; @kikkoued said ; kikkou vc tsuru-san, i hope you know i don't mind lending my shoulder to you- / 𝐔𝐍𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐃
What was it that made chaos and ruins so attractive to him? what was it that made those things so comforting when love and acceptance were things meant for humans to grasp onto? when they were so close that sometimes he could even see them pouring from other people in abundance as if it was honey, free for anyone to come and take? the truth was rather simple; he liked these terrible things ; for there was always a sense of comfort in knowing that if he finally gave in and thought of his existence as a damned once, that if embraced these terrible things that seemed to haunt him and everyone around him like a hungry hound, that if he embraced this repugnant nature he’s grown to adopt, nothing would ever get to hurt him, nothing would ever get to hurt anyone around him. simply because there would be no one around to begin with. Nothing will never be able to get worse than what he’s accepted as an irrefutable destiny, a cruel one since his birth was meant to bring joy, happiness, prosperity, good luck.
Nothing will ever be able to break him, yet at the same time, nothing good will ever be able to touch him. A silent pact he’s made with himself through the years, one he’s been able to carry with meticulous proficiency, almost as if he was proud of having come to such big and unreasonable conclusion. Curious it was, for not even once has he considered how harmful and flawed this train of thought was to his own happiness.
It was in this such way that inside this little bubble of his, Tsurumaru has grown to feel like a king; it made him feel as if finally, he had control over something ; of how things would affect him. because since destiny was such a cruel thing that took and took until the only thing that was left behind were bitter and painful memories ... then at least he had himself now, he could now control the ways in which destiny would try to harm him and others; by distancing himself, nothing would ever be able to bother him, and by his own contract, he would not allow himself to be particularly bothered by anything in exchange. So perfect was this porcelain mask that no cracks would ever be visible to anyone but himself...
Or that was what he thought .
‘... lending my shoulder to you-’ Kikkou... Do you ever listen to yourself when you speak? No... of course you don’t- It would not take much for one to figure that out considering how...peculiar your personality is, however.... wait- however? why was it that underneath that heavy magazine that was resting on top of his face.... Tsurumaru opened his eyes ? Why was it that such a simple thing, such a corny little thing made so much noise inside his chest all of the sudden ? as if Kikkou had come out of nowhere to that desolate land that he called his own heart with trumpets and drums ? He squints a little at the feeling, albeit thankful that the magazine was still resting over his face shielding him and he attempts to think of something to tell him; a little tease, a little snarky comment that could get poke at the other’s strings- anything; yet nothing comes up. Nothing comes up because Kikkou’s words were fundamentally genuine, because this was another language, because they were words of love, that thing he abhorred so much.
If only he could love like him, if only he could learn once again how, then maybe... No, he was too old for those things already, he’s burried those feelings a long while ago, somewhere he’s made sure to forget where, just so if he ever felt the desperate need to love, he would be unable to dig that back up. How troublesome he thinks, yet he chuckles underneath the magazine; his amusement devoid of any hint of mockery or teasing intent behind it, for it was rather the contrary, this was his spirit replying back to Kikkou’s honesty in the only way it knew that Tsurumaru wouldn’t be able to figure out and suppress. This was indeed, his heart’s secret way of thanking him for what felt like a small , warm and comforting caress after what has been thousands of years.
❝ Noted ❞ he finally replies, his laughter now starting to fade away as his heart begins to close once again. ❝ Just know that I’m a heavy sleeper, so if I ever happen to fall asleep against your shoulder, know that I may or may not end up staying there for a little while ... ❞
