I’m not ready for the result tomorrow.
If it’s a yes I don’t want to deal with the inevitable let down when it comes to legislation and if its a no...
I don’t want to think about what it will be like if it is a no.
This ‘debate’ is the first time in my life that it’s gotten to me. A few people here and there telling you that you’re somehow worth less than them just for the fact that your orientation doesn’t match theirs never made me feel like shit but thousands of people doing it? Yeah, that made me feel less than human.
I don’t even want to get married, but I will fight tooth and nail for the people that want to be. And I did, the whole way through this and you know what... it was exhausting. I’ve blocked people, removed apps from my phone, stopped engaging with the internet completely at one point, argued with complete strangers on the street that were ‘expressing an opinion’ and now it’s all here in my head. Running in circles. Not letting me sleep.
Because I had faith that a decent chunk of people weren’t horrible before this and now... now that faith is gone. I’ve seen so many people hiding behind religion or values or misinformation that I can’t give them the benefit of the doubt any more.
I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of giving a shit. But I’m still going to walk to work with the small amount of rainbow that my work dress code will allow me and try to overcome my pessimism because that’s what I’m expected to do. That’s what I’m meant to do. But I’m so fucking exhausted by all of this that all I want to do is curl up in bed and pretend it isn’t happening at all.
