Discover Top Posts Tagged with #kadek setiawan

Daily excerpt from chapter 18 of Second Star to the Right:

‘It’s never been a problem,’ Kadek said. ‘But back to the subject. Lludd put you in the boot of a car. It was a punishment?’ ‘Yeah,’ Efnisien said. ‘Was it for something that made sense?’ Efnisien frowned. That was such a… He wasn’t sure anyone had asked him a question like that before. Though he was pretty sure Dr Gary had tried to get him to realise how arbitrary the reasons for his punishments with his family were. ‘I don’t know,’ Efnisien said slowly. ‘I was annoying him. And to be fair, I did go out of my way to annoy him sometimes. So yeah? It kind of made sense. But in that way where none of it did at the same time.’ ‘Yeah, I don’t mean like logical sense anyway. No humane person puts a child in the boot of a car against their will; it’s straight-up abuse under any context, but you know, sometimes something happens for no reason, sometimes there’s a reason. Sometimes, there being a reason makes it worse, because then it’s less about the random chaos of another person’s violence, and it’s more about worrying about getting everything right in perpetuity.’ ‘You know, you’d actually make a good therapist.’

#daily excerpt #second star to the right #kadek setiawan #efnisien ap wledig #original writing #kadek like 'oh hell no i wouldn't #case in point your entire relationship with me'#and efnisien like 'idk man i react to you like i do dr gary so you're probably doing something right'#lasdkfjsajfklsa

Second Star to the Right 15/? - Efnisien/Kadek

Rating: Explicit

Tags: (Check AO3 for the full list!) BDSM, Dominance and Submission, Kink Negotiation, Polyamory, Subdrop, Hurt/Comfort, Asexual Submissive, Aftercare, Impact Play, Roleplay, Past Child Abuse, High Protocol, Spanking, Dubious Consent.

Summary: Arden suggests Efnisien deepens his BDSM relationship with Kadek, while he’s away on rope and shibari workshops overseas for 5 weeks. Both Efnisien and Kadek are surprised at how quickly and deeply they fall into a challenging, intimate bond together.

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Second Star to the Right - 15 - Suck It Up on AO3

In which Efnisien and Kadek talk about how kink is well positioned to unpack Efnisien’s past, and how he can do that intentionally, if he wants to, even if it’s terrifying.

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EARLY ACCESS: Second Star to the Right - 18 - Triggered, on Patreon and Ream:

Second Star to the Right 18 on Patreon

Second Star to the Right 18 on Ream

In which Kadek suggests trying an aspect of the scene idea Efnisien had, only for Efnisien to get triggered. Kadek’s lateral, novel approach introduces Efnisien to some new ideas, and he realises Kadek really does know what he’s doing.

– Thanks to all the Patreon and Ream supporters for making this (and my other writing) possible!

#chapter update #second star to the right #efnisien ap wledig #kadek setiawan #original writing #i really love chapter 15 just because anything that gets efnisien and kadek talking more in depth #about everything #makes me happy #but also we finally get to see how much the scene itself #has been a breakthrough for them #and i like chapter 18 because efnisien finally broaches The Past in a very concrete way #and kadek is well positioned to catch him when he falls

Second Star to the Right 13/? - Efnisien/Kadek

Rating: Explicit

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Second Star to the Right - 13 - Mean Pain on AO3

In which Kadek shows the breadth of his sadism with Efnisien in a truly intense scene, making sure Efnisien never gets a chance to forget he’s enduring this not because he’s failing, but because he’s doing everything Kadek wanted.

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EARLY ACCESS: Second Star to the Right - 16 - What If It's True?, on Patreon and Ream:

Second Star to the Right 16 on Patreon

Second Star to the Right 16 on Ream

In which Kadek and Efnisien decompress after the scene and have open, honest conversations about Efnisien’s feelings for Kadek, Kadek being afraid of losing Efnisien, and Efnisien’s feelings about impact play. Progress is made.

– Thanks to all the Patreon and Ream supporters for making this (and my other writing) possible!

#second star to the right #original writing #chapter update #efnisien ap wledig #kadek setiawan #mm romance #queer romance #polyamory romance #having japchae bap for dinner #and contemplating cross stitch while watching CR4 #or the new episode of IWTV #quiet quiet sunday nights are good sometimes

Daily excerpt from chapter 16 of Second Star to the Right:

Efnisien nodded and turned to look at his hips again, fascinated with a section where the skin had scabbed lightly, grazed open enough to weep clear fluid, but not enough to bleed. Kadek had used antiseptic spray on that area. ‘Also, if you do it all the time, your skin gets really tough and leathery, and you’ll feel it less,’ Kadek said. ‘Paddlings like that should be a sometimes thing, not a frequent thing, if you want to keep your skin sensitivity.’ ‘Fuck,’ Efnisien breathed. ‘I do like it, though. I thought- I thought it could go so many ways, but I didn’t think it would be like this. It’s not even like… I worried I’d get too in my head about the past, about deserving it, but it’s more like, looking at it now, I went through that, and the bruises show it was a big fucking deal, and instead I get to be hanging out here, and like – I know we have more to talk about and “process” or whatever – this gets to be mine, or…ours?’ ‘Ours,’ Kadek said. ‘My bruises, your body.’ ‘I like that it was you who got to show this to me first,’ Efnisien said, turning to face Kadek properly, his cheeks flushing. ‘Arden has pretty much most of my firsts. I like that you get at least some of them.’ ‘Yeah?’ Kadek said, laughing, actually delighted. ‘You’re such a nerd.’ ‘Stop it!’ Kadek grinned. ‘I like it too. I like, even more, that you’re having a good time with the aftermath. I like this part too. A lot.’

#daily excerpt #second star to the right #efnisien ap wledig #kadek setiawan #original writing #mm romance #queer romance #in which efnisien is truly admiring his bruises #like someone who's just found a brand new colour-shifting gemstone and is turning it back and forth in the light lol

Daily excerpt from today's writing, chapter 15 of Second Star to the Right:

‘I remind you of her,’ Kadek said, wanting to beat Efnisien to the punch. ‘In so many ways no,’ Efnisien said emphatically. ‘And then, sometimes, in scenes, or at moments like this, yeah. A bit.’ ‘Okay,’ Kadek said, breathing slowly, watching Efnisien, focusing on absorbing this reality rather than forcing it away from himself. ‘Is that something you’d like to play with? Consciously?’ ‘Feels sacrilegious to even talk about it.’ ‘That’s kind of the point,’ Kadek said. ‘Kink is sometimes a desecration of the things we thought had to stay unchanging in the past. I’ll give you an example. Say you’re a sub who was beaten by your father regularly in the past, with a belt. You hated it, because it was fucking child abuse. A no brainer. It was traumatic, and it sucked. But then you feel weirdly drawn to like…spanking porn. At first you see it a little, and you have to stop watching, and you don’t like the feeling it gives you. But, more and more, you watch it, and one day you think… One day you think, “Actually, what would that be like now?” You find yourself kind of compelled to seek it out, explore it. And some idiot would call that retraumatisation, but in kink, it’s not that simple. It’s never simple. Maybe the sub thinks that something is wrong with her, she’s found a new kink because her daddy beat her. But, is that not taking something static, unchanging, and desecrating it specifically so she can make it new, and hers? It’s hers, then. Still a shitty thing that happened in the past, and every new iteration is fucking terrifying, but it’s still hers, and it’s safe, and it changes her relationship to the thing itself.’ Efnisien pushed upright and groaned as he sat on his well-bruised ass and looked at Kadek with a visceral hunger on his face. ‘Have you met people like that?’ Efnisien said. ‘You know I have,’ Kadek said, rolling his eyes. ‘I’m not trying to be dismissive. I’m just saying…I’ve had practice on the other end of that.’ ‘But I don’t know how to make it mine beyond what I’ve already done,’ Efnisien said weakly. ‘You don’t have to arrive to a fully-formed idea of exactly how you want it all to go,’ Kadek said, almost irritated with how Efnisien still didn’t understand this yet. He forced his impatience away, Efnisien was a perfectionist, so of course he had to hear this more than once. ‘It takes practice. You don’t come in with a perfect scene in your mind, and then have a perfect scene in reality, with perfect aftercare and correct emotions afterwards. That’s what Crielle wanted from you. It’s not what I want.’

#daily excerpt #second star to the right #efnisien ap wledig #kadek setiawan #falling falling stars #child abuse #past child abuse #the ways in which kink can be intentionally transformative #in order to desecrate a traumatic past #in the very best way

Second Star to the Right 11/? - Efnisien/Kadek

Rating: Explicit

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Second Star to the Right - 11 - Fuck It on AO3

In which Efnisien wakes feeling awful and is confronted by Kadek for his poor behaviour during the scene the night before. He ends up being lectured, becomes frustrated, then realises he has some big issues that are only now being faced.

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EARLY ACCESS: Second Star to the Right - 14 - Brittle Safe Places, on Patreon and Ream:

Second Star to the Right 14 on Patreon

Second Star to the Right 14 on Ream

In which Efnisien slowly wakes and recovers from the heavy scene, thinking it over. Later, as Efnisien looks over the bruises he earned, he and Kadek talk about the intersection of the past with the present, and they realise they’re on the edge of something new.

– Thanks to all the Patreon and Ream supporters for making this (and my other writing) possible!

#chapter update #second star to the right #efnisien ap wledig #kadek setiawan #mm romance #queer romance #original writing #falling falling stars #constellations #oof i feel like i'm fighting off repetitive strain injury in my wrists with both hands atm #whoop sdalfkjas

Excerpt from chapter 11 of Second Star to the Right:

‘Efnisien, I say this with all the love in the world, you couldn’t fucking handle what I wanted to do to you last night.’ The words were savage. Efnisien’s eyes widened, because of all the things- Like, he knew it was true, but he didn’t expect… He could’ve handled- He could’ve, he would’ve figured it out. ‘You didn’t even give me a chance,’ Efnisien choked out. ‘Yeah, because you don’t control the damned scene, Efnisien. You don’t get to control it the way you want to. You don’t get to make it go perfectly. You don’t get to make it go the way you want it to go. You don’t get to force me – against my fucking consent, in the face of my safewords – to do your bidding and do something you weren’t ready for. I get to decide what you can handle in a scene - outside of your safewords – as a point of personal responsibility.’

#daily excerpt #second star to the right #kadek setiawan #original writing #efnisien ap wledig #falling falling stars #mm romance #queer romance #in which kadek lays down the law #and efnisien very much does not want to hear it #and so kadek lays down some more of it saldkfjsa

Daily excerpt from chapter 1 of Second Star to the Right (A Falling Falling Stars follow-on, featuring the development of Kadek and Efnisien's kink relationship - launches tomorrow!):

‘Did Arden send you my contract thingo?’ Efnisien said. ‘I don’t know, the form with all the limits I have?’ Kadek sat on the same couch facing Efnisien, and instead of a tablet like Arden used, he had a notebook. When Kadek opened it, Efnisien caught his own name in black capital letters, written out in a decisive style in fountain pen. It made him feel more nervous than he expected. Especially now Kadek was staring at him. ‘Ha, babe, no,’ Kadek said. ‘You reset this every time for a new play partner, especially when it’s a serious scene. Your limits with Arden aren’t your limits with me. The endearments you’re comfortable with aren’t the same as with me. My wants and needs aren’t the same as his and my limits aren’t the same as his. We start fresh. We go through it all from the beginning because I need to know you can talk about this stuff with me. Because if you can’t talk about it, we can’t do it.’ ‘Yeah, yeah, I seem to remember Arden saying the same thing a hundred years ago.’ ‘You look pretty scared shitless for someone pretending they’re old-hat at BDSM.’ Efnisien felt a flash of annoyance and looked away, and Kadek nodded to himself. ‘So!’ Kadek said. ‘I think of myself as a rigger and a dominant, but they’re two separate things. Sometimes, as a dominant, I’m also a rigger. But when I’m a rigger, I’m not a dominant in the same way. I have a structured and formal domming style, and what I’m looking for is obedience with zero bratting. Like, absolutely no tolerance for bratting. No talking back, no intentional silliness, no looking to make me laugh. I’m not saying you can’t feel upset or challenged, or that you can’t baulk or resist something, but if we do any scenes together like that, it’s...’ He paused, sticking the cap end of the fountain pen into his mouth. ‘You want me to respect the spirit of the scene,’ Efnisien said quietly.