#katheryn ormsbee

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Top 5 Books of 2017

Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor

This book was just … beautiful. I had high expectations picking up this book and it surpassed them by miles. Lazalo and Sarai were kind and courageous characters, and among many anti heroes of YA fiction, it was lovely to see people wanting and trying to do the right thing, regardless the cost. The world building was so cool and different from the fantasy books I usually read. It felt remiss of Robin McKinley’s books, with lots of unanswered questions and powerful relationships and dry humor. I laughed and cried reading this book. Absolutely stunning. 

Tash Hearts Tolstoy by Katheryn Ormsbee

This is a very biased personal fave. Tash is so similar to me, and her asexuality was so real and so very much like my own. The plot was much more interesting than most realistic fiction books (in my opinion). It felt more realistic as there was so much going on and so many people involved I loved Tash and her friends and family were great as well. Heartfelt and exactly what I needed this year. This is why representation is important. 

Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee

I was not expecting to love this gift. At all. I thought it was going to end up over hyped and haphazard and random. Boy, I was wrong. From the first page, I fell in love. The balance between fluff and angst was just right and it was hysterical as well. I almost died laughing. And Percy and Monty have an adorable relationship and Felicity is my hero. So much adventure, so much fun. I was thrilled to read it and devoured it in a matter of hours. 

In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan

The other hysterically funny adventure book I read this year, all though I read the first version when it was published online a few years back now. It was even better than I remembered and I was in tears both from laughter and sadness many times throughout the book. I kept reading parts out loud my family because it was so funny. It’s partly a parody of magic school books and partly just plain good. 

The Invisible Library by Genevieve Cogman 

This book was magical and a dream come true!!! The world building was unexpected and spledid and I’m envious of Irene. She’s a spy for the Library. I was expecting something like the TV series and movies The Librarians, but they were super different and not comparable. It was complicated and gripping and Irene is delightfully levelheaded. Also faeries!! Dragons!!! It was a nerds dream come true and I am so excited to read The Lost Plot. 

Honorable mention: The Hate U Give- This book deserves all the hype it got and was so relevant. As I’ve said before, there is truly nothing I can say about these books that no one has said before. Please, please, please go read it if you haven’t already. 

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Tash Hearts Tolstoy apparently has really gr8 cute covers all over the world??

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Ace Book Review

AN: This is about to get personal and deep, so hang in there. 

So I decided the other day at 1 in the morning that I would buy Tash Hearts Tolstoy by Katheryn Ormsbee and boy, do I not regret it. I cried happy tears twice and teared up at the acknowledgments. Now, I have read books with ace protagonists before, but Tash . . . Tash hit home for me. 

I felt so comforted and validated reading this book. Tash felt like I did. She was going through the same worries and anxiety I was. This sounds fake, I’m probably just a prude, why don’t I want sex, how can I be human is humans are sexual beings and I am not sexual in the least? These all thoughts I’ve had and still struggle with every now and them. And seeing someone else going through what I have, what I am, was like a weight lifting off me. 

“Because how could I like boys - want one to ask me out, tell me he liked me, loved me even - and not want to have sex with them? What if everyone on these forums was just . . . confused, like me?”

And even though having ace friends and reading blog posts by ace people, this was comforting in a way I had yet to experience. And seeing my thoughts articulated so clearly was . . . relieving. I got Tash and Tash got me. And I loved having that experience. It was amazing. 

“I know what I want and what I don’t want. I’ve never wanted sex. Never. I’ve never understood why it has to be in every book and movie and television show ever made. . . I’m not scared, I just don’t want it.” 

I related to a character in a way I have never been able to before, on a very deep and emotional level. I needed this book way more than I thought I did. If you are ace, you deserve this book. If you aren’t ace, this describes asexuality in a real and easy way to understand. 

I know I should talk about the other aspects of the books, so I’ll go over that real quick. 

Tash is a great main character, very flawed but also very loving 

The relationships in this book were great. Some of the most realistic I’ve read in a while. 

There were a few too many characters in my opinion, but I did know who everyone was, so it wasn’t too bad. 

The plot was really interesting, I loved exploring Internet fame and how it effects people 

Also the portrayal of the Internet was really accurate, which was nice 

I loved the family dynamics with Tash and her family 

Just all around a good book, with solid plot and characters 

(the relationships in this book were just amazing tho!!! Amazing!!!! I love good platonic relationships) 

So go read this book, please!!! It needs all the support it can get. 

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About Tash Hearts Tolstoy, I'm in a weird place I've never been in before. While this isn't the first ace book I've read, it's the first one that captured my worries and insecurities about my asexuality so perfectly. So, of course, I love it, but I can't recommend it to my close friends and family. It's way too personal. I'm not ready to share the fears I have, even though it might help them understand me. I honestly can’t even tell some people I’ve read it. I’m not ready to share it.

Like, recommending it to people online is one thing because there’s less of a personal connection and also I’m spreading ace representation to other ace people and friends. 

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Tash Hearts Tolstoy review

Rating: ★★★★☆ (3.5/5)

Blurb: When Tash’s youtube show goes semi-viral, she finds herself thrust into the limelight of internet fame — gushing tweets, tumblr gifs, crushing pressure and all. Then her show is nominated for a Golden Tuba award. Suddenly Tash’s cyber-flirtation with her fellow nominee Thom has the potential to become something IRL—if she can figure out how to tell him that she’s asexual. Tash wants to enjoy her newfound fame, but will she lose her friends in her rise to the top?

Past Me saw the blurb for this months before it came out and decided to keep an eye on it. Past Me fangirled over the cover and plot potential incessantly while waiting for it to come out. Past Me then proceeded to forget about it the moment it was published. Thanks, Abi, you’re a great help.

Tash Hearts Tolstoy is a about a whole lot of things — the process of coming out as asexual, the pressure of internet fame, how friendships crumble apart when everyone has their own problems and no way to communicate. We’ll start with asexuality, since that was the hook for me.

First of all, the terminology of asexuality is a little weird in this book. Tash refers to other people as “sexual” and to herself as "romantic asexual". What she should be saying (I think) is that she’s "heteromantic asexual", and non-asexual people would be called "allosexual". The fact that she has a different vocabulary for describing the ace spectrum was jolting to me. (I hesitate to say it’s a flaw because maybe other ace people use this set of terms and I don’t feel comfortable dictating what’s right vs wrong for them. But it was weird to me.)

Second of all, I didn’t feel a very strong connection to Tash’s asexuality. It’s a personal thing and doesn’t mean you wouldn’t, it’s just why this review won’t be me gushing about how relatable Tash is. I'm just more excited about the representation she supplies for other asexual people than I am about how she represents me in particular.

But anyway, internet fame. A big part of the book is Tash, who is tightly wound and cares about people’s opinions, dealing with the criticisms that crawl out of the internet after her show goes viral. I think this part, showing how the bad things stick out of the good and burrow into her head, was very well done and relatable. Tash shows how easy it is to get into the wrong mindset wrt creating things on the internet. It also puts a lot of pressure on her friendships, which brings us to the next major part of the novel.

Tash has two good friends (who are siblings), Jack and Paul, and while their friendship is old and deep, throughout the novel there’s a lot of communicating badly and Tash having to grow as a person. I mostly really liked this, except in one place where I think the book could have made it more clear how Tash was wrong when she lashed out. There’s also a good deal of minor characters (the webshow has a cast of six other people, plus Tash’s family). I’m a sucker for sister stories so I love how important Tash’s family was, but having so many other minor characters was a bit of a pain to remember. I’m not sure how it could have been done better, since making them personality-less and forgettable would have been a different but not better problem, but it wasn’t handled great.

Finally, there’s the romance. I didn’t always like how the author took the direction of the romance, but she convinced me to get on board so that’s a plus. One important aspect of Tash and Thom’s relationship came very out of the blue though, and I think the author needed to do more set up before they met in person so that it didn’t seem like a huge, sudden shift.

Anyway, sorry this review is so long. I have a lot of complicated thoughts on this one, from loving Tash and her Tolstoy fangirling and the humor to feeling sort of underwhelmed by parts. Definitely a good book, but not the 5 star read I hoped for.

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I've heard a lot about Tash Hearts Tolstoy, but what's it actually about?

Tash Hearts Tolstoy is about a girl named Tash (short for Natasha) who loves Tolstoy and is the co creator, co writer, and director of the vlog adaptation of Anna Karenina. It’s not popular until one day, a popular vlogger recommends it. The show suddenly become (moderately) famous and dives into the world of Internet fame (not spoilers, it happens in the beginning and is in the synopsis of the book). 

The book focuses on Tash and her two best friends, Jack and Paul, who are also her neighbors and part of the Unhappy Families project. Another aspect (the part I’m sure you heard about) was how Tash was ace and her trying to figure out how to have a relationship as an ace person. There are some other story lines explored as well, within the families of the three character, but that’s the main jist. 

Hope that helps and here’s the Goodreads page for other opinions and the official summary. And I’m always up to talk about this book!!!! 

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Ace Portrayal in Tash Hearts Tolstoy

(ps thanks to Katheryn Ormsbee for writing this book, you have n idea how much I and the community needed this book) 

So I found to portrayal of Tash’s asexuality in this book to be very honest and accurate, although there were a few things I would like to point out, both good and bad. 

(oops, this got long) 

Things I liked: First, she found out about asexuality online after she had a relationship. This is where I found out about asexuality (after my friend told me about it) and I also did lots of research. From what I understand of the ace community, most of us found the community online. Not all of us did research, but many of us did (there are a lot of “how to know you are ace” posts and videos out there). Most of us didn’t instantly click with the label, just like Tash. Also, from what I understand, most of us come out online before we come out irl. 

Second, the awkward coming out scene. Compared to other sexualities, I would argue asexuality is the hardest because you have to explain it before/while/after you come out. (of course coming out is not generally an easy thing, esp when you first come out to the people closest to you.) (also, since I am ace, I am super biased)  And Tash didn’t really know how to explain what she was telling Jack and Paul, all she knew was that this was an important part of her life she wanted to share with them.

Third, her friends accept her because they love her but they also are a little wary. They stop telling dirty jokes and checking people out so blatantly. And they are hesitant to bring it up again.  And when Tash cries when she realizes how much Jack supports her is so overwhelming. 

Fourth (and spoilery section) the way Tash acts when she’s trying to convince Paul he wouldn’t want to date a girl who doesn’t want sex and the overwhelming fear she has is something I totally relate to. Although I like to think I would be more levelheaded about it. But she’s convinced an allosexual person could never give up sex for her and I . . . I really get that. I have that fear. Sometimes it consumes me. 

Fifth and most important, the doubt surrounding identifying as ace. Identifying as ace and living in a culture so obsessed with sex, there’s a lot of doubt. And thinking you are broken. And you are going to end up alone (this worry is more if you are a romantic ace). And Tash voiced that anxiety in such a concrete and understandable way I just want to give this book to every person who doesn’t understand why aces need to come out or need to belong in the queer community. I really just need everyone to read those few pages, because I have been shown how to understand being allosexual but nobody but aces get being ace. 

Things I didn’t like: 

One was calling allosexual people sexuals, not allo. She did use the word at one point, but she more commonly used sexual when referring to non ace people. And because of all the controversy around it, it bothered me. 

Two was no Internet ace friends. This book had such a huge cast of characters it would have been hard to fit one in, but I still thought one was needed. Not like a super close friend, but one she chats with. I would have preferred a friend like that over Thom tbh. Also there’s a lot of ace friendships that form online because they are the easiest to find. AND this book focuses on the online community, so I think that would have helped as well. (again, personal opinion, but I wanted to mention it)  

Third, Tash never really interacted with other people in the queer community and discussed being ace, and I would have liked of she had found those people and connected with them, especially if they had also been a fan of her show. And since the queer community has so much going on online I wish we had seen that overlap with her new found fans as well. 

Tagging those who were interested: @mlledevoltaire @thelibraryofmars

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I realize Tash Hearts Tolstoy is not a perfect book or even a perfect portrayal of asexuality but I will continue to wax poetics about it as well as critique it. I’m just not ready to insult the book that made me feel so at home.