#justinholder

[jholderrealtor]

Jonathan, who was driving a taxi on Broadway in downtown Nashville. 

What's your name?  "Jonathan, but everyone calls me Finn." Cool look!  "Thanks.  Usually, I'm in a bow tie.  But, it's hot!"

Happiest time of your life?  "When my son was born."

How old is he?  "He's 9."

How did you change when you became a dad?  "I don't know.  You know, I settled down.  I used to play music full time and I settled down and quit going out as much. Became an adult, instead of being a man-child."

Are you proud of the dad you are?  "I am, I'm a good dad.  I see my son regularly, I pay child support, his mom and I are close...so, I think so."

Toughest time of your life?  "Don't really know.  Growing up, not having a father.  Not really knowing most of my family.  So, I guess that's been pretty hard.  Before my son was born, I drank too much, went out too much...when I was playing music.  I was at a dark place at one time in my life, but after he was born a lot of that changed."

So, you'd say being a dad has been a blessing in more ways that one?  "It has...it has." 

You mentioned you drove a taxi in Louisville for how long?  "14 years, minus being on tour and playing music.  I owned a cab there so I could make money when I wasn't making money.  That's what I'm doing here."

In all these years, what have you learned about people?  "It's hard to say, you know?  People change from...people are different from all over.  You just kind of respect the nationalities of who people are and what they're about and that kind of thing.  But, I've met people from all over the world, so that's kind of what my books about...from hanging out with Malcolm X's daughter and driving her as a professor, to hanging out for a whole summer with a guy who was in Auschwitz...man, take your pick...I've driven a lot of people.  I had 4 hotels that only called me, so I got really lucky in that aspect."

Advice for my boys?  "Be good and do good."

[jholderrealtor]

Lauren.  Happiest time of your life?  "There have been a couple of weekends, where I took trips with just my husband, that have been perfect.  It was just us and we got time to do the things we love together-- riding our bikes, going to museums, going to the zoo and just not really worrying about anything. Those were really wonderful times. Then, a couple of the hiking and camping trips that we've taken, all three of us.  Really, just any time that I've spent away in an interesting place with my family, whether it be when I was kid, with my parents, or now that I'm grown and have kids.  Those times that you get to spend and kind of get away from everything and explore someplace new."

Toughest time of your life?  "There was one summer when I kind of unexpectedly lost a job.  Then, the man who became my husband, toward the end of the summer decided we should take a break. I felt like I hit bottom and kind of lost everything.  I wasn't sure where to go and felt like I had to make some really difficult decisions.  Everything started turning around after that, but that was probably the toughest time."

What got you through that time?  "Support from my family, from my parents really helped me through...knowing that I had them to fall back on.  The advice of friends was very helpful.  Being able to just sit sometimes and be quiet...and not be talking, but be receptive."

How have you changed since becoming a mom?  "Everything.  Everything has changed.  It was really difficult for a while.  In the first several months of his life, I felt like I didn't even know who I was anymore.  I felt like I had to totally rebuild it.  But, now that I see that I can still be a lot of the things that I was before, but now with so many new things that I'm learning...that's just amazing to me.  I've had to learn how to not be a kid myself sometimes...which is hard.  So, I think that's the biggest change is learning that waht really defines adulthood is learning how to selflessly care for another being.  That can be hard for some people.  And, it is still hard.  It's always hard, but it's a challenge that you want to take on."

Are you proud of the mom you are?  "Not always.  Not always.  I tend to be pretty controlling.  I like to make sure everything is going the way that I need it to go...it's just kind of my personality type.  I always feel like I'm the best version of mom when I am just letting go and letting things roll...and being attentive, instead of thinking everything needs to go the structured way that I want it to go."

Advice for my boys?  "You'll get to some really hard decisions.  But, the decisions are very seldom as weighty as you think they are.  And, whatever you decide, it's probably going to be ok.  And, whatever happens, it's probably going to be ok.  Being able to laugh about things is one of the most important things that I know.  And then making sure you're always giving to the people around you, so that whenever you get to a place where you can't handle stuff, you've got people around you who know that they can rely on you, so that you can rely on them.  Really put effort into cultivating those relationships."

[jholderrealtor]

Suzanne, whom I spotted sitting on a deck in Leiper's Fork, Tennessee.  Happiest time of your life?  "Wow.  Probably the most carefree was the first time I came to Leiper's Fork." Why so?  "Cause it was a group of people and none of us knew each other and we'd all come here for....we'd just come here.  You know, we'd all just left our lives and we'd come here.  So, we didn't...." Kind of a fresh start?  "Yeah, yeah.  Not only a fresh start, but it was a time when most of us weren't labeled by what we had done or who we had known or what we had been in our lives.  It was when I knew, all of a sudden, that I was no longer a mother, no longer a business owner, you know, no longer the bank president's wife.  I was Suzanne.  And that was it.  It's like the whole blackboard erases and you are....this." Some people really embrace their identity and need you to know who they are and what they've accomplished.  Sounds like you liked not having that baggage?  "No...it was terrifying.  I mean it was good, but it was terrifying.  It was like being naked.  You had to just get back into yourself and come out again." Feel like you were kind of reinventing yourself?  "Yeah, totally." Toughest time of your life?  "Probably the end of my marriage." How long were you married?  "Fifteen, seventeen years." How did you deal with that ending?  "Maybe you don't.  Maybe...yeah, maybe you don't.  You just, you do something else.  You use it to open up the bottle and see what comes out.  It was the beginning of this....it was the beginning of who I was, rather than what I'd made myself into.  It was horrible, but it was good." Are you at peace now?  "With life or with that?" Either.  "I think I'm at peace with that.  I don't know that I'm totally at peace with life." What would it take for you to be at peace?  "If I knew, I'd probably be doing it.  I'm ok with it, it's just like hills and valleys." Advice for my boys?  "Build your frame of reference.  Just build it.  Everything you do builds your frame of reference for life.  Every single thing you do every day builds your frame of reference you have to use, to take the next step." I found Suzanne absolutely fascinating and appreciate her candor and transparency.  I hope she continues to find that peace she seeks.

[jholderrealtor]