Relationships: Kaguya x Sakura; Team Seven friendship
A.N: When Kaguya gets smitten with Sakura after getting viciously punched, all hostility falters with unease as the war suddenly comes to a halt. Naruto and Sasuke are not at all happy about the unexpected developments.
"She has horns, Sakura-chan," Naruto whined.
"You have nine tails. Sasuke-kun has a tenfoot pole sticking out of his ass. You were saying?"
"But she's old, Sakura-chan. Ancient! Centuries older than Bachaan! You can't really want to make out with a dinosaur like her! One with horns! Stupid horny dinosaur..."
Sakura looked smug. "You know what they say. Older women are hot."
"Eww eww eww! That's disgusting, Sakura-chan!" Naruto's face had become an ugly shade of purple.
"You're only jealous 'cause you didn't get to play hero."
Sakura incredulously eyed her teammate.
"Yeah. Right. You totally don't get your kicks from the whole saviour thing."
Naruto's expression mirrored a child who had been unfairly deprived of his precious candy.
"There, there." Sakura tousled his yellow locks. "Kaguya-sama says there are a lot of loonies from where she comes from. You and Sasuke-kun can have your "mine is bigger and better" contest when the next supervillain comes."
"But she tried to kill us!"
"That's exactly the point. Since when did you stop believing in second chances?"
Naruto darkly muttered something.
"Don't mumble, you idiot!"
When Naruto still looked glum, Sakura squeezed his cheeks.
"Look at the bright side, baka. You and Sasuke-kun now get to call me 'Mommy'!"
Naruto groaned pityfully.
"Ughhhh... Way to go, Sakura-chan. You just ruined one of my favorite fantasies."
"That's no way to talk to your Mommy!"
"I'm begging you. Please don't say that. Like ever." It broke Naruto's heart that his Sakura-chan wanted him to call her so endearingly but he had to put his foot down. What was the saying... yes. Be careful what you wish for.
"Just... don't go on punching any more people. They can't help falling in love with you." Naruto's voice was rather wistful.
"Professional hazard, baka."
"Don't you want to have a family of your own?" Naruto was actually serious.
"We already have two petulant overgrown babies, in case you forgot."
"We can always adopt, you idiot. If they are anything like you, why would we want anyone else, bloodline or not? Besides... Kaguya-sama is not really crazy about kids. It's only a matter of time, though. I'm sure. She'll come around."
"Wait a minute! You call her Kaguya-sama?"
A lovely shade of pink dusted Sakura's cheekbones. "She thinks it's sexy."
"Gahhh! Just kill me now. Maybe this is a really, really bad dream--oomph!"
A mischievous smile on her lips, Sakura tackled Naruto into a bear hug, applying her super strength for good measure.
"Mommy will kiss all your problems away, Naru-chan!"
"Just so you know she chased me like a lost puppy for half of her life," Sasuke sneered.
The rabit goddess stared at Sasuke, unimpressed.
"Clearly, multiple reincarnations have scarcely changed your insolent self."
"It's laughable to think I'd be intimidated by the likes of you, brat. As if she could endure dull sublunary lovers after having me!"
"Whatever. She has a stupid death-wish. She'll go running to the horned monster who tries to kill her next."
Kaguya's eyes eerily glittered at Sasuke's words.
"I can perfectly assure you that's not going to be an issue."
Sasuke swallowed despite himself.
P.s. Why? Because I don't see any KaguSaku. That's why. Let this ridiculous piece provide the much needed impetus to remedy this grievous situation.
