Rewriting captain marvel
Having talked and thought it over, the problem with this film is that they:
1. Did not build in any surprises for the audience related to Carol's emotional journey - there was only the skrull-kree twist, and they did not even clarify her previous team's or even her mentor's ACTUAL moral position afterwards (did they know that they're agents of genocide?)
I.e. they should have kept the flashbacks to a minimum at the start. Just indications of them but not actual insight into them. Lawson appearing as the Supreme Intelligence should have been enough to do exposition on Carol's background - and give a sense of bereftness (I don't even know who the person I admire most is!!?) Only during battle should the traumatic incident of crashing, Lawson standing over her, the skrull shooting at her flash by. This will be an implicit 'emotions are bad and stop digging' confirmation because it gets her captured. It is also a symbolic bridge to Talos and Talos' parallel family circumstances - who she meets at that exact moment.
2. Following from that, they should have played her Kree status extremely straight, her belief in the noble hero warrior myth and the only thing that's a 'problem' is her eagerness, her emotions and her gut feelings (the underlying humanity). But it's subtle. Her eagerness can also be genuinely taken for enthusiasm for her life as a warrior that simply needs to be channeled.
The deep dive into her head should focus around Maria. The skrull keeps wanting to go to Lawson and the coordinates but she keeps getting caught up in memories of Maria which he dismisses. Or attempts to. Then her whole escape and crash is overlayed with flashbacks - she's disoriented etc. She should show real confusion and distress at this enormous crack in her sense of identity. What are these memories?? They're not Kree??
Then when she lands, she should be proud, disdainful, smug and acting like a superior alien who thinks earth is a "shithole". It could be overcompensation or just a nice contrasting twist on her actual origins and a flaw of her virtue of confidence and a little foreshadowing of the way Kree look at everything beneath them.
Fury should be a first wake-up call that these humans are pretty alright and competent. Choosing to go save him should have been tenser, should have had a moment of close up and conflict. In fact, it would have been possible to build in a parallel to the Kree operation where her teammates return to their ship without her on strict orders, choosing not to save her because of overwhelming numbers of enemies. When they get closer and closer and find Maria, the flashback overlays should return with more power (instead of disappearing!). And this should cause distress! She should try to play it off with her sense of humour.
Maria and the kid should show a sense of loss, in their home, in their first interactions 'Carol...' Maria cant believe her eyes. (I think it was a poor choice to have the kid make first contact). Aborted gestures of affection that Carol almost returns but then steps back from. A chasm between them. "why do I remember you?" They also need to give a sense of the family's lives as the ones left behind, a hole where Carol used to be, a texture to the lives they lived without her love - a loss of support for the family (financially) a loss of dreams for Maria (she's no longer flying professionally).
In the actual film, Carol is so calm through all of it, that her one moment of distress in the film falls flat. It's badass...but it makes her character so...undistinctive. the only thing that plays across her surface is her determination and her humour and powerful smugness. but not a single moment did she seem to be truly touched by what happened to her - they could have made aforementioned elements to her personality more striking.
There should have been more of that 'my hands are filthy too' moment - when she runs out into the field after the coordinates flashback, she should be feeling self-loathing, she should recount everything that she thought the Kree were, that she was told she was, the things she's DONE - but they STOLE HER. "Stole my life from me, my family, you" to Maria. To fight their war (disgust). "And who am i now? I can't even remember!" THEN Maria steps in and affirms her identity as Carol Danvers, making reference to what she means to HER. And she still sees her when she looks at her.
There should have been a moment of parallel between Carol and Maria's kid and Talos' kid with the pinball machine. Carol looking at them, then telling Talos, I will do anything to protect your family.
There should have been real heartbreak in Carol having to leave HER family behind to make it so. Give me some damn tears. "Do you really have to leave? You just came back." "I won't be long." Bittersweet because we know or realise that it WILL be. "I've got to do this." - to Maria.
3. They should have shown just a bit more of Kree civilisation, of being Kree, of everyday life. Why? Because it's fun worldbuilding, because it grounds our perception of what Carol thinks she is, and it gives us a sense of sci-fi mythology. Letting the coolness of that mythology speak for itself. A greater narrative about Carol's position in what was once her society. Maybe she's recognised as a hero-warrior. It gives her and us a chance to mourn the life she had as the lie that it was.
