#kindofadiary

[always-larrie]

Just random thoughts

Have you ever thought about how crazy life is? That even if you try a lot to be a good person that is never enough, there will always be someone better than you at everything or that at least people think that they are better, even if they do something wrong they will always be better and superior to you no matter what you will never be enough.

Sometimes I think that my self-esteem is good, you know? but that only last two seconds because when I started to feel good about myself, I immediately realize that I am not and I am not the only one who remembers that all around me makes me realize how horrible I am in all the ways, I am not good looking or at least average, I am shorty and I have a horrible personality. I know that I can't make friends easily well I can't make friends a lot, sometimes I think that the friends that I have only are my friends because they pity me. I think that I am so annoying and clingy that they don’t know how to get rid of me.

I will love to say that my family is my safe place but it isn’t, I don’t know why families have this tradition of comparing you with your relatives and obviously I could never win against them and maybe I could never can because that better at me at everything and they can do all the things that I can’t even if it try to

[dejamevertecaer]

Devoción y días que esperan

Me hace falta la devoción por mi mismo. 

Me ahogan tantas cosas por hacer, tanto que estudiar, tanto que comer y tantas personas con las cuales hablar (tantas con las cuales no quiero hacerlo). He llegado incluso a volverme hereje de la vida, en una profunda veneración lejana por la soledad, y no se que hacer al final. Creo que me falta el valor pa' ir por lo que quiero, soy a veces esclavo de las circunstancias y de uno que otro débil sentimiento. 

Me sobrecoge un espectro de estupidez, de indecisión, pues hay en todo lo que hago una persistente frustración. El sentir de que todo es una escalera (con lo mucho que las odio) para llegar a algún lado, pero siempre antes de llegar duermo, y de obviar aquella escalera me esperan pesadillas al despertar. 

Soy un joven feliz, muy feliz, pero parece ser solo cuando estoy solo. Y es que soy culpable del pecado de creer. Creer que podía amar, creer que podía vivir y creer que podía anhelar.

Pero que va, si al final extraño todo menos lo que debo extrañar. Al final no me preocupa nada pero soy un muy buen mentiroso. Al final creo que solo de mi mismo puedo ser devoto.   

[dejamevertecaer]

"Hola, ¿Cómo estás?"

Quisiera poder reunir ese coraje para poder acercarme a ella y musitar, al menos, aquellas palabras que resuenan a gritos en mi cabeza. No importa fruto de que ni hacia donde me lleve, simplemente por amor al momento sin contar los segundos y sin importar las miradas. Creo que algún día lo lograré, tal vez mañana o incluso puede que el martes sea mi día.   

[dejamevertecaer]

I have this feeling like everything is going to be alright, even when I'm still in the hole and i haven't found a way to climb out of it. I think it's just because i've found deepness inside of all of those shallow things around me and i don't really mind being a little bit trapped. But just for today and just until the show's over.

[dejamevertecaer]

There comes a point where you can't even deal with the frustration anymore and it appears in the middle of the most beautiful scenes, in the middle of those late night dinners, moments of not so secret romance, stupid conversations with friends and lonely little moments of doing nothing. And I just can't see myself anymore in any of the things i do or any of the places i stay. 

But I'm certain that it will never be enough and  that they don't care if wether I do my homework or not.