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Calamity - Hide x f.reader

Volume Five

Calamity (n.) a great misfortune or disaster

You think you're just like every other 18-year-old girl: just starting college, living alone, and working at a cute cafe, except you aren't because you're a ghoul. Trying your best to blend into a world that isn't your own, and then you meet him. Hide. He's unlike anyone you've ever met, and you slowly fall for him. But will it ever work between the two of you? He's human, and you're not.

This writing contains highly sensitive topics like violence, gore, mental illness, talk of suicide, death, smut, and other mature themes. If you click keep reading, you're agreeing to reading something that’s potentially triggering. Reader discretion is advised.

MUST BE 18+ TO READ THIS STORY

word count 10,268

…I wouldn’t mind being betrayed by you.”

-Tokyo Ghoul Volume Five #043 Scar by Sui Ishida

TW: DEATH, GORE & SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

——————————

I finally came to a stop after what felt like hours of running, my body doubled over, and my lungs constricted as I tried to breathe. My chest was tight, and my heart felt like it was ripping in two. The tears that poured down my face blurred everything around me. Every breath I try to take is ragged and sharp. I clutch at my chest, and my eyebrows knit down. What’s happening to me? This feels worse than any panic attack I’ve ever had. I stumble forward into the darkness and fall onto the ground. It’s like my body is shutting down. I curl up into a ball and squeeze my knees into my chest. My tears soaking into my bare knees. I just had to run away in my Anteiku uniform.

As I lay on the cold ground, I could feel the shift in the air as clouds formed in the night sky. The soft glow of the moon and stars that illuminated the area around me was now gone, and my surroundings turned into a vast darkness. The night wrapped around me in a cold blanket. My body shook, but it wasn’t from the freezing air nipping at me. A crack broke out in the sky, followed by drops of frozen crystals that broke as they hit my skin. The wetness seeped into my skin and down to my bones. I couldn’t tell where the rain started and where my tears ended. My body didn’t move a muscle. I just stayed curled up on the ground, numb, and at some point, I drifted off.

My eyes slowly opened as the bright sun beat down on my skin. I blinked a few times and covered my eyes as my head throbbed. My eyes screwed shut and my eyebrows tied down together. As I tried to move, my body felt sore and stiff. Where am I? I glance around at my surroundings and find myself lying in front of an old, worn-down house. It seemed as though the Earth was trying to consume the poor building before me. I peeled myself off the ground and slowly walked toward the house. As I approach the front door, the corner of something shiny catches my eye. I couldn’t tell what it was because weeds and dirt covered the rest of it. I reach out to clear away the debris, and what was hiding underneath makes my heart stop.

My hand slaps over my mouth, and I take a step back. My (e/c) orbs shake as I read the surname engraved on the gold-shining plate. (L/n). There’s no way. In my moment of pure agony and distress, I found my way back to my childhood home. No matter how hard I tried to look for this place in the past, I could never remember where it was. So much time has passed that I've given up looking for the home where I lived with my parents. I settled with the thought that I’d never be able to collect precious items from my childhood, or grab any photos to remember what my parents looked like. I was so little when everything happened that I didn’t think about the importance of grabbing things after leaving the carnage of my parents’ deaths.

I take a hesitant step forward, my hand shaking as I reach out to grab the door handle. I turn the knob and the door creaks open. The inside doesn’t look any better from the outside. It’s like I was stepping into an apocalyptic universe. Slowly, I walk inside the house, my eyes wandering around every inch. A fuzzy image of what the inside used to look like forms in my mind, and a weary smile forms on my face. My fingers run along the wall as I walk further inside. My feet come to a halt as I make my way into the living room.

The faint smell of iron burns my nostrils, and I have to choke down the vile taste that threatens to push up my throat. My head pounds again, and I groan out in pain. I wobble slightly and lean into the wall to brace myself. My eyes screw shut, and I clench my teeth. As the pain starts to subside, I open my eyes, and the first thing I see is what looks like deep rust stains on the floorboards. I drop to my knees and stare at the dark stains below me. My fingers lightly brush the rust color below me. Mom. Dad. Tears start to stream down my face again. I bend over and rest my forehead against the ground. This rust color stain is their blood. I can still smell the faint scent that distinguishes each of them.

*

“Sweetie bug,” My father said as he kneeled to my level. His large hands grabbed my small face. I looked up into his (e/c) eyes, which matched my own. I tilted my head to the side, taking in his panicked expression. I had never seen my father look so scared before.

“Do you remember where you’re supposed to hide if something bad happens?” My father’s voice shakes as he speaks.

I have no idea what’s happening, but I can tell it’s serious from his actions. My emotions take over my small body, and tears start to trickle down my soft, plump cheeks. “Daddy, what’s going on?” My small hands grip onto my father’s shirt. I glance up to see my mother looking out the window, but my father pulls my eyes back to his.

“(Y/n), sweetie, I need you to answer Daddy.” My father grips my face more urgently.

I nodded my head quickly and responded, “I remember.”

My father smiles, pulls my head to his lips, and gently kisses me. “Good. I need you to go there and stay there until Mommy or I get you. If you don’t hear from us, please stay there for two days. Do you understand?”

“I- I understand,” I say softly. I stare at my father for a moment before throwing myself into his arms and embracing him in a tight hug. His large arms wrap around me, and he pets my head softly before pulling away and looking at me. My father caresses my cheek, “I love you, (Y/n).”

“I love you, too, Daddy.” I smile sweetly at my father and then place a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

“Honey, they’re almost here.” My mother turns to look at my father, and he nods. He stands up, embraces my mother, and kisses her before letting go. My father then places himself near the front door, and my mother walks toward me. She swoops me in her arms and pushes my hair behind my ear.

“Okay, baby, it’s time for you to hide.” My mother carries me into the kitchen. “Remember to stay quiet, and don’t come out no matter what you hear.” My mother grabs my face and leans in to place a kiss on my cheek. “I love you very much, my sweet girl.” My mom sets me down on the ground. “Please be strong for Daddy and Mommy.”

I grip my mother’s hand, not wanting to let go, but she prys her hand from mine. “Mommy,” I cry out her name, “Please hide with me.” I grab her hand again and drag her over to where I’m supposed to go. She just shakes her head as a single tear rolls down her cheek.

“I’m sorry, baby, but there’s no room for Mommy.” My mother’s head snaps back as she senses something near. She quickly grabs me and pulls open the oven in our kitchen. Then she lifts the bottom of the oven and shoves me into a small, hidden room that my father had created for me.

“Remember what we told you.” It was the last thing my mother said before closing the door on me. I cried out to her and went to bang against the door when a loud crash rang through the walls where I was hiding. I quickly crawled away from the hidden door and into a corner of the little room. My mother was right; this room was barely big enough for me to fit in. I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my head into my knees. Strange voices shouted above me, but I couldn’t make out any of their words.

Screams and crashes pierced through my ears, and I quickly covered them with my hands. My body rocked back and forth as I tried to stay quiet and drown out the noises above me. It felt like this moment lasted for an eternity. After a few hours, the noises finally subsided. I removed my hands from my ears and stared up at the hidden door, tears staining my face, as I waited for my parents to open the door and tell me everything was okay. But that never happened. I stayed inside the room for about two days, as my dad had told me to. Well, it wasn’t exactly two days, but it was enough.

I pushed the door open and slowly pushed down the oven door. I crawled out of my hiding spot and took in the scene around me. Everything was thrashed. I stood on wobbly legs and quietly walked out of the kitchen. “Mommy?” I call out for my mother. No answer. “Daddy?” I then tried for my father, and again, no answer. I could smell the scent of my parents' blood, but my young brain couldn’t comprehend what that meant. As I stepped forward, my foot slipped on something slick and I fell backwards. My back crashed into the ground, and I landed in a puddle of something thick. I lay on the ground, not moving, as the gears in my mind worked hard to process everything around me.

I grabbed a fistful of the liquid below me and brought it to my chest. My bottom lip shook, and I choked on dry sobs. I was crying, but no tears fell down my face. My parents are dead, and the doves took their bodies.

*

I was lying down on the ground, on top of my parents' dried blood, the same way I did when I was younger. That memory is burned into my mind and is the fuel for most of my nightmares. I bite my bottom lip and grip my chest. One thing I didn’t realize is that I never told my mother that I loved her back. My arm falls to my side, and I spread my hand on the ground below me.

“I love you, too, Mom,” I say softly.

I stay on the ground for a while before I pull myself up. I slowly move around the house, and if it weren’t for the greenery that’s been overgrowing everything, the house would look the same as when I left. Things were thrashed and broken, and there were holes in the walls. My foot kicks against something on the ground, and I look down to see a worn teddy bear. I bend down to pick it up and brush the dirt off it. My heart tightens as quick flashes of forgotten memories flick through my mind. I used to carry this damn bear around with me everywhere until I was about four years old, and I ‘grew’ out of it, but I still slept with it every night. I don’t remember bringing it out of my room that day, so how did it end up out here?

I held the bear close to my chest. The tip of the bear’s nose brushed against the necklace Hide gave me. I wore this necklace daily, taking it off only when I slept or showered. Hide. He’s probably sick to his stomach thinking about the fact that he was in a relationship with a ghoul this whole time. I wonder if he’ll meet with Amon, the dove who interviewed me, and tell him what he learned about me. It wouldn’t be hard for them to track me down. The doves know my name and identity, so I can no longer show my face. I’ll have to stay in hiding. I never should’ve been this stupid to fall for a human anyway. Now I can’t risk seeing my friends or my self-made family unless I want to put them in danger.

I enter the kitchen and stare at the oven across the room. That hideout—my father was so wise to design something like that—I hate it with every fiber in my body. I wanted to walk closer to it and look inside, but I couldn’t move my body. I just stood at the kitchen entrance, staring at it from afar. I shake my head and turn back around into the living room. If I remember correctly, my mom kept a photo book in one of the cabinets. I start rummaging through things in the living room. I open a door attached to the entertainment center, and see a few things inside. There’s a binder with DVDs of all the movies we owned. I flip through the pages and smile as I read all the titles. I close it up and grab another binder, and when I open it up, my breath catches in my throat.

Photo after photo of my parents and me were placed neatly in their sleeves. My smile falters as I look at all the pictures before me. The image of my parents was starting to fade from my head, but now it’s like they've been brought back to life. A particular photo of the three of us warmed my heart. It was a more recent one, closer to the time when my parents were killed, with me between my mom and dad, and we all had bright smiles on our faces. I slip the photo from the sleeve and softly place a kiss on my mom and dad. I hold the photo with the bear and walk down the hallway. I move past my old bedroom and down to my parents’ room.

The door was already cracked open, so I pushed it the rest of the way and walked inside. It’s strange how, when you’re younger, things used to seem so large back then. I used to think my parents had a huge room, and I would often wish for a room as big as theirs. But now that I’m standing back inside it, it’s not bigger than my room in Anteiku, which isn’t that big. I moved to sit on the bed and set the photo and stuffed bear beside me. Their bed was my safe place when I was younger. Climbing into bed with my parents late at night was the best feeling ever, and I always felt so safe whenever I was with them. I knew they would always protect me, and they did, because I’m still alive and they’re dead.

I curl up on the bed and lay my head on one of the pillows. It smelled like mildew, but I didn’t care. I pulled the stuffed bear into my arms and moved the photo to lie before me so I could stare at it. My parents loved each other deeply, and they somehow had room to love me even more. That’s the main thing about them that stuck with me. I always wanted a love like theirs and thought maybe I had found it. I gently touched the H dangling from the necklace I was wearing. Tears prickle at the edge of my eyes, and I take a sharp breath. Even if Hide hates me or thinks of me as a monster now, I’m still grateful to have at least experienced a portion of the love my parents showed to each other.

——————————

Hide's POV

I spent last night trying to keep up with you as you ran away, but it was useless; my human legs were nothing compared to a ghoul's. But that didn’t stop me from looking for you. I spent the whole night trying to track you down, but I had no luck. After leaving multiple voicemails for you and sending numerous texts, I decided that maybe you just needed space, so I headed back to my apartment. I didn’t sleep at all, and every time my phone dinged, I would instantly pick it up to see if you had messaged me back. I wanted to be awake in case you showed up.

Now the sun is blazing through my window, and my eyes burn from the bright light and my lack of sleep. I groan and cover my eyes with my arm as I turn over in bed. You have to be fine, right? I’m sure it was just a big shock to realize you revealed yourself to me and lost your cool a bit. But that didn’t matter to me. I understand why you did it. I just hope you see my texts and listen to my voicemails, and notice that my feelings for you haven’t wavered in the face of this fact. Well, I knew pretty much from the beginning what you are, but you weren’t aware of that.

God, I run my hands along my face. If only you’d show up, I could explain everything to you in person. I’ll give you another day to yourself, but if I don’t hear anything, I’ll just have to go to you. My friendship with Kaneki is already on the fritz, and it kills me that he’s pushing away from me. I couldn’t handle it if you pushed away from me as well.

The day goes on in silence as I wait for you to contact me or knock on the door, but just like before, nothing happens. At some point, I drift off to sleep, my body exhausted from staying up all night and day, but the sound of a ding rips me out of my slumber. I quickly reached for my phone, hoping to see your name on the screen, but it was just Kaneki. My finger slides over the screen and opens his text.

My eyes furrowed as I read over the text messages on my screen. (Y/n) is late for work, and not in her room. I thought you would go home, but that wasn’t the case. My heart pounds in my chest, and an uneasy feeling floods me. Where are you? Are you okay? I hope you didn’t get hurt or, worse, captured by CCG investigators in your moment of panic. I jump off the couch and clutch my phone. My chest tightens, and it takes everything in me not to throw my phone across the room. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. I need to calm down. My mind can’t think logically if I’m too distressed, and if I can’t think logically, I won’t be able to find you.

I make my way outside and stop in front of the bus stop. The area where I ended my search last night was far away, and I didn’t want to waste more time walking there. Once the bus pulls up, I quickly find an empty seat. I pull up my phone and open the Maps app to better look at the area I’m heading to. I’m looking for places that would make sense for a ghoul to take shelter or hide, then jotting those places down in my notes. When the bus stops at my destination, I step out with a determined look on my face. I already created a makeshift map of all the places I found to make searching the area more efficient.

I spend the next couple of hours doing just that, and stopping every person I find to show them a photo of you. No one seems to have seen anyone similar to you, and I don’t see you in any of the areas I picked out. The sun was starting to set in the distance, and my heart grew heavy as another day passed by, where I didn't know anything about your whereabouts. My feet slowly trudge back to the bus stop to return home for the night. I’ll create another map of additional places to explore tomorrow. Knowing which direction you ran off in helps me plan the areas to look, and I have a rough idea of how far you made it. I'll expand my search zone if I don’t find you within the section I’ve created.

The next day passed without a word from you or any clue about your whereabouts. My head is spinning with so many possibilities about what's happened to you.

Fuck!

It’s been three days, and I find myself going to Anteiku. I swing open the door to the cafe, causing the eyes of everyone inside to turn toward me. I move toward the bar and flag Kaneki over to me.

“Where’s Yomo? I need to talk to him.” I said quickly.

Kaneki looks over my form with concern. I looked disheveled and like I haven’t slept for the past few nights, and that’s because I haven't. I’m going crazy worrying about you, and I've realized I need help. More specifically, I needed Yomo’s help.

“Um, I think he might be upstairs.” Kaneki speaks with uncertainty in his voice, “Hide, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I run my hand through my unruly blonde locks. “Can you get him? It’s important.”

My dark-haired friend nods his head and makes his way upstairs. I stand impatiently by the coffee bar, tapping my fingers against the wooden top. When the white-haired male emerges through the door, a deep glare settles in his features, and his eyes tell me that if he sees fit, he’ll attack me at any moment.

“Can we talk?” My golden eyes drift to Kaneki, who’s hovering near us. “Privately?”

Yomo leads us into a back room away from prying eyes and eavesdropping ears. The large male sits on the couch in the room, and I pace back and forth as I try to figure out how I will word what I want to say. I stop for a moment to make eye contact with Yomo. As I get ready to speak, my olive irises glaze over with a mix of emotions.

“Before I say anything, I need you to promise not to freak out until I’m done speaking.” My voice is surprisingly steady as I speak.

Yomo’s eyes narrow together as he thinks over my words, and then finally nods his head, “Fine, I won’t do anything until you’re done speaking.”

“I know that (Y/n) is a ghoul. I know that everyone who works here is a ghoul, and I also know about Kaneki.” There was no point in beating around the bush. Yomo’s eyes widen, and he looks like he wants to leap off the couch and kill me.

“A few days ago, (Y/n) and I were attacked, and that’s when she revealed to me that she was a ghoul. She fought back to protect me, but when everything ended, she freaked out and ran away.” I take a deep breath and continue.

“The thing is, I already knew she was a ghoul. I’ve known since the car accident. I didn’t want to scare her off by saying I already knew, and I thought it would be better if she told me when she was ready. The fact that she, or any of you guys, are ghouls doesn’t scare me. It never once changed how I felt about (Y/n). Now she’s run off, and I have no idea where she is. Please, I need your help.”

Yomo stares at me with intense eyes. His face is expressionless, and a few moments pass before he lets out a deep sigh.

“How can I trust that this isn’t a trap? Give me a reason why I shouldn’t kill you right now.” Yomo’s voice is deep, and his underlying emotion hints at his care for you.

“I love her,” my voice cracks as all the emotion I’ve been holding back finally pushes its way up my throat.

“I love (Y/n).”

——————————

That seemed to be all Yomo needed to hear as we’re currently making our way through the area I planned to search through today. The silver-haired male was impressed by all the work I put into my search for you, but the only thing that bothered Yomo was that I waited so long to come to him. He knew that something was wrong when you weren’t showing up at Anteiku and were ignoring his calls and text messages. Your father-like figure even went out and looked for you in all the places you normally go when you want to be alone, but there was no sight of you. But with both of us out looking, we can now cover twice as much ground, probably even more with Yomo’s ghoul abilities.

As the sun begins its journey down and the moon slowly takes its place, Yomo and I decide to take a brief break. We sat on a park bench, both of us looking over the map on my phone. I’m in Google Earth mode to see the streets and places around in hopes there’s something I missed, or a new place that catches either of our eyes. And with Yomo’s help, he lets me know of what places would be good to search as well, places a ghoul would go to seek refuge, and what places we should stay away from. Having someone who knows the ins and outs of the ghoul world is helpful.

My finger slides along the streets on my phone when Yomo grabs my wrist. “Go back.” His deep voice is demanding, and it sends a chill down my spine. I do as he says and go back to the last screen I was on. The older male takes my phone from my hand and holds it in front of his face.

“This,” Yomo’s voice trails off. He runs his hand over his face and rests his hand on his chin, and he stares at the screen.

“Does it look familiar?” Hope seeps through my voice as I speak, and I scoot closer to the silver-haired male to look at the screen with him.

“I think this is where she lived with her parents…” Yomo hesitantly says. “When I found (Y/n), she kept saying she was lost and that she needed to get back home. She told me her home address and asked me to help her. At first, I didn’t think it was my problem, but here was this little girl standing in front of me, covered in blood, and all I could think was that her parents probably think she’s dead. I took her back home, but once we entered the house, I quickly noticed that things weren’t right. We walked into the living room, and there was blood everywhere. That’s when (Y/n) started screaming and crying. I think she blocked out her parents' death, and when I brought her back home, it was like she suddenly remembered. So I decided then I would take care of her, and that I would never bring her back to that house.”

My heart ached with every word that Yomo spoke. To experience something so traumatizing as a young kid like that is unimaginable, but even through all the bad you’ve experienced, you still held yourself together. You could still find it in yourself to smile and laugh, and I couldn’t help but think how strong you are. Not everyone could do that.

“Do you think she’d be there?” My olive orbs look into Yomo’s.

“I can’t be certain this is the place, but I think we should at least check it out.”

We make our way to the street that Yomo had recognized, and we walk down the road looking at each house we pass. My heart feels heavy as we get closer to the end of the street, and none of the houses we have passed caught Yomo’s eye. I was getting ready to say we should call it for the night when my eyes landed on a house tucked in a far corner at the end of the street. It wasn’t fully in view, but from the small glimpse of it, I could see that it seemed to be rundown. Something about it sent a chill through my body, and this overwhelming sense of needing to go toward it flooded through me.

“Yomo,” I called the older male's name to get his attention. “What about that place?” I point toward the abandoned building.

Yomo’s eyes shift in the direction I’m pointing, and his eyes instantly widen. Without saying a word, the older male takes off toward the old house. It was like in the blink of an eye, and he made it to the front porch. I run after the silver-haired male, breathing deeply once I arrive next to him. Yomo’s eyes are glued to a plaque on the house, so I look to see what it says ‘(L/n).’

“This is it.” Yomo’s deep voice is low as he speaks, “I can smell her scent from inside.”

My eyes brighten up at the confirmation that you’re inside this house. I go to push through the front door of the house, but Yomo’s hands grip onto my shoulders, stopping me in place. His silver locks flopping against his face as he shakes his head at me.

“You stay out here. Right now, (Y/n) most likely feels like you’re a threat to her. If she sees you, then she’ll probably think CCG investigators aren’t far behind. Let me go in first, and I’ll talk to her. Then I’ll bring her to you.”

I chew on my bottom lip as I listen to the words that Yomo says. I know he’s right, but I want to see you right away. To see that you’re okay and to tell you that I don’t care about you being a ghoul. That I love you no matter what. I hesitantly nod my head and watch as the older male disappears into the house.

——————————

(Y/n)’s POV

It’s been three days since I found myself in front of my old house, and it’s been three days since I curled up in my parents' old bed. I haven’t moved a muscle. What’s the point in leaving this bed when my presence could be the downfall of everyone around me? I also don’t know if I can go out into a world where the man I was falling in love with hates me for what I am. I curl further into myself, gripping my ratty stuffed animal to my chest.

I thought about finding something I could use to leave a letter with, so that when the dreaded day comes and someone finds me, my family back at Anteiku could get some closure. But who am I kidding? This house used to belong to ghouls; no one is stepping foot inside. My body will rot here without anyone knowing, and I think it’s somewhat poetic to die in the place my parents died. Death is such a final choice to make, or come to terms with. There’s no point in trying to start over in another ward. Making new connections just to watch them die, or for the people you love to be driven into madness. It’s hard. It’s so fucking difficult to deal with. I can’t go through that pain anymore. This is just the best option, to lie here and rot.

I was so lost in my depressing thoughts that I didn’t hear the sound of footsteps approaching me or register the comforting scent wafting through my nose. The sound of a deep raspy voice cutting through my ears made my heart stop in my chest, and I quickly whipped my head around to see a large figure standing in the doorway. The figure of my guardian, Renji. My father. Great, I must be hallucinating things now. There’s no way he could've found me here. A deep sigh leaves my chest, and I curl back up into a ball.

“(Y/n),” Renji says my name softly as he approaches me. The silver-haired male sits down next to me and gently lays his hand on my head, and softly pets my hair.

My body stiffens under his touch, and I look into his grey irises.

“H-how did you find me?” I say softly.

Yomo continues to gently pet my head. I fight with myself over wanting to lean into his touch and wanting to pull away. So I don’t move.

“I know what happened,” Renji says softly as he speaks to me. It’s almost like he’s trying not to push me closer to the edge.

“Bub’s, there’s nothing to worry about-”

“Nothing to worry about?!” My voice comes out loud and frantic. I move away from Renji, and a quick look of hurt and worry flickers through his orbs.

“I have to worry about everything!” My voice breaks as I speak, and I can feel my eyes getting wet. “I ruined everything by letting my stupid feelings for a human get in the way. I didn’t just put myself in danger, but I put everyone in Anteiku in danger as well.” I throw myself back down onto the bed and turn my back to Renji.

“Just leave me here.”

“(Y/n), how do you think I know what happened?” The silver-haired man’s question caught me off guard.

I peek over my shoulder at the older male, my eyebrows knitted into a frown as I think over what he said. My mind didn’t even register what it meant when he said he knew what happened, but Renji always seems to know everything, so I’m not surprised he somehow found out.

“Hide came to me,” Renji says, sitting taller, and the look on his face morphs into a more serious one. If that’s even possible.

“What?” My head pounds in my skull, and I squeeze my eyes closed. Hide went to Renji? Why?

“That boy, he cares about you,” Renji points at me. “He cares about you so much that he risked his life to explain everything that happened so I could help him.”

I stare blankly at the man before me and blink a few times.

“I-I don’t understand.” I shake my head. “There’s no way he cares about me. Not anymore.”

“Bubs,” Renji reaches out and softly caresses my cheek. “Hide has been losing his mind these past few days looking for you. You know I wouldn’t be sitting here telling you this if it wasn’t true.”

He’s right, Renji would never lie to me about these things. If Hide had ulterior motives, then Renji would’ve noticed it right away, and the older male would’ve stopped Hide before anything could happen to me. This meeting would be very different if that were the case.

“Hide, d-doesn’t care that I’m a ghoul?” My voice breaks as I speak. The tears that were wetting my eyes began to leak down my cheeks.

“I don’t.” Another voice drifts through the room.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. The blonde male walks through the door, and my breath catches in my throat. My heart flutters in my chest, and it hurts and feels like bliss at the same time. There was a point when I had some hope Hide would accept me as a ghoul, but deep down, I always doubted he would. When you spend your whole life hearing about your existence as a monster, and how humans are scared and disgusted by the creature you are, then it’s hard to wrap your mind around the thought of a human not caring. When I talked with Kimi, I felt like she was the only human in existence who could love a ghoul.

“Hide.” His name falls off my lips in a whisper, and before I know it, the blonde male is crashing into me.

Hide’s toned arms wrap around me and squeeze me in a tight hug. “God, (Y/n), I’ve been so worried about you.”

It takes me a moment to catch up with what’s going on. Hide’s here, embracing me, knowing fully well that I’m a ghoul, and he’s… worried about me.

I bury my face in Hide’s chest and wrap my arms around his torso. My tears flood down my face, and I cry in relief. My hands grip the back of Hide’s shirt, and I’m scared that if I let go, he’ll disappear. This moment feels so surreal, like a dream, and at any moment, I could wake up and none of this would have happened.

Hide pulls back and cups my face in his soft hands, his thumbs coming up to brush away my tears, and he leans forward to rest his forehead on mine.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Hide’s voice is so gentle as he speaks, “You being a ghoul doesn’t change a single feeling I have for you.” His olive eyes stare deeply into mine.

“It doesn’t change how I’ve fallen in love with you.”

I cry harder.

Not only does he accept me as a ghoul, but Hide LOVES ME!?!?!??! Yeah, I’m ugly crying now, and I have no shame. The most beautiful and vibrant man I’ve ever met just said he’s fallen in love with me. How could someone with my life deserve such love? It doesn’t feel real, and I’m doing my best to ignore the doubtful thoughts in my mind. I just want to bask in this feeling. To fully enjoy this moment.

Hide leans in closer toward me, our breaths mingling with one another, and he says, “I love you, (Y/n).”

“I-I can’t believe this is happening,” I whisper. “I love you too, Hide.”

The dirty-blonde male flashes a shining smile at me and holds me to his chest, stroking my hair. “Let’s go home.” Hide says softly.

——————————

Renji and Hide take me back to Antieku. They bring me into the building through the back door so that no one else sees me. I looked awful. My Anteiku uniform was torn, and Cain's blood stained the fabric. Then my skin was covered in dirt, dust, and smudges of blood as well. The rain washed away most of it, but there were still some spots where it lingered. I was only gone for three days, so thankfully, I wasn’t starved and being consumed by hunger, but I was dehydrated. My skin was dull, and dark circles surrounded my eyes. You would think I was missing for months with the way I looked.

Once I was brought into my room, Renji excused himself so I could get refreshed, but made sure to give me a long hug and a kiss on the head before leaving. Hide looked just as worn out as me, and I felt bad for putting him through so much trauma these past few days. I grabbed my phone from my pocket and plugged it into my charger. Then, I set my stuffed animal down on my bed, and the photo of my parents and me on the nightstand. I’ll have to buy a picture frame for it. There was one last thing I took from my childhood home, and it was a piece of the wooden floor where my parents' blood was mixed. Some people might find that weird, but I don’t have a grave site or an urn to visit my parents like others do. So I cut out a piece of the flooring before we left. I set the piece of wood on an empty spot on my bookshelf.

I turned around to look at Hide, and he was sitting on my bed, watching me closely. There was no way he was going to leave my side after I disappeared, and I don’t blame him. If our roles were reversed, I would be glued to Hide’s side, and it would take weeks for him to get rid of me.

“I’m going to shower now.” I say softly. The smell from my filthy clothes is finally making its way into my nostrils.

The dirty blonde male stands from my bed and follows me into the bathroom that’s connected to my room. I turn around to stare at the male and cock my head to the side. What is he doing?

“Let me help you.” Hide’s voice is deeper than normal as he speaks.

If he said these words before everything happened, my brain would have malfunctioned, and my face would have erupted into a volcano. But I know he was saying those words from a place of care and not from well, his hormones.

I nod my head softly, “Yeah, that’s okay.”

Hide moves to the shower and turns on the water, adjusting the temperature so that it’s warm enough. He then moves next to me and helps me remove my soiled uniform, tossing it into a pile in the corner. I stood in front of the blonde male, naked, but I never felt so comfortable around anyone before. Having Hide see this vulnerable side of me felt good. I never thought I could be naked in front of someone and not want to cover up, but with Hide, I know I’m safe. The dirty blonde male helps me into the shower and steps in behind me, clothed.

“Hide your clothes.” I look at the male, my eyebrows squinted down.

“It’s okay.” Hide's lips quirk up into a sweet smile.

He grabs my shampoo bottle and squirts the liquid into the palm of his hand, rubs the soap together in both hands, and then has me turn around. Hide works the shampoo into my roots, massaging my scalp, and after a few minutes, he rinses the suds from my hair. He then grabs my conditioner and runs the thicker solution into the mids and ends of my hair. Most people would find showering with their partner steamy, and yes, there is steam from the warm water, but Hide is fully focused on making sure I’m clean and taken care of. This moment together is not only washing me clean, but it’s washing away any doubt lingering in my mind. Hide truly loves me.

As the conditioner sits in my hair, Hide sings off-key, making me smile like a dork, and we both chuckle together. When he’s done serenading me, Hide rinses the conditioner from my hair. The blonde male then grabs a rag and pumps a few blobs of my body wash onto it. Hide works the soap into my skin, starting with my arms and working down my body. He makes sure every inch of my body is clean and that there's no sign of dirt or blood. After I rinse the soap from my body, Hide kisses the side of my head and steps out of the shower.

“I’ll grab you clean clothes.” Hide says before leaving the bathroom.

I soak under the warm water for a few minutes before I hear the blonde male enter back into the bathroom. I turn the water off and step out of the shower, and Hide wraps a large towel around my body. He then picks up my dirty uniform and holds it up for me to see.

“Should I throw this away or try to salvage it?”

“You can throw it away. Mr. Yoshimura will get me a new one.” I say.

Hide nods his head and excuses himself for a minute as he leaves my room. I dry off my body and hang the towel back up on its hook. I pick up the clothes that Hide set out for me, and I smile softly. Hide knows exactly what I need to wear to be comfortable. I slide on the clean underwear he has out for me, which is a pair of boy shorts, and then I slide sweats over the top of them. And to top it off is an oversized tee. I head into my room and lie down on my bed. So many different emotions are overwhelming my body. I’m so happy that Hide loves me for who I am, but it’s hard to shake off the deep depression that was festering inside of me. Also, reliving one of the worst days of my life has taken a huge toll on me.

Most nights, I have nightmares of what I imagined happened to my parents. I didn’t witness their deaths, but I heard it. And my memories of that day used to be choppy, only remembering fragments, the same parts playing over and over in my head, but being back in that house filled in the missing pieces. Tears prickle the edges of my eyes, and I bite my lower lip. I’m so tired of crying, but it seems my body hasn’t dried out.

The door to my room opens, and Hide walks in holding some clothing in his hands. “I ran into Kaneki, and he gave me his extra clothes that he stores in his work locker.” Hide pauses as he looks at me. His face fell as he noticed the tears running down my cheeks.

Hide tosses the clothes Kaneki gave him on my dresser and slides into the bed next to me, pulling me into his chest. “Hey, what's wrong?”

“I-I’m just overwhelmed,” I admit. There’s no need to hide my feelings from the blonde-haired male anymore. It feels good to say how I’m truly feeling.

“That’s okay,” Hide’s voice is soothing as he speaks. “You’ve been through a lot of emotions these past few days.”

The blonde-haired male runs his hand up and down my back, holding me close until I stop crying. Hide apologizes as he removes himself from me, and strips off his damp clothes to put on Kaneki’s workout clothes that he keeps in the cafe for his training with Touka after work. Then he slides back into the bed with me, covers us with my blankets, and spoons me. It doesn’t take long for my eyes to get heavy since I haven’t slept for the past three days. Being in Hide’s arms and feeling his warmth lulls me into one of the best sleeps I’ve had in a long time.

*

The sun shines through my window, causing me to stir and groan. I roll over onto my stomach and bury my face into my pillow. A deep chuckle sounds next to me, and I squint my eyes as I look at the blonde-haired male lying next to me.

“Good afternoon, sunshine.” Hide jokes, a playful smirk plastered on his face.

“What time is it?” I groan, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

“It’s 1:15,” The blonde-haired male replies.

I shoot out of bed and look at the clock on my bedside table, my mouth hanging open. “Why didn’t you wake me up sooner?”

“You looked so peaceful, and I assumed you needed the sleep.” Hide reaches out and tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear.

“I can’t believe you actually love me,” I whisper.

Yesterday felt like a dream, and I still can’t wrap my head around everything that’s happened. I never thought I’d see the day where a human says they love me while knowing I’m a ghoul. I guess I got lucky.

“(Y/n), there’s something I want to be honest about.” Hide scoots closer to me.

Those words make my heart race with anticipation, and a small bubble of anxiety forms in my stomach. The look in Hide’s olive eyes tells me it's nothing to worry about, but I can’t help the way my body feels uneasy by those words.

“I’ve known you were a ghoul since before we started dating.”

My eyes widened, and I choked on the air I breathed in. A fit of coughs racks my body, and Hide gently pats my back.

“W-what do you mean you knew? How?” My voice cracks as I talk.

“It was after we were attacked by Nishio. We were brought back to Anteiku, and I woke up at some point. You were asleep, lying on my mattress, and I was about to get up and lay you down. But then I heard Kaneki and Yoshimura's voices in the hallway. My gut told me I shouldn’t be awake yet, so I laid back down and pretended to be sleeping. I know I shouldn’t have done that, but I heard everything that was said.”

I blink at the blonde male a few times, taking in what he’s telling me. He was awake the whole time, and that’s how he found out I was a ghoul. I grit my teeth and smack Hide in the arm, causing him to say “Ow,” and rub the area I made contact with. The blonde-haired male pouts as he looks at me.

“I can’t believe you knew this whole time!” I cross my arms over my chest and pout back at Hide. I’ve been going through hell thinking he wouldn’t accept me as a ghoul, but he already knew! All that pain I went through could have been avoided if he had just told me.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Hide grabs my hands in his and stares deeply into my (e/c) eyes. “I feel terrible knowing you thought I would hate you, but I wanted you to feel comfortable enough to tell me yourself. I didn’t want to take that away from you.”

My bottom lip shakes. “You idiot.”

“All the ghoul research I’ve done is to get a better understanding of who you are, and so I could support you properly. I know a lot of things are happening in the ghoul world right now, and I don’t necessarily like what it could mean for you. I wish I were in your place so I could protect you,” Hide runs his hand through his hair, “but there’s not much I can do as a human.”

The blonde-haired male reaches out and touches the H that's dangling around my neck. “But there are a few things I’ve been working on.” Hide smirks at me.

My head quirks to the side as I stare at the vibrant male before me. “What do you mean?”

“When you saved that CCG member, and they called you in for questioning, I was terrified. I didn’t want them to find out that you were a ghoul. With you having to go into their headquarters, I knew there was a high chance things wouldn’t go well, so I started doing some research. I picked up a job as a delivery boy and hung around their building, accepting any orders that came from inside. Each time I went inside, I would take notes of how the building looked, things to watch out for, and I even asked one of the members how the RC gate worked. I stayed up every night until the interview, putting together a device that would interfere with its readings so you could walk through without it beeping.”

My heart was beating fast in my chest as I listened to Hide. To think he cared about me this much, that he would put in all this work just to make sure I was safe. He might not think he can protect me very well, but he saved my life on that day. If it weren’t for him, the gate would have beeped, and the doves would have killed me.

“Is that why you pulled me through with you?”

Hide’s eyes shift down to my neck, and he shakes his head. “I pulled you through, cause if you hesitated, that Mado guy would’ve concluded that you were a ghoul or at least hiding something.”

The bright male flicks his finger at my necklace, making the H sway back and forth. “It’s your necklace. I created the H with a chip inside of it that disrupts the readings of the RC gates.”

I knew Hide was smart and had a mind like Sherlock Holmes, but I didn’t know he was this smart!

“I thought it was weird that you gave me the necklace then, but I assumed you gave it to me to help calm my nerves.” I sit back against my bed. “One thing I’ve been curious about is why you said yes to the Doves' offer for lunch. I thought you were just being polite, but now I feel like there was another reason.”

Hide laughs softly. “I wanted to say no. I didn’t like the idea of Kusaba buying you lunch, but having the ghoul investigators see you eating was just another way to drill into their minds that you aren’t someone to be wary of.”

I lean into Hide’s side, my cheeks hurting slightly from the smile that’s been on my face while listening to him. All this time, and he’s been watching over me. It seems I’ve been blessed by having people who love me enough to protect me. My parents, Renji, and now Hide. I intertwined my fingers through Hide’s and squeezed his hand. I’ll make sure those who are around me stay safe. I won’t let anything happen to them, I can’t. Hide’s already done this much to help keep me safe, so I have to do the same in return.

We spent the rest of the day relaxing in my room and talking about everything that we weren’t able to talk about before. Hide asked me questions about ghouls, things I’ve done, and experiences I’ve had. Then I would ask Hide about humans, his life, and what human food tasted like. His descriptions of food were interesting. He tried to compare things to meat or different types of coffee so I could try to imagine what things tasted like. I told him about Ryoko and what really happened to her. When she died, I ran to Hide for comfort, and all I told him was that one of my best friends had died. Now I was able to tell him how the ghoul investigators killed her, and I even opened up to him about killing Mado.

Admitting to Hide that I killed the CCG member was hard, but he listened to me and didn’t judge. He told me I was brave for doing the one thing I hated just so that those I loved didn’t have to carry the weight of it. Talking about these things with Hide made me feel lighter, like I could finally move on from the things I did. This day brought us closer than ever, and I look forward to the future where I won’t have to hide things from the man I love.

——————————

A few days have passed since I got back, and a lot has happened. Renji sat down with Hide and me, and had a long talk with us on being in a human and ghoul relationship. He said we needed to talk with Mr. Yoshimura, that it would be best for the older gentleman to know, so he could help us. Bringing Hide to speak with Yoshimura made me more nervous than the moment when Renji and Hide met for the first time, but it went much better than I thought it would.

Mr. Yoshimura was happy for us that we found someone we love, and told us the story about his love life. I was shocked. I didn’t know Yoshimura’s wife was a human, but it makes sense now why he cares for humans so deeply. It’s rare for ghouls to care for humans in the way Yoshimura does, but I guess if you fall in love with one, it opens your eyes to how we’re not that different from one another. A lot of tears and wisdom were shared during that talk, and Mr. Yoshimura trusted us with things he hadn’t told anyone in years. To have him on our side felt so refreshing, but we all agreed it was probably best that no one else knew about Hide’s knowledge. Not a lot of ghouls would take kindly to a human knowing about their business. So for his safety, only the four of us would know.

I may have promised Mr. Yoshimura that we wouldn’t tell anyone else, but Kaneki deserves to have his best friend back. So I’ll make sure Hide talks with the dark-haired male soon. Kaneki has been keeping his distance from Hide in fear of the blonde-haired male finding out and in fear of hurting him, but I know Kaneki has nothing to worry about.

It also seems I missed a lot when I was gone. Kimi, Nishiki’s girlfriend, was kidnapped by Tsukiyama, so the brunette, Kaneki, and Touka ended up fighting against the gourmet. From what Yoshimura and Kaneki have told me, it was a rough battle. Nishiki almost died protecting Kimi, and Touka struggled with the aftermath of everything. It seems that Mr. Yoshimura had a talk with Nishiki about what would be best for him and gave him advice on being in a relationship with a human as well. In the end, Nishiki agreed to get help from Anteiku so he could better protect Kimi. I knew Nishiki had a heart deep down inside and wasn’t the asshole he portrays himself as. Actually, he’s still an assshole.

Today’s my first day back at work, which happens to be the brunette's first day at Anteiku. Kaneki and Touka are also on shift with us, and the cafe is full of customers and familiar faces, such as Hide and Kimi. The blonde-haired male has been spending all his free time around me since I’ve been back, and Kimi is here to support Nishiki on his first day of work. It’s a lively crew of people, but I feel like this is the beginning of something better.

“Do you remember his face?” Hide leans on the coffee bar, eyebrows pressed together as he looks at Kaneki.

“Remember whose face?” I tucked the tray I was carrying under my arm. Touka and I are serving, while Kaneki and Nishiki are making the drinks. They need the practice, so I reluctantly gave up my position as the barista today. It seems the two males are in a serious conversation as I moved behind the bar.

“Someone stole Kaneki’s wallet.” The blonde-haired male leans back in his chair.

“I-it’s fine, I barely had any money, and I found all my cards.” Kaneki tries to play down the situation.

The plum-haired female joins the three of us, rolling her eyes. “Did you at least report it?”

Kaneki shakes his head, which makes Nishiki huff. “If you didn’t look like such a wimp, they wouldn’t have targeted you in the first place.”

Hide narrows his eyes at the brunette. “Whoa, Nishio-senpai, you’re dragging down the Anteiku name with your presence.”

I slap a hand over my mouth and quickly turn to face the wall so I don’t get mixed up in Nishiki’s anger by laughing at what Hide just said.

“Want me to kick you out, Nagachika?” Nishiki grits his teeth.

“Nishiki,” Kimi's sweet voice pipes up. The brunette-haired male sighs, apologizes under his breath, and then goes back to work.

I glance at Kimi and can’t help but feel a surge of happiness swell through me. She was my first glimpse of hope that Hide would accept me, and now that he knows everything, I just want to tell her. To let her know that she was right. Kimi catches me looking at her with a stupid smile plastered on my face that I didn’t even realize was there. She quirks her head to the side and gives me a questioning thumbs up, like she’s asking if I’m okay. My smile morphs into a large, toothy one, and I nod my head towards Hide. Kimi seems to understand what I mean and matches my smile. It feels good to have her know. Maybe the four of us can go on double dates. I mean, no one else will understand us besides each other. I think it would be good if we’re there for each other.

A news reporter's voice crackles through the TV’s speakers, taking me out of my happy bubble. Reports of the CCG increasing their forces in the 11th and 20th wards have just been confirmed. A shiver jolts through my body, causing my hair to stand on end, and I lock eyes with Hide. The blonde-haired male gave me a reassuring smile, but it didn’t change the feeling that something big was about to go down. I glance around the room to see everyone else standing still. They feel it too.

——————————

AN: Guys, I don’t know why, but I STRUGGLED with this chapter. I felt so good when I started writing it, and got about halfway, and then started second-guessing EVERYTHING. For some reason, I felt like this chapter wasn’t good and wanted to rewrite it, but I’m so happy I didn’t do that. I hope you guys enjoyed the backstory of the reader, and I was so excited to finally say what Hide did for the reader with the necklace he gave her.

This was all I could think of after writing "Let's go home." How about no, Hide, let's not. 😭

#koutarou amon

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