#kittywildest

[ryderlynn97]

The Reconciliation || Kitty and Ryder

Who: Kitty and Ryder When: 1 December Where: Kitty's apartment Summary: Following the Halloween blow up, Ryder goes to Kitty's with a strawberry margarita shaped peace-offering in hand. He apologises and Kitty agrees to going on a date. Tags: @kittywildest

Ryder It had been a long four weeks since Halloween and the events that had transpired at the party. Ryder had continued to feel terrible about what he'd said to Kitty. He'd genuinely had no idea that she had real serious feelings for him. He hadn't tried to contact her since that night, trying to respect her wish for space. After all, him literally strong-arming her into talking to him at the party is what had blown everything up in the first place. Well the kiss had been the spark that lit the fuse, but the party is when it all came to an explosive head. It meant that he hadn't had a 'real' conversation with Kitty since before he'd inadvertently revealed his one night stand with Blaine in the group chat. Her reaction to that made so much more sense now he knew what he knew. That had been the end of August so really it'd been over two months since his relationship with Kitty had felt normal. He'd really noticed the difference, it felt like he was walking around with a constant Kitty shaped hole in his life and he hated it. It had taken Ryder three weeks of missing Kitty, self-reflection, and internal processing to realise that maybe he'd made a mistake in turning her down. Was he attracted to her? Yes. Did he enjoy her company? Yes. Did he want her in his life? Yes. The only reason he'd turned her down was because he thought it was all a game to her, and he didn't want to be played. But with that theory torched by her yelled confession at the party, he had no argument at all for why he shouldn't give them a chance. Besides, if Kitty wasn't going to ever speak to him again anyway then what did he have to lose? Sure it might end badly and they'd both get hurt, but weren't they already there? It had taken him another week after that to decide on a plan, overthink it all a few more times, and then pluck up the courage to follow through. Ryder grabbed two margarita glasses from his kitchen cupboard before putting together the ingredients he'd bought for strawberry margaritas in his cocktail shaker. This was his peace offering, after having dismissed the idea of making the fruity drink for Kitty on various occasions. It was intended to show he'd put thought into this plan and his apology, and that he wasn't just winging it. With the dirty shaker abandoned in the sink, he let himself out of his apartment and headed for elevator, a glass in each hand. "Can you press 7 for me? Thanks." Ryder asked a random woman in the elevator, having already got his hands full with the glasses. He was hoping that he could make it to Kitty's apartment without running into any of their friends. He didn't want this to become a widely known thing, or for everyone to give him pitying looks if this failed. Luckily the elevator soon arrived at the seventh floor, and Ryder was heading down the hallway with no-one else around. He just hoped Kitty was alone and didn't have any of her friends already at her place. He reached Kitty's door, before knocking his foot against it so that he didn't risk spilling cold pink liquid all over himself. Ryder held his breath as he waited for her to answer, hoping that this wouldn't crash and burn.

Kitty Kitty exhaled in relief at the sound of the rosé hitting the glass. This month had been rough. Between rehearsals, planning logistics, and a nightmare situation where hotels had been inexplicably cancelled for an entire section of the tour, there had been a lot on her plate. And then there was the thing with Ryder. The whole thing felt heavy to her. She’d never, ever, wanted to divulge to him what he meant to her, at least not until she knew for a fact that he felt the same about her. And he decidedly didn’t. It was a hard pill to swallow, not helped by the hurt that she felt at his accusations of treating him like some kind of collector’s card, and her pride was almost as wounded as her heart. In the immediate aftermath of that awful Halloween party, she’d retreated home, thrown her pillow at the wall, and cried herself to sleep. In the week after, she’d spent the time almost as if mourning a breakup; a lot of ice cream and watching stupid rom coms and feeling like shit. Then, after that, it had gotten easier. All the issues with work had made it easy to avoid him; she’d either been out of the apartment at her manager’s office or the rehearsal studio, or she’d been in her apartment taking online meetings and ordering her PA to do things. These things had also kept her distracted. There was no need to dwell on Ryder Lynn when she had a whole damn tour to plan. And it had worked. Slowly, the situation had started to feel less like a huge ache in her chest and had started to turn cold. She’d started to turn cold. And it felt a whole lot better. She’d just turned on the TV, the streaming service queued up with the latest episode of Vanderpump Villa, and had put on her favourite pyjamas after a long bath, and was ready for a well-earned night in when she heard a knock on the door. She sighed deeply, putting the bottle of wine down on the counter. Whatever this was, it was certainly going to take up an unwelcome amount of her time. She pulled her robe around her, taking the few steps to the front door and opening it. The sight of Ryder almost made her shut it again. Suddenly, the coldness felt like it was suffocating her. It closed in around her, shards of ice piercing her. She hadn’t seen him for a month, and yet barely anything had changed about him. And that almost made it worse. She regarded him for a moment, studying his face and then the two glasses of some pink liquid with suspicion. “What do you want?” She asked, keeping the door firmly held only half-open, not giving him any indication that he might be welcome to enter.

Ryder Ryder felt a little nauseous with nerves as he waited for Kitty to answer the door. It was like waiting to go on stage before a show, the nerves tangling with a weird sense of excitement. He wanted to see her again, even if he knew that getting back on her good side was unlikely to be an easy task. The glasses were cold from the ice cubes he'd added, but the condensation drips falling onto his hand were at least helping to keep him grounded in the present. After what felt like a lifetime, he heard movement on the other side of the door before it swung open a moment later. The welcome wasn't exactly warm, though Ryder took it as a win that the door wasn't immediately slammed in his face. He would have probably deserved it after some of the things he'd said to her the last time they'd spoken. "Hi," He said, smiling half-heartedly at Kitty, not wanting to come across too eager and not remorseful enough. "I wanted us to talk... and actually talk, not whatever happened last time," He explained, feeling awkward about mentioning Halloween but she hadn't wanted to talk to him then so he didn't expect her feelings on that to have changed much. "I brought you a strawberry marg so you know I come in peace." Ryder held out one of the glasses for her to take. He'd give her both if that's what she wanted, though the idea of having a drink of his own to get through any tense moments was also appealing.

Kitty Kitty set her jaw as she listened to Ryder, rolling her eyes as he mentioned wanting to talk. A part of her wanted to let him in, and listen to whatever he was going to say, but it felt too much right now, too vulnerable. An even bigger part of her wanted to reply with nothing but a ‘no’, and shut the door in his face to send him running back downstairs with his margaritas in hand. No matter how upset she’d been, she had been honest when she’d said she didn’t want to be friends with him anymore after the botched kiss. It was a bit dramatic, maybe, but she’d been so mortified and heartbroken over the whole incident that it seemed easier, especially easier than inviting him in to have some kind of weird heart-to-heart. Still, she regarded the marg, eyes tracing over the condensation on the glass. Her eyes flickered back to her kitchen counter where the bottle of wine still sat. Yeah, the marg was a clear winner, and she wasn’t about to let that go. Taking a deep breath, she reached out to take the nearest glass from his hand. Her foot holding the door in place to not be opened another inch, she leaned against the door frame, bringing the cold drink up to her lips and taking a long sip. God, that was good. Swallowing, she looked at Ryder again, an eyebrow raised. “Talk.” She challenged, ready to slam the door the moment he said anything she didn’t like.

Ryder It was a sign of how desperate he was that he took Kitty taking the glass from him as a win, wanting to fix this so badly. However it was clear that the offered drink was only going to get him so far, with Kitty making no moves towards inviting him in to have this conversation in private. Thankfully the rest of the hall was still abandoned, though he'd shout his apology from the rooftops if that's what it took. He took a sip of his own drink, hoping even a mouthful of tequila might help with his nerves ahead of this conversation. "Okay well firstly, I just wanted to say I'm really sorry. I'm sorry for dragging you into that room and forcing you to talk to me. I'm sorry for all the stuff I said in there, I just wanted to fix things between us and I went about that in the wrong way." He explained. He was trying his best to be careful with his words, not wanting to say the wrong thing yet again. "I didn't realise how you felt, and I thought it was all a game to you. So I'm also really sorry for a bunch of other stuff I've said and done over the last few months. I can give you a full itemised list if you like?" He joked, cracking a small smile at her. There were plenty of things on that list, from comments about her relationship with Ferret Guy to some of the jabs he'd thrown in the group chat. "I think we've been on different pages, or even reading different books. But maybe we can talk some more and set the record straight?"

Kitty Kitty listened to him speak, that awful sinking feeling entering her stomach as he started talking about the fight they’d had at that Halloween party, and she was glad that she was leaning against the doorframe because it stopped her from fidgeting or pacing just to get the awful feeling out of her body. It was humiliating to be reminded that he now knew how she’d been pining over him for years and that he’d barely looked at her twice, and she considered shutting the door in his face just to get him to stop talking about it. As he finished, however, she looked down at her margarita, gently swirling the ice cubes around in the pink liquid, taking a deep breath to steady herself. “I think we were actually reading from the same book, it’s just you’re really bad at reading.” Her eyes moved upwards to meet his for a brief second before she sighed deeply, moving her foot and letting the door swing open. She turned on her heel, not waiting to see if he’d accepted the invitation, before walking over to the couch and throwing her head back to take another long drink of the marg. She made her way over to the end of the couch, sitting right on the edge, as far away from the other end as possible. “So, what do you want to talk about? Me having some stupid crush or you thinking I was some kind of maneater with a playbook? ‘Cause I can talk about both for hours.” Despite letting him into the apartment, her tone wasn’t any warmer, and despite wanting to talk, she was going to make him work for a resolution.

Ryder Ryder couldn't help the amused exhale of air that escaped through his nose at Kitty's comment on his reading ability. This is the kind of banter he desperately missed, even if the temperature of the conversation was a little colder than usual. She wasn't even wrong, he was bad at reading in every sense of the word. The last few months had proved that over and over again. It was another win for him though that she moved to let him in, and he followed her into her apartment. He'd been here plenty of times before, but it had been a while after all of their recent spats. He closed the door behind him before moving over to the couch. It was a conscious choice to sit on the opposite end to Kitty, wanting to respect her space. A quick glance at the television showed that he'd interrupted her just before she was about to start some reality show he'd never watched. "Maybe we don't have to talk. Maybe I talk and you can just listen." He started, taking another sip from the glass in his hand. "I just wanted to put my cards on the table. It seems only fair since I kind of forced you to show me yours." Ryder said, flashing an apologetic smile at her. "I really care about you, you're one of my best friends. I really didn't want to lose you or what we had, so I denied any feelings I had for you because I thought it didn't mean anything to you and you were just having fun. I know I was wrong now, and maybe I should have been honest with you at the time, but I just couldn't face taking the risk that we'd burn it all down for just one night or whatever." He explained, glancing briefly at Kitty before staring at one of the melting ice cubes in his glass to distract himself from the intensity of the conversation and being this open and vulnerable with her.

Kitty Ryder being so prepared to talk took Kitty aback, and she watched him speak with wide eyes, lips resting on the rim of her glass. As he spoke, however, she felt her jaw tense along with the rest of her body, a cold splash of ice water in her veins at the word ‘feelings’. So he had feelings for her too, and probably had all this time, even if he’d tried to keep them down. This was everything she’d wanted for years. Her heart swelled with hope and excitement at this prospect, but a more logical part of her brain shushed it. It had been seven long and painful years of being so crazy for him, watching him with other people, things never panning out for them, that she knew better than to get her hopes up that this could actually be the start of anything for them. All of this felt too good to be true. Instead, she watched him, her eyes cold and hard, almost frozen in her body and unsure of her next move. Shakily, she took a deep breath, eyes moving back down to her glass as she contemplated her words. “Don’t…” She paused, fighting to maintain composure. “Don’t say that just because you feel bad for me or something.” There was that, too. She held a deep rooted fear that if Ryder were to ever reciprocate, it would be some kind of pity act. “I’d rather we just weren’t friends than you saying all this to make me feel better because I said some embarrassing shit when I was drunk.”

Ryder Ryder could almost see Kitty's barriers up, from the rigid way she was sitting to the cold look in her eyes. He knew that everything he'd said at Halloween had helped to keep those walls up high and he needed to regain her trust in order to start taking them down again. Though there was every chance that she would kick him out of her life before he had the chance to try, which was a terrifying thought. "I'm not just saying this because I feel bad for you or to make you feel better. I'm telling you because it's the truth and I thought maybe we should just be straight with each other after everything that's happened." It was him making assumptions about Kitty's intentions that had gotten them into this mess, so he was just trying to fix what he'd broken. "I have always thought you would make an incredible girlfriend. You're funny, quick, beautiful, smart and fun to be around. But I always convinced myself that we were better off as friends because I didn't want to lose what we had. I didn't think you were serious so I was happy to accept staying friends because I wasn't prepared to risk it all. But I didn't understand that doing nothing was probably worse and I'm really sorry that you got hurt because of it. I really miss you, there's been a Kitty shaped hole in my life for the last two months and I just had to come here and set the story straight before you decide anything for good."

Kitty Kitty could feel something inside her soften as Ryder spoke, every word landing in exactly their desired spot, despite her best efforts to push his sincerity away. Kitty knew Ryder very well, and knew when he was full of shit and when he was being honest - to be honest, it was more often the latter, and this was no exception. Her mind fought with itself, because no matter how perfect the words he was saying to her were, there was still something stuck in her mind, something that was stopping her from coming around and letting her guard down. Fear or stubbornness, she couldn’t tell. She took a deep breath, keeping the glass balanced on her lap as she brought her hands up to cover her face. “God, I kind of wish you weren’t saying all this. Just never talking again would be so much easier.” But not better, her mind finished. She let her hands fall, exhaling as she brought her eyes back up to meet his. She considered her words for a moment, before frowning and shaking her head. “Ryder, I-“ She sighed. “I don’t know what to do here, or where to go. All of this has just gotten messy and embarrassing.” She watched him for a moment, feeling her chest clench. “I don’t think I can go back to how we were before.”

Ryder Even the suggestion of the two of them never talking again felt like a bucket of cold water had been thrown over him, with a ball of dread forming in Ryder's stomach. That only confirmed for him that he was doing the right thing by being here, by taking this risk. If the options were to try something real or never speak to each other again, he was now willing to roll the dice and see where they'd end up. Except Kitty didn't seem to have put together that that's what he was prepared to offer, given that she mentioned going back to how things were before. He already knew that was off the table from everything that had been said, or shouted, at Halloween. "No I figured that from everything you said before, at the party. You know, the whole you don't want to be my friend thing. You were very clear." Ryder said bemusedly. "So I was thinking instead of going back to how we were before, why don't we go somewhere new? Somewhere we haven't been before. So... if you're still interested, I would love to take you on a date. We could get dinner or see a movie or do whatever you want. I know we've done all that stuff as friends but this would be as more than that, it'd be a real date. Then we can see where it goes, I can't let you just walk away without giving us a shot. What do you say?" 

Kitty Kitty somehow knew where Ryder was headed just as he started to open his mouth. In preparation, and mostly because she genuinely had no idea how she’d respond, she clenched her jaw and took a deep breath, casting her eyes back downwards to her drink. As his words hit her, however, she let out a breath of air that came out halfway as a laugh and halfway as a huff of frustration. “You want to go on a date?” She asked, a deep-set frown setting into her face as her jaw dropped open. She sighed, letting her head fall back, a groan escaping her lips. This was what she’d wanted for the longest time, but there was something frustrating about the timing of it. “Where the fuck was this before the stupid Halloween party where I spilled my guts like an idiot?” She asked, looking back up at him with her eyebrows raised and her face tired. Her mind was fighting itself, trying to decide whether to give into his kind words or harden up and send him out. “Your timing is just so garbage, Lynn.” She couldn’t help but chuckle, looking back up to the ceiling. She was quiet for a moment, contemplating her choices, trying to decide which risk was easier to take. After a moment, she let her head fall back down and set her eyes on him. “A movie? And it won’t be some stupid superhero Star Wars shit that makes me want to pull my hair out?” She challenged him, her eyebrow raised.

Ryder Whilst he did understand why given the circumstances, Ryder did wish that Kitty's first reaction to him asking her out wasn't a frown followed by a groan. This was supposed to be a good thing and seeing her smile would be a welcome sight after the heartache of the last month. He didn't think he'd seen that since he was dancing along to the Spice Girls before the now infamous Lyft kiss incident. But maybe the ship had sailed now and he'd missed his chance. "I was in denial before the party." Ryder explained succinctly. He hadn't even known he was in denial either, and had just been operating under his own false pretences. "I didn't think you wanted anything serious so I shut down any idea of us in my head. Then you said what you said and I've had this time to reflect on everything and realise how badly I fucked up. I do want to take you on a date, and probably lots of dates after that, and to give us a real chance." He hated that he'd hurt her, and that he was largely the reason for the tired look on her face. They'd both just failed at communicating with each other and he hoped that he was throwing them a lifeline by showing up here and finally being open with her. Ryder looked up at her challenge, a sparkle in his eye as she gave the first indication that she was thinking about saying yes. It was also the first opportunity to joke around with her and get back to their usual banter. "No, no Star Wars shit, I promise. But I heard that AMC are playing re-runs of that Paul Rudd comedy again. You know, your favourite one with the ants." He teased.

Kitty As happy as she was that things seemed to be happening now, a part of Kitty kicked herself for not being more forthcoming with her feelings much sooner. Despite being good at going for gold in her professional life, when it came to her emotions, that prospect had been scarier than it had been appealing, and she’d always figured that quietly pining until Ryder made the first move was preferable to being turned down. Now being faced with the fact that, maybe, Ryder could’ve reciprocated years ago if she’d just been a little braver, was frustrating. She exhaled slowly, eyes lowering to her glass for a moment as Ryder spoke, before looking back up at him. “I always wanted…” She trailed off, still finding it hard to be truly forthright with what she wanted to say, before she let a small smile linger in the corners of her mouth. “I am not falling for that shit again.” It felt good to joke, to laugh about some of this. It felt like there was hope that their entire friendship wasn’t going to be thrown away because of a stupid moment. She took a deep breath, before nodding. “Fine. I’ll go on a date with you.” She couldn’t quite believe that it was her saying that instead of him, but she was rarely going to turn down the upper hand in any situation. “No superhero movies, no shitty burger joints, and no karaoke.” She smirked at him. “Seem doable?”

Ryder Ryder found it hard to comprehend that Kitty had always wanted him, at least that was the implication of her half-finished sentence. Sure they'd hit it off from that first day in the studio but she'd never let on that she wanted a romantic relationship with him. There had always been an undercurrent of attraction bubbling away, but he'd never once realised how deep that ran for her. They'd watched each other date countless people since then, from one night stands to his two year relationship with Sam. It was weird to think it would now be Kitty that he was dating, but he found that he was excited to see where this led. "You should have given it a chance, it's a great film." Ryder laughed, enjoying the levity of the moment compared to the last two months. Especially when it was followed by Kitty finally saying yes to going out with him. "Damn, that was my first three ideas gone." He joked. "But yes of course, give me a little credit. I know what you like and I will plan accordingly, okay?" Ryder wasn't sure exactly what he wanted to do for their date yet, but he was determined to make it special given their history and how long they'd been inadvertently dancing around each for.

Kitty Kitty couldn’t help the little smirk that was growing on her face, feeling somewhat settled about all of this and surprised at how easy it was to laugh and joke. It was like he’d single-handedly chipped away at the layer of ice that had formed over her entire self in the time since the Halloween party, and it was back to being how it was before. Or, apparently, maybe even better. “A movie called Ant-Man is not a great film.” She countered, rolling her eyes, before she fought to hide a grin at his following words. Her stomach filled with fluttering at the thought of Ryder planning a date for her. Not some ‘let’s grab a beer and chill’ hangout, but an actual, bonafide date. “Fine. If your idea is bad, I’ll just stand you up, so it works for me either way.” She shrugged a shoulder, taking a nonchalant sip of her margarita.

Ryder Ryder wondered if one day, further down the line, he would be able to coerce Kitty into watching more Marvel films with him. The chances were slim right now but maybe it was more a boyfriend/girlfriend activity, if they were to get that far. "How would you know? You made me turn it off." He smiled warmly at the memory, all too ready to start making more positive memories with her and leave this period of fighting and not speaking behind. "Okay great, I don't have bad ideas so I'll see you there." He shot back before draining the last of the margarita from his glass. He didn't know the specifics of the date yet but at least he now had a positive response from her and could start planning in earnest. "That's pretty much all I wanted to say. I'll leave you to your Vanderpump Villa." He said, gesturing towards the television that had her show pre-loaded and ready to go. It felt like a good place to leave things. They'd cleared the air, they had a way forward and now he just needed to plan a great date. "I'll text you with the details." Ryder said as he stood up to leave. "And see you later." He added with a smile before heading for the door, feeling a hundred times lighter than he had before this conversation.

[ryderlynn97]

The Truth Comes Out || Kitty and Ryder

Who: Kitty and Ryder When: 31 October Where: Halloween Party Summary: Ryder confronts Kitty after weeks of getting the cold shoulder. The two are finally honest with each other about their situation and some feelings are confessed (loudly). Tags: @kittywildest

Kitty Kitty hated the idea of a costume party, especially when it involved twenty or so of her neighbours and was at some half-baked celebrity’s house, but she’d had to admit that this hadn’t been half bad. Never one to sacrifice hotness for authenticity, she’d managed to finesse a pretty cute Tinkerbell costume out of an old green dress she’d forgotten she’d had and a pair of fairy wings, and after covering her face and cleavage with a generous layer of glitter, she’d felt hot enough to brave this holiday. Despite trying to dodge Ryder all night, Kitty still unable to break the mental block she had when it came to him after that night she’d kissed him, it had been a good party. After a few drinks in and a surprising encounter that she, uncharacteristically, thought could amount to a pretty good friendship, her cheeks were warm and she couldn’t help the way she grinned, walking away from her interaction with Sugar to the bar to grab another ‘Bloody Margarita’. Maybe she could pass through this night unscathed. Wasn’t that what anyone wanted on Halloween anyways?

Ryder Ryder was having an okay night. The drinks were good (it was a nice change not to have to make them himself), the music was decent and the house was huge and very well decorated. It had all the ingredients for an amazing night but something wasn't sitting right with him. Kitty still wasn't talking to him and it had begun to niggle at him constantly. It was putting a dampener on his party spirit. He just wanted to talk to her again, to joke around like they always did. Their go-to party activity was always judging other people together and it wasn't the same knowing that she wasn't speaking to him at all. This wasn't one of their normal fights either. They usually had small spats which were resolved as quickly as they started. This was possibly the longest they'd gone without speaking since they'd first met back in that studio all those years ago. The Kitty-sized hole in his life was becoming an issue, one that Ryder was keen to resolve. As luck would have it, he spotted the blonde heading for the bar and decided to do something about his concerns instead of moping around any longer. "S'up Wilde," Ryder said in greeting as he joined her at the bar. He was trying to keep it light, keep it casual. "How are you, are you having a good night?" Kitty Kitty was about to order her marg, waiting for the bartender to be finished with his current drink to take her order, when a voice shook her out of her thoughts. It was a familiar voice, and one that pulled on something inside her before her brain had been able to catch up and figure out who it was. Ryder. She sighed, closing her eyes momentarily, feeling that stabbing discomfort that seemed to find her any time he tried to reach out. She so badly wanted to end this and speak to him again, but stubbornness and embarrassment mixed with a weird heartbreak over the whole situation stopped her. She still couldn’t believe how badly she’d stepped in it. “Double shot of tequila.” She changed her order quickly as she got the bartender’s attention, before turning her head to face Ryder, but keeping her eyes downcast. “Yup, pretty good, celebrity parties always have the good alcohol.” She grabbed the shot as it was put in front of her, relieved and grateful for the bartender’s quickness, and raised it in cheers towards Ryder. “Happy Halloween.” She muttered, before turning away and throwing the shot back, wincing slightly but glad for the distraction as she started to walk away, in search of Dani or someone else to give her an ounce of cover from Ryder.

Ryder Ryder felt the increasingly familiar jab of... something (sadness? ennui? annoyance? all of the above?) in his gut as Kitty once more tried to get away from him. He quickly abandoned the bar without a drink to go after her, not willing to give up so easily on trying to talk to her. He'd had a few drinks already, probably a couple too many, which allowed him to be a bit more persistent than usual, his desire to talk to her and get back to 'normal' outweighing any desire to give her space. Hadn't she had enough space? It was getting ridiculous at this point. "Nice costume," He tried, deciding to try and get back into her good graces with a compliment. "You make a good Tink," Ryder added, trying to come up with a conversation topic since she clearly wasn't going to give him one. Plus it was true, she looked great in her outfit, even if it felt weird to say it in that many words. There seemed to be an awkwardness settling in between them, something he was desperate to get rid of now he'd gotten her on her own. "Thoughts on the DJ?" He asked, picking the first topic he could think of as music continued to blare out of the speakers. It seemed like a safe enough topic and judging other people's music choices had always been a pastime of theirs. Kitty Kitty had managed three steps away before she heard Ryder beside her again, and she sighed deeply, wishing she’d stayed at the bar, if for nothing else than the shots she’d need to make this conversation easier. She was glad the lighting was low in this room to mask the way the blood rushed into her cheeks as he complimented her costume. The truth was, he hadn’t been the furthest thing from her mind when she’d picked it, thanks to some irritating force of habit leftover from years of pining for him, trying to impress him. His words reminded her of that fact, she grit her teeth, feeling stupider and stupider for even allowing the thought to begin with. She didn’t reply to the compliment, crossing her arms and looking at the sparkly pom poms on her shoes, avoiding his eyes at all costs. His next question made her wince. God, he was really trying, and she wasn’t able to give back any of it. She took a deep breath, turning her head to look at the DJ. “Too many slow jams, not enough… Bowie.” She finished lamely. Even her quips had died a death. She forced a smile, glancing up momentarily before she fixed her eyes downward again. “Have a good party.” She replied, turning on her heel again and this time attempting a speed march away.

Ryder Ryder wanted to cringe at himself for this conversation. It was stilted and painful and nothing like their usual dynamic. Conversations with Kitty had always been fun, lively, and a back-and-forth between them. Now it was very one-sided, with Ryder putting in all the effort whilst Kitty continued to avoid interacting with him. That theme seemed to continue as she gave him a half-hearted response before once again turning and walking away from him. Ryder stared after her for a moment, confused about just how badly one ill-advised kiss had messed with things. But it shouldn't change things and he would be damned if he let a seven year friendship fizzle out over this. Something inside him snapped, needing a resolution to all this, more uncertainty would just drive him insane. If that meant confronting the elephant in the room then maybe it was time for him to force the issue. He rushed after Kitty, grabbing her by the forearm and pulling her towards a nearby door. He opened it, pulling Kitty through with him before shutting the door behind them. He wanted to be able to talk to her openly without worrying about people eavesdropping. The room they were now in seemed to be some kind of small library, a bookcase filling the wall opposite them. "Okay this is getting ridiculous. Can we talk about this?" He asked, searching Kitty's face for clues on how she was feeling. "Why won't you talk to me? Have I done something to upset you?"

Kitty Kitty had really thought she’d gotten away from Ryder, and had already started formulating a plan to sneak out the side entrance to call an Uber as soon as she could (better that than Lyft, she figured), when she felt a hand on her arm, pulling her away. She snapped her head towards her assailant, jaw dropping open as she realised who it was, and she twisted her arm around, trying to get him to let her go. “Lynn!” She exclaimed, trying a yanking motion as she felt herself be led into a side room. The door shut behind the two of them and she finally pried her arm free, yanking it away from him as she took a step backwards, eyes wide and staring daggers at him. “I’m gonna start screaming in a second.” She warned before he had the chance to speak. His words took her aback, however, and she immediately dropped her gaze from his eyes and stared instead at the collar on his shirt. She didn’t want to talk about this, she didn’t want to ever talk about any of this, it made her feel so heavy and sad and pathetic. However, instead of slinking away like she’d been doing for weeks, another part of Kitty took hold, probably thanks to the alcohol; an angrier, rawer, more heartbroken part of her who was just furious that she’d allowed this to happen, and furious at Ryder for poking her open wound. “Yeah, you wore a stupid fucking Halloween costume.” She retorted, not caring that the alcohol seemed to have taken the edge off her wit. “I’ve had a feeling you’d pull some dumb shit like a ninja turtle for the last few weeks and I didn’t want to fucking deal with it.” Her voice rose slightly, but she pulled her arms tighter around herself. She knew her words wouldn’t fool him for a second, but it was so much easier than telling the truth. Ryder The daggers that were being sent his way weren't exactly a surprise, Kitty likely wouldn't have wanted to be dragged in here against her will even if they were on good terms. But Ryder wasn't scared of her, and he wanted to fix whatever had gone wrong between them so putting up with a few dirty looks and eye rolls seemed like a small price to pay. It was certainly better than continuing with the silence that he'd received for the last month or so. Ryder raised an eyebrow as she insulted his costume, looking down at the green outfit with the fake yellow six pack glued to the outside. It hadn't been his original idea but Blaine had been looking for a third ninja turtle and he hadn't had any better ideas of his own. But even then, he knew Kitty was continuing to avoid the topic. This had all started the morning after he picked her up in Hollywood and there was only one reasonable explanation for what had triggered the silence. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise you had such strong opinions on what costume I was going to wear," He replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes at her comment. "But we both know it's not really that so can we cut the bullshit? We've been friends for so long, you're one of my best friends actually, are you really going to never speak to me again because of that one kiss?" Ryder asked. Though in his opinion, calling it a kiss also made it sound bigger than it was, since he'd pulled away instead of reciprocating. "It doesn't have to be a big deal. It would have been a bad idea but you don't have to feel awkward about it." He said. "We all have bad ideas sometimes." Ryder added after a beat, trying to lighten the mood with a teasing joke.

Kitty Kitty rolled her eyes at his retort to her complaint about his costume before rolling them again as he called her out for being mad about something else. She had a feeling that this would be a long conversation of rolled eyes. She needed to do anything to deflect from the dull ache that throbbed in her gut. As the word ‘kiss’ left his mouth, she tightened her lips into a line, turning her head to look at the shelf of books to her right, eyes scanning over the rows of diet books and celebrity autobiographies as she listened, wishing she could vanish. She settled on some throwaway comment agreeing with him that it wasn’t a big deal, an empty promise to end the icy tension, followed by an exit home and a scroll through apartment listings to get away from him once and for all. However, the words ‘bad idea’ slipped out of his mouth, and her head snapped back to face him, an icy chill running through her veins. Her jaw clenched as he said it again, and she watched him for a moment. The embarrassment faded into the background, replaced by a deep-set sadness and a fiery anger. “Bad ideas?” She repeated after him, her voice cold and detached. She nodded thoughtfully, shifting on her feet as she tried to decide how to wield her anger, the alcohol in her system making it harder to do so. “You know what was a bad idea? Getting in that fucking car with you to begin with.” Her voice raised slightly before she frowned, her hands flying to her hips. “I didn’t want to fucking drive home with you, Ryder. I knew some dumb shit would happen. And you made me do it anyways.” She knew this wasn’t entirely fair, but it felt good to put the blame on someone else. “Yes, I shouldn’t have fucking kissed you, Lynn, but I wouldn’t have if you’d just let me call another fucking car and gone home alone. But no, you had to be Prince fucking Charming, a knight in shining armour. Don’t you get tired of always being such a fucking nice guy?”

Ryder Ryder hadn't intended to say the words bad idea, at least not out loud. He'd already swallowed them down once in the immediate aftermath of the kiss, but he hadn't been so careful this time. The alcohol had made his lips looser, and his mouth hadn't consulted with his brain before speaking. But he stood by the fact that it would have been a bad idea for a multitude of reasons. He didn't want to be another pawn in her game, and another conquest to be won. Not to mention their sobriety levels being on opposite ends of the spectrum that night. But her anger took him off guard, why was she getting so bothered by this? It was highly likely that she didn't hear the word no much; she was objectively hot and he imagined there were very few men or women who would turn her down once she made a move. Did not getting her way really annoy her that much? Ryder knew that she was mad the second he heard the shift in her tone and it poked at something inside him, putting him on the defensive before she'd even finished speaking. "You're seriously mad at me for not leaving you drunk and crying alone on a sidewalk in Hollywood to get a ride with a stranger?" Ryder asked incredulously. He couldn't believe she was giving him shit for picking her up when she'd been the one to call the car, even if she hadn't meant for it to be him. "I wasn't trying to be a knight in shining armour, I was just trying to be a good friend. You called me - you could have cancelled when you saw who they gave the ride to. Also I must have missed the memo where getting in my car made you kiss me. None of my other passengers seemed to suffer that side effect." He commented sarcastically. "And are you for real giving me shit for being nice to you? Would you rather I was an asshole to you instead? You seem to have that part covered though."

Kitty Kitty, once again, rolled her eyes, throwing her head back with exasperation as she did so. “Ryder, it’s LA, there are crying drunk girls calling Lyfts every five minutes, I would’ve been fine. Just like I’ve been every other fucking time you didn’t swoop in like Superman to rescue me.” Her blood was rushing in her ears at this point, and she paced slightly back and forth, eyes locked onto him, wishing once again that she’d picked shorter heels with her outfit. Everything Ryder was saying was making her want to bury her face in her hands and scream. Of course she didn’t cancel - she hadn’t seen it was him. Because nobody checks who their driver is before they get in the car, Ryder, so stop giving her shit for it. The issue wasn’t that getting in the car made her kiss him, Ryder, it was that he hadn’t listened to her when she’d tried to avoid it. It was all so frustrating. “I wish you were an asshole, then all of this would be easier.” She spat out. “People don’t stay friends after shit like this happens, Ryder. Call me an asshole all you want but at least I’m not pretending everything’s fine and like I’m the nice good guy who’ll fix everything by fucking smiling a lot.” She took a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut and bringing a hand up to the bridge of her nose, trying to get her bearings again. “I know what I said in the car, after it happened, but I was wrong. We can’t stay friends and you need to stop trying to force it.” She dropped her hand, looking at him again, feeling an ache over her whole body as she said the words, knowing she wouldn’t be able to take them back.

Ryder Ryder watched as Kitty paced in front of him, feeling a little ridiculous that they were doing this whilst dressed as Tinkerbell and a ninja turtle of all things. But leaving it any longer would have driven him mad, and she would no doubt have continued to avoid him so he had to grab whatever opportunity he could. It was hard hearing Kitty call him out for trying to fix things with a smile, and memories of performing a Spice Girls song at karaoke last weekend crept into his mind. If she didn't want him to even smile at her, then singing Who Do You Think You Are in front of the whole group would definitely be worse, and some feelings of embarrassment began to creep in over his decision to do just that. He was desperate to hold onto what they had, something which was increasingly looking like a futile mission as she told him that they couldn't be friends anymore. It was like a bucket of cold water had been poured over him, which was only getting colder the more he processed what she was telling him. He stared at her in confusion, his brain desperately trying to come up with all the ways he could have misinterpreted what she had said. But all signs were pointing to the fact that they were done, and she was going to cut him out of her life. "What the fuck?" He felt a little anger of his own beginning to seep in. Anger at her, and also anger at himself for whatever part he played in them getting here. "I don't want to play your damn game so that's that? We've been friends for seven years and you're walking away over this? No offence but that's fucking stupid, get over it."

Kitty Kitty knew her words would hurt when she said them, but Ryder’s reaction took her aback nonetheless. She hadn’t expected the anger, or how strongly he expressed it, and kicked herself as she felt tears pricking her eyes. She turned away from him and looked up at the ceiling, blinking rapidly in the hopes that they wouldn’t fall and, at best, ruin her makeup or, at worst, betray how sad this whole thing was to Ryder. However, his words made her snap her head back, and she felt her frown deepen as she listened to him speak, wincing as he told her to get over it. If only he knew how hard she’d tried. How many men she’d dragged into bed to try and get over her feelings for Ryder, to rub out that corner of her mind he always occupied. Kitty knew he meant it in a different way, but the two couldn’t help but conflate in her mind. “What fucking game, Ryder?” She asked, the words bursting out of her in an emotional yell as she threw her arms back in a gesture of incredulousness. “What fucking game? I’m not playing games, I’m not fucking around, I just can’t-“ She cut herself off as a few stray tears fell down her face, and took a deep breath to compose herself. “I don’t want to fucking be friends with you after what I did. It makes me want to crawl out of my skin, I can’t fucking stand it.” She took another calming breath, one that did nothing of the sort, and a couple more tears fell. “I should’ve done this fucking years ago and then you’d just be some guy I used to know instead of all of this.”

Ryder Ryder was clutching at straws to try and retain what he had left of his relationship with Kitty and could tell that he was failing massively. Much to his despair and frustration, those straws were all falling around him. He didn't want her to disappear from his life, who would he quip back and forth with? He enjoyed her attitude because he knew that she could take it as well as she gave it out, and there were many occasions where they'd team up and judge other people together instead. She was one of his favorite people to spend time with and the idea that he wasn't going to have that anymore was devastating. "You're being kind of dramatic, what do you mean you don't want to be friends with me?" He asked, the statement hurting more than he'd expect. It felt like a knife to the gut. The anger she was throwing back at him was also confusing, with big gestures and even tears. "Instead of all what? I don't give in to your game and suddenly that's it? You're out? And don't what game me." He said, his frustration leaking through into his tone. "Girls always want what they can't have, right? Mike, Finn, Puck... it's basically just me left, your white whale. Puck cuts you off and suddenly you're moving onto me? Was Ferret Guy not a good enough replacement? Not a good enough lay? No fuck that, I'm not a fucking bed warmer to be tossed in the pile with everyone else once you've ticked me off the list." Ryder added, his frustrations turning into a vent as he finally put his cards on the table. "So if you don't want to be friends with me because your ego can't take that then you're not the person I thought you were." Kitty Kitty felt like the bandaid she’d attempted to put on her wounds after the car incident had been ripped off, and every word that Ryder said was another pinch of salt rubbed in. She knew that he hadn’t known how she felt this whole time, she’d gone to great pains to hide it, but to find out that all along, he’d thought this was some kind of twisted catch-em-all game to her? The mere fact that he thought she would put him through that was hurtful. As he listed the men she’d slept with, she felt heat rising in her cheeks, wishing she could take all of them back. His last words were like one final kick in the teeth. “Fuck you. If you think I’d do that to you then you’re not who I thought you were either.” She retorted in a burst of emotion. All of this was too much, it was too painful, and she barely considered her words before they spilled out of her. “Ryder, I don’t want to be friends with you because I’ve been fucking crazy for you for seven years.” She let her eyes meet his for a moment, before continuing. “I kept waiting for the right time and it kept not coming, and I kept fucking other guys and trying to get over it, but I couldn’t and I never could. And I’m sorry for the fucking kiss, I don’t know why I did it, but it ruined everything. And now I know you don’t want me, and I know I’m never going to get over it, so please just leave me the fuck alone and stop making this so goddamn hard.” As her last words left her mouth, she knew she didn’t want to stick around for his reaction. This was what she’d been so afraid of for so many years. Instead, she reached an arm out to gently but firmly push him aside so she could quickly step past him to reach the door, quickly making her exit from the room, looking for a way to leave the party with her head firmly down, hoping nobody would notice the streams of tears falling freely down her cheeks.

Ryder If Kitty's previous words had been a knife to the gut, what came next was her grabbing the handle and twisting it deep. He tried to process what she was telling him but it was like his brain was lagging, throwing up error messages and glitches as he tried to make sense of what she was saying. She... liked him? And had all along? Ryder had been so sure that it'd just been a game between them, just some harmless flirting and playful banter. To hear that he'd completely misunderstood and misread the situation for seven years was the last thing he expected. His mouth opened and then closed again as she declared that she wasn't going to get over the fact that he didn't want her. It was a lot to take in, especially in the midst of the loud row they seemed to have found themselves in. "Kitty, wait-" He tried half-heartedly as he allowed himself to be pushed out of the way of the door. It was probably for the best that she didn't stop, he didn't know what he'd have said next if she had. He might have started with an apology for everything that had come out of his mouth in the last five minutes. A heavy sense of guilt began to creep in as he replayed their conversation, realising the weight of the words he'd thrown at her in this new context. God, he'd really fucked up. With a profound sense of sadness that there was every chance Kitty would never speak to him again, Ryder headed back out of the room to the main party. He was definitely not in the party mood anymore, and could now think of nothing but Kitty and the hurt and pain he'd inadvertently caused her.

[tinaccs]

when: saturday, july 19th where: the elevator in their apartment building who: tina & @kittywildest

for once, tina felt like she'd woken up on the right side of the bed. she'd slept surprisingly well, and almost had a pep in her step on her way out of the building, heading out for a library trip. the only thing that could stop her? the sight of a face she knew well greeting her on the other side of the elevator doors, leaving her with pause. she's tempted, at least for a couple seconds, to step out and simply take the stairs the rest of the way down, but she knows kitty knows this isn't her floor, and, as hard as she's considering trying, she knows she can't avoid the other woman forever. "oh. ...hi." tina chooses to greet her instead, stepping aside to make some more room between them, and then, surprising even herself, dares to continue the conversation. "we missed you at dinner last night." a conversation starter, a simple pleasantry, but, also, the truth. did she miss the awkwardness between them at the moment? no, of course not. but her friendship with kitty, before their fight on her cancelled wedding day? absolutely.

[arminalrt]

kittywildest replied to your photo: i actually got to meet one of my celebrityish...

why is this man touching my girlfriend

lol'd idk i'm sorry