram.com/p/CdcDJfqP-kBstaEg-QGCrn04zeGmPi3i4FqWO80/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
Wednesday 3/9/16
Today I was totally annoyed by just everything. The people at work were bothering me. Just being loud, talkative, chipper. I just wanted to be at home, curled up in bed, sleeping. I just wanted to be away from everyone. When I’m feeling depressed I just want to be alone. The more people around me the more prying eyes and ears. The less people the less questions I have to answer. There are only so many times in a day I can have the motivation to tell people I’m fine, I’m tired, it’s been a long week. There are only so many excuses. Work is busy work and it keeps me distracted to a point. But when things go wrong, when I hit a wall or mess something up I feel it 100 times more than I would normally. Everything is magnified. Every mistake is catastrophic. On the other side the ups are very high. But it makes me even more tired afterwards. Moods flowing like that is insane. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
The other thing that sucks is feeling SO alone. I know other people in the world suffer from depression, it’s not like that. It’s just no one in my life I feel like understands how I feel. No one gets it. I could try to explain until I was blue in the face; everyone tries to rationalize it. The thing is it’s not rational. And I know that and it helps me every day. Knowing that the thoughts and feelings are a result of something that’s not me is...well its what gets me through. And I know I’ll get through...some days it just doesn’t really feel like it...
4.15.15
I'm pretty ready to leave AZ, nothing is truly anchoring me here. I'm stuck in some situations I can't get out of.. feeling super discouraged but know I only have a little while left here.
The Painful Truth.
The empty feeling you get when love fails you yet again or maybe this time I failed love.. Either way I guess it doesn't matter now.. You're gone. And although we claim that we're going to be "friends" I know deep down inside that shit ain't about to happen. But every ounce of me wishes that could be true... In the meantime tho, I'll just lie to myself and say it will happen; it's the only way I'll find the strength to get through the next second