#kcd liveblogging

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Look at this cutie, smiling like this. My precious blood-soaked creature. Ignore the mangled corpse behind him.

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I love how Hans and Henry have no idea what they are. They are both, just, throwing around titles, like, oh nice words, let's just say them.

I'm in the process of clearing the Kuttenberg map of side quests and getting prestige for my forge (I want that raven), and when talking to the innkeeper's son in Mikowitz about brawling, and Henry mentioned he once fought a nobleman. And when Henry then jokes his punishment was worse than the pillory, he says "I'm still acting as squire for that whelp" (it was a joke about Hans. Henry can say things like that but no one else can, as the guy in Trosky banquet said: "Watch your tongue, Hanko - you wouldn't want Henry to take offence and fly off the handle again!" when it comes to insulting Hans)

Point is, Henry calls himself Han's squire. And he isn't. Neither is he Hans's page, for that matter. Not officially.

As Henry very well knows:

Michael at Nebakov: And you're his what? Page? Servant? Henry: His escort. I give advice when he asks for it, but mostly I take care of his security.

He calls himself Hans’s "retainer" at Nebakov as well when threatening ("I'm the retainer of Lord Capon of Pirkstein, so do as I ask and start talking!"), which, he also isn't. Considering he doesn't even serve Hans officially.

Like, Hans isn't Henry's liege lord, technically, that's Radzig — Radzig is the one who took Henry into his service in KCD1, he is just lent to Hans as a bodyguard, but when Henry refers to his lord it's always Hans. And I feel a little insane about it. About how Henry doesn't correct Ulrich when he calls him Hans’s page in the Trosky banquet. Or when Hans calls him his page before heading to Nabakov the first time. Even though, a page would usually be a younger, untrained boy. Not to mention Henry does zero of the duties associated with being a page or squire. He only brought Hans his armor and wine once so far.

It's just really telling how they keep claiming to have a professional relationship they don't really have or don't correct others because Henry wants Hans to be his lord and Hans wants to be Henry's lord because even without the romance they are really close friends and just want a socially acceptable reason to be around each other.

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Still can't believe Hans called Henry to watch the sunset with him:

And then the game gives you these romantic-ass shots of Hans:

And I have more of these screenshots.

The team had a favorite romance option and they were not trying to hide it.

And Hansry are so joking and happy when they play dice later:

But I think it's good Hans is making fun of the gallows. Better than being depressed over it, and as far as coping mechanisms go, humor isn't the worst. And he does confide in henry about how he feels about the gallows and his almost-hanging multiple times before, so I think this is a good development.

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I love collecting the list of things Henry calls himself in Nebakov and how he refers to his lord (Hans, not Radzig, because Radzig is his leige lord, but Hans is his lord):

(Michael calls Henry Hans's escort, page, and servant and Henry is unusually helpful with his response as at least it's close to the truth?)

And:

And after the fight:

This option is always insane to me:

And he does not correct the blacksmith for calling him Hans's retainer (something he also calls himself if you threaten Klara, which I didn't do this time cause I enjoyed the archery against Mark who made sure to never hit the target and let me win three times):

And when Henry glazes Hans, cause, like, what else could he say to this rando:

And the blacksmith response to Henry's glazing is:

That's also insane to me. Thank you Steer for implying Henry is Hans's dog like Klara (who also refers to Henry as Hans's squire) and many others. Good on you.

Hans, also calls Henry his retainer and protector:

And page earlier:

I love how Henry claims he is Hans's everything. His page. His escort. His squire. His silly rabbit, and Hans says the exact same shit. They match each other's freak so perfectly.

I just can't with them. Every time either of them uses a title for Henry which is always objectively untrue I can't help getting so giddy and excited over it.

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Last time, I had a lower drinking skill so I failed the check when drinking with the Devil's Pack (Janosh and Adder). This time, I succeeded and they are so fucking affectionate with Henry. Like, immediate adoption.

I think I prefer this version of the scene.

I just love how affectionate Adder and Janosh are in general, saying "I love you" to each other and Henry pretty liberally, calling each other things like "sweet Adder" and even when they aren't drunk, Adder calls Henry "precious" and says he loves him for helping Janosh (well, Adder was hangover when he said that and perhaps they are always a little drunk, but, yk).

It's very sweet.

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I can't believe how excited I am seeing the first romance option on my screen again, but I am.

Anyway, still wild to me that "of course" is translated as "how could I refuse you anything" by Henry when it comes to Hans. Insane. Utterly unwell response, Henry, thank you.

Also, last time I lost the race with Hans (took a wrong turn and he looked so happy and laughed as he said he loved how Henry never gives up, so I couldn't reload on him! I'm not heartless! He deserves a win!) but this time I won, so the dialog upon winning is new to me.

I love how you gain reputation with Hans after winning and the way he still calls Henry "blacksmith boy" like its a fun nickname:

And they're flirting in this version too, because of course they are. Henry says this after Hans gives him a reward for winning (Hans, baby, I have like 20k+ Grochen because I've been stealing and selling shit from Trosky castle, you don't need to support me):

And Hans can't reply like a normal person, so he says:

LMAO

Hans literally said happy wife, happy life, just replaced "wife" with "escort". And Henry agreed with him. God, I hate them.

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Henry, you really really don't.

You are Radzig's men-at-arms, and currently on a mission as Hans's bodyguard. You, in no way, serve Hanush. Unless he already promoted Hans to the Lord of Leipa in his head, which I won't be surprised by one bit.

And thanks Fred for calling Henry out on his bullshit too. I know he means Hans though. We all do. (Fred is another encounter I don't remember, he was nice. He was kinda shit at dice).

Yep, he means Hans. So Henry promoted himself into Hans's service (false) and also promoted Hans to a Lord of Leipa proper (also false).

Never change, Henry.

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I saw a post about Hans and Henry cheering each other on in the tournament, so I allowed my Henry to get bonked a few times to get the Hans cheering lines:

The resolution is shitty, so I copied them (and one I didn't catch a screenshot of) from the game files:

"Sakra! What are you waiting for, Henry?"

"What are you waiting for, Henry? Let him have it!"

"Don't spare him, Henry!"

"Come on, Henry! Remember what Bernard taught you!"

And Henry can cheer on Hans too, which is cute (even if he lost in my playthrough):

My favorite is, of course, "Show him how we do it in Rattay!". Especially after I told Myshka Rattay is Henry's new home...

I just love how Hans cheers on Henry but then if I try to talk to him he tells Henry to leave him alone, and that he wasn't good enough for Henry, and I just... he may not want to talk to Henry, but he still wants to see him win and succeed because he cares about Henry much more than he is willing to say.

Honestly, Hans is more upset with Henry at the wedding than when you find him at the poacher camp, so, it's not really about the fight at the pillory. I think it's because Henry made it to the wedding without Hans. Like, Hans in his camp says "we" about everything, they are still a team — and then Henry goes on his own and didn't need Hans at all: