✞ I’m an avid batman lover and spongebob connoisseur
✞ I write smut and fluff for any woman!!!!
FUN FACTS (by Chair):
꩜ I’m a pretty cool guy and a little autistic sometimes.
꩜ Loves Fortnite
꩜ I’m actually Batman
Hiii!! I am chair. I’m also 18.
꩜ I’m a chronic hozier listener
꩜ I love bg3 and sally face!!
꩜ I’m straight and I loveeeee older men
꩜ I will write smut about Hozier, Rory Culkin, and BG3 men
FUN FACTS (by Ken)
✞ I really love Chicken Alfredo
✞ Im really funny and a little hyper when I don’t take my meds
✞ Everyone thinks Im gay (idk why)
We held hands out the womb (literally.) Ken won the friendship custody battle after we both dropped the most bihless hoebag ever. She was evil and manipulated us both, but I saved Chair from her like the Batman I am. We became very close after this. But… she killed my dad Anyways, I don’t know what she (Chair) is talking about, but here is a list of the things we’ve done in the last year alone:
✞ We got our teacher to say 2 slurs and then I gave her the pass
꩜ We made up so much lore that the German girl was scared.
✞ We have been called slurs on several occasions.
꩜ We wrote smut about 2 fictional men we made up (William ward and billiam bard
✞ We got sent to a guidance counselor office for walking down a HALLWAY.
꩜ We asked our teachers if they were twinks.
✞ A girl picked up my (chair) phone and my wallpaper was naked astarion, so when she asked whose phone it was, I lunged and yelled.
꩜ We fornicated at prom
✞ We got gay allegations from every group of the school. Preppy, hillbillies, it did NOT matter. We were the school’s lesbians even if there were actual lesbian couples.
꩜ Ken did the karma dance while I recorded and the same girl who picked up my phone came around the lockers and yelled at us.
✞ When we did prom crew, she chased me (KEN) outside when we were throwing stuff away and said “c’mere little girl”
꩜ The gym teacher was dressed as the grinch on Christmas, we were walking down the hallway and witnessed her snagging an ornament and I (chair) said “STOPPPP DONT DO THATTT!” Then just walked away.
✞ We had a paper full of people’s names with their designated code names. So it was like “blank = slenderina” and WE LOST IT. we almost peed our pants. I was walking through the school parking lot one rainy morning and I saw a paper, so I pick it up, and it was OUR PAPER. It had dirt, rips, and tire marks all over. It is now preserved in Chair’s bag.
A/N: Guys, it's Chair. We wrote this as a warm-up/ JOKE. HEAVY ON THE JOKE PART IT"S NOT SERIOUS AND WE BOTH GAGGED MULTIPLE TIMES WRITING IT.
Light Yagami flexes his knuckles, popping them, at his desk. His legs stretching outwards to get rid of the soreness from writing in his notebook all day. He’d spent hours killing these horrible billionaires.
There was a rather tedious knock on the front door. Light looked out his window, trying to get a view of the door. That’s when he saw… a man… his… enemy. L.
Light leans over. His cheek pressed against the window, his brown eyes trying to see. He opened his window just enough to peak his head out. Then he gulped. Why the frick was L here?
L was oblivious to the fact that Detective Yagami was NOT at home. There was only Light there. So when the buff muscle man opened the front door, L was foaming at the mouth. L just kinda stood there for a second before asking, “Where is your papa, Light yag a mi?”
Light sighed. He didn’t know why L was here, but he was already on guard. He felt anxious because his father had been telling him about the investigation. “Wait, I’ll be right back.” Light says before going to his room, hiding his Death Note somewhere, and jotting back to the front door. “Sorry, sorry.” Light excused himself.
L raised a non-existent eyebrow, giving Light a… look? “Where did you just go, twink?”
Light scoffed beneath his breath, “I was making sure everything was cleaned up, plus I was seeing if he made it back early and I didn’t hear him. I didn’t see him though, he must still be out on an investigation. Some more deaths occurred.” He answered solemnly, like he cared about the victims.
L just kinda stood there, still. He chewed his thumbnail, not saying anything, all he could think was that… that’s exactly what Kira would say. He knew Light was smart, he expected a lie from the boy.
Light looked at L suspiciously, before shrugging, “Do you want to come in?” He asked. He stepped out of the doorway to make room for L. The house is clean though.. so maybe there is some merit to his word.
It was raining cats and dog, L was soaked to the bone. He had been standing out there for a minute…. He supposed going inside wouldn’t hurt anything… So, he looked up at Light, nodding, “Sure, but I can’t stay long, I really need to speak with your papa.”
Light turned to start walking towards the kitchen. “My papa is not here. I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do for you?” He asked. “Maybe a drink of something?”
L followed closely behind him, he wanted something to drink alright, he wanted to taste Light Yag a mi. He wanted to taste every single part of Light. But, he nodded. “That would be nice.”
Light was a smart boy, but he didn’t pick up on L’s otherworldly wants. He poured a glass of orange juice, pushing it towards L before putting the jug back into the refrigerator. “There you go.” His tie was a little bit loose.
L’s wide eyes roamed over Light, stopping at his neck and then again at his tiny waist. “I did not mean that kind of drink.” His tongue darted out to wet his lips.
Light raised his thin eyebrow at L. He looked around, “Oh… Sorry. What kind of drink did you want then? We have milk and maybe some soda? That’s really all we got here.” Light said with slight annoyance. He just wanted to watch the news and write down more names of these wicked people destroying society and earth.
In L’s head, he was just testing Light, he wanted to see if the killings would continue if Light was… occupied, so he perched himself on the chair next to Light and glanced up at him. “I mean I want YOU.”
Light, by no means, wanted this freak in his house anymore. He awkwardly glanced at L then the door. “Me? Don’t you work with my dad? Plus.. you’re kind of old.”
L inched a bit closer to Light’s face, giving him the F me eyes. “Yes I work with your father, but he doesn’t have to know what happens when he’s not around. And I’m not that old, you’re of age anyways, no age gap is too big.”
Light didn’t know what he got himself into, but he was kind of tense. After sitting in his room mindlessly drawing out names, he’d been a little frustrated. Those eyes were making his scrawny muscles itch for any kind of sensation. “Right.” He tried to act like he didn’t want L.
L could tell that Light needed an outlet of sorts to release his frustration, and he was getting something out of it if there were no killings occurring while Light was… busy. So he decided to take advantage of the situation at hand. “Light, would you like to use me?”
Light let out a little noise at the thought. He wasn’t entirely against it. That mouth did look kind of useful for him. Without even asking, he dug his fingers into L’s messy black hair and dragged him down infront of him in a kneeling position. “You know what to do, right, L?” He sounded condescending.
L just kind of stared up at him, a blank expression on his face, “No, Light. I have no idea of what you want from me, I suppose you need to explain yourself further.” He knew exactly what Light wanted.
Light let his frustration get the best of him. He clenched his jaw tightly, before undoing his belt on his beige trousers. “Shut up and learn.” He said. He pulled his boxers down and… kapow. His dihh was out.
L still had the same blank expression, there was a dihh in his face, but he was still focused on Light’s face. “I am a fast learner, Ya know?”
Light groaned. “Then hurry up and just do it, instead of worrying about learning.” He didn’t care about L’s feelings. He grabbed the base of his dihh and guided the heavy, thick head towards L’s lips.
L was a tad bit worried that Light’s father would return, but he already had Light’s attention and he didnt wanna say anything to ruin his master plan. Instead, he wrapped his hand around Light’s dihh, pumping it a couple times.
Light looked at the door to make sure his father wasn’t returning soon. He knew they’d have long enough for him to get off, and that’s all he needed. He pushed his dihh in further. His tip pressing into the back of L’s throat. A groan spilled from his lips, “Yeah, yeah, take it.”
L was disgusted, but he just kept going. In his eyes, he was just saving lives. He bobbed his head, running his tongue along the vein on the underside of Light’s dihh.
Light let out a satisfied moan at the sight of L’s lips parting around his dihh. His fingers tightened then released enough to scratch his scalp, “Yeahh, you’re doing so good for me. Flatten that tongue, pretty boy.”
L visibly recoiled at that. Ryuk was behind Light, giggling. Then, the doorknob turned and in walked none other than Light’s parents and sister. L immediately got up, attempting to fix his disheveled hair.
Light pulled away from L quickly. He pulled his boxers up then closed his zipper with a tight tug. His belt firmly around his waist when he turned to wash his hands as if they’d not been doing anything. “Hi, mom an’ dad. I let your coworker in. Is that okay?” He asked his father.
L just glanced around the room, trying to read everyone’s expressions to see if they had actually been caught. The last thing L wanted was to be caught with Light’s dihh stuffed in his mouth.
Light was also anxious that his father would realize what they’d been doing. He was already on a tight rope from his previous behaviors with his father’s coworkers. Light liked to use some of them cause he was just soooo morally superior. Not really.
L looked over at Light’s father, his eyes finally settling on Detective Yagami’s face. “Yagami, I need to discuss something about the Kira case with you.”
