Buffy awoke from sleep and opened her eyes, pressing her hand to her forehead. She had an excruciating headache. Her whole head actually felt kind of swollen, like she'd be hanging upside down all night... because she had been... and still was.
The Slayer looked around her bedroom in Scotland and saw that everything that was once on the floor was above her. She also noticed that her hands were crossed over her chest all Nosferatu-like, and she was wearing... a cape? With red velvet lining? And it seemed to be defying gravity, because it wasn't hanging down over her head, but rather, hanging upward toward the ceiling. She looked toward her feet to see what was she was hanging from — and lo and behold: her feet were just sticking to the ceiling, Spiderman-style. Someone was using magic to fuck with her, and they had a bizarre sense of humor. What was with the Dracula schtick?
THWUMP. Gravity took hold and the Slayer hit the floor in a heap, covered entirely by the comedically massive cape. She peeked out from underneath it, whined a little and stood up. She untied the cape from her neck and dropped it to the floor, rubbing her sore behind as she schlumped to the window.
"What time is it?" she thought as she peered out in to the moonlight. Had she slept the day away? Why hadn't anyone woken her? Was Dawn all right? Panic set in.
She took a few steps toward the bedroom door and stopped after glancing down at her attire: red, lace lingerie with garters and black fishnets. Her first thought was: "Spike would love this." Her second thought was: "Spike would do this!"
She grabbed a pair of black leather pants that were draped over a nearby chair and slipped on a dark red tank top. Just as she was about to bolt out into the hallway to alert the Scoobies about the weirdness (and possibly rip Spike a new one), she ran right in to Satsu — the slayer she'd be getting naughty with over the last few months.
"Oh. Hey," Buffy's expression softened for a moment. "What's going on — "
Satsu decked Buffy in the jaw and sent her flying backward into the hallway wall. Buffy got her bearings and lunged at Satsu, tackling her to the ground.
"I didn't know you were into this kind of thing, honey," Buffy said, punching Satsu in the nose. "But if I had, I might have lezzed out with you much sooner.”
Satsu shoved her off and backed away from Buffy with tears running down her cheeks. Buffy felt a twinge of sympathy followed by an odd, animal urge to chide her for being so sensitive. She also couldn't tell if she was hungry or horny. It felt like both.
"Buffy, I'm so sorry," Satsu said. "How did this happen?"
"How did what — Satsu, what's wrong?" Buffy said.
"You know what. And I guess the how doesn't matter."
Satsu pulled a stake out from her back pocket and held it at her side, ready to strike.
"Wait, you're not gonna — " Buffy started, but then the realization set in. She brought the tips of her fingers up to her brow and felt the bumps, then dragged her fingertips over her now very pointed teeth. She was a vampire. And the girl who loved her was going to try to kill her. What a weird fucking situation; what a typical Slayer day.