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#HeartofFlesh chapter 9 #KillerMoon (complete)

He used to wake up at one in the afternoon, at the earliest, on Sundays. But today, it's eight in the morning and he’s already on his feet. He didn’t sleep much, but doesn’t feel tired at all, as he makes breakfast and calmly packs his suitcase. Some clothes, university books, computer and other things that he thinks will be enough for a couple of months away. He can come back if he needs anything else.

He also packs a bag for his sister and, at the agreed time, calls the hospital. They actually give something away, telling him that her situation has stabilized so they will stop sedating her and return her to a regular sleep pattern. She should be able to wake up on her own tomorrow, but will be confused and it will be a few days before they can explain what has happened to her. They specify that she’s not entirely out of danger, but is on the right tracks to recovery.

Barbara is going to make it if she continues this progress.

Andrea tells his delighted uncle the news straightaway. Suddenly hungry, he has a sandwich, enjoying eating something for the first time since the accident.

He puts the remaining fresh food in the cooler to take away with him and checks the expiry dates of the food in the cupboards, leaving only the ones that will last beyond August.

He defrosts the fridge, turns off the gas and water, and locks all the windows. Then he takes the bags to the entrance and gets the spare set of keys. He thinks about whether he has done everything and, last of all, puts on the alarm. Turning the key, he locks Milan’s door until September, when he will have to come back to sort out all the paperwork that his uncle told him about.

He will return here with Barbara and decide with her; he senses that is what will happen.

He touches the door with an open palm and takes a deep breath. Next time, it will be the new Andrea’s hand that opens it. The hand of the new person that he is working on.

He gets into the elevator, but before leaving the building wants to say goodbye to Gina.

He doesn’t get to the reception before she appears, holding a wet, wrinkled handkerchief.

Andrea puts down the suitcases and hugs her. "Bye Gina. I'll be back with Barbara in September," he says, so that she doesn’t worry too much. "Thanks again for coming yesterday."

She nods and blows her red nose.

Poor Gina. Who knows for how many days she’s been crying.

Then she squeezes his face so hard that his cheeks swell and looks at him with motherly eyes; it comes naturally to her even if she has never been one. Maybe some women are mothers in their souls and Gina is a good, patient person.

He would like to say many things to her, but doesn’t manage.

The same goes for her and she simply moves her mouth without uttering a word.

They look at each other and talk with their eyes. And just like a mother with her son, they tell each other everything just the same.

"I'll leave you the keys. I’ve put the alarm on. Anything at all, I can be here in less than two hours. Okay?"

"Yes," she can only say. "Drive slowly, please."

"Do you want me to call you when I arrive, so you don’t worry?" he asks, sensing her growing anxiety. She knows that he will be on the road that took away his parents.

She nods, with a suffering smile.

"See you soon, then," he says goodbye and makes his way.

There’s a lot of traffic, unfortunately, and it’s a good three hours before he arrives in Clusone. He’s exhausted when he walks into the house, but the cool mountain air invigorates him. He lets Gina and his uncle know that he has arrived. By now, they are four star priority contacts.

He unpacks and texts Susy to let her know, too, that he has arrived. She replies, telling him that she’s having dinner at the Selz and then they’re going to the cinema. He’s welcome to join if he likes or she would come over later.

Andrea thinks for a moment and then decides to meet her friends. Maybe he will meet someone that he knows. So, after visiting Barbara in the hospital, where the doctors confirm that she will wake up tomorrow, he goes to the ice cream parlor to see his Susy again.

The sign is lit and can be seen from afar; Selz Café, written in black with a green pistachio colored ice cream cup, stands out in the street. He leaves the car in the parking lot and heads towards the wooden tables. They have created a really nice atmosphere, with a lawn and wooden crates that act as little tables for appetizers. There are also larger tables, where customers are already digging into sandwiches, cakes and ice creams.

Andrea anxiously looks for her; he hasn’t seen her since yesterday, but has missed her as if he hadn’t seen her for days.

He stops at the entrance and, apart from couples and families with children, there’s just a group of guys and a little dark head that looks a lot like Susy’s. It can’t be her, though; a sturdy guy’s arm is around her shoulders, holding her close to him.

It’s not her.

He turns his head back and walks ahead.

"Andrea!" he hears, the voice coming from that very group.

He swallows, feeling his heart leap into his throat, and walks back, turning his gaze and clenching his fists.

She has her arm up, chair turned, and is smiling at him as if nothing had happened. Meanwhile, the stocky guy wearing red has put his hand on the chair.

"We're here," she says.

Andrea is so embarrassed that he would like to hide in the children’s plastic playhouse. It was just the day before that he had introduced her as his girlfriend. But Susy isn’t free.

He had convinced himself that her kindness was something more and, as usual, taken everything for granted.

"Andrea," she calls again.

He has to accept that Susy has her own life and he doesn’t know anything about it. After all, they have only talked about the past and his parents. He plucks up courage and puts on a placidly serene expression. Hands in his pockets, he goes to introduce himself.

"Hi," she greets him, turned around on her chair and crouched like a kitten. More beautiful than yesterday, she no longer has the air of sadness that she had at the funeral. She’s wearing a pink top with thin shoulder straps and jeans. Her black hair caresses her shoulders. The same shoulders that he had dreamed of squeezing when hugging her again tonight.

"Hi," he smiles. He looks at her friends, there are five besides her. They all seem to be couples and he feels even more out of place.

"Come on, I’ll introduce you," she says, reaching out her arm. She opens her hand and gives a sweet smile, just for him.

Andrea moves closer and wraps his fingers in hers, rediscovering the warmth of the touch that had given him comfort and strength the day before.

Susy pulls him and takes him closer to her chair.

"This is Andrea," she says out loud to everyone.

"Hi, I'm Vittorio." Black, curly hair and way too skinny, wearing a way too big, purple sweatshirt. He has wide cloth pants, making the shape of his legs stand out and creating noticeable dark folds.

"Nice to meet you," Andrea returns the gesture, while the girl sitting next to him just calmly waves a hello.

"I’m Alessandra." The blonde with curls introduces herself, a little uppity at first sight. She has a white, lace top and tight fitting, black pants. Her legs are bent and her bare feet are resting on the chair. And gold shines in all the places that a girl can put a piece of jewelry: earrings, necklace, bracelet, rings and even anklets.

"I'm Luca," the nearest to him says decisively, cigarette in his mouth and half closed, light blue eyes. His handshake is strong and his light green sports top and jeans immediately put Andrea at ease.

"And I’m Carlotta!" chirps the little voice of the brown haired girl with a ponytail. She gives him a big smile and gestures that his chair is the one closest to her. "Sit here, we've kept you a place."

He nods. There’s still the guy in the red shirt.

"Pietro," he says curtly, without getting up. He reaches out his hand, large and with enough calluses to be a wrestler’s. "Susanna’s boyfriend," he emphasizes, at which Susy quickly turns her head, lowers her gaze and turns her back.

"Andrea," he shakes his hand; in comparison, his students’ hand seems like a girl’s. Pietro squeezes it tightly and Andrea closes his eyes slightly in discomfort, but apart from that, doesn’t flinch.

The first round is his.

Andrea feels like he has been involuntarily entered into a competition and, all in all, a little of his good mood has returned. If Pietro sees him as a rival, there must be a reason. And even if he doesn’t know him, it’s enough for him to go and sit between Luca and Carlotta, who apparently aren’t together.

Carlotta puts her hand on his forearm as soon as he sits down. "Su’ told us," she begins, then pauses for a second as if to show that she understands Andrea’s situation, "and I don’t want to seem bad mannered. But I’d like to give you my condolences and that’s that. So then we can just relax. Is that okay?"

Susy shakes her head. "Sorry, Andrea."

But, Andrea actually finds her manner very kind. "Thank you, Carlotta," he smiles.

"Me too, then," adds Luca, followed by the others.

"Thanks everyone." He waits a few seconds. "So what sandwiches do they have here?" he asks, addressing the whole group.

Carlotta grasps him, but as a friend would. "Good idea! A nice stuffed sandwich is what’s needed. And then the chocolate dwarf. "

"The dwarf is an ice cream," explains Luca. He lifts his arm to call the waitress and then puts his cigarette back in his mouth. He smokes Lucky Strike, there’s a packet on the table, so he’s the type of guy that he could get along with.

Vittorio and Alessandra isolate themselves a little and kiss. Meanwhile, Susy is locked inside Pietro’s snake arm again. He looks at Andrea as he tightens his grip around her shoulders. She wouldn’t be able to get out even if his limb came off.

Andrea is increasingly irritated, but can’t do anything so focuses on his sandwich and talks to Carlotta and Luca. They get to know each other with the opening questions.

Carlotta is eighteen, like Susy, and has been a hairdresser for a few years now. She dropped out of school in ninth grade, not wanting to continue, and it’s her family’s shop so her job was already predestined.

Luca is twenty three and has a little computer shop with a partner, a friend since elementary school. He’s a graduate in computer science and is a gaming enthusiast. Andrea’s hunch was right, they have a lot in common.

Vittorio works in his father’s workshop and is twenty two, while Alessandra finished her degree last year, but still doesn’t know what she wants to do. She says that, in the meantime, she will enjoy this summer, that’s for sure. From what he can see, she doesn’t have money problems.

"So, guy from Milan, what do you do?" Pietro asks him, as Andrea takes a first bite of his sandwich. He moves it to the side of his mouth to answer.

"First year at college, medicine," he answers and then starts chewing again. He didn’t like that ‘guy from Milan’, but understands that Pietro is irritated by his friendship with Susy.

"First year? Have you already dropped back a year?"

"No. I missed a year in high school," he explains, feeling like he has already won the second round.

Pietro smirks as if he had just seen a bloody dinosaur pass by in front of his nose; he’s disgusted, sickened and appalled. "You're a guy that likes to have a good time, huh?" he says with a mocking grin.

Susy seems to be waiting for an explanation, too.

Andrea wipes his mouth with the napkin. "I had a motorbike accident, that's all. I lost too many months of school and had to repeat the year." He takes a sip of his beer. "And you?" he asks, taking another bite of the sandwich stuffed with ham and cheese.

"Woodcutter," he says slowly, pronouncing the word clearly. He sits up in his chair, flexing the muscles that bulge in his shirt. "And I hunt, when it’s the season."

"And do you go looking for your Mjöllnir in your spare time?" Andrea jokes, but only Luca laughs.

He keeps laughing, hands on his stomach. "That’s a good one!"

"What the fuck are you laughing at?" says Pietro, annoyed. He didn’t understand the joke.

"Don’t explain it to him!" says Luca. "It's lingo, Pietro. Either you get it or you don’t." He moves his chair closer and fires Andrea questions about the latest Marvel movies. "And did you like the last Iron Man? And the new Superman?"

"Look at them!" says Carlotta. "They’ve found each other," she jokes. "At least he won’t torment me anymore."

Andrea gets on really well with Luca and spends more of the evening with him than anyone else. But his eyes continuously seek out Susy, like a magnet in desperate search of north.

Each time their eyes furtively meet, Andrea feels like a thief. He can’t help it, though. He needs her eyes as if they were oxygen tanks.

When it’s time for the movie, they head to the cars together.

"We’re not coming," says Pietro, out of the blue.

Susy looks at him, dumbfounded. "Excuse me, why?" she asks, but he doesn’t answer. He takes her by the shoulder again and says goodbye to everyone.

Carlotta and Alessandra say goodbye to her, with kisses and complicit smiles, but Susy seems doubtful and looks at him as if wanting an apology.

Andrea had feared that this could happen and smiles at her, faking calmness. "See you soon, I hope." He says goodbye to them all and walks quickly to his Mini, about to throw up the sandwich from the pain in his stomach.

Luca says that he will meet him outside the cinema and he can’t refuse. He’s the only one that he struck up a conversation with and doesn’t want to seem rude.

When he arrives at the Garden cinema, only Carlotta and Luca remain from the group. They snigger at the lovers’ escape. He has to pretend to be amused too, even though he just wants to run to Susy and take her away with him.

The cinema is completely renovated and, to Andrea’s astonishment, they have even put in 3D. They’re showing the same new movies as the multiplexes.

Incredible!

Shame, though, that he can’t enjoy the movie.

He sees the images, hears the words, but only thinks about his Susy in the arms of that woodcutter. Inside, anger and jealousy eat away at him.

He imagines her while he kisses and touches her. He can even almost hear her moans of pleasure as he moves inside his Susy. And his brain feels on fire.

He crosses his arms and starts swaying his legs like a frenzied madman.

Luca turns and touches his arm with his elbow. "What’s wrong?"

Andrea answers that he’s a little worried, because of what he’s going through, and Luca nods.

"Sorry," he whispers, trying to calm him.

When the movie ends, he’s sweating as if he had just done two hours at the gym, his muscles tense and nerves on edge. He says goodbye and returns to his Mini, waiting for him under the street lamp like a trusted old friend.

He gets in and beats his fists on the steering wheel. "Damn!" he shouts, and starts the engine. "Why didn’t you tell me?" he asks Susy, as if she were there next to him. He shifts into reverse to maneuver away, biting his lip. "What should she have said, though?" He turns the wheel back to leave and moves into first gear. "Hi, do you remember me, sorry about your..." he mutters to himself as he heads off down the street. "By the way, I have a boyfriend..." He shakes his head and gives the wheel another punch.

He drives on in silence until he passes Clusonia, the large area that was once just a field and now has twelve apartment blocks. "Actually, she’s been very kind."

He enters the private road leading to his house and stops, waiting for the courtyard’s electric gate to open.

"She put me first, so as to comfort me," he reflects, trying to calm down.

With a feeling of quiet desperation under his skin, he parks and goes into the house. "It's me that took everything for granted, as usual." He goes into his bedroom and throws his clothes onto the bed.

Shower, shower, shower...

He gets inside and turns on the water, trying to cool down. The old Andrea would have run to the Synthetic Hole. Two or three gin and tonics and then straight to the dance floor. Looking around that arena for another vixen, eager to let off steam like him.

Another anonymous, warm body to sink his frustrations into. A hole in which to seek refuge for a while...

He lifts his head and lets the water tickle his forehead. Closing his eyes, the first image that appears is Susy’s smile. The Synthetic Hole and his desire to let off steam crumble together.

I'm fucked!

He sighs, realizing that kind of fun has lost all its appeal. Thinking of her, his heart beats, and with each beat he feels more alive. Although upset, just thinking of her soothes him like a warm, sunny day. And the old Andrea fades away again.

I'm really fucked!

He takes the shower gel and washes, quieting even his most rebellious thoughts.

Then he puts on soft cotton pants and the blue sweatshirt with a wolf on the front. He had bought it years ago at an exhibition on American Indians, choosing the wolf as a symbol because it represents a guide, helping you find your own way in life. At the time, it had only seemed like good advice coming from ancient wisdom, tied to land and nature. Now, he would really like to have a wolf as his friend. He would like to know the right direction to reach the entrance.

He goes out into the courtyard and sits sideways on the swing. He lights a cigarette and blows away the smoke while looking at the moon. It’s beautiful in its fullness, on a perfect night for lovers.

Who knows how many romantic spots there are here? Places to make love under the stars.

Love...

With Susy, he could make love for the first time. He feels it. He knows.

He begins to rub the chain and sway a little.

He would like to smell and lick her like a wolf. And lie down naked with her on the dew-beaded grass. Love her all night under the moon, until the oblivion of this life, and then cross the entrance with her. There, where he would like to lead her, no one ever suffers. There is only perpetual bliss.

He quickly lowers his head.

It's best if I think about something else, otherwise I’ll be letting the moon itself kill me.

"Damn killer moon!" he growls at it. "Did you have to be so perfect this very night?"

"Who’s wound you up?"

Andrea is startled to hear Susy’s voice just a few feet away. He hadn’t heard the gate creak. Maybe he’d been too busy insulting the moon, now illuminating her in a silvery splendor.

"Hi," he says, puzzled.

Why is she here?

Susy comes nearer and sits, sideways too, on the other swing. They’re facing each other, the chains stretched as tense as the atmosphere created between them.

"How was the movie?" she asks, her eyes on the lawn.

Andrea not only hadn’t watched it, he doesn’t even remember its name. He mumbles, with a grimace that hints at good, but I was hoping better, so as to remain vague.

She nods. "Do you recommend it?"

Meanwhile, he scrutinizes her for obvious signs of consummated passion. Unfortunately, she has put a denim jacket on and he can’t see her arms or shoulders. Her neck is half hidden by both the raised collar and her hair, as smooth as ever. It doesn’t seem ruffled, as it would do, but maybe Pietro doesn’t sink his hands into her henna scented hair as he would.

"Do you think I might like it?" she asks again.

Andrea shrugs. "I don’t know. I don’t really know much about your tastes," he says. "Actually, you’ve told me very little about yourself." He takes another drag and leans against the chain. "I didn’t even know you had a boyfriend." He pauses to see her reaction, but she just scratches her lip. Only now does he notice a little spot there. A lovely, little spot that he would love to kiss. "By the way, sorry about yesterday. I embarrassed you, I guess."

Susy frowns, puzzled. "When?"

Andrea moves closer and rests his shoulder on the chain closest to her. "Yesterday…..I introduced you as my girlfriend. Sorry. I shouldn’t have. I don’t know why it came out." He scratches his eyebrow. "Anyway, it won’t happen again."

Susy looks at him, growing embarrassment in her cheeks. "It doesn’t matter." She stretches her jacket sleeves and hides her hands inside. "I didn’t even notice." She gives him a little smile and quickly licks the little spot with the tip of her tongue.

"Salami or chocolate?" he asks to break the stagnant dialogue.

"What?" she asks.

Susy is strange tonight, very pensive and distracted.

Andrea points at her mouth. "You have a little thing," he smiles. "Is it something you ate?"

Susy touches it again. "Stress ..." she looks at him and wipes her lip several times with her fingertip.

They watch each other, in silence, until Andrea feels his fingers getting hot. The cigarette is finished and now there is just a roll of ash attached to the filter. He had only taken three drags.

"Damn!" he says quietly.

"And now who’s wound you up?"

"I promised myself to stop smoking. Very slowly, though. That was my eighth cigarette of the day. I didn’t smoke it, though."

She smiles and he shrugs his shoulders. "Whatever."

"Nice sweatshirt," she says, pointing at it. "I love wolves. Do you know when they choose their companion, it’s for-"

"Life," he finishes, looking at her sweetly. "Yeah, really lovely, right?"

She nods. "I’d better go. It’s very late." She stands up, but he prefers to remain seated. "I came to apologize for Pietro’s behavior," she explains, moving two steps away from the swing. "He can act like a real caveman when he wants." She slips her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. "He wanted to talk to me alone," she says, lowering her head.

"You don’t have to apologize," he answers, standing and holding the chains with both hands. "He's your boyfriend, while I..." He doesn’t know how to finish the sentence. "I mean, I'm just your friend," he ends. "Right?"

She turns around slowly and bites her lip. Her hair whips her jacket as she shakes her head.

Andrea sighs, depressed. "Don’t you think of me as a friend?"

Susy holds her head with both hands. "You..." she takes a breath and gazes at him intensely, "you’re Andrea, it's different." She turns and heads off quickly.

Andrea is stunned, not really knowing what she means. He only knows that one of his legs has jumped over the swing and the other has followed suit. "Susy!" he calls out and runs to catch her. He puts a hand on her shoulder. "Wait a moment."

She turns around and has teary eyes.

He holds her face and delicately wipes her cheek with his thumb. Her cheek is so warm and smooth. "What’s wrong? You’re strange tonight."

She dodges him and then, seemingly angry, looks at him again. "Why didn’t you come back sooner? Damn you!" she shouts in his face, before turning quickly and going to the gate.

Andrea chases after her and hugs her from behind, squeezing her shoulders and leaning his head against hers. "Susy..." he whispers.

She strokes his hand. "I waited so long for you..."

He feels tears on the hand that he caresses so delicately.

Andrea rubs his face against her hair. "How long have you two been together?"

"For a while…"

"Are you in love with him?"

She doesn’t answer, stops caressing him, and moves away. "I must go now."

Andrea grabs her arm, turns her around and pulls her closer to him than ever before. "Are you in love with him, Susy?" he asks, looking into her eyes.

His breath is lost in hers, waiting for the fateful answer.

"It’s none of your business," she says, turning her head to the side.

"You're right." He lets go of her, caresses a lock of her hair and watches her slowly move away.

He goes to put his hands in his pockets, but doesn’t have any, and glances at her, torturing her lip.

She grabs the gate handle and Andrea senses that everything will be ruined if they leave like this. He’s afraid of losing her. "Friends!" he blurts out, putting his hand on the iron to block her exit.

She winces.

"I only ask you to be my friend, like you were once," he pleads. "Get to know each other again. I want to know everything about you. Please."

"We’re not children anymore," she answers, lowering her head. "And..." She touches the iron gate with her first finger. "It’s obvious that..." she sighs, "I mean, you understand me, right?" Embarrassed, she glances at him.

"That I like you?" he says, moving a lock of hair behind her ear as it suddenly goes red. "I can’t hide it. Okay, I told a lie before. I introduced you as my girlfriend yesterday, because that’s what I feel. That's what I’d like." He takes a breath and rubs his face. "But that's my problem." He lowers his arm and leaves it hanging by his side. "I ask you only to be my Susy, my special friend."

He opens the gate to let her know that she’s free to choose. "Just a friend. Nothing more."

She hesitates. Endless seconds pass while she moves her finger along the top of the gate, not realizing that Andrea feels like he’s walking on hot coals.

"Alright," she smiles. "Special friends then," she accepts and starts to head off.

He stands on the line between the sidewalk and the courtyard. "And how do special friends say goodbye?" he asks.

She holds out her hand, but he shakes his head.

"No. That’s what two people who barely know each other do."

He pulls her to him for a hug, but doesn’t squeeze her too hard, even if he would like to. He feels her close now and their legs meet secretly.

"This is for two people who really care about each other," he whispers, holding her face while she puts a hand to his chest, perhaps to push him away. "This, however..." He rests his lips on her forehead and, eyes closed, kisses her with all the feeling he has inside. She relaxes and abandons herself to his kiss. He wraps his arms around her delicate waist and gently brushes her hips.

He can smell the fragrant aroma of her skin now and has never tasted anything with such intensity. His senses come to life and a shiver runs through his body.

"This, however, is our special goodbye." He finds it really difficult to let her go, as if they were stuck together and someone was tearing her away.

"Goodnight, Andrea," she says, panting, and runs off quickly without looking him in the face.

Her hair whips her back in time with her quick steps. She doesn’t know that looking at her is a sweet torture, shredding the little clarity that he felt in the kiss.

"Goodnight, my sweet Susy," he says, closing the gate.

He has never had a female friend, except for her, but they were children at the time. Growing up, girls have only been for his moments of distraction. He has never found a special one.

Now that he feels his heart beat for Susy, the special girl that he had always been waiting for, he can’t not be her friend. A friend who he would like to kiss and make his until the next Big Bang.

#heartofflesh #killer moon #reading #text #love #sweet #couple #AndreaMessi