#kolo posts

[outragedslime]

Ok summary of some thoughts about the finnish study before i sleep. This isnt gonna be well worded so take it with a grain of salt.

• correlation =/= causation. Please please please i want people to write this on their foreheads

• they state a limitation themselves that the patients reasons for "needing specialist psychiatric treatment" could not be analysed

• their data came from medical records, not from surverying. This itself makes me critical of them using the word "need"- to me, this would rather indicate discrete instances of people /getting/ treatment. Typically, the need for treatment comes before treatment, and the timespan of that need is not analysed

• with the prev point, take me for example. My medical records show me "needing" psychiatric treatment much more as an adult... whos much better well off than when i was younger! Im getting this treatment because im in a stable enough position to actually seek out that help. This includes both increased self respect and increased financial freedom.

• finance may be especially relevant here. If someone "needs specialist psychiatric treatment", they may only be able to actually seek it out once gaining independence, which for most people happens after the age of 18. Note that the survey didn't include anyone over the age of 23 at the time of referral, with the mean being 19 if im remembering right.

• something they didnt touch on is that the data shows only approx a third of people who were referred to a gender identity service actually went through a gender reassignment within (at min!) 2 years of their initial referral. Could be worth investigating the barriers when making such a claim.

• again, correlation =/= causation. More treatment does not mean worse mental health.

Things the data are saying: trans teens and young adults, on average get more specialist psychiatric treatment than cis people of similar ages. This tends to increase >2 years after their initial referrals.

Conclusions that CANNOT be made with confidence: transitioning worsens mental health.

Why? Bc you cannot with confidence state that more treatment means worse mental health.

[outragedslime]

Happy and sleepy pantaloon bee in my moms garden!

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LOOK WHAT I GOT

[outragedslime]

should i go on testosterone soon hehe

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Some of the friends ive met recently :)

[outragedslime]

its been so long since i used tumblr as a kinda diary lol but i would like to ramble about my thoughts more often so i may do it again

thought of the day: its so weird trying to get help for things you struggle with and not getting it because you prepared yourself for that support meeting, and so you "seem capable" and not get that support. ill ramble a little about it under the cut but this is mostly related to autism and employment #pensive #thoughtful

i was diagnosed earlier this year with autism and a large part of my issues relate to social interactions and strong anxiety surrounding them (even posting this is taking a lot out of me, ive stopped posting much other than my art lately because of social anxiety, but im trying to change that). in february i went to a college counsellor to ask for advice on how to get hired because i knew ill get into the situation im in currently, where im jobseeking and unable to get in anywhere because a large part of finding employment especially in the circles relating to my degree is networking and connecting to people.

he didnt really offer anything because "well, you seem to communicate with me today just fine" which 😭 i was so anxious for that meeting and it took me months to schedule it, i prepared for every possibility in my head meticulously so i had a script of what to say. the issue is, in my day to day, i cannot plan this kind of stuff. i dont know how to reach out to employers in a way that is polite and not too much, but still shows my enthusiasm. i dont know how to connect. lately its been stopping me from applying at all. (on that note, i know a "bad" application is better than no application, and ive been trying to apply everywhere. i just think im getting a bit overwhelmed with it now)

ive reached a stage in the job hunt where i honestly feel a little burnt out. i havent sent in a single application in the last 3 days which i feel awful about bc my mom will be expecting an update soon on how the job hunt is going.

its just wild to me how im in this position even though i tried reaching out for the supports to prevent it, but when i did, i "seemed capable" on the day which took many breakdowns to prepare for, so i got a pat on the back and nothing else. i wish i was able to socialise better sfsdgdf not just in employment but in general life too, but yea rn im rly feeling it with the unemployment blues 😩

[outragedslime]

Unexpected top surgery observations but like nearly 7 months post op

One of the most unexpected effects i got is where i find sources of confidence/euphoria in media and art. Before my surgery i used to only feel connected/euphoric to art of characters with top surgery, but now i get that feeling at both top and non-top chests?

It feels strange, but now when i see art of a non/pre op character w a chest similar to what mine was before, i feel hugely connected to it and i feel seen. This is smth i didnt expect at all bc i feel like its not something i should be able to relate to anymore.

My theory is that i wasnt really able to feel connected to those art pieces pre op bc i didnt want to acknowledge my body/perceive myself enough to admit that that was indeed what i looked like. But now post op im more at peace with myself so im able to see that part of me (even if its a part thats no longer). And im able to relate to it when i see it in art. Because this source of confidence is so new, my brain is particularly aware of it and seeks it out. It feels like im catching up with all of those positive emotions i didnt have access to before. Idk thats my theory :P

Tldr after top surgery, i feel way more seen/connected to art of characters with their boobs still intact than i did before

[outragedslime]

btw, i find it really funny that this is how that piece started. my horrible son