#kanda x reader

[kandasdog]

⊹₊˚‧︵‿₊୨ᰔ୧₊‿︵‧˚₊⊹

༄.° Embarrassing. ⋆˚꩜｡ּchapter 1. 𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋

pairing: kanda yu x fem!reader (smut and crack)

warnings: minors do not interact!!! 18+, vaginal sex, a bit of rough sex, dry humping, lots of orgasm denial, fingering, oral sex (both receiving in a way), missionary, doggy, teasing, BAD SMUT ALERT PAIRED WITH MY THIN PATIENCE IN CORRECTING THIS AND ENGLISH NOT BEING MY MOTHER TONGUE. Anyways, it doesn’t respect the canon events in the series. I mean the timeline is weird but I tried my best to MAKE THE CHARACTERS CLOSE TO CANON. Lavi was used as an amusement relief because I can.

word count: it’s long, truust🤞. If you spot any mistakes, it’s because correcting long fics is a pain in the ass. 🫩I’m sorry in advance. Expect some mistakes here and there. I can’t concentrate in editing this one omg. MY HEAD IS ALL OVER THE PLACE, WHY DID I COMMIT INTO WRITING A LONG ONE???! I have a feeling I did an awful job with it.

summary: Fate decided to unite you with the most obnoxious exorcist in the most embarrassing ways possible. Until you both became too sexually frustrated to ignore it.

A/N: Hey, so uhm, it’s my first time writing smut actually👆🤓.Never let me do that again.

▶︎ •၊၊||၊|။||||။၊|• 0:10

⋆˚࿔ Now let’s start listening to Britney and don’t forget to think about your favourite dgm boy toy♥︎! (⸝⸝> ᴗ•⸝⸝)

Everyone has experienced a fair share of embarrassing moments in their life. Enough to be familiar with that specific feeling that haunts each one of us when we lay our head on the pillow. The internal cringe as some would say. Maybe you laughed weirdly, a fart escaped mid date, tripped in front of the opps and landed on your face after you tried doing that nonchalant aura farm walk, stuff like that. The human brain is extremely complex. At least that's what scientists claim. It fascinates you how you are tempted to remember those moments that you often try to avoid when you review your own life. The individual is a strange creature indeed, as if it has some kind of reflex to approach what bothers it, what makes it feel uncomfortable. Maybe it's in our genes to be attracted to what induces unusual sensations in our body. Maybe life is interesting thanks to this twisted and well-implemented mechanism within us. Curiosity or instinct? This kind of internal monologue has not gotten you anywhere so far.

But you've always been quick (like most people) when it comes to moving past those memories. Not so easy now though. Your embarrassing moments just materialised right next to you. In the same bed. About a few inches away. Awfully close. Too close. And if we get past his stone personality, Kanda Yu is a living person and all he has to do is to breathe and you can simply feel the way frustration washes over you. You can't even make those strange sounds (like idk screaming in your pillow like a loser) to make the tension go away. No way you could do that now, it would become even more oppressive than it already is. Adding another embarrassing moment to your long list over the years. It's not exactly what you want to achieve.

The pressure you feel throughout your body doesn't allow you to fall asleep. Hell, you can’t even rub your legs to feel some friction at least. All you can do now is to try to analyse everything that led up to this moment. How Kanda Yu — the most hostile exorcist in the Order — ended up being the most suffocatingly embarrassing moment of your life. Maybe that's the only way you can find a solution to your nagging dilemma.

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It all started about five months ago. Italy. You were on a mission with Tiedoll (your master), Marie and Kanda. Nothing unusual in those days spent in Florence. Of course, the akuma were annoying as always and once you got to your room you felt only the tiredness, some bruises and the dust that was perfectly stuck even to the back of your neck. But that’s just a slow Monday for an exorcist. The mornings were terrible, everyone was in a hurry to get back to the Black Order because apparently your sooooo ‘divine’ mission rarely left room for relaxation due to the high activity of innocence that is obviously followed by some akuma trouble. Always. But that morning you felt somewhat quite energetic. Maybe it was Florence, being a rather romantic city. Maybe it was the good weather. Maybe you simply noticed the way you shined in the mirror, that the exorcist uniform sits really nicely on your body. It doesn't matter the reason, you are a young adult and you have your needs. So the morning of your last day in Florence started with the ol’ good masturbation. Nothing spectacular, you even considered hiding yourself with the help of a stupidly thick blanket. You were quite silent and subtle, but, in the same way, lost in the very own space you created. Sexual activity is no stranger to you. You were also not a big expert and often due to fatigue and lack of time it was an activity that you rarely carried out. Only resorting to it whenever you got to the point where all the sexual frustration accumulated and you needed a form of release. The euphoria of pleasure that you induced in yourself was more intense because of how occasional it got. You failed to notice that everyone was waiting for you outside. You really wanted a moment just for yourself. A little break from training, roads and battles. Your body needed this, probably tired of the feeling that your muscles and, in difficult missions, even your bones ached.

What brought you back to the present was the door that suddenly opened. Right when you were nearing the end. You didn't know whether to be mad about your wasted orgasm or terrified that someone had caught you touching yourself under the covers. The only reaction you could have was to remove your fingers from the sweet and hard-to-reach spot and reveal only your head to whoever disturbed your privacy. Your heart literally dropped through your ass actually. Especially when you saw that the intruder was Kanda. It’s not his style to break in on anyone, the man likes to go for a knock on the door and leave a cold line followed by his departure. But that particular morning was different for everyone.

First of all, you were supposed to meet them thirty minutes ago. Second, naturally, Tiedoll felt inspired by the gorgeous Italian city and he have decided to take advantage of your ‘delay’ to express his artistic side once again through a painting done with a lot of patience. An annoying scenario for Kanda. He is not a patient person nor is he very understanding. All he wanted to do was to get back to The Order (he wouldn't call that place a home) as soon as possible. Tiedoll's artistic actions only irritated him more than he already was. It didn't help that Marie, too, ended up enjoying the scenery and some peace and quiet. So due to his impulsive and easily irritated nature, he threw all the blame on you. That choleric personality of his leaded to him in deciding to bring you down himself (before Tiedoll could get absorbed in his art to the point where all of you would arrive at the train station around the evening).

Your heart was pounding. Oh, you were about to explode. On the bridge of throwing up even. You didn't really know how to react, your pupils were dilated and your throat got dry. It wasn't like you to be speechless but what could you say to him? That you were looking for your socks? Knuckles deep in your pussy? Kanda didn’t help the situation at all. He had that typical frown on his face (the judgement stare) and he also managed to quickly notice that you were covered with a thick blanket, meanwhile, summer was right outside. What in the 5 minutes DiY sauna is this?

"Tch." he made that sound more often than he spoke. "Get out of bed and come downstairs. We have to go. Now!" Without saying anything else, he turned his back on you (his stupid pony tail moved gracefully as always) and closed the door with a big "thud."

Your legs suddenly got soft. Then they burned. Then they cooled off and burned again. You thought only other people get caught in such positions. Not you for fuck sake. It didn’t mattered that you were covered, your face was red, your eyes were clearly giving you away, you were panting and you probably had a little saliva gathered at the corner of your mouth. Anyone would have caught on to what you were doing. He walked in on you right when you were close to reach your climax and you weren't very subtle about the sounds at that time. Plus, this constipated samurai has some kind of super senses, he definitely picked up on details that most wouldn't be able to. And again, the sounds, your facial expression and the fact that you were covered by a ridiculously thick blanket in the middle of summer only incriminated you more.

You ended up, once again, under the blanket. This time you wanted to disappear rather than run after your sweet release as some type of stupid victory title for yesterday's mission. How could you ever look him in the eyes? Kanda is naturally hostile to everyone anyway, it's not your goal to give him another reason to look down on you. But you realised that hiding under the blanket like a child scared of the boogie man will only make things worse. You got up, tried to make yourself presentable and mask any evidence that would lead to any specific suspicion that you were late because you were too focused on having two fingers stuck deep inside you and, with a bitter taste, you left the hotel.

Marie was the first one to notice that you weren't feeling too well but he didn't pushed it when you hesitated to give him a clear answer. You looked mortified, guilty. Some kind of paranoid belief formed, that everyone knew despite knowing too damn well that Kanda is far from being the big gossip girl of The Black Order. Tiedoll was still insistent in finding out why you were troubled though. You lied that you were tired and added more reasonable symptoms. You looked like you shitted yourself so it was believable enough. Luckily for you, Tiedoll ate your excuses up and even interrupted his artistic process for your own good to get back at the Order. As for Kanda… nothing. Nothing had changed. He acted absolutely normal. He wasn't even looking at you, he was serious and frowning at everything that moved around him like he usually was. That relieved you. You thought that maybe he ate that fake ass explanation too. Or he didn't care. Which was ideal back then. For the first time you were grateful for his indifferent attitude towards his comrades. Maybe it wasn't so bad that he was the one that walked in on you. The man doesn’t give a fuck. The next day, you really didn't thought about what had happened at all (but you definitely avoided pleasuring yourself for a while). Speaking of ideal, it would have been ideal if that was your only embarrassing moment with Kanda Yu.

But of course it was not.

Fate has a strange way of torturing you. You would rather have your life put in more danger than it already is than going through something like that again. Or at least that's what you thought the second time it happened. The train ride to a small town in France was disgusting. Disgusting is an understatement. The train you, Kanda, and Miranda got on was filthy beyond belief. You would probably have come out of a fight with some level 2 akuma much cleaner. Once you arrived in that damn city, Kanda offered to be the one to contact Komui. Neither of you protested, you both just wanted to go to your hotel room, wash up, and sleep.

Miranda was a little anxious, in fact, she always is. At first you weren't sure if it was the uncertainty of her first mission as an exorcist or she was just being herself. But you noticed how she could barely get three words out without her stomach turning when she asked the young receptionist to show you the way to your reservation. That was your confirmation about the type of person she is. Which never bothered you. Although she panics all the time, she also has a special talent for making you feel at peace. You definitely wouldn't mind getting more missions with her.

Inside your shared room you both noticed how small the bed was. As if it was for one person. There were signs for sure now that you think about it. But the Order's disastrous budget and the way it’s managed could be the reason why you sometimes get some pretty bizarre accommodations — that was your logical explanation back in the day. Being a good teammate (and wanting to befriend the new exorcist) you landed to Miranda the opportunity to wash up first. Which she did and her adorable-clumsy style led her to finish pretty quickly. Her haste was probably just the result of her desire not to cause anyone any trouble. You chatted a little afterwards and you were pleasantly surprised by how sociable she can get once she feels comfortable. She's quite charming even if that's not what she intends. She’s not aware of her charm.

You were tired so Miranda offered to buy some food for you two while you finish showering. She insisted and claimed that she would manage since she noticed that you were inclined not to let her go alone (considering that most akuma attacks happened right when someone was doing a normal activity like idk, going to the toilet? I know damn well and I bet a grand sum of money that scenario happened to at least one mdf). She touched a cord within you. She’s so cute. You really wanted to be friends with her, you felt like Lena would like her a lot too.

All that being said, Miranda left and you started undressing so you could get in the tub. You didn't go all the way to the bathroom to get rid of your clothes, after all, it was just you in the room. Just as your panties reached your ankles, you heard a rather strong French accent coming from the hallway. It came from a man, that much was clear. The walls were very thin. You could always hear what’s going on in any building. Sometimes you'd hear two drunk heads arguing, couples meeting to make love in secret (they always end up in the room next to yours), the neighbor upstairs moving the hotel furniture without understanding why would he do such a thing. As a result, you didn't panic when you heard a voice approaching. From the Frenchman's speech, it sounded like he was leading a customer to a room. But you did panic when the door opened. You were convinced a few moments ago that the two strangers would pass by your room and move on further through the hallway. But no, the target was exactly your privacy. Ironically, one of them was no stranger. The one who opened the door was Kanda. Again.

Your instinct didn't make you cover yourself, on the contrary, you froze. Your ass was exposed in all its glory. A complete landscape for your colleague and the hotel employee. Your head was turned towards them, one breast also exposed to their gaze. Your lower lip trembled, the only action you felt like doing at that time. Honestly, you weren't thinking anything, your bad luck didn't seem like it was real. That moment did not felt like it was real. Your brain completely on shut down, you were standing exactly like those ancient sculptures. You felt their eyes being fixed on you, you felt how your skin shivered from the cold air hitting your back. You felt how your body was burning like an oven from the inside. You were feeling a lot of things in just a few seconds and yet, you did nothing. It was the equivalent of a staring contest.

Kanda had a facial expression you never thought you'd come to see before. His eyes were almost bulging out of his sockets, his eyebrows were raised in shock, his mouth was half open and his body seemed quite tensed. He too had become an ancient statue, but not quite in the graceful style of an architect like you were.

The Frenchman had a similar reaction but instead of standing still for a long time he just tried to hide his grin with his hand and he playfully raised his eyebrows. He was small, chubby and obviously had that typical mustache from the french books you read in your free time. “U la la madame!” His tone was quite suggestive and that woke you both back to reality. You tried to cover yourself, panic finally managed to enter fully into your system. Kanda… . Kanda frowned terribly hard, probably the darkest facial expression you have ever seen on his face (you didn’t think it was possible). He said absolutely nothing. Not even one small sound. Not even that “tch”of his. His body just tensed up more and he slammed the door. If he slammed it any harder the doorknob would have fallen off, you were sure of it. The next thing you heard that day were his hurried footsteps followed by the Frenchman that was exclaiming in pure desperation (and maybe amusement): “Monsieur! Monsieur! It was a mistake made by the new girl! It wasn’t intentional! Monsieur!”.

You waited for a few seconds until you threw yourself tragically on the floor. "No! No! No! No!" Your hands were in your scalp, you pulled on your hair like a madman. A justified reaction after what had just happened. You even ended up rolling around a bit with your hands placed on your face in an attempt to hide from the shame. So. Much. Shame. You. Felt! The screams of your agony alerted everyone about your new embarrassing moment. You wanted to cry. And sitting on the ground like that, you remembered what also happened in Florence. “OH MY FUCKING GOD!!” Yeah, you just couldn’t stop yourself from remembering. But how could you not remember? Yu Kanda walked in on you for the second time and this time — it was a thousand times worse than last time.

It wasn't that hard for you to realize from the conversation between the Frenchman and him (after they walked in on you and Kanda almost destroyed their door) that the receptionist made a mistake. Of course it was a mistake! The single bed, the fact that he was led here… it was supposed to be his room! Not yours! His room!! And you were convulsing comically and naked on the floor of his room. Who is the pervert? You or him? The truth is that he was the one who kept on invading you in the most compromising positions. But! But… at the same time, you were masturbating last time. Yes! You! If you start thinking about the overall image of an exorcist who is the possessor of the innocence, you shouldn't be involved in such sinful activities (at least that’s what you thought four months ago). And your stomach dropped even more. What if he actually caught on what you did last time? Oh my God… . You made everyone wait for you because you were touching yourself and now he found you naked in his room. YOU ARE THE PERVERT! All you could think about was the fact that you were most likely perceived as a gross, disgusting woman.

But you had to get up. For Miranda. At least to conserve her good opinion. You went immediately to the bathroom, had a dramatic moment in the mirror. You couldn’t even look at yourself in the eye for too long without feeling like throwing yourself all over the floor again. Finally, you showered and got dressed. You also made a vow to become the most holy and reserved person on earth. A kind of a new Virgin Mary. As hard as it would be for you to become The Virgin Mary. The Virgin Mary would never let that happen to her.

Miranda already arrived when you exited the bathroom. She had a basket with a few baguettes, tomatoes, cream, cheese, olives, some jam and other things you two could quickly prepare. Although she seemed to notice that something had happened, she just smiled shyly and told you that her trip to the grocery store had been uneventful. “Oh! I forgot to tell you! Kanda is downstairs, he told me we have to move to another room. Apparently, this is his room (no shit).” Miranda looked down and played nervously with her hair. “He seemed… uhm.. “ she struggled describing her encounter, probably out of intimidation, “… and he emphasised that we have to hurry. Like right now… .”

You exhaled so hard that Miranda looked up at you a little confused. You felt overwhelmed with anger. You shouldn't be upset at Kanda but it was like he had infected you with his tantrums. Couldn't he at least be a little calmer? Like… ,you don’t exactly know, he could apologies out of politeness followed by your apology in return. You are a lady after all and your entire dignity is destroyed. How hard can that be? Of course you were expecting for way too much. Kanda would never apologise, it's not in his vocabulary. A foreign concept to him. You clenched your fists and if it weren't for Miranda standing in front of you, you would had probably started punching his pillows. Maybe even vandalising his room but that would be an awful idea.

“You two… don't get along very well… ?” Miranda didn't really had the courage to interfere in other people affairs. She didn't really thought she had the right to know too much. But your personal problems with Kanda became so obvious that Miranda felt the need to intervene. At least a little, just enough to calm you down somehow and prevent a possible confrontation.

“Me? With Kanda? Hell nah. He’s the worst. I don’t know why I keep getting missions with him. In fact, he doesn’t get along with anyone!” You wanted to give a long speech about why he’s the most arrogant, horrible person from the Black Order but you held back. You realised you couldn’t afford giving any more hints that there was something, seemingly personal there. It would be better if the new exorcist comes to the same conclusion everyone else eventually came to: Kanda is not friendly and you better keep quiet around him.

You felt like confessing what had happened but you chose not to. You didn’t even tell Lenalee about it. It’s too... embarrassing. You knew he didn't do it on purpose even though you felt like pointing your finger at him more than ever. It would have been easier to blame someone like Lavi. But Kanda is not Lavi. Kanda would be the last person on this Earth to enjoy 18+ accidental events. In fact, you didn’t even believe he had ever had a sexual thought in that head of his, so full of stupid swords, soba and slaying akuma. Just as his personality had comforted you in Florence, it made you feel dirty that day.

Your days in France were awful. You exchanged no word with Kanda, you focused all your attention on the mission and kept an eye on Miranda. You felt bad that you had become extremely friendly with Miranda because of him. You wanted to be friends with her anyway but the circumstances were different and you just hoped that you didn't make her feel awkward too. Every time you had to look at him or talk to him, you turned to Miranda with a smile that was way too big. Instead of telling him: "I think the innocence is in this area." you turned to her saying something like: "What do you think Miranda? Isn't the innocence close? Right?” You cringed so hard bro. You took it so far that on the way back you got into a different compartment on the train. Something you had never done before despite the fact that the subject of your embarrassment have never been pretty welcoming to you right from the start. You didn't regret it, it helped you sit far away from him with your new friend. You were finally able to stay focused solely on her without fighting the instinct to look at him or try to decipher what was going through his mind.

Back “home”, you were able to calm down more. Lavi, Allen and LenaLee kept you distracted. You didn't tell them much about the mission, you just praised Miranda and avoided pronouncing the "K" word as if he wasn't even there with you two (you transformed him into Voldemort fr). You really tried to forget. He wasn't affected by your methods of pretending he doesn’t exist, maybe he was even pleased. You did him a favour, really. He even reciprocated your gestures, doing a better job than you. You barely ran into him on the few days off you had. During training with Tiedoll, he only came when you left and vice versa. No one suspected anything and it had become obvious that the accident in France would go with you to the grave.

It was perfect. You didn't have to talk, you didn't have to look at each other, you didn't have to acknowledge anything. Once again you came to the same affirmation: It's better that it was Kanda. He doesn't swallow anyone’s presence anyway so it's not like much has changed in the dynamics. He is also extremely private with his life. For sure he kept his mouth shut. He does not care. He does not care. He does not care — a brand new mantra. A mantra that you repeated to yourself every time you remembered his reaction when he saw you nude. I mean… anyone would have reacted the same way! Yeah! He might be unusual and maybe emotionless but it’s not like he is not human or something! Total normal reaction! You also repeated that mantra when you started getting rilled up by thinking about the face he made. God… maybe you are a pervert. Lavi could learn a thing or two.

You prayed every fucking night. With ALLLLL your heart. You prayed that you don't have to go to another mission with him. “God, please, at least for a few months!”.

Your bad luck strikes again. Or God hates you. You've been assigned in another mission with him.

Seriously… .How did God came to hate you so much that he decided to make you the star of a cheap comedy?

Barcelona is definitely a gorgeous city. You and Allen were enjoying this ‘city break’, even if the temperature was way too high. That’s the problem, the world felt like Barcelona got too hot lately. And not because of global warming (we are not in 2026 ughh) or your arrival (cuz u a hot ho bitch). A sign that some innocence activity might be there. But you didn’t care, you were with Allen! And you and Allen always got along well (to Kanda’s annoyance). You considered the albino as a little brother. His politeness and big heart always invited you to talk to him. You definitely preferred being with Walker alone, not with Kanda who seemed to explode even if Allen coughed more than twice within ten meters of him. The explosions were mutual, your so called ‘little brother’ of yours didn’t think twice before jumping into a cat fight with Kanda. They were and still are like cats and dogs if they were human. But there is a chemistry there. Just as some people experience love at first sight, they have competition at first sight. The attraction of some sort to start beef at first sight is a reality. The living proof is the two of them. You thought they would either kill each other or end up in the strangest way friends for life. A plot twist is always possible. You are the living proof of a plot twist… unfortunately.

Because Allen Walker is an akuma magnet, you had no time to enjoy the accommodation. All missions with Allen went like this, on automatic fire. Literally. A wall of the accommodation was destroyed in the first ten minutes you arrived. Komui is soooo gonna lose his shit when he hears about that. And in just a few minutes you ended up separating from each other. You and Kanda, alone, in an abandoned building older than Cross Marian himself. Well isn’t that convenient? Allen come baaack.

A level 2 akuma in front of you, of course it was weird and scary and its personality was jumping out way too much. Ay, bro! It’s cool nowadays to be nonchalant, lay it down bro. Not to mention, it was the ugliest doll you've ever seen. It looked like someone wiped their ass with it, threw it in Shrek's swamp and probably participated in the Daco-Roman wars where it received an even bigger facial of creepiness and ugliness. Could it get any worse? The bitch was smart. She managed to disarm you and turned your scythe (yes, you have a scythe. I would give a long description of the ability but I know why you're here so I won't) and his Mungen into little toys that she placed inside the pockets of her dress. None of you were too happy about it… yeah. But she was kind enough to give you a chance to win by playing a game. Hide and seek. Of course it's this game, of course a doll would suggest this game. She didn't come off as a fan of uno or poker. Allen would ate her up if that was the case. If only Allen was present… .

The rules were simple. There are two rounds. In the first round you and Kanda have to hide for fifteen minutes. After the fifteen minutes, the second round begins, it would be her turn to hide and if you find her within the FIVE minutes she gave you, you would be able to take advantage of the fact that she’s gonna be in her completely harmless but equally hideous small doll form. So all you had to do was stay hidden for fifteen minutes, and then within the five minutes allocated you have to find her and possibly destroy her while she was vulnerable. Oh yes, she gave you thirty seconds to hide. It seemed too simple to be true. Usually when the enemy presents a simple and profitable plan… there is a catch.

“Five minutes? Thirty seconds? How is that fair to us?” You tried to protest.

“I’m an akuma, since when we played fair?” The oddity replied as it turned its head and you heard clearly as day its neck’s bones cracking.

“Okay, keep your truth Queen, purrr.” You couldn’t argue with that. It had a point, okay!!??

“What will happen if you find one of us?” Kanda asked a good question.

“Hmm… .” She thought for a few seconds. “I’ll probably turn you into dolls and start attending tea parties FOREVER!” The akuma replied in ecstasy. “Or at least until I get bored of you.”

“What kind of tea are we going to have?” Idk you just felt like it could be some type of vacation.

“Tch!” Kanda didn't even pull you with him, he just ran to hide once he saw the giant doll turn her back on you to count.

The game started. You don't remember if you ran faster than you did on that mission. There were many good places to hide because of the many collapsed walls and structures but you had the feeling that that akuma knew the place quite well. You were aware that the game was pointless and you were just pleasing her by participating. Many wild animals prefer to play with their prey before eliminating it. While thinking about this wild life fact told by the best trusted source — Lavi— you started running even faster.

Among several collapsed walls and some ivy that had grown over the long years, you saw the handle of a closet located there. You wouldn't have seen it if some pieces of the ceiling hadn't fallen near it. It seemed like a bad idea, the ceiling could fall at any second to flatten it. But you still had ten seconds and it was well covered in the ruins. So you got right into it, you slipped through the ivy and fallen walls and platforms to get there. Your uniform ended up teared up a little in the back from your rush to get hidden in time. Once tucked away in the closet, your adrenaline dropped to a healthy level.

It wasn't long before the door suddenly opened. Kanda was panting and looked at you quite intensely, just as desperate to get his ass hidden. You wanted to tell him to find another hiding place like those petty kids in the park but before you could open your mouth, he covered it with his palm and cramped with you inside the closet.

“Ready or not, here I come!” Normally, hearing those words would have you praying (again) not to be found (damn Kanda got you religious and shii lately). But it’s really hard to think of a prayer when you were almost on his lap because of the lack of space. Your nostrils were invaded by his scent. The worst part? You liked it. And Marie was right, Kanda actually washes himself with hand soap. What a freak. With the most basic soap you can find in anyone’s house but God he smelled so good in your humble opinion. The bar is in hell fr. You’ll never look at that hand soap the same way again. How come his scalp isn’t dry? You might have asked him if you weren’t struggling to keep your pelvis up so it doesn’t touch his lower half of the body. Your back was arched and your bottom was shaking from both the excitement and the difficulty of keeping this uncomfortable position. Wait, what? Excitement? Oh… no. No, no, no. As if those two incidents weren't enough. All it takes is this one and you'll be officially labeled as the degenerate of the Black Order.

You had absolutely no clue if he's caught on to how your body is reacting. Kanda often spoke through his eyes and you had no courage to discover what his eyes were about to tell you right now. You felt like if you glanced at him you might end up with a clear death sentence.

A strong wind blew through the area, the akuma was really onto finding your asses and that's what made you both jump in unison. You're started to like the idea of ​​being a doll forever. Maybe she'll dress you up nicely, comb your hair and kiss your cheeks with those pale, dry lips that hide teeth exiled by any form of toothpaste. Anyway, tea parties… gossip… playtime… it doesn't sound bad at all. You'll probably end up torn apart in the end but hey, anything sounds better than whatever was going on in the closet.

Your mind took you back to the last two embarrassing moments with him. The worst scenario to remember them. You felt dirty, small, like some kind of lustful man. You didn't understand why your body was acting like that, you had managed to keep it under control until… . You started to hate yourself more and more as you felt the way your panties got wet with each second passing. A horrible decision to borrow Lena's skirt. You made another brilliant plan of action, if you manage to escape the mission alive… you would beg Komui on your knees to stop giving you any more missions with Kanda. You were even willing to become his personal guinea pig — better that no one in the Order ever saw you again. You were very dramatic in that closet.

After your dramatic side had subsided, you began to notice that Kanda wasn't as unaffected as you had expected. His hand was shaking, or rather, the one that could have been placed on your back but hasn’t touched it yet. Either you'd cut off the blood circulation in his arm or he was struggling to not touch you more than necessary. None of this would have mattered to you if it wasn't for his bottom half shaking as well. You concluded that he was feeling uncomfortable, anyone would feel like that. It was a cramped place after all. Except for you, you were down bad omg. Maybe he felt disgusted? It saddened you a bit. But still you couldn't help it, YOU HAD TO LOOK. And there, in all its height — the bulge. Man, both of you are sick in the head or something for feeling like this in a dangerous situation. In the middle of a mission btw, two grown adults btw.

“Don’t look.” His tone was imposing but that didn’t stopped you from continuing to stare. You raised an eyebrow and moved his hand away from your mouth.

Is it bad that you felt less guilty back then? All this time you thought you were some kind of weirdo and through all these events that included a mix of shame and desire you became the ultimate piece of shit. After you saw his erection tho, you were pretty much happy to discover that you were on the same page.

“Oh you are so turned on.” You ended up teasing him, suddenly the cards were stacked in your favor. He wasn’t doing too bad down there, fuck it… he looked big. Whatever those pants were hiding was being suffocated. (RELEAAASE ME MEME PLAYING). His hand covered your mouth again. The Akuma rushed through the area and just as quickly left. She seemed quite pissed too.

“Are you serious? Are you thinking about this nonsense right now? Tch. You are so—- “ but you bit his hand so you could talk to him more. A success because he hissed, retreated it and you almost fell over with the whole closet.

“So do you.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Then explain this.” You pointed your finger down with a smug look on your face.

“It’s a natural reaction. Don’t be too flattered.”

“Did you had this natural reaction the last two times too?” your question almost made him blush. Almost. He would have covered your mouth again but the bite mark you left on his hand made him think twice. He couldn’t decide if he was more irritated or even more turned on from that. He looked like he went mad. He was well aware that you had a point but he wouldn’t be Kanda if he agreed with you. He thinks he’s above any human need.

“You’re just a perverted parasite. You did it on purpose, didn’t you?” He accuses you rather sharply but your reaction was to grin as he glared at you.

“On purpose? Not really. You know, I felt extremely guilty until now. I thought I had indirectly harassed you or something. But now that I’ve seen this, I understand everything.”

“There’s nothing to understand.” He countered.

“Oh, yes, it is. It wasn’t my fault, you were always the one invading me. I wasn’t expecting you or anything, so YOU should NOT be too flattered.” The last sentence was a form of mockery for what he had said earlier.

“You don’t know what you are talking about.” At this point he was trying to gaslight both of you.

“I KNO-“

“Shhh. Are you trying kill us?? Are you crazy?” He whispered a bit nervously and you just rolled your eyes.

“You even managed to invade my space now. With a whole ass boner btw. Shame on you too. We are not so different.” It was no normal behavior on your part but you’ve been so frustrated that you had to somehow feel like you won some ground back. “You entered that room while I was naked.”

“That was my room.”

“You should have seen your face. And in Florence? You walked in on me while I was masturbating. There’s no way you didn’t hear something before you barged in.”

“You were masturbating?” Even though he seemed a little surprised, he wasn’t completely shocked. “Look at you wasting your time instead of focusing on what needs to be done. You are a filthy woman.”

“You talk like it’s not a natural reaction now. Didn’t you do that too?”

“No.” He couldn’t look at you when he answered. He was focused on a blind spot in the darkness, his lips wede flattened with stress. But his erection trembled the more you talked back. The whole moment felt like a huge revelation to you. Kanda Yu, sexually frustrated and denying that he has such desires and you’re the only person who confuses him like this.

“Oh, really?”

“Shut up.”

“Really? Really?”

“Stop it!” You just sighed loudly.

“Fine. I’ve had enough fun with you. My pride is back and intact. I bet your would be terrible at it anyway, you don’t even have the balls to—”

Your words were interrupted by Kanda who lifted his pelvis and pressed his clothed-covered erection against your panties. To your embarrassment, a wet sound was heard and Kanda could only grin victoriously at this. Not only you saw that the package was full in his pants but you also felt it. You pursed your lips as hard as you could so you don’t make a sound that would give you away.

“You—“ you wanted to take back control with a stubborn remark but you were interrupted by Kanda who started to rotate his hips against yours.

“See? It’s easy to shut up for once.” But the dominance he established didn’t last that long, he became dizzy from the stimulation and his member started to harden and begged to be released (RELEASEEE MEEE). You both started to rub against each other. Both of you were too stubborn to back it down. Because of the heat you took off your uniform (anyway the innocence that caused the heat really didn’t help). Kanda stared at your chest in disappointment (his ass will never admit to it) that you wore a bra but your cleavage made him push his erection harder into you. The last shred of control convinced him not to touch you, he couldn’t give you the validation that he wanted this as much or maybe even more than you. Your panties were on the road to ruin, there was no chance they'll be wearable after this.

Unlike him, you weren’t holding back. Your hands reached the back of his neck, then his shoulders, then you started to unbutton his shirt and finally you started to squeeze his pecs through the material that was in your way. As a result, Kanda threw his head back and fought with all his might to not make a sound. It was pretty much clear that he was more inexperienced than you, one bold touch and he became shy and all his cockiness was out the window. He’s really adorable, who would have thought he could be adorable? You felt some type of superiority that you were most likely the only and first person to touch him like that… the only person he's sexually attracted to. Although you were already dizzy yourself from the hormones flying through the small space you shared, you were getting even wetter from his reactions. You never expected to witness something like that, to feel it. You didn't even dared to imagine it, no matter how tempted you've been in the last few weeks. It's stupid. It's stupid how you were rubbing up and down against each other like two rabbits in heat during mission. It's stupid how you've always felt an attraction to him, from day one. There's no denying that he is very but very handsome. His facial structure, his perfect skin, his sharp eyes, his eyebrows that look like they've been drawn, his lips, his body, his perfect hair (even though he washes himself with hand soap)… he's the most handsome man you've ever seen. You would have done it sooner if his personality hadn't gotten in the way. Women are always giving him glances, it's pretty obvious when they do. One of them actually fell in love with him just by accidentally bumping into his chest. You can pretty much relate to it.

You tried your best to not let your attraction to him grow. He's unfriendly, unsociable, always with his nose up and has the elegance of a brute. You adjusted yourself to the idea that you had no chance, you really did. You just barely started to appreciate his presence before all those embarrassing moments ruining the peaceful dynamic you used to have with him. Compared to the rest of the people you shared conversations, laughter and friendships with, Kanda represented the serious side of an exorcist's calling. They distracted you but he was a reminder. Missions with him were always interesting. You didn't talk much but you didn't hold a grudge either. He gave you this opportunity to better observe the work of an exorcist. He showed you something that most people try to avoid pointing out. You weren't scared, you were even more curious about him. About his view on the world. You always assumed that the way he behaved was like a wounded animal. No one knew any details about his life before the Order and no one really wanted to ask. Komui is probably the only one, but your curiosity didn't push you to investigate about his personal life uninvited. You hoped that by being neutral around him and collaborating well with him, at some point he would open up to you. In your solo missions, silence dominated, but it wasn't an unbearable one. Despite the horrors you were becoming increasingly aware of, you felt at ease. If he wasn't affected and was doing relatively well, why wouldn't you too? You simply liked being in his world, even if there weren't many words or gestures, it felt right to be there. Sometimes you had an assumption that you would eventually get closer.

And you actually got to that point, by rubbing your private parts against each other. The button of his pants occasionally touched your clitoris, it felt so good but you knew you shouldn't alarm how much pleasure you felt with any type of sound. His eyes were closed and he looked down, you guessed he wasn't proud of ending up acting like this. As teas-able as he was right there, you chose to keep your mouth shut. There was no dirty talk exchange between you like in erotic books or the past experiences you had, the authenticity of your interactions (before Florence) was preserved even in that heated moment. There was no need to speak, your bodies always understood each other — both platonically and sexually.

It had become too hot inside. You were almost out of your ability to breathe but you didn’t care. He didn’t care. You lifted your skirt and took his hands in yours. They are not smooth and delicate like his sculpted face but their harsh texture suits him perfectly. He finally looked at you and if you weren’t in this situation you would have laughed at the fact that he tried to stay serious. You guided his hands over your ass cheeks and then he glared at you in confusion.

“Come on, it’s too late now to hold back.” You justified.

“Right… .” Without any delay he squeezed your ass in his hands. It wasn’t gentle at all, he did it clumsily and a bit rough, and his penis that looked almost like a rifle if it remained sequestered in his uniform for much longer, began to harden even more. Maybe he is an ass man? The level of difficulty in being silent increased considerably. While squeezing your ass he begun to guide your body up and down faster and faster, all the friction felt more intense and you definitely lost a few neurons at how nice it was to be ‘fucked’ while you were dressed. You simply lost control, how come that damn doll didn’t find you already? He started to push his entire erection, fast and hard, towards your entrance. The button and the zipper paid special attention to your clitoris. You got so wet that your liquid was dripping in a line down your leg. You turned into two sweaty people, both of your hairs stuck to your foreheads and your chest and tights were damped.

Maybe remaining silent doesn’t make any sense. Your clothed pussy is pretty loud and Kanda had no intention to slow down for the sake of conserving the silence in your small hidden horny space. When your body slides down from the friction, he lifted you up again by squeezing your ass cheeks harshly and placed you back where you belong — on his sweet bulge. Holding your moans back is not entirely impossible. But, naturally, you both started to accelerate your level of breathing. Small lewd sounds that are forming still being interrupted. Your lips were so close to each other, open, wishful thinking got you imagining how would a shared kiss feel. How nice that would be… .To kiss him. To feel him inside. Not this torturous teasing. It is pleasurable and your panties are transparent… but it was far from being enough. The desperation of dry humping with him gave you no chance to question if he wanted it as badly as you did. Head empty. Staining his pants with how juicy you got down there is the only thing you were able to do. The friction? Delicious. Maybe he felt the same about it by the way he pushed into you more and more desperate himself.

His fingers begun to part your ass cheeks in order to arrive to the place where you wanted him to touch you the most. His finger were under the ruined material, massaging to his liking. Feeling your skin texture against his with his long digits. Squeezing your ass again just to experience how it feels with no stupid panties in his way. Who cares about hide and seek anymore? Your brain only worked just to remind you how much you needed his fingers there. They were getting closer, you almost felt them. Traveling down slowly but with a clear purpose. Making you feel even better.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” you both recognized that cry instantly. It’s Allen! Your second confirmation was the small earthquakes that started to shake the closet with you and made all that dust fall from the ceiling. The ceiling that was closer to collapsing than you were from receiving an orgasm. You dried up as quickly as the samurai’s lost erection. You didn’t know whether to be angry at Allen for stealing your moment or grateful that he came to your rescue. You chose the latter, you care more about your safety even if it didn’t seemed like it considering the descriptions above.

Somebody wasn’t exactly happy though. Oh, his pride crumbled. That time the shaking was not caused from hormones but from that ego of his that started to pump the purest form of anger into his bloodstream. Your ass suddenly became a ball of unintentional stress relief and you even squeaked a little in pain and slapped his chest to stop it. Those rough fingers must have left a mark for days. No mini skirts for a while.

The next thing you saw? Kanda jumped out of that closet, his feet almost caught fire and the closet door slammed a few times until it was left ajar. It was your turn to get out. Not even one step outside and the place shook harder and harder and more dust fell on top of you. You rubbed your fingers on your forehead and took deep breaths until you were able to regain your composure and a little self-respect. You adjusted your uniform and as gross as it sounds — you used your sleeve to wipe away the little bit of liquid that was on your legs. It didn't even bother you that the dust was hitting your head, you'd rather smell dusty than smelling like sex. The first second you passed the ivy and the walls covering *cough* your *cough* secret closet, the ceiling collapsed and covered you in even more dust (even in the areas where the light never shines).

“ARE YOU FOR FUCKING REAL?” You kicked the cement with your foot in frustration as your whole body tensed. “AAAAAAAA!” You released your own battle cry and headed straight for it.

Putting an end to that akuma doll could very well have been the reason for a resignation letter if you ever had the opportunity to pack up and leave (you can’t. Forever employed to the Order type shit). Kanda was already turned into a doll by the time you stepped in. You’d say he looked adorable but it was more sad honestly. There were two black lines that almost covered his eyes, that meant he was frowning. He mad as hell. Allen got his arm hurt again to the point it was painful to watch. Sometimes you wonder if he has any medical insurance. And after a bunch of other problems and diabolical suspense, you managed to destroy the akuma doll. You ended up on the floor again, with your hand placed on your chest and panting. Walker leaned against the wall, panting too.

You turned towards Kanda who was still an angry doll. “Shouldn’t he have recovered already?” You asked while still panting. Allen just picked him up from the messy floor.

“Sometimes the effects of an akuma attack linger for a while. He’ll recover soon.” He replied while his face could only show pure mischief.

“I’m just glad I won’t see that doll in my life anymore. In fact, I don’t want to see a doll ever again. I can’t look at them without getting pissed off.” Of course there are other intimate reasons involved but shhh.

“I totally agree.” Allen had a not-so-subtle grin on his face and started shaking Kanda the doll in all directions. Hey, he has to get his own revenge somehow.

After Kanda returned to normal and the two exorcists almost killed each other (again), you finally got organized and headed to your accommodation. The hotel owners had already thrown your things out on the street for the damage apparently caused by ‘all of you’ and you went in search of a new one. The two of them argued all the way and you didn’t stop them for one second. You kept on scrolling and scrolling in your mind through what had happened during the hide and seek game. The feeling of embarrassment came back — not so intense because it’s not like you were the only participant in whatever was going on there. But what was embarrassing was the thought that you might be the only one who would persistently think about the action in the closet.

For a few moments you had a shred of hope in you. That you would get to talk about the incident and maybe things would finally move forward. Your new formed fantasies becoming a reality. Maybe. Even if they didn't, a bit of reassurance would do great things to your process of forgetting about it. You really hoped that maybe he will take the initiative to start the conversation. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. On the contrary, until you got back to the Order he ignored you even more than before. Every time you approached, he would turn his back. If it happened that you met in the hotel corridor… in a few seconds he would change his direction. You didn't even get to see his facial expression. Something, anything to help you guess what conclusion to draw. You ended up eating alone with Allen, he made his intentions clear that he is not gonna join you. Allen was just as confused. He and Kanda aren't exactly besties but it was a kind of tradition to put up with each other when it was time to eat. You were easily irritated every time he tried to question you. Kanda’s attitude became a personal attack on you. Allen gave up on trying to find out. He can’t play the therapist, he needs one. But he tried. He explained his own problems regarding Kanda and the times he was an incredibly big asshole to him, but he soon realized that there was a much different tension than in his case. Even on the train, Kanda got up from his seat once you sat next to him (being petty much yourself) and sat next to Allen. Walker was speechless. Your blood was boiling hot the entire train ride.

Once you got back to your bedroom at the unit you started asking yourself a million questions. What if he just indulged you but he never wanted anything of that happening? But he was the initiator after all and he was much more active than you. He pressed himself first. And you teased him before that like there was no tommorrow but anyway. And you also remembered how much he enjoyed squeezing your ass. Kanda would have definitely initiated a lot more if Allen hadn't suddenly shouted mid-fight to alert you on what’s going on. So out of a mental breakdown, disappointment and many more feelings you came to one exaggerated conclusion. Kanda is disgusted with you. He tried, he felt, he somehow enjoyed the moment but he doesn't need you anymore. Not even as a passive presence. He initiated everything to throw you away like a dirty rag. You are his dirty fucking secret. Nothing more.

No outsider would draw your conclusion, they would probably correct you and tell a different story, but your heart never stopped aching. Every time he harshly avoided you, you felt like the blade of a dagger was digging deeper into your chest. So you ended up trying to come to terms with the idea that he hates you and wants you away from him. That’s what you get for getting involved with a gemini man sis.

But you had no chance to adapt to the situation. Because of him. Again. During training, there were times when he would stare at you intensely, only at you. Like he had some kind of X-ray inside his orbits and he’s onto melting your skin off or sum shii. He was so insistent that you felt like you were about to fall off your feet and your heart was beating loud enough for Tiedoll to hear. Maybe Tiedoll knew there was something between you, you weren't sure. At least he was kind enough to ask if you had any health problems lately. To put your worries at ease about the fact that he may or may not know. It’s been a while since he’s seen you with a normal skin tone, you were either red or extremely pale. And in the dining room, Kanda would glare every time Allen or Lavi were too close to you. He glared at them. It was quite unsettling. Once Lavi took Allen's hand and placed it on your shoulder to test the waters while you were talking and Mugen almost knocked him out for good. Naturally, things escalated and the place turned into a bloody battleground.

“Why are you acting so strange lately?” Allen, held by some random men, asked Kanda that day.

But Kanda, held by many random men, said that there was nothing strange. That he was just irritated by the fact that he dared to exist and be noisy on top of that. ‘Disturbing his meal’ or some shit like that.

“And why then, recently, do you have problems with Y/n? What did she do to you? You were completely normal towards her until the last mission.” Allen decided to break the ice. You just watched in horror, your mouth was wide open and almost on the ground. For a few seconds, Kanda had almost the exact same reaction (not so dramatic like you) but he returned to normal relatively quickly.

"Because she behaved irrationally during the mission." Oh, oh no, he didn't just-.

"Me?? ME??? You started it! You're the one who acted irrationally, not me!!" You pointed your finger at him like a lady in a telenovela.

"I never did. It's all in your head."

"You absolute lying piece of sh—" Lenalee was quick in covering your mouth at that moment and gently removed you from the heated situation. You ended up crying in resentment toward the whole scene while being comforted by Lena and Miranda.

"I hate him so much. What an ass—" Lena covered your mouth again. No cursing in this house Queen.

But some type of joy took you by surprise on those days off. Maybe he was jealous. You were hoping it was jealousy. Kanda doesn't know how to express himself and clearly has an avoidant attachment style but deep down, he might feel the same. You were, again, full of hope and got into some wishful thinking that night. The next day you got the cold shoulder… AGAIN. Mixed signals, a mixed signals alert. On top of it, Kanda seemed like he calmed down for good. He still glared in your direction from time to time but the Allen incident never happened again. Not even when Lavi sat on your lap and giggled and kicked his feet like a schoolgirl in order to test his theory on what’s going on. “Y/n! Stop it you loca! You are such a flirt!” No reaction from Kanda and you never punched Lavi so disrespectfully like you did that day. Maybe it was really about Allen and you just jumped around happily like an idiot in your bedroom for nothing.

It would have been easier if he rejected you directly. To tell you to your face how he couldn't stand your mere presence and how he wished you would disappear with all those moments in the closet. As if nothing had ever happened. It would have been easier. You couldn't connect to your critical thinking and logical side anymore. Just pure mood swings. You wished that you could stop touching yourself in the middle of the night when you thought about him. Every time you remembered how sweet that mission was. Those facial expressions he had. It made you cry many times while doing it. You felt pathetic. Orgasm was hard to achieve and after you managed to get there, it felt like it wasn't enough. It wasn't satisfying. It felt derogatory. You felt disgusting, rejected, confused.

That is until you received a new mission.

Hamburg. Germany. You, Lavi, Bookman and Kanda. Of course, you were not allowed to catch one break. You should have asked Komui not to give you any more missions with him but you procrastinated about doing it. The road to Hamburg remained a mystery to this day. Your mind refused to be present in that moment. Completely detached from real life. You couldn't even pay attention to Lavi who pointed out how you and Kanda should have made up by now, that it didn't seem like a big deal. However, he didn't dare to joke about how you look like two lovers fighting rather than co-workers with some unnecessary beef between them. Bookman elbowed him enough in the stomach every time he tried to open that big mouth of his when he was about to say something embarrassing. Fuck it, Bookman had no clue as well but he chose to remain silent. It was something only the two of you could solve after all and you weren't exactly open to answering questions. Usually, Kanda is sometimes a bit open (too open — ahem! Crazy wind tonight lads) about expressing his criticism against someone — that time he was as silent as a dead man. And probably anyone would end up dead if they persisted in investigating the situation. He was pretty damn serious about keeping this mysterious-top-secret event that led to this endless silent treatment.

You bumped into Krory once you changed trains. Normally he could have taken another train to the Black Order but he chose to join you. Anything to move on from Eliade probably. I mean, understandable. Eliade is one fine shyt I’m telling you. He showed you her portrait and you thought: damn, she bad BAD. And missions are a good tactic. You don't have the luxury of this tactic anymore. Komui, prepare for a witchcraft hexing night motherfucker. At the hotel, three rooms were supposed to be arranged for you. One for Lavi and Bookman, one for Kanda and probably Krory and the last one for you. But OF COURSE the most clichéd turn of events took place. There were only two rooms left. Your room ended up being investigated for a dubious drug trafficking that took place right there. So there is a legal prohibition until all the investigations are completed to be made available for clients. And, unfortunately, the rest of the rooms were already occupied because of a well-known film festival. You were one coincidence away from getting a lobotomy from the science division.

Krory wanted to propose that it would be best if you stayed in the room with Lavi and Bookman. Considering that the two of them took the opportunity to observe the film festival, you would probably have all the room for yourself. And same for Kanda. Krory would be gone too because he also wants to go to that festival. Lavi. Oh, the soooo clever Lavi caught on that and he immediately stopped the vampire fine shyyy (I’m Romanian, okay? Gotta promote my culture. Live laugh love Krory or die).

“Yoooo, Krorykins, my man. You should share the room with us. I’m know you are as curious about the festival and it would be a shame if we get lost and separated in this huge hotel and miss it out. We will be back pretty late and I’m sure these two are not in the mood for it. It would be impolite to wake them up when we arrive so fashionably late, right?” Lavi had his hand on his shoulder while Bookman eyed the whole show suspiciously. BOMBASTIC.SIDE.EYE. CRIMINALLY OFFENSIVE SIDE EYEEEEEEEE🗣️!!!

“That would mean Y/N-san and Wasa—Kanda-san would be together in one room all night.” How scandalous.

Lavi’s insistence made you very anxious. You had the right feeling that he knew. Or you were just paranoid (you wish). His whole career is about getting juicy drama on all humanity so the chances were high. Kanda on the other hand played the unaffected card. He invented the nonchalant trend just to explode on our screen with multiple anger issues farts on multiple occasions.

“Nah, no need to worry my dude. Yu (he did not just) is the type to not be attracted to anyone at all. He has no clue how to get some desire in that stubborn head of his to see anyone attractive in fact. Y/n is also a lady with a looot of dignity (about that—). Kanda is the safest option she has. Men like us are the ones with temptation. At least, in my case, I would never hold back if I were in a room with this cutie. Strike.” He pointed a finger gun at you with a grin and your face heated up a lot. He got his slap on the back from Bookman followed by a big sight. Lavi you jerk. Kanda was on edge with every word the redhead said. It’s a miracle he hadn’t pointed the katana blade at him already. Self control king maybe? He mumbled how Lavi should stop calling him Yu and also to stop spreading nonsense or anything like that. You were too embarrassed to pay attention, too busy to cover your face.

After Kanda protested about the whole plan (with some valid arguments) and Lavi closed it with the reply: “What? Are you finally feeling tempted too or something?” you managed to arrive at your shared room for the night. You felt the way your stomach kept on turning from the rollercoaster of emotions that started having a wild ride just to torment you. Your body made the decision, to react against you. It had been a while since the two of you were left alone in a room. Since—. Raaah! Kanda grew agitated, an observation that also made you more agitated than you already were. He threw his luggage like a beast, aggressively threw around things out of it, stomped his feet every time he walked. All that fiasco. Maybe his way of saying: I hate this whole arrangement. You ate your dinner separated, you had no chance to ask him if you should have dinner together since you are gonna sleep in the same bed. But you did crossed paths at the entrance to your room. An awkward moment in which you both waited for the other to open the door. Kanda almost growled like the wild animal he is.

“Are you gonna open the door already or what? Tch.” He finally opened the door.

Because you were feeling many things at the same damn time (fucking two bad bitches at the same damn timeeee. No? Nobody knows the song? Okay sheesh), you rushed in and you bumped your shoulders. Kanda jumped his whole entire body like an alert dog, all he needed to do was bark in surprise and he could be officially labelled as that. He turned his face to the wall and pretended like nothing had happened. You just sighed in return. You knew it’s gonna be a long night. For both of you.

Your so amazing, peaceful, demure and totally not an asshole of a roommate quickly went to bed. Fate said: one bed trope guys, come on, the author has no creativity. He covered himself with the extra blanket and turned his back on you, again. He was ready to sleep with his uniform on btw. When I’m in a petty bitch competition and Kanda is my opponent type shit.

For the first time you were able to see the situation clearly… at least for a few seconds. You noticed the way his super-extra-overthetop-avoidant behaviour is not caused by some type of hate he had towards you and what you did last time. He kept on avoiding you because he had no better solution. And here you have something in common. Both of you are unaware that if you don't open up and proceed to explore your needs, things will become even more frustrating. This what the helly misunderstanding will get even worse. So you have decided to take the matters into your own hands.

Maybe your subconscious was onto something. Before leaving for the mission you brought a short, pink satin nightgown with you. Not transparent cuz we still are saints bitches. So you started your not so innocent plan. You changed into your outrageous nightgown in the bathroom and sprayed yourself with your best perfume. You even applied some cream before so your skin would get extra soft and the perfume will last longer. You walked out of the bathroom with all your confidence and leaned against the wall sensually.

“Ah-hum.”

He didn’t turn around.

“Looks like it’s just the two of us.” You tried to sound a bit smooth, but your voice cracked pathetically for a bit at the end of your ‘killer-line’ sentence that will get you some dick.

“Okay… . Do you think I’m gonna run cold if I wear this—“

“Let me sleep already.” He did not move one bit.

Mission failed sis.

In your last seconds of courage, you got into bed dressed like that. You also turned your back on him with a ‘hmph’.

Back to the present.

⊹₊˚‧︵‿₊୨ᰔ୧₊‿︵‧˚₊⊹

Even after you managed to review all the embarrassing moments you’ve been through, you still struggle in finding a solution. You fear rejection. Not anyone’s rejection. His. You already know what to do, it’s not hard, men are not hard to please or convince. But this time you feel so fearful of trying. You don’t have the courage to open your mouth and be smug with him like you did in Barcelona. You share the same bed, there are plenty of ways to start a conversation and maybe rille him up. But he’s Kanda. And he’s strange. You’ve always knew he is. Things don’t come so easy when it’s him. But you don’t mind. Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe if you do end up doing it, your attachment will grow and things will only get worse from there. You just have to get used to it. To him being colder to you than he used to. It’s not like you were bffs before anyway. Your main friends are Lavi, Allen and Lena. He was supposed to be just some background noise. So why he’s never been background noise to you? What’s so special about him, anyway? He is rude, snappy, antisocial, flashes his arrogance and katana at anyone. Stupid man. Stupid samurai. He is not prince charming. More like an executioner. And pretty girls like you should never go for an executioner. Even a playboy is a better option than that. Because when the executioner decides he does not want to entertain you anymore, it’s too painful. A playboy at least tries to contact you from time to time even if it’s not with the best intentions and you feel like you are running in circles with him. Still better than the abandonment an executioner gives you.

The only problem is… you don’t feel lonely while sharing the bed. If he decided you are out for good, you would feel some sort of unbearable loneliness right now. But you don’t. You wish you did. That would have served as some sort of reassurance and a sign that you should stop thinking about it. You know his avoidance is just a facade and you gulp. Your thighs are pressed together even tighter. He is not ignoring you. You hate the way you just know that. On the contrary, he is quite perceptive of you right in this very moment —despite acting like he isn’t. Having those silent missions together made you a bit receptive with him. You started learning when he is unbothered, when he is not, when he is mad or when he is at peace or confused or, or… . That’s why all those encounters have been nagging you for so long. You felt that something changed in him even when he acted completely normal. That agitated you and still agitates you. That also led to handling those incidents so poorly, emotionally speaking. It was a new pattern he never had before. You don’t know what to do.

Even now you try to deny it. It feels impossible. Unbelievable. Your old self would laugh at you if she ever heard about Kanda desiring — in his own twisted way — you. Anyone would laugh. It’s like he is a machine in a way. A machine programmed to be an exorcist and that brings you great pain to your heart. You wish you never had this fucked up silence or presence Kanda-translator. The best thing you can do to yourself, a favour even, is to fall asleep. To let this moment pass. But you are too frustrated. So so frustrated. Laying in bed with a sexy night grown for him and doing nothing. You should go change but you don’t want to. You don’t want to sleep either. You don’t want to move on anymore. Frustration makes the individual impulsive and you are the best example on that.

You turn around. Not subtly, you know his ass is not sleeping. Your hair is spilled over your pillow. His hair is free (from that stupid my little pony tail) and spilled all over his own pillow with those beautiful dark locks of his. If somebody would take a picture from above the bed, it would turn out beautifully. Your hands are on top of each other and you stare and wait. Wait for him to speak in order to prove he feels KANDA (get it?) the same. The worst thing that can happen is that Kanda is actually sleeping and he successfully ignored you for the night. That would serve as proof that your Bakanda-radar is wrong and you are just delusional. But delulu is the solulu for now.

“What?” you held back your smile. The corners of your lips are a tiny bit lifted up. So he is awake after all.

“Can’t sleep.” you answered.

“Tch. So? Don’t make it my problem.” he mumbled.

“That’s funny. Because we both know it’s our problem.”

He turns half of his head in your direction, glares and turns it back.

“You are annoying. If you can’t sleep just get out of the room.”

“Don’t want to.”

“If you don’t shut up you will sleep on the floor.”

“Asshole.” you frown. “Even if I sleep on the floor it won’t make things better for us.”

“Tch.”

“And you still avoid addressing the big elephant in the room.”

“Tch.” you can hear how he presses his teeth together harder this time.

“See?”

“There’s nothing to address. Let me sleep.”

“Even if I did. Can you? I stayed one hour in the bathroom, you had plenty of time to fall asleep.”

“You were loud.” he counters.

“That’s a bluff.”

“This is pointless.”

“Doing what we’ve been doing is pointless!” you lift your torso up and straighten your back, looking at him from above. “We’ve been tormented for… weeks! Months even! I personally can’t do this anymore-“

“Well, I can.” Kanda interrupted you. You were about to get mad but you realised something. It’s time to use his own words to your advantage.

“Aha! So you do admit!” you smile like a fool. Cuz you are a fool for him.

“What are you even talking about?”

“Don’t play the clueless card with me, you half-admitted into being… .”

“Into being what?” You sense that he is smirking now. He assumes you don’t have the courage to say it because he lacks the courage not only to express himself about it but also to be himself. He thinks you didn’t notice. How he isolates his self from life experiences out of some sort of fear or a negative emotion that you don’t know about because he will never tell you (for now). But you noticed. And he is wrong, you can be brave for your sake.

“Sexually frust—“ you are interrupted again by his hand this time. You blink twice, trying to register how the hell he is so fast. And this is like the third time he covers your mouth omg.

“Don’t say it.” He extra-frowns to make you shut up and you frown back at him. The moment you open your mouth a bit to bite it, he retreats it as quickly, knowing what you were about to do. You stare at each other, a bit awkwardly, after that. I mean you are finally face to face. Inches apart from each other. In bed. And there is also the dramatic effect that comes from the moon being the only source of light in the room. The moon is on your team for sure, setting the ambience and shii.

“Can we talk like normal adults, now?” You break the silence.

“No.”

“God! Do me a favour, okay? Just let me finish what I have to say-“

“No— hphhhh!” you pinched his nose quite hard and he imagined stabbing daggers into you for that.

“Shut it and listen to me.” The will you possess is stronger than his. He surely exasperates you with his stubbornness tho. It’s like talking to a rock. He’s being a rock on purpose. “I’m attracted to you. And it’s kind of embarrassing but I admit to it and fully own it that I’ve been attracted to you from day one. But it was all about you being a stupid crush that will never happen… until… .”you gulped. “Until… you know… the embarrassing events that took place and builded up and I don’t wanna say that I’m desperate— okay, maybe I am— but I was doing alright until the closet incident. That mission made me feel soooo so so frustrated with you. I’m not saying that we should, I don’t know, fuck? I just want to talk about it so I can feel less… like shit I guess. I don’t like feeling all over the place. So I just ask you nicely to open this conversation with me. It doesn’t have to be a long one. Just tell me if you regret it and you wish it never happened so I can forget about it and we can go back to our old dynamic. I’m not going to be upset. Just say it to my face instead of ignoring me because you kept on giving me mixed signals. It will help a lot if you… just say it, even if I’m afraid. It feels humiliating.”

“I’m not saying it.” You glare at him. You don’t look so intimidating but you are mad as fuck. He’s unbelievable. “Tch. Let me finish too, don’t look at me like that.” He adds as he looks down, exhales with a big ass frown and looks at you in the eyes again. “I’m not saying it because it would be a lie.”

“What?”

“Are you stupid?”

“Yes. So elaborate.” You smile innocently and tilt your head. He is giving you that look that perhaps he ONLY regrets listening to you.

“Regretting… .” Kanda is mumbling.

“Regretting what?” You place your hand behind your ear and lean a bit towards him. A small mock here and there won’t hurt.

“The closet incident.” He stopped acting snappy with you. He suddenly got dead serious. “And not being attracted to you.” Your heart starts beating loudly again and your smile disappears from your face.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“Because it’s a bad idea. We are exorcists. We can’t afford doing this. That’s a life reserved for others.” That gave you a nasty taste.

“I know. I know very well actually. But is it so wrong if we indulge a little bit?” you ask looking down.

“It is bad. It’s gonna be a problem.” He responds looking at the window.

“We can make it without it being a problem tho.” He turns his head back in your direction and you lift your eyes from the mattress. You are not a virgin, you’ve done if a few times, read books, had a fair share of dirty talk but you feel so shy tonight.

“How?” He is eager to hear it. You can tell he hopes you do have a damn good solution and that pushes you forward in continuing.

“We could just come to some sort of agreement that… it’s gonna happen once. A one night stand where we get rid of all those frustrations. We don’t want to be lovers, be in a relationship or even a situationship because you are right. We can’t afford it. So we just do it once because that’s what we both want. Doing it once, out of curiosity. And the desire will just stop. We will be back to normal.“ it’s not the first time you made that agreement. It had happened a few times that you found a nice looking man during a mission in another country and the one night stands were okay and you felt okay about it. You never missed any of them.

“How are you so sure it’s gonna work?” Kanda questions your resolve.

“I did it before. Not many times but enough. If it helps, we could say no to kissing.”

“Why to kissing?”

“Because when you have sex and kiss the person is more intimate than just sex.” You chuckle. “So… are you inexperienced?” It’s a stupid question and you already know the answer but you have to make sure. Kanda doesn’t answer for a solid minute, kinda pissed off about that.

“Yes.” He answered between his teeth.

“And are you sure you want me to be your first? Because if you don’t—“

“I don’t plan on having anything romantic with anyone. Ever. So I don’t mind. We keep the kissing rule, I trust your experience on that. So let’s just do it.” He raises his shoulder and tenses them up. Despite his hormonal teenager act, you can’t miss out on what a handsome man he is. You wonder how the hell he never had a woman in bed before? He is so fine. I mean— you know why but you get the point.

“Okay. Let’s just do it.” You nod. “Touch me.” He raises his eyebrows up in surprise and he has that confused look on his face. It’s hilarious and you wanna laugh but you don’t want to make him change his mind for making fun of him. It’s so tempting though.

“You can’t just stick it in. You gotta prepare me… and yourself. First, you need to look at me. Look at how I’m dressed, how I smell, my face, my body. Connect to your desire in undressing me and when you do, you start touching. You touch what you want to touch, you look at what you want to look. And I will do the same to you. The key is to let go of … inhibitions. Accept the fact that we can lose ourselves for tonight. Unlike you, I believe we can afford at least a night.” You give him a small smile of encouragement even thought you feel just as nervous. But you want to let go of your embarrassment. You felt embarrassed for too long.

So… Kanda makes the first step. He gets closer to you and tries to concentrate in order to follow your advice. The awkwardness still present. Instead of looking at you from the point of attraction he just has this dreadful stare on his face. You don’t comment about it. You know that’s his normal face but it gives you too many emotions. Like what? Is he trying to scare you or sum? When he is done with staring at your face like you are his number one enemy, he lowers his gaze. He looks at your nightgown, at your chest, how good your breast look in that, at your thighs, your skin texture, your rhythm in breathing, how the moon shines on your body, all of it. After glaring analysing enough details, he dares to touch.

His hand makes contact with your shoulder first. You watch it how it moves. He is awfully delicate. The way it travels from your neck to the other side. Feeling it with the back of his palm first and then with his digits. As you move your attention from his hand to his face again, you noticed that he likes how your skin feels. His frown is not that deep. He has a softer look. The more he touches, the more his eyebrows and eyes relax. His hand lands on your chest. You breathe faster but that does not affect him. Kanda doesn’t grope your breast, he has the same manner he had with your shoulder. Just touching the area on top and around it lightly. Until it reaches bellow your plumpness (doesn’t matter if it’s small or big, all boobs are amazing). The moment his hand is bellow it, he parts his lips slightly. He blinks and the moment he opens his eyes, they are on you, not on your chest. You feel a shiver. What am I saying? More shivers. God. His eyebrows are still frowned but so little and his eyes shine. Kanda looks at you so— you have a hard time describing it. It’s a look you never expected from him. It’s precious. So precious that you feel like you could cry. Why is he doing this to you? Making your thoughts swirl and your legs soft. Goosebumps make themselves even more present and you feel drunk with adoration just by simply looking at that specific facial expression he has. Trying to sort of print it inside your memory. Savouring it for the simple fact that precious and wonderful things are often fleeting. Maybe it’s good that he acts so mean and bad all the time because as he is now… it’s so utterly evil. He could be stealing many hearts. Not just yours.

He tries to mask his nervousness. Feeling rather uneasy but he can’t back up now. Finally, both of his hands are on your breasts. He starts experimenting so he slowly squeezes them. It’s stupid. It’s stupid how he acts now compared to how he acted in that closet. It’s stupid how you are no better yourself. You let out a soft sight and you slightly arch your back on an instinct. He likes how he gets reactions from you, even if they are small. So he decides to experiment more, your responsiveness is his backbone. He grabs them more eagerly and you bite your cheek from the inside. You can’t help but observe the view of his hands on you. His always so quick in attacking-with-mugen-hands groping you so sensually and it’s pure torture for your brain. Kanda lowers one of his hands until it reaches your abdomen. By the way it stopped, you can guess he appreciated your sexy woman outfit enough. He wants it off you. So he lets go of your other breast to your disappointment but compensates but lifting the material up. You are more than pleased to help him. You get on your knees on the mattress and raise your hands. Since it’s made of good material, it was an easy job to take it off.

As the material is off, you become more self-conscious of the situation you are in. Your entire body is heated and it never happened to you before to be so affected by a few modest touches. The way Kanda looks at you from below adds to the sensation of ardor that controlled you with all your limbs attached to its strings. He is just as drunk in zeal as you are, it’s easily detectable. His chin is between your breasts and he looks at you with readiness. His left hand journeys from the side of your thigh, to the side of your waist and it manages to reach your breast. The long motion made you tremble and it made Kanda smile… just a lil bit. The moment he squeezed your breast again — this time with much more pressure — his lips made contact to your skin. Reserved and maybe quite shy kisses first, not knowing exactly how to use the same mouth that talks shit lmao.

“Keep the lips relaxed.” You make him go back to his usual frown. “You have to use them and… uhm… move them like they are numb. When you apply pressure, you do it occasionally to give a nice sens—ahh!” He appreciated the advice but Kanda really wanted to shut you up so he automatically kissed your right nipple. And it was not a small peck. He’s a fast learner, he is adaptable, he opened his lips and closed them around it, applying pressure right at the end when he dragged your nipple more towards him. As if to make you more crazy he doesn’t let go of it, moving his head now in your direction and he is squishing your entire breast against your body in a long kiss. He lets go of your nipple and opens his mouth again just to leave a loud sight. The entire moment felt so passionate you just whined in helplessness. So helpless for him. Can’t help but to adore Yu.

Of course, not to allow you to forget who he is, he pinches the left nipple quite hard, enjoying the way your body jolted and you whined louder than the first time. Just when you were about to call him out he starts making out with your nipple. That also made you shut up again. Not using the tongue at first, just his lips and that dragging game. Slowly learning himself how to use the tongue too, he is not that good with it but for a beginner he does a wonderful job. You obviously enjoy it. Even if he was embarrassingly bad at it you would, because you like him so much and you’ve been wanting this for so so so long. So you stop him. You can’t take it anymore. It’s unfair, you want to look, undress and touch too. Your hands grab his shoulders and you push him off from your chest. Not so gently because you feel like you could explode at any moment at this rate.

“Tch. You should have told me you don’t like it.” He gets all grumpy on you.

“It’s not that. I wanna explore you too. It’s not my first experience, true, but it’s my first time with Yu.” you sneak that name in the sentence and he doesn’t catch on that, thankfully. “Can I?”

“Just get on with it. No need to ask me.” You are sooo about to make him swallow that grumpiness.

First is sight examination. No touching. Just observing what he has. His shoulders are board, the uniform (without the jacket) sits nicely on him. It’s not a tight one so you can’t observe his shapes that well because of it. It’s not buttoned all the way up so you do stare at the small portion of his skin between the white material. Mdf’s skin shines like those Twilight motherfuckers… almost. Just like him, you pick his top half to focus on. You squeeze his biceps and you almost hummed. He works out so it’s natural but it feels so new and shocking and you end up thinking how good it would feel to have his bicep around your neck as he takes you from beh— anyway. You start unbuttoning his shirt all the way down and you stop him with a slap on his hand when he tries to take it off himself.

“Tch.”

He is tching now, but later… . Ohohoh. Sorry. Your hands are kept flat on the corners of his shirt and you slowly take it off. First reaching the shoulder and then his elbows. Enjoying the thrill and admiring each new portion exposed up close. His pecs are great, you were onto something when you grabbed them in that closet. His abs look fantastic in the light created by the moon. Sounds like a bum as clicheic slop what I just said but he moggs all of us lowkey. It’s not the first time you see his abs. You had the opportunity to see him shirtless in missions after getting hurt but it’s different now. Because this time his body is exposed for your enjoyment. It feels like you unlocked some sort of premium experience meant for one. The whole moment felt like a curtain opening slowly and revealing what he offers to you for one single night. It keeps getting harder and harder to be satiated with one night but that’s a problem for later.

Your touch is similar to his. Patient, curious and slow. You pay attention to his pecs, you like the surprisingly soft skin texture. Teasing the nipple by grabbing it between your two fingers just after your hand traveled so good-behaved. You earn a growl and Kanda removes your hand. He surely liked it but despite not knowing much, he won’t allow you to have that much control over him. You would fight against his resistance to be in charge but you have a better target in mind than his nipple. Unaffected by his earlier action your other hand starts feeling the abs and lowers more. You start unbuttoning his pants but he moves from you.

“What are you doing?” he tries, once again, to not let you have your way. Kanda hates being vulnerable.

“Relax.” you roll your eyes. “Trust me, it’s necessary. You will see once we start the real deal.” Kanda is not so convinced but he finally lets you do whatever you started despite not liking the idea of having you lead. He has a reputation to maintain, you know?

The action of taking his pants and boxers off all blurred (lazy ass author aka me). Kanda is on his back, his elbows on the mattress to support him while you lay on your stomach between his legs. You can almost droll or laugh at the sight of his hard dick. Droll because it’s long, decent girth (nothing exaggerated) and one nice vein on the side. His skin is a bit darker and you can faintly see some small bumps from shaving. Very subtle. You note to ask him later how he shaves it so clean. God, you are embarrassed to show your intimate era now, you have more bumps than him omg. He also got some great balls, you fought the instinct to say: ayy nice balls bro. And laugh because the tip is a bit reddish and overall his dick looks as angry as he is. But laughing at it would be a grave mistake. You are not about to ruin your chances for tonight. You want that angry dick inside. You dreamt for this. You went through an entire humiliation ritual + an internal torment to get here. Something that you would never do for any other man but the chase is expected in Kanda’s case.

“Can you stop staring?” He is bothered by your intense gaze. Nobody can blame you for it, you have all the reasons to stare.

“Hm? Oh, I’m sorry. I just wanted to telepathically say hi to him.” You prop on one elbow and he massages his temples in pure agony.

“Stop playing and do something already.”

“Do what?”

“You already know what!💢”

“Oh? I know! You mean this.” You blow cold hair on his tip and both he and his dick twitch.

“You are unbelievable. Why did I agree to this?”

“If you don’t tell me exactly what you want me to do I will keep having errors.” A great opportunity to teach him how to communicate in bed and also… to tease. As a result, Kanda inhales and exhales.

“Touch it.”

“Touch what?” You made him mad as hell, his jaw muscles are all tensed up but he relaxes them. He knows he has no choice, you have the upper hand.

“Touch it, please.” It sounded so unnatural you have to pinch yourself to check if you are not dreaming— or punch yourself. He couldn’t look at your face as he said that.

“Good boy.” Before Kanda could open that bitch mouth of his you already grabbed his dick. He made a funny sound but you are too preoccupied with the view and the feeling of finally having him at the mercy of your hands. Maybe the key to happiness is to jerk off mean men til they shut up. You slowly but surely move your hand up and down. The skin is a bit dry but soon you will change that. From moving slow, you start moving with much more purpose not only in speed but also in the intensity of the grip. Not harsh enough to make it hurt but to bring greater sensations to his body and to also watch him break character cuz you do be piece of shit sometimes too. You finally saw it. The pre-cum forming. The way his tip started to look like this fucker applied some moisturiser on it (never let me write smut again cuz what the hell — said as I corrected the spelling mistakes). You take the chance and you swallow his tip with your mouth. It’s filthy how much you enjoy the taste of his pre-cum. At this point Kanda breaths louder and he also twitches down there harder, right on the tongue that it’s flat against it.

Lips pressed hard, the tip of your tongue moving slowly up and down, hands on his pretty thighs to keep them apart, yeah, you’re cooking. He doesn’t have a particular smell or a taste. His pre-cum is a bit salty but it’s not that accentuating. You start wondering if the men you slept with before just had bad hygiene or Kanda is just built like this. Because you enjoy having his tip in your mouth so much, you start taking more. You want to slowly boil him from the inside just like he did to you minutes ago, so you don’t rush with how much you take and how fast you do it. But you really forgot this man has thin patience and next thing you feel is his hand in your hair locks and your head pressed until your chin meets his balls. You choke on it obviously, your gag reflexes are alerted and you close your eyes arching your eyebrows up. Even if his cock is not so girthy, it’s longer than the average and you are once again helpless. Helplessly chocking on his dick (somebody put a tape over my mouth cuz I be writing shit). Kanda just keeps you there and you would normally protest but witnessing him blushing and his lower lip trembling convinced you to remain like this. It takes him to do one normal reaction and you just do whatever this baddie wants. So you start to bop your head. Not crazy style cuz we try to make it realistic here duh, but at a normal peace. It takes effort but his sounds are pretty and that’s a fair payment. Half-moans, almost whines that never manage to be complete, it’s all worth it. You are massaging one of his balls as you try to move faster despite the difficulty in doing so. It’s too bad Kanda has his eyes closed, you are very beautiful with your vision fixed on him while your mouth is stuffed with all of him.

That’s when it hit you. At first it was the obvious, almost violent twitch inside your mouth. The second sign was the way he grabbed your hair harder. And the last one was his hips being lifted. Ah, yes, it’s his first time receiving head — in fact, any type of pleasure — so obviously he finishes faster than anticipated. You squeeze your eyes shut and wait for him to finish inside cuz atp what are you even supposed to do? It’s a lot, most men who don’t do it in a long while tend to cum a lot. That’s why when one cums in small amounts, it COULD be a sign he cheats (here to give you advice as a girly who was cheated 10 times gang. Remember it’s not valid in all cases and take it as a sign, not as a fact😘). Back to business now, you swallowed a part of it by luck despite being taken by surprise and the rest? Yeah, you choked on it and it bursted out landing on his v-line, your nose and the mattress. Embarrassing… .

Kanda lets go of your hair as he pants from the aftermath. Meanwhile you use the back of your hand to clean your nose and your cheek. He is still blushing and he looks at you kinda weird.

“What?” you ask a bit pissed off because he bomboklat your mouth out of nowhere.

“Nothing.” he mumbled like some type of old man.

“Something is wrong. What’s wrong?” you insist.

“I said NOTHING.” but Kanda insists better.

“Are you embarrassed for cumming so fast?” by the way he widen his eyes for a second you know you guessed it right.

“…”.

“Oh my God.”

“Don’t even start.”

“You-“.

“Don’t say it.”

“You are having an embarrassing moment!” you are hyped, indeed hyped. But you don’t dare to enjoy it throughout, you don’t want to make him insecure. “Hey, it’s normal. Almost all virgins do that. So don’t feel too bad about it.”

“I’m not.” Denial is a river in Egypt.

“Right.” you notice how his dick is still hard despite cumming so… generously 🤗. So you do what every person would do… and you start overstimulating him with your hand. His entire body jolts and his abdomen rigidifies while his thighs become stiff.

“What… ar… ghh.” What a beautiful melody.

“Wanna make you cum like that again. This time I want to watch, seems like fun.”

In a matter of seconds, your back hits the mattress with your hands up in the air while you have a very goofy reaction because you don’t know when the hell this happened. One second ago you were overstimulating the shit out of this constipated samurai, now you lay on your back with a very angry and blushy Kanda in your face.

“That’s enough.” He’s so demanding now.

“Aww, but why?” You fake a pout and bat your lashes at him.

“You won’t miss it. I’m gonna make sure you are occupied with something else entirely.” From angry he got cocky like a switch. By the way his looking at you with that smirk and revenge written all over his face, you know you fucked up. It’s like you taunted a caged wild animal and now it’s free. I would say good luck but we are in this together sis.

“Since when you know how to talk dirty like that?” you ask the million dollar question.

“I stumbled upon a book of yours not so long ago. You were pretty slick for using a gardening book to cover how dirty you are.” You go pink in the cheeks instantly. You remember what book he’s talking about. You’ve read it one week before the Florence incident. You left it on your seat in the train to go to the bathroom. You used a pencil to not lose the page you were at. Kanda was right next to you. But you thought he would never… . That explains why the pencil was rolled on the ground when you finished. Oh my God, that adds to your embarrassing moments, doesn’t it? “Gardening is my hobby, you should have picked something else to cover it.”

“That’s actually a nice little fact about yo-nghhh.” His hand was already between your legs. Kanda’s thumb brushed experimentally over your panties, right in the middle. First side to side, then up and down. When it brushes over your clit, you buckle your hips with a whine. Noticing your reaction, he notes that there’s where you like to be touched so his thumb presses harder on that exact spot earning another whine from you. What a tease. On top of that, now he abuses that spot by moving his thumb up and down only on your clit. When it’s down, the touch is light, when it’s up it’s done with pressure. He’s also encouraged by the wet spot that formed, confirming to him once again that that’s where you like it.

“Can you stop… teasing… .” You whine, AGAIN.

“Stop what?” he didn’t forget how YOU teased him earlier and you bite your tongue knowing exactly that he’s getting back at you.

“Can you stop teasing… ,please.”

“Please, what?” he smiles so triumphantly.

“PRETTY please.” Kanda has mercy on you and stops his teasings to remove your panties. Your legs are on his shoulder, he lays on his stomach, you grip the mattress because Kanda has a lot of dexterity and he doesn’t lack in fingering department in the slightest. His middle finger is inside, knuckle deep. Don’t you worry, he is enjoying it too. Everytime he moves it inside and out, he feels like grinding his sensitive erection on nothing. Not only are you loud because of the moans that escape your lips, but your pussy is pretty loud too (you don’t know how it felt to write that last line. The piano of cringe dropped right on my head). Yu made a good decision to not try to eat you out tonight, he really counted on his skilled fingers to blow your mind and it’s working perfectly. As the middle finger is inside, the tip of it moves slowly in many directions. Sometimes it does the classy up and down or repeat in and out and so and so. Sometimes it does small circles that are a bit faster while his thumb from the other hand keeps on pressing on your clit.

You are too drown in pleasure to notice how he is breathing with his mouth, how blushy he is again, how lustful his vision got, how hypnotised he is by just looking at his finger disappearing and the way wetness forms and escapes your warm place. Kanda was never interested in those type of activities until YOU changed that. Each moment you considered embarrassing made him thought about doing it for the first time. He was very upset about his mind entertaining such ideas. He could’ve done it once with somebody else but Kanda, in a way without fully admitting to his very own self, really wanted it to be you. He sorts of understands the hype now. Sort of. Like I said, in his own way. He removes the finger and you lift your head to complain.

You feel his tongue. A timid lick at first, then he smashes his lips between your labias in a long kiss. All you can do is moan and move around as he begins this sloppy and clumsy make out with your clitoris.

“Wait—!” You wanted to grab his hair but he stopped you by grabbing your wrist first. He removes his face and gives you a glare like you committed the greatest sin in attempting to touch his hair.

“Tch.” that’s all he says before he uses his middle finger and ring finger to enter again. Instead of giving you those slow and intense movements, this time he works fast. Rapid in and out motions and you can guess how THAT sounded when his knuckles slapped your labias with each pump. You can’t shut up. You want to be a bit more subtle with your moans, considering that this is the Victorian era and the walls are thin, but you are unable to lower your volume. His fingers are long and naturally talented so he does find that perfect spongey spot (on accident) to stimulate while pumping without mercy. Your smooth muscles clench and unclench around them, you are so close to your orgasm, your stomach starts doing flip flops. The ceiling becomes blurry, you lose your surrounding awareness completely, almost there! Almost… .

Kanda stops. His fingers are out. You come back to reality and you feel revolted. You are one ruined orgasm away and you might choke yourself for good. You use your elbows to support your body and you’re scowling.

“Why the hell did you stop—- oh.” There was Kanda, covering his eyes with his hand, sitting on his big ass as his dick quivers, almost spasming. Was he… was he about to cum from fingering you? He is huffing and he has a hard time responding to you. You just chuckle, no longer irritated with him. You feel delighted about it, knowing you pulled this reaction out of him. “So pretty.” you compliment him and he tells you to shut it. He tries to get back to work but you stop him. Kanda looks at you with a dumb look, still shaken from the fact that he almost embarrassingly came from nothing.

“Let’s just do it. Now. I want the real deal.” Although you would love to see him cum in such a manner, you are no better yourself. Your pussy basically screams at you to get that dick already. Giving him grace from an eventual embarrassing moment.

So you lay nicely for him. One leg is around his torso and you look at each other awkwardly again. You wanted missionary since his face card is lethal. Kanda lowers himself, his long beautiful hair descending on your shoulders, he grabs his shaft and tries his best to position it at your entrance.

“Wait, Kanda! That’s my other hole! NOO!”

*ahem* He tries his best to position his tip at your entrance, managing to tease you even more with that specific friction. Both of you gasped as he enters almost fully inside. There is a myth about women enjoying sex if they are very tight and clenched inside. That is not entirely true. Being too tight, means you are not doing something right and the vagina wants you out. So when it’s “loose” (a derogatory word aimed towards women cuz men are shit) it means that your sexual partner did a good job and you are ready not only for penetration but also for feeling the pleasure during it (I’m sick of smuts using the men’s point of view on how sex works, had to say it). It’s true that it’s not generally available for all women but the whole “oh you so tight cuz you love this dick” is a fantasy that men created to romanticise virginity or the feeling of tightness despite being a possible sign of anxiety, pain or insufficient arousal. I’m shaking my head as I write this btw.

Your tissues are relaxed and very welcoming to Kanda. You are also very lubricated and that gives pleasure to both of you. His left hand is on the mattress while the right one is on your waist. He moves with precaution at first, rolling his hips slowly but so pleasurably. Feeling him inside, brushing against your inner walls and it feels better than you imagined. You expected some sort of pain considering his size but it simply just feels good. There are no other words to describe it, just so good.

“You can be less gentle, I’m okay.” You didn’t fail in noticing how he looks at your face so insistently, you can immediately tell what’s on his mind. He still struggles with communication but you don’t mind, you understand. He nods and switches to a faster peace, you gasp at the same time again. As you lubricate more, he gets even bolder.

Kanda looks so vulnerable. So do you, but that’s nothing out of ordinary like in his case. It makes sense, that’s an effect that comes sometimes with intimacy. Looking vulnerable is intimate. But you wish he wouldn’t because it breaks your heart. Jut one night. One night and you will never get to see him like this again. It really makes you bleed from the unfairness of it. You can’t control your feelings of wanting more in the future. So your eyes tear up a bit. You are also overwhelmed by the need to kiss him. His parted lips taunt you, your wave of emotions taunt you. You were the one who suggested the no kissing rule but you can’t stop yourself from staring at them with tearful eyes. And that makes him glare at you right away. It’s not his usual glare, you could recognise it if that was the case. You make him exasperated with that face of yours. Why are you looking at him like that? Why you gotta be so pretty when you are about to cry and you indirectly beg him to kiss you? He wants to kiss you too. He really does. But he can’t let that happen. It feels like he makes love to you rather than having sex. So he changes that. Afraid of a possible attachment forming. Especially on his part. So he clenches his jaw tight and grunts in annoyance about the whole situation.

In a flash, you are flipped on your knees and hands like in those cartoons (you know when you spin a few times in the air and stuff. I should get an interdiction to write smut). And you blink in surprise with the sound effect too. Well, Kanda is a man of action, isn’t he? Hahaha.

You shiver in anticipation as you feel his hands grabbing your waist not so softly now. He uses that grip to bury himself inside, fully. He is officially balls deep inside and you officially lost some brain cells because in doggy the sensations are stronger. Kanda manhandles you closer to him as he snaps his hips into you at the same time. Watching how you take him so well and having the nicest view — of your ass and back. And maybe… just maybe… your mewls are not so annoying. MAYBE. PERHAPS.

While he continues to move at a decent pace, his hands target your ass to part your cheeks. He’s much more confident now that you can’t see his countenance. Therefore, you arch your back just as he keeps your ass cheeks apart and uses them to quicken his pace. His digits hurt your skin in that squeeze but it combines so nicely with the way he is ramming inside. Kanda Yu is an ass man after all. The tip is occasionally hitting the cervix but not enough times to make it hurt, it does so on the exact right timing.

From slow love making, it escalated in bunnies fucking real quick. You are both close to your release. Your moans and begs are ear-splitting, even if Kanda did made any sounds you can’t hear it because of yourself. It’s so so close and it feels so right. The right moment to cum. The right— .

Somebody knocks on the door.

Worst timing possible. Why can’t you have one orgasm? One good orgasm. For once. You almost left a piercing and a bit of pornographic cry but Kanda — who is still inside— is sane enough to stop you by covering your mouth. Are you seriously that loud that he needs to do that so often? The answer is yes.

“Hello? Lavi? Bookman-sensei? Are you there? The door is locked.” IT’S KRORY. Their room is two floors above. How did he end up here??

Your soul left your body, literally. Your deadass started crying from fear. He surely heard your screams of some sort of orgasm-calling prayer. Is Krory that silly he couldn’t tell? You hope he is that stupid. God, you really do.

“Hello?”

You telepathically try to communicate to him to leave. Tears run down your cheeks. You watch the door completely terrified.

“You are on the wrong floor! Leave already!” Kanda yelled at the door in his style. “Tch.” How could he forget his tch?

“Oh. Wasab—Kanda-san! I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry to you too Y/n-san!” Krory replies. You can tell he feels bad about it and he quickly leaves. Kanda let’s go of your mouth and your face is all red and puffy from crying.

“Are you stupid? What if he realizes that we were up to something?” you criticise.

But Kanda just tchs again and takes a good look at you. He doesn’t know why he likes seeing you with such an ugly puffy face, but it does something to his dick. So he pushes your head on the pillow and lifts your ass up.

“He won’t. He’s dumb.” He has a point. He probably heard you and he still knocked on the door and called for his roommates to open it. But you just feel anxious. What if the wheels on his brain start moving and— oh he snapped his hips hard inside again. Who cares anymore? Right now you are back at melting on his dick. You droll on your own pillow. Kanda is using your waist to fuck you, with a painful grip too. The sounds of skin slapping are loud, his balls hitting your red ass cheeks repeatedly. You forget yourself again and the outside world, so does Kanda. After all, this is your one unique night as one. It’s all yours. Only yours.

And, finally, you reach the thing you wanted since the beginning of this fic. The climax. It came fast since you basically got orgasms denial after orgasm denial for so long. So you come. You shove your face into the pillow and letting whatever demonic sounds that are coming out of your mouth to be swallowed by it. Your toes curl and your body shakes non-stop. Kanda tried his best, despite his lack of experience, to hold his own orgasm back for your sake. But seeing you come like that… broke the so little control he had in him. So he pulled his dick out and came the very next second, without needing any other stimulation. All of his release now land on your ass and back while you are panting, your side of the face mashed into your pillow. His chest is heaving, his head is tilted back and his entire body spasms. He is sweaty, not on your level, but still sweaty. The coldness of the room finally hits. So does the tiredness.

There wasn’t much of an affectionate moment after that. Attachment is avoided obviously. He just helped you clean yourself, gave you water and you both fell asleep. Y’all really needed to fuck to go to sleep damn, freaks! Your body was too exhausted and satisfied, so thankfully your habit of overthinking was deactivated for the night. In the morning you just enjoyed the view of him sleeping. He looks so magical when he doesn’t bitch around at anything that moves😇. You got what you wanted. And that should have brought you a sense of peace. Content. Satisfied. But you aren’t. That’s a horrific realisation. You want more.

At the same time, you still don’t feel lonely. Even if he is sleeping or pretends to (because you are still naked and that might as well make him indulge again), you don’t get the sensation of emptiness that is so often present after a one night stand. The problem is clearly not solved. He probably has his own hard time too with this arrangement you made. But at the same time, despite feeling that it might be a mutual struggle, he is gonna do a good job at maintaining a healthy distance. Sometimes it’s like Kanda pushes everything around him on purpose. Like the concept of love not being annoying but scary. Some sort of phobia to bond with another and the mere idea shaking his core. He always hides from living his life among others and he tries to mask it as disgust or lack of interest but you can’t help but believe there is a bigger reason behind his willing solitude. Something that brings you worry and pain. But you push those thoughts aside to just enjoy the blissful aftermath. You deserve it.

Things went back to normal. Kanda is not avoiding you, he acts like he used to before all those incidents. You are an accepted passive presence again, sitting next to you at the table while Lavi keeps on yapping about the festival and how he saw such a cute chick and he is sure he charmed her (he didn’t). You are glad that this menace of a samurai doesn’t treat you like the plague anymore. For now it’s alright. You can worry about your feelings after the mission. That’s when you have to figure out how to manage the need of more Kanda. And maybe it’s not going be that tormenting. He can he surprising too.

The perfect outro plays for the end of this chapter. Alone at the table. Meanwhile, the others went outside and you have decided to enjoy your last cup of coffee. How mysterious of you girlboss. You are like this cunty protagonist at the hotel’s dinning place. The sun’s light is creating the perfect image, you look reborn. Your skin is shinning and you have a good hair day which is the greatest thing in the world… a good hair day that is.

“Hey, just wanted to tell you that I’m rooting for you Y/n-san.” Krory interrupts your perfect protagonist outro and you look at him confused as of why he came back and ruined your end of chapter moment. “Yours and Kanda-san’s secret is safe with me.” He says it with a you-can-do-it and I’m-not-judging-you-good-for-you-and-good-luck smile and gives you two thumbs up, then he leaves. So the wheels inside his brain did rotate over night. Your mouth is left ajar. Just like in those animations where your jaw detaches in pure shock and you spilled all the coffee from the cup on your lap.

“Hahaha! Mommy look! That woman is crazy!” The amusement coming from someone’s fucking kid brought you back to reality and you jump from your seat and look down at your clothes. Your entire outfit is ruined and everyone is looking at you.

That

is so

EMBARRASSING!!!

End of chapter 1.

I will never, EVER, write such a long fic in my entire life. This took so long holy shit.

<𝟑 .ᐟ Tags: @buniitear hiiiii<3

𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃 June 2026.

[keulixeutin]

Acquiescence

a/n: this is super old, now revamped.  i was just thinking about it and thought i’d clean it up and send it back out into the world.  i would absolutely not count on me to write any dgm right now; that requires an entire reread since it’s been a while lmaoo.

summary: kanda can’t sleep, so he opts for the back-up plan he swore he’d never use. kanda x gn!reader 

cw: light fluff if you squint lol, some skin touching skin. nightmares, comfort. gn!reader, gender neutral pronouns used.

wc: 955.

Kanda shoots up out of the bed.  Sweat clings to the back of his neck and edges of his forehead.  He sweeps his hair off to one side of his shoulder to try and dry his skin, and then he pulls his knee close and rests his head against it, catching his breath.  His heart is loud—embarrassingly so, considering it was just a nightmare.  His reality as an exorcist is worse than whatever his brain can conjure up in sleep.

Or maybe, his brain didn’t conjure up false images.  Perhaps, it was a memory.  It certainly felt…familiar.  Or maybe it’s just a reoccurring dream.  He doesn’t know.

Kanda sighs, groaning internally.  H knows from past experience that he’s either staying up all night, tossing and turning, or jerking away every time he falls too deep asleep.

A thought strikes him then—a voice.  Your voice.  

Plan B.

—No, fuck that.  He’s not doing that.  His pride is strong and it’s late in the night.  Plan B is simply out of the question, he tells himself.

He lays back down.  He’ll just have to tough it out, he thinks.

However, just as he expected, he spends the next thirty minutes shifting and twisting his body in various positions.  His body sinks into the sheets in exhaustion, but sleep feels so far out of reach.  He has just come back from a three-week long mission; the fatigue has been building, and this is supposed to be his first night where he gets more than four hours of sleep, and yet here he is, eye-bags burning in the dark.

When another minute ticks by without any sign of sleep, he rolls over to face the wall and growls irritably.

 Plan B, he hears you say again.

He doesn’t even know why it’s called Plan B.  It should be Plan Z, because the next step should be banging his head against the walls until unconsciousness. 

With a soft snarl at himself and the universe, Kanda swings his legs over the bed.  He grabs a thin shirt form the chair and slips it over his head.  The cool air hits him quickly when he opens the door and steps out.  The hallway is lit with candles and torches; large and ominous shadows dance along the stone beside him as he steps toward your room.  

When he hears a noise, he pauses, tense, but it’s just the machinery and loud groans from the Science Department.  Nothing else but the flickering flames moves in the halls, just the way he likes it—the last thing Kanda wants to do is explain why it is he’s outside his room in slippers and sleeping clothes.

He picks up speed, taking a left, then a right, and another left.  The memory is strong, even though he’s only been there once.

Soon, before he could talk himself out of it, he’s in front of your door, hand hovering over the wood in hesitation.  He tries the handle—it’s unlocked.  He doesn’t bothering knocking.

You aren’t awake, but the sound of your door opening, however soft it is, pulls you from your sleep.  You shift through sleepy sands, back to reality, and push up on your elbows.  Lit gently by the glow of faint flames, Kanda stands in your entrance, hair undone around him, sweat beads along his temple, and eyes glued to the wall right behind you.

“Plan B?” you ask, yawning.

He grunts.

You pull back the blanket and pat the spot beside you.  “Come on,” you say.

He should go back, he thinks.  He shouldn’t be here.  Over a nightmare?  A stupid dream?  A—

“Hurry up,” you say, interrupting his thoughts.

He swallows his pride and then closes the door behind him.  The first step is hard, but the second is easier.  Before he knows it, he’s at your beside and sipping in beside you.  Your body heat immediately greets him; he pulls his shirt off and throws it on your floor to balance the new warmth.  You turn your back to him and face the wall, eyes closing quickly.

He’s suddenly doubting his decision, feeling uncomfortable and unsure and embarrassed.  Plan B is stupid.  A terrible, awful, idiotic idea.  How is this going to help him get any sleep?  How are you going to keep the nightmares—the memories—away?

Suddenly, you reach behind yourself and grab his wrist.  You pull him closer and lay his arm around you, placing his hand on the peek of your skin below the hem of your shirt.

Kanda’s stiff, but he hears you say, “Relax.  Never know until you try.”

“Shut up,” he mutters.  He doesn’t need you to tell him that, he thinks irritably, but the annoyance is just hiding the frustration and fluster.

“Relax,” you whisper.  He thinks you’ve fallen asleep immediately after, and all he wants to do know is follow you in those peaceful shadows.

Kanda closes his eyes and forces his body to unwind and soften.  He tilts his head toward your smooth neck, breathing in your scent of soap and tea.  The hand at your stomach slips an inch under your shirt, pressing against your beauty marks and battle scars.  He hears you sigh serenely.  You reach back and tug on his hair gently; his dark locks spill around the two of you.

He sighs into your skin and finally—finally—falls asleep.

And he dreams.

He dreams of you; he’s sure of it, but he can’t quite remember.

In the morning, though, when you roll over and grin groggily at him, his hair twirled around your fingers like a question and his hand on your waist like the answer, he thinks maybe it was something like this.

[ihaveblackwings]

How would the main 3 greet/welcome back their s/o after they just got back from a very long mission?

Allen

He asks everyone in the Order how much longer until you arrive and he asks this every 5 minutes after hearing your headed home. He’s on his feet as soon as you walk through the door. Allen will give you the biggest smile as he closes the distance between the two of you. He’ll pull you close and just kiss all over your face. Physically can’t keep his hands off of you for the next 24 hours, some part of him has to be touching you.

Kanda

He’s waiting for you at the door. You give him a wave as you depart from your teammates, calling out your goodbyes over your shoulder. As soon as you’re in front of him, Kanda will wrap you in a hug, burying his face in your neck. He doesn’t say much besides a muffled “I missed you” but he doesn’t leave your side for the rest of the day.

Lavi

He’s very dramatic when you come back from being away for so long. Lavi will yell your name as soon as he sees you. Not even a full second later, he’s running at you and scooping you up into his arms. You giggle a little saying that you missed him too and if he could put you down now. Lavi will oblige but once your feet hit the ground, he’s stealing a big kiss.

[pinkisthenewangst]

°`🍨: D.Gray-Man x GN! Reader

°`🍨: You realize that Kanda never loved you

After three years in the Black Order, you should feel at home. After all, they were like a family, but something didn’t feel right for a long time now. If you look around, you’ll notice how glances lingered on you but they weren‘t glances you would give a family member.

At the moment, you were sitting at a table in the cafeteria to enjoy your breakfast, but today you couldn’t get a bite down. There was a knot in your throat and your stomach turned. You bite your lower lip while you brought your tray back to Jerry. You’re apologetic. As you leave the cafeteria, you notice those looks that burned themself in your back. You weren’t as strong as Kanda, Lavi, Allen or Lenalee, but you’re trying your best. No one really saw how hard you work to become stronger to protect the people of the Black Order and, of course, the innocent people threatened by the Earl.

You shaked your head and lifted your head. You still had to talk to Komui about the next mission. With both hands, you hit both cheeks before making your way to Komui’s office. This mission is not meant to be a long one, nor a difficult one, which is why you should do it on your own. Although you would like to have the company of another exorcist, you will survive the time on your own. After all, there is also a finder with you, which is why you hope that he will have conversations with you.

As you walk to the office, you grab the bracelet around your right wrist. You got this one from Kanda. Although he handed it over with a serious face, you could remember exactly how red his cheeks were. That memory brought a smile to your face. You looked out the window and stopped. Right now, Kanda was on a mission with the others, which is why you won’t see him again until after your mission. It was exhausting not seeing him for a long time, but you knew what you were getting into when you confessed your love to him. No one knows how you managed to get him to return your love, but you don’t want to question it. You’re happy with the current situation.

You stood in front of the office door and raised your hand to knock but what you could hear made you tilt your head in confusion. “Are you pretty sure we should do this?”, you heard Reever’s voice. Slowly, you took a step closer to the door and lied your on ear on the door to be able to follow the conversation better. You could hear a loud sigh and someone getting up from their chair. You assumed it was Komui. He then started talking: “It’s a tough decision, but it would really be best to let her go.” “But at the moment we need every person that can fight against the Earl”, Reever replied. Once again, all you hear is a loud sigh. “I know that’s why the decision is so hard but Y/N would only hurt us more.”

Your breath stopped. You could hear your heart ringing loudly in your ears as you stared shocked at the door. You knew you weren’t the strongest person in the Black Order, but you didn’t know what a burden you were after all. Your hand was shaking, but now there was no turning back. Inside, you hope you heard the wrong name, but the same words kept ringing in your head. You took deep breaths to calm down. Slowly, you knocked on the door and walked in. Inside, you put on a smile while holding your other hand behind your back with one hand. They shouldn’t know you’ve been overhearing them.

After the conversation, you were almost running through the hallways. Your heart started beating faster again. It rang in your ears, but also the world turned before your eyes. Your eyes started to sting and in your room you had to take deep breaths. You leaned against the wooden door and slowly slided down. It all seemed like a terrible nightmare, but you knew how real this moment was. Desperately, you put your head on your knees. How much you longed for Kanda’s closeness. Alone in the quiet, too many thoughts are rushing through your head. But slowly it dawned on you. Those cold glances came because of your weakness. They must have been wondering all the time how Komui still allowed such a weak exorcist to roam the Black Order. Your thoughts went to Kanda. What if he felt the same way ? Was that really love he feels for you or is it pity ? You looked up when you heard someone knocking on the door. You breathed sharply the air in, hoping no one would hear you, even if you could swear that everyone nearby could hear your loud heartbeat.

What you heard now not only broke your heart but destroyed your world even more. "She doesn't seem to be there, luckily," you recognised Lavi's voice. At first you wondered why he was there again but you couldn't help biting your lower lip as you repeated his sentence again in your head. You could now hear Kanda's voice: "I hate to agree with you but that's the way it is". You could clearly hear relief in his voice. "I'm tired of pretending to feel something for this person because of the Black Order," every word he spoke stung your heart like he was throwing knives at it. You could hear the footsteps moving away and you threw your body onto your bed. You pressed your face into the pillow until it was soaked with your tears.

The next day you were back at the same table as the day before. This time you held only a glass of water in your hands. You stared silently at the wall while your eyes felt heavy. The whole night you couldn't sleep because you had to process what you had heard the day before. You were clearly not wanted in this family. With a heavy heart you got up, took all your luggage and left the building early in the morning without saying goodbye. All you did was looking at the building one last time before heading to the station. Without knowing it, Kanda and the others were standing outside your room. They had asked where you were last night. When Komui said that you hadn't left the Black Order yet, they searched the whole building for you. Hoping to find you now, they opened your door after knocking, but your room was pitch black. "Oh man, the room looks abandoned, someone should turn on the lights!" said Lenalee as she looked over the shoulders of the boys. Allen turned on the light and all four of them stopped moving on the spot. The room was really empty.

You looked out of the window on the train. Hot tears fell on your lap. You took one last deep breath before the train derailed and took you your life. That same day, Komui arrived with Kanda, Lenalee, Allen and Lavi at the town where the bodies of the victims of the derailment were brought. With permission, they looked at each body to make sure you were not one of them. Relieved, the young men exhaled when they couldn't find you, but beside them Lenalee collapsed. She was on her knees sobbing loudly and shaking her head. At that moment, two men came into the room with another stretcher. There was an arm hanging out, wearing exactly the same bracelet you and Kanda have.

°`🍨: My first D.Gray-man story ! I hope you liked it :D !

°`🍨: REQUESTS ARE OPEN !

[kandaxxx]

I’m so glad I found this blog! Can I request for kanda says I love you for this first time to his s.o??

Thank you!!! And your love of fluffy Kanda is keeping me alive!!!

I hope you enjoy!!

The day had been long. Too long.

Kanda had been sent out onto a mission with both Lavi and Allen as his partners. That should have been the only red flag he needed to know that this would have been a bad mission. 

They all were. He had never particularly enjoyed going on missions. They were no more than part of his job. While his prideーwhether it was pride or arrogance was something that could be heavily debatedーin the skill he had to kill akuma was undeniably present, he didn’t actually enjoy doing so. It brought him no pleasure.

It had started out badly enough. The stupid moyashi had actually managed not to be too annoying on the train ride as he fell asleep pretty early on. The problem was the idiot rabbit. No matter how many times Kanda told him to fuck off or just flat out ignored him, the redhead just continued to prattle on about this, that, and the next thing. 

And then he fell asleep. Not so much because he was tired, but because it was the only way he could successfully leave the one-sided conversation.

Or so he had thought.

He had awoken shortly after he had fallen asleep when he felt his hair being tugged on. When eyes the color of a summer sky opened, they found that Lavi had almost completed the act of braiding his ponytail.

Allen had woken up to the sounds of yelling and fighting and tried desperately to pull Kanda off of Lavi which only resulted in them fighting as well.

The mission itself had been a difficult one. The swordsman counted his lucky stars that it had been short. 

Allen had seen the akuma coming, but they still hadn’t been able to really prepare for what was coming. It was the largest hoard of akuma any of them had ever seen. And they had been accompanied by Road, who apparently was only there because she had missed Allen and wanted to pay him a visit.

Kanda had even managed to take a really good hit to the shoulder that had hacked his left arm clean off, meaning that he couldn’t use his double illusion swords like he had wanted to.

They had managed to kill all of the akuma and Road had left before they could go after her.

His wound had already healed. That meant that, much to the horror of Allen and Lavi who had gone green watching him, he had to reopen the wound at his shoulder with Mugen, place his arm back where it was supposed to be, and wrap it up so that it would heal in one piece this time. Except he hadn’t been able to wrap it properly with one hand so Lavi had been forced into helping which made the whole situation a thousand times worse for Kanda.

By the time they made it back to the Order, he was exhausted in every conceivable way. He grumbled to Allen and Lavi to let Komui know that he’d be in with his report the following morning before he parted ways with them, not bothering to wait for a response or even look back.

Then the head nurse found him. He had no idea which of the two idiots had ratted him out for being injured, so he made a mental note to murder both of them, just to be safe.

He spent an hour sitting on a cot while the woman undid all of his gauze, applied an antibiotic that fucking stings, you old bat! Before she went about the task of rewrapping everything up, nice and neat like a little gift. He snorted to himself at the thought, like temporary amputation was a gift.

Fuck, he just really wanted to sleep and forget about that whole day. He rubbed his palms over his face in exasperation.

As he began walking through the winding corridors of headquarters, he was stopped by the sound of crashing and screaming.

He turned to see another one of Komui’s asinine robots holding Allen while saying something about turning him into food, while Reever was yanking on the moyashi’s jacket in some fruitless attempt to rescue him. He had already begun walking away, completely intending to ignore it, until he heard the sound of Lenalee’s screaming. God fucking dammit!

So he had wasted more time having to destroy the demon robot while fending off a hysterical Komui.

Quiet. Sleep. Being alone. There was nothing more he needed. He was so close.

When he opened the door to his room, he was greeted by the sight of a lump under his blanket. Fuck, he hadn’t considered that they’d be here.

He had tolerated and maybe, just maybe, enjoyed the other’s presence previously, but right now, he just wanted to be alone. Was that really too much to ask for?

They were sitting up now, rubbing their fists into their eyes. “You’re back.” They said with a smile that was quick to falter at the scowl on Kanda’s face. “Do you want me to leave?” Their voice was small, but he knew from experience that if he were to say yes, they would leave. They’d pout about it, but ultimately, they had been pretty good thus far when it came to respecting his space when he needed it.

“Do whatever you want.” He mumbled before shrugging out of his dirtied uniform and threw it haphazardly into the corner of his room. 

The room was silent and filled with a pregnant tension as he went about changing into his sleeping clothing. He should shower, he realized. He was filthy. 

In the morning. Right now, he just needed to fucking sleep.

He pulled his hair from its tail and quickly combed his fingers through it, too irritated to bother with combing it properly. Again, in the morning, he thought to himself.

When he climbed into the bed, he was quick to roll onto his side and away from his partner. They moved to snuggle up to him from behind, their chest pushing into the tensed muscles of his back. They began to run gentle fingers through his hair. 

His partner didn’t say a word. They normally liked to talk so Kanda thought this strange, but was not going to complain right this second. Not even a, “Hey, how was the mission?” Complete silence. It hit Kanda then that they were being quiet and doing no more than soothingly running fingers over his head and through the tangled tresses of his dark hair for him. Fingers ghosted his scalp in their ministrations and he was quick to find his eyelids growing heavily.

“I love you.” He blurted out, his voice quiet and thick with sleepiness, his eyes already having fluttered shut. He was falling quickly into the void of sleep and wasn’t sure whether or not he had said the words out loud or if he had simply thought of them.

Behind him, his partner was grinning ear to ear.

“I love you too.” He heard before he felt lips pressing gingerly into his temple before he slipped completely unconscious.

[white-shadow25]

Pleease Main 4 + link domestic headcanons

OMG!! This took me so long!! Seriously, this request came to me last year ಥ‿ಥ

I'm so sorry!! o(╥﹏╥)o

I can only hope that the wait was worth it, even a little. Aaaaah~ Really, I hope you enjoy this nonny~

Lenalee Lee

»She is the first to wake up. Being an early riser was something that she developed along with her habit of bringing coffee to the scientific division.

»She is the one who prepares breakfast.

»Lenalee is a good cook. Her strength is desserts, definitely.

»This good girl is going to bed ridiculously early. Advice from the wise, do not wake her up.

»She sings in the shower and has a really pretty voice. But don't mention it to her. She only does it because she thinks she can't be heard.

»Lenalee is quite clean and tidy. And you better keep things like that. I have a slight suspicion that she doesn't like it messy.

»She is quite versatile at bedtime. Whether she's the big spoon or the small spoon depends on her mood.

»There are days when she doesn't feel like doing anything and to kill time, she takes bubbles bath.

Allen

»He has a light sleep and an early morning appetite. He usually wakes up at strange times to eat.

»He knows how to cook, and actually, he can do it very well!! On more than one occasion he was able to surprise his s/o with a homemade dinner. Therefore, if his s/o doesn't enjoy cooking, he will do it without problems.

»He bathes every day in the morning.

»He may be a little messy with his things. Just a little bit.

»For this reason, he orders often but he's simply unable to keep his space clean.

»On cold/rainy days, he will make chocolate and try to convince his s/o to read something for him while they cuddle in bed. Or they can also play cards.

»When it's hot, he throws himself on the floor wearing only his underwear and fills the fridge with ice cream.

»At bedtime, he's the small spoon, but he probably will be the big spoon when he woke up.

Lavi

»Like Lenalee, he's the first in wake up. I think that because of his bookman job he wakes up at unreasonable hours. Like About 4 a.m. or something close to that.

»He's far from being the best cook. He can do easy things though. But, in your place, I wouldn't leave him alone in the kitchen.

»Make up for the fact that he doesn't know how to cook by doing the rest of the chores. Although he often complains.

»His space is a M E S S. Seriously. There are books everywhere and cups of coffee/tea that have been there only God knows how long.

»He bathes once every two days. Except but summer when he takes showers every day.

»Every time he takes a bath he will be in the bathroom for about two hours.

»He definitely would read to his s/o before sleeping if they ask him to.

»He's big spoon material, but he has no preference! Lavi would adjust to his s/o wishes.

Kanda Yuu

»He wakes up every day at the same time without the need for the alarm. Seriously, the moment the clock strikes at 8 o'clock he opens his eyes.

»He can easily make simple recipes but unfortunately he doesn't have what it takes to cook elaborate dishes.

»Prepare tea for him and his s/o before bedtime.

»He showers every day before going to sleep and takes no more than 20 minutes.

»He's tidy and can keep his area neat for weeks.

»No one knows this, but he has a lot of flowering plants and bushes. For your sake, don't touch them unless he asks you to.

»He will never admit it, but he likes when his s/o read/sing for him.

»He's not a big fan of sleeping hugged, but if his s/o wants to rest in his chest, he wouldn't object.

Howard Link

»I will not say that he wakes up at 4 a.m. but definitely the type of guy that woke up before 6 a.m. He is cautious to not wake his s/o when he gets out of bed.

»He will take breakfast to his s/o whenever he has the opportunity and will try to save space to be able to eat with them.

»I don't think it's necessary to say this, but he's a great cook. He cooks, and his s/o cleans. The perfect couple.

»He's also very clean and tidy. I want to believe that he has an allergy, to dust or something, so he's forced to keep his space constantly clean. Please, don't be messy. He may get in a bad mood.

»Take quick showers in the morning and long baths before dinner (He doesn't necessarily do both the same day, although he would like to).

»He likes to read and bake, so there is a lot of that on his days off.

»Probably on especially cold days, snuggle up with his s/o to read. However, his s/o has to insist.

»This man is workaholic. If it wasn't for his s/o reminding him that he has to sleep, he would keep awake working.

»He likes to sleep with his head on his s/o's chest to listen to their heartbeat. It helps him sleep.

[celestiaink]

Headcanon with Allen, Kanda and Lavi with their S/O on Mission.

Allen:

☆ is very worried at first but as soon as you sit in the train he looks forward to your time together

☆ In the hotel, he suggests sleeping together in a room.

☆ but as innocent as our little cinnamon is, he means sleeping  in the same room but not in the same bed. Now imagine our poor Allen if he just  stand in front of a queen-size bed.

☆ of course you tease him and say he would have planned it from the start. And he denies this with a red head and tries to explain with stammering and waving arms that he has no intention in this direction.

☆ In a fight with Akumas, he tries to leave you out as best he can and and  to kill them alone. but if that is not possible and you get into a fight then he worries and tries to be with you as soon as possible

☆ back in the black order his worry and tension subsides and he only wants to lie in bed with you and rest.

Kanda:

▪ Kanda is not a big fan of mixing private and work, so you have to be able to take care of yourself. It would be annoying for him if you would only rely on him

▪ Kanda needs to know that you are fine if he is not around, so he is looking for someone on a similar level as him in a partner.

▪ On the train he is silent as always, but he likes it when you talk to him. Your voice calms him down and he always learns something new about you

▪ In the hotel he booked separate rooms but didn't find it bad if there was only one left. but if there is only one bed, he shows himself unaffected but is more than nervous on the  inside.

▪ Even if he separates private and work, he appreciates the undisturbed time with you. As long as you are not in a fight or inquiries, he has nothing against togetherness.

▪ back in the black order he expects professionalism and a distance. In the room you can keep him company and rest there with him on what he insists to make sure that you also recover your strength.

Lavi:

♡ Lavi sees it much like Allen. He doesn't like letting you fight alone and always tries to strengthen your back. Lavi needs someone who knows his limits and does not plunge into daring battles.

♡ It is important to him that you can pull back and leave the rest to him when you reach your limits. You have to trust him and he has to be able to trust you.

♡ It is never quiet with him on your train journeys. there is a lot of laughing and joking. Sometimes when you don't feel like talking you can read in pleasant silence.

♡ in the hotel, lavi immediately requests a room with only one bed. this daredevil doesn't even try to hide his intention instead he grins mischievously at you and makes sure that everyone knows that you are together.

♡ Sometimes or always lavi forgets that you are only in the hotel because of your mission then you have to stop him at his approaches. Then he pouts a little but then sets out to finish the mission.

♡ At headquarters, he follows you to the room and just lies down with you. While you want to sleep, he has other plans

" let's continue where we stopped in the hotel"

[bsd-hq-writer]

Could I please request headcanons of the main four from D.Gray-Man? Thank you!

Allen:

You become one of his main pillars for support

He takes just as long as someone like Kanda to open up about his heart, but when he does, it’s just a flood

He’s scared that he’s always overloading you with his feelings and regrets saying so much sometimes

When he’s a little down, he’ll always hold you in his lap with his chin resting on your head

When he had a bit more freedom with the Ark, he would always bring you inside to relax and play the piano for you

His protectiveness on the field is 1000000% boosted and he worries that one day, you’ll slip out of his fingers like everyone else

Lavi:

He’s not afraid to invite you to spar with him and let loose

Always completely confidant in your skills and believes in your abilities probably more than you do yourself (he’s so proud of his s/o always)

Not too big on getting you gifts or anything, but thinks that giving you an action to show his love is extremely important (he’ll hug you as a greeting, maybe even kiss you, random touches to your arms or hands to remind you that he’s there)

Doesn’t take too long for him to open up half of his heart (the other is a little more private and comes a little later)

Values the position you take in his life: a partner, a lover, a friend, a supporter, a comrade in arms, etc. 

90% of the time, he’s in a good mood with you, but there are off times that you catch him on

Secretly always grateful when you catch him during his off times because your presence is a great way to heal for him

Kanda:

Takes a little while for him to be open about feelings and such

Does everything with actions, so lots of silent hugs and leaning onto you to sort of convey the feelings to you

Eventually starts to come to your room more and more often

At some point he just moves in, like all his stuff is already arranged and the Black Order records now say his residency is your room

He’s not embarrassed at all with sharing a bed with you but when Lavi comments on the bed sharing, Kanda was a little reluctant to share the bed again (he was worried that you wouldn’t like it)

Enjoys meditating with you and as much as your presence sometimes drives him out of focus, being able to carry your sleeping body back to your shared room is a plus

Tyki:

Hates attending the noble balls with a passion but he gets the chance to see you dressed up so he just goes and deals with it

Would eventually tell you the truth about himself, but that’s only when he thinks you’d be ready to hear it (careful planning and waiting)

Wonders if he should marry you and settle down more and more often as time goes on

Would introduce you to as many members of the Noah Clan that he can (especially Sheril and Road)

As much as he’s a sadistic and mean guy as a Noah, he’s extremely good to you

But sometimes those tendencies come out (not at you specifically, just sometimes you notice him not being himself)

He’s a little worried that one you’ll be endangered because of him, but it helps thinking that if that happens, he’ll be the one to protect you

- Admin Katsudon