Anger
Dear Diary, The anger is coming back again. The soft lull of quiet days where things are safe has seemed to shifted as my emotions seem to take turns I will never understand. I enjoyed the peace and quiet and yet, I regret the actions in which I took, particularly yesterday. Ann'da told me. I think he has his own sick pleasure on watching the reactions of others, particularly violent ones but Minn'da tells me that fighting in any relationship is healthy because if you agree on everything or if the person just does everything right then that just isn't natural. He told me that Aedari's heart monitor went off, telling me this while I did my late night drawings. I didn't have my earring on and he told me that Roldien said everything was alright. Well, when I had left I had left the two of them together. So maybe something scared her? But then he said there was a mentioning of muscles and his own implications and teasing that I could hear from his end only made me frown and I messed up the rune. It exploded. It took an hour to get the soot out of my hair. And it just festered. It festered all day. What reason did he need to have his shirt off? Increased heart rate is what Aedari said when she tried to explain love to me. Along with blushing and other things. Though by now I understand most of what she explained was lust. Did she lust for him? I had never taken the opportunity to see him in an exposed state. Each time he was sort of injured and that is no time to stare! Maybe, no, I am jealous. I can't help but feel that way because the feelings I have for him have not gone away and he's been my support through much as I have been for him. And as this anger festered it only got worse and the grounding I had done for the morning came undone, particularly that evening. But I snapped at Mother. I don't want to make her worry over trivial things. She's about to pop and my little sister will be with us soon. Negative emotions would be bad for her but she is a good listener. I need to talk to her about it but even though I should, I don't think it would change anything. It seems that he is no different than other men. Men like Zidane who claims love and then is absolutely infatuated with a girl who forced him into a relationship. It honestly makes my stomach turn when he starts in on that. Because then I wonder if he understands what love is. Minn'da always said never say it unless you know that you mean it. Leiran can barely say it unless it is to us, his family but I'm sure he's said it to Rhonae! I need to talk to Mother today... if she doesn't pop of course. But it only got worse when I was heading home and I always stop by the Inn in Falconwing to see if the lady there can make me her honey tea. It is the best really. And there was Seri and Roldien leaning against one another. And my mind clicked to the bad things. It took me a moment to realize Uncle Kol'turu was there. And I almost did something bad. I almost let my anger flow and well, did something illogical. I'm glad I didn't. I was told that the magical rebound of the spell they were doing could have really hurt Seri. I'm not mad at her. Just... mad at him. Maybe a little at Aedari. She has a boyfriend! But I just stormed off. Uncle Kol'turu followed after me. We probably would have talked longer if the comm hadn't gone off. Seri didn't react well to whatever memory thing she as doing. There were traps set in his memories from the Old God but now his head is fixed and Seri is a little bit of a mumbled mess. I went home to set up her room and make sure that there were things she'll need. I let Minn'da and Ann'da know so that they could keep an eye on her too but I bet Uncle Kol'turu is going to be staying with her. She likes apples, so I left four in a bowl by her bed. I hope she gets better. And I'll set Roldien on fire another time. Lily