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Before writing, I never knew how irritating, persistent and negative Doubt could be as a companion. It nags at you from the minute of inspiration to maybe years after you've posted or sold a story. XP

Yuuuuuuuuuuup. You and me both

I actually read something about this a while back that I’m never gonna forget. Neil Gaiman wrote a NaNoWriMo pep talk back in 2007, and he described how three-quarters of the way through Anansi Boys, he was overwhelmed by self doubt

he called his agent to suggest maybe it was time to give up and move onto another project, and… well, I may as well just copy/paste the conversation:

“Oh, you’re at that part of the book, are you?”I was shocked. “You mean I’ve done this before?”“You don’t remember?”“Not really.”“Oh yes,” she said. “You do this every time you write a novel. But so do all my other clients.”

Anansi Boys was my best friend’s favorite book. Neil Gaiman is widely respected and basically as legit as they come

Beyond that, if you’ve ever read On Writing, by Stephen King, he expressed the exact same fears. Despite all his success, he feels like a hack sometimes

So when I start to doubt myself, I just try to remember that I’m in pretty good company

We’re all unsure, we’re all doubtful, and we’re all just making things up and making the best of it as we go

And that’s perfectly okay

#Thanks for sharing!#Kajuned #writing #writeblr #I don't know if this helps at all #but it helped me #so I figure I may as well share #the pep talk is well worth checking out too #in fact all of those pep talks are great resources #so yeah #mara's writing tips #mara rambles

Which do you like more: mermaids or dragons?

jdhfdsjkalh donT do this to mE i CHOOSE MERDRAGONS

#vinnie replies #still technically a dragon but meH #you cant make me chose #kajuned

I feel like there's a tremendous layer of anxiety blocking me from my emotions. If I try to connect with my emotions, I am overcome with anxiety that leaves me unable to function throughout the day. I try to wait the anxiety out, but nothing seems to make it vanish. I just feel intense nausea, weakness, fear and tension non-stop, so I have to bury it. Any suggestions?

first of all, let me just say I’m so sorry you have to go through this. you’re never alone, and you can always come to me! I’m not sure how much help I can be with this – have you talked to a professional? that may be a step in the right direction. it’s not your fault that you’re feeling this way. I would say to just try to remind yourself that emotions are not bad for you, and that repressing them is what is bad. maybe start small by writing your feelings down somewhere – don’t feel like you have to immediately talk about them. as long as you acknowledge them, you’ll feel better. I hope this helped 💓💓💓

#not a suggestion #ask answered #kajuned

@kajuned replied to your post “Things I immediately love about the cold open of Home: JENNY: Hey,...” I still don't like blaming Lucifer for everything that went wrong in Mary's life and saying her chance to punch him was her getting revenge. Mary's worst enemy wasn't the Devil, it was her guilt. If she thought what she did back then - making the deal - was her worst crime, then forgiving herself was the key to fixing it. Guilt can cause stagnation in one's life, not failing to punch someone just because he was bad or evil. :P

Heya, sorry it took so long to reply to this!

I'm afraid that was another flippant post completely ignoring everything I've ever said about Mary's arc in season 12 for the sake of talking quickly and making another point... (I should stop doing this :P)...

I think her arc in season 12 was utterly shaped around her guilt and addressed deeply and fairly comprehensively to the point where I don't think they *need* another arc with that much concern about her guilt. Whether she still feels a pang about it whether she can help it or not, for the interpersonal family stuff they brought it to a resolution in 12x22 and used 12x23 to cosmically vindicate her with the AU, basically saying, now we did the interpersonal stuff we can show that cosmically Mary did a good thing/her deal is not a cause for shame or personal regret. So to me it has been addressed enough to move on past that point, and is no longer an ~active~ part of her characterisation, just like I assume Dean's no longer going to yearn for the grenade launcher on screen, and instead will be able to look fondly at it like hell yeah I shot that thing :P

Since Mary's personal part in the deal has been cosmically absolved (whether people feel this arc was enough/went deep enough I'm pretty sure the story considers it done and dusted based on the choices of absolution/immediate reassurance via convoluted AU premise) I was sort of stepping back and looking up and saying, well, anyway, she only made the deal because Azazel made her because Lucifer asked him to find a special child for the whole sake of the cosmic plan and blah blah main plot of 1-5... Since Lucifer is one of the core instigators, Mary getting to meet him and punch him a few times has a nice cathartic feeling for me, even if it's not really an actual revenge or whatever at this point (and narratively I assume if they're going to be trapped together, Dabb will hopefully weave some way for Mary to address the wider cosmic stuff in the AU designed utterly around the meta cosmic stuff to do with the season 1-5 plot, which will ACTUALLY give her a chance for more catharsis/better on-screen revenge or whatever).

So punching Lucifer has nothing to do with her personal arc about guilt, I just kind of love that she did it and I am looking forward to what comes next with that, since she has moved through a lot of important steps when it comes to the guilt arc and I think this is for her now to have moved beyond the insular family stuff which motivated her/blinded her in season 12...

I'm probably consistently going to keep talking about things in terms of "Mary now gets to deal with cosmic guilt and understand it's not her fault" as "got to punch Lucifer in the face" and "confronted her own personal demons of guilt through every part of her season 12 arc and came to a better understanding with her sons about what she did to them" as "hugged it out" and for that matter, stuff like "Dean has achieved an alarming level of self-actualisation and personal understanding of his own life based on his childhood trauma and getting to address it through Mary's neglect and voicing his feelings about John's abuse and her deal and having to parent Sam etc etc" as "got to shoot the grenade launcher"... this blog is helplessly euphemistic because I'm lazy :P

#and sometimes I don't even use the euphemisms i just... go #you need to stop me sometimes #I am not very good at this whole... coherent communication thing #it's a problem >.>#replies #kajuned #12x22 #12x23 #season 13 speculation #Mary F Winchester

How do you refer to a group of trans collectively? Is "trans person" or "trans people" offensive?

Saying trans person and trans people is totally fine!

#kajuned

Early one morning, Lucifer tells Sam, "Sammy, the day we met is my birthday." Sam looks puzzled. "Why?" He asks. "Because on that day," Lucifer explains with a soft smile, "I felt more alive than I could remember, seeing you, perfect and beautiful you, I felt my life regain purpose. You gave me life Sam, thank you."

Listen up everyone, this is a PSA! Our boy Lucifer got a real birthday date now!

September 24th, mark your calendars!

Official Samifer Day AND Lucifer’s Birthday ♥

I absolutely, 100% support this! This is beautiful, dear. So, so beautiful.

#save the date #samifer #sam x lucifer #sam winchester #spn lucifer #samifer day #lucifer's birthday #this is really just perfect okay #i am tearing up #kajuned #ask kali

Are we ever going to have the same situation like Roy and Walt? Like, someone walks into Sam and Dean's room and kills them, or, Sam and Dean get into an accident and die again. They seem to have these "suddenly dead" situations less and less and I know Sam and Dean are skilled hunters, but that shouldn't stop them from getting killed by a random dude who happens to be in the right place at the right time...right?

Hmm... I don’t know. There would have to be a specific narrative reason for it, I guess.

Back in s5, they were being completely jerked around by the universe in the culmination of their original “destiny vs free will” arc, leading to them finding a way to overthrow that destiny and essentially cancel Heaven’s plans to end the world.

Not that the universe hasn’t jerked them around plenty since then, but they’ve achieved a certain level of self-awareness about their actual place in the universe, you know? When God himself has sat you down and explained a few things, and then Dean’s had a chance to turn around and explain a few things to God, and now Death has explained that from her pov she can see the Grand Plan and Dean’s got an important place in it... I mean, randomly getting killed sorta doesn’t work anymore, you know? At least not as a plot device in that fashion.

It’s not like they’re not constantly being messed with in other ways (I’m watching 10.12 right now where Dean has been transformed into his 14-year-old self), via spells and the like. And it’s not like they both haven’t been dead, or at least dead-adjacent, in recent seasons either.

I guess there would just need to be a big enough narrative reason for them to require that sort of plot device, and at this point in the story, I don’t know what purpose it would serve. At least not that specific sort of scenario where they’re caught off guard and killed, with a further explanation for why Billie wouldn’t immediately step in and put them to rights again...

#kajuned