When I first decided to move to Jordan, I was so scared and nervous that I pretty much completely shut down my mind. This isn’t new. After I make a scary decision, and I’m sure it’s the right choice, I’ve always put up a mental barrier and just pushed through it.
Now that I’m moving back to Chicago, at least for the time being, I feel the same way. I’m scared.
I’m scared because Jordan has become my home too. I’m scared because I really love the people here, and I don’t want to lose them. I’m scared because it’s hard to maintain friendships and relationships across miles and time zones. I’m scared because there are aspects of the Jordanian culture that feel more like home than Chicago. I’m scared because there are some things I miss so much in America that maybe it will rewrite my experience here and I won’t come back to Jordan. I’m just really, really scared.
But that’s what we have to do, isn’t it? Do things that make us scared? In my 26 years of life, I’ve never found a better way to get over a fear than by simply pushing through it. So I’m going to push through, because khawa, I can.