I Am Not My Hair (Covering)
(India.Arie looking fierce in her headscarf.)
In her song “I Am Not My Hair”, artist India.Arie wants to let women and men of color know that they can choose to wear their hair however they like - natural, relaxed, curly, nappy, whatever - and that it doesn’t define their inner worth.
She sings:
I am not my hair, I am not this skin
I am not your expectations, no
I am not my hair, I am not this skin
I am a soul that lives within
(Just to want to pause here for a sec say that I’m riffing on this song here for fun, but I also recognize that as a white woman I don’t have to deal with negative racial hair stereotypes that people of color might face. Much love to readers of all races. K back to the post!)
I love this song so much! Such good vibes.
Hair covering for married Jewish women (kisui rosh in Hebrew, which could also be translated as head covering) is a tough thing for brides to figure out -
What does halacha (Jewish law) say? What does my community do? What do I want to do? What does my husband think about it? How will people think of me based on the hair covering that I choose? Do I need to look a certain way for work? What will be comfortable on my head?
These are all real considerations for women figuring out how they want to approach kisui rosh and how they want to fulfill this commandment, how they want to look and feel, and how they might be perceived after marriage. Unlike niddah, which is a privately-kept mitzvah that mainly only the couple themselves and G-d know about, kisui rosh is on display for the world to see, which can be a little disconcerting.
I’ve put a lot of thought into with what and how much I cover my hair, because I want my hair covering to represent me as much as possible. And I know that I’m lucky because I feel pretty comfortable - both physically, psychically and religiously - in my hair coverings of choice. But of course, like the wonderful India.Arie reminds us, it’s not possible to have your hair covering, or any part of your body and its coverings, truly encompass who you are. Her song is a great reminder to be aware of what assumptions we make about people upon first look, and to give ourselves gentle reminders to check those assumptions and open our hearts and minds to the complexities of every human.
And of course, the song also reminds us to embrace our hair (and any hair coverings) as part of our lovely selves - enjoy :)
And two more fun things:
If you love her India.Arie’s look in that top photo, check out Fanm Djanm, which sells gorgeous headscarves. And they’re an NYC-based women-owned business - woot!
And did you know that India.Arie did a collab in Hebrew with Idan Raichel?? Great hair/scarf game on both ;)