Autumn equinox is coming and I’m still sitting here loathing my house. This place was purchased by my mother and I twenty years ago to take care of my father, who died a couple weeks before we got the key. My mother moved down the street. My siblings are peopeeed throughout the neighborhood. I have given birth and watched my marriage die in this same house. I am divorcing a man who felt not emotional responsibility to anything under this roof. It’s been a lifetime. Everyone tells me I should probably move, but I’m poor. This house is paid off, so besides utilities and property taxes, I’m set. I’m safe. My kids are safe. The issue is that I haven’t been treating my house like a home. This equinox I’m asking my home for forgiveness. I’m going to mend our energy.
I’m speaking this here, not in search of accountability, but to have it be seen. Not in clicks or clout, but in I’m not hiding my struggles anymore. I used to be the mom who threw birthday parties and invited the whole class. Holidays were held here. Friends would gather here. I haven’t allowed a single person to step foot in my house for years.
I don’t know what it is I’m attempting, all I know is that I want the comfort back. It’s not just about security. It’s about comfort.