Because I'm still wildly unwell for my new favorite man, I went back through and pulled the NPC dialogue from the Viper job quests so I could more easily reference it. Here be spoilers.
LEVEL 80 - ENTER THE VIPER
Worried Weaver: You're an adventurer, yes? There's a spot of bother over at the Weavers' Guild, and we could use a hand sorting it out.
Worried Weaver: We received an order for a full ensemble, but now that the work's been completed, the client refuses to pay.
Worried Weaver: Mind you, I had my suspicions from the start. He calls himself a “viper” of all things. In my experience, people who name themselves after snakes are not to be trusted!
Worried Weaver: In any case, he carries a pair of swords on his back, and I hate to think what would happen if he started wielding them in anger. Could you head to the guild and smooth things over?
Perplexed Weaver: Despite my best efforts to reason with him, he keeps going on and on about vipers or some such! What am I to do?
So-called Viper: Good day to you, stranger. I was hoping I might make the acquaintance of someone a bit rougher 'round the edges─someone who's seen her fair share of action. Could you tell me what prey's worth hunting in these here parts?
Perplexed Weaver: Have you any idea what he's talking about? I took no issue with fulfilling his order, but now that it's time for him to pay, it's as though we're talking at cross-purposes!
So-called Viper: Likewise, I don't understand why this fella's being so difficult. All I'm asking for is the outfit I ordered and the name of some critters worth killing.
So-called Viper: Maybe I oughta explain from the beginning. I'm from Tural, a big ol' continent on the other side of the salt west of here.
So-called Viper: You've been there, I reckon? Then you might've seen others who wield the dual blades, or “vipers” as we're traditionally known.
So-called Viper: Our duty is to hunt ferocious beasts that endanger the lives of innocent folk. In fact, that's what brought me here.
So-called Viper: Thing is, all that fighting and long days on the road ain't been too kind to my gear. Reckoned it was high time I got me a new getup, bespoke and all.
Perplexed Weaver: Fascinating, I'm sure, but why do you refuse to pay for your order? And why are you so insistent that I “choose my prey”?
So-called Viper: 'Cause how else am I supposed to pay you? Do us a favor, and we'll hunt down any beast you want. That's the code─how we vipers do business.
So-called Viper: That so? So you're saying they want something else instead?
Perplexed Weaver: Payment commensurate with the skill and materials required. In gil, preferably.
So-called Viper: Well, didn't see that one coming. Guess that explains our little misunderstanding.
Perplexed Weaver: But surely your countrymen trade in some sort of currency, yes? Or are you vipers so far removed from society as to be unaware of such concepts?
So-called Viper: 'Course we know what money is! We ain't no bumpkins! But, uh, when it comes to requisitioning goods and services, I usually rely on the elders to deal with artisans and the like. Which is to say I ain't in the habit of carrying significant sums…
Perplexed Weaver: So be it… If your only form of payment is the slaying of beasts, that shall have to do.
Perplexed Weaver: As it happens, one of my colleagues in eastern Thanalan reports that merchants carrying our supplies were attacked by a wild fiend.
Perplexed Weaver: What's more, the creature is a species of many-headed scalekin, never before seen in this region. It is rumored to have escaped from the Coliseum and has been running rampant ever since.
So-called Viper: Scaly? Lotta heads? Alright, you got yourself a deal.
Perplexed Weaver: “Deal”? Considering the guild has already fulfilled its end of the bargain, you should count yourself lucky! Still, I'd hate for anything to go awry at this juncture.
Perplexed Weaver: Might I ask a favor of you, friend? I'd like you to accompany him and ensure that he attends to the creature as agreed. Besides, I daresay seeing a so-called “viper” at work will be an enlightening experience.
Keshkwa: The name's Keshkwa. Pleasure to meet you.
Perplexed Weaver: The creature was last seen near Camp Drybone, so I advise you to begin there.
Perplexed Weaver: It would appear that viper fellow has already departed for Camp Drybone. I do hope he knows the way, or least has the good sense to ask for directions.
Keshkwa: So this is Camp Drybone, huh? Fitting name. Anyway, you ready to hunt?
Keshkwa: What's that look for? Aw, lemme guess, you wanna ask around first and see if anyone can point us in the right direction?
Keshkwa: No need. The weaver's friend told me plenty. All we gotta do is track down the beast, which is a viper specialty.
Keshkwa: It went after traders carrying tailor's materials. Bolts of cloth and whatnot don't sound none too tasty to me, so I'm guessing it's the merchants themselves the beast had its eye on.
Keshkwa: Most predators use their sense of smell to pick out their meals. Scents carry on the wind, so you gotta consider the positions of the rocks and plants to determine how the air tends to flow through an area. Ain't too hard to deduce where a critter's made its lair after you've done all that.
Keshkwa: Yep, that's a big 'un. Mean looking, too. Must be wreaking havoc on the food chain, never mind the danger it poses to locals. Well, time to do what a viper does best!
Keshkwa: That's that. So, you like the show? Don't play coy─I can see you're intrigued.
Keshkwa: But before I spill all my secrets, I got a question for you. Ever heard of a “tural vidraal”?
Keshkwa: You have? Then you know they're a rare breed of beast that wields all sorts of powers they got no right having. A threat to every other living thing that has the temerity to breathe in their vicinity.
Keshkwa: Because of their long lifespans and unnatural abilities, they were dubbed the “tyrants of Tural”. That's more or less what the name means.
Keshkwa: Anyway, someone's gotta hunt the tural vidraal, and that someone is us, the vipers.
Keshkwa: Y'know, I've met a fair few adventurers during my time here, but I can tell you're a cut above the rest. Might even have what it takes to be a viper.
Keshkwa: If you're interested, I can teach you, on one condition─you'll help me hunt down a tural vidraal that's made its way to Eorzea. What do you say?
Keshkwa: Ha! Hell of a thing to ask outta the blue, I know. Just think on it some, will you?
Keshkwa: Let's head on back to Ul'dah and tell the weaver fella we're square. The journey'll give you time to consider my offer.
Keshkwa: I just gave our weaver friend the good news, and he handed over this set of fancy duds, as promised. Gotta say, it was worth the trouble.
Keshkwa: So, about my offer. You ready to become a viper, and protect folks from the nastiest beasts that ever lived?
Keshkwa: A mighty fine answer! I'll make a viper of you, just see if I don't! First order of business: lemme give you this here soul crystal.
Keshkwa: It contains knowledge of our fighting arts, passed down since ancient times from one generation of vipers to the next. Assuming you've got the knack for it, our skills can be yours, too.
Keshkwa: I've also got a fresh set of viper gear for you. The Weavers' Guild wanted to thank you for overseeing our hunt earlier, so they made you your very own outfit. Guess that fella took your measurements by eye or something… Oh, and the blades are a couple of spares I had handy.
Keshkwa: Try it all on for size─and let me get a look at you while you're at it.
