Eurovision 2010s: 265 - 261
265. Bonnie Tyler - “Believe in me”
United Kingdom 2013
Oh man, it really speaks for how little fucks the UK give about Eurovision that they had to get Bonnie Tyler out of fucking retirement just to fill the token spot of “Brit UK entrant”. Bonnie didn’t even know what she signed up for lmfao <3 Every backstage Bonnie moment consisted of some variation of “wow this is rly busy. I didn’t know that. btw I’m bored now, can I go back to my villa in Portugal?” <3 <3
As for the song, it’s aight, I guess. It’s the same “Dona” principle of a weak song being almost sold by its talented singer, but I won’t be repeating myself here, we HAVE OTHER BITCHES TO RANK!!
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264. Marco Mengoni - “L’essenziale”
Italy 2013
Is this a gender-swapped “Believe in me”? The two songs sound ALIKE, despite being composed in two completely different genres, YOU CANNOT CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE!!!!
It even comes down to the general unawareness of what the singer signed up for. Marco in general was just... bewildered by how much of a circus Eurovision was, like a random muggle townsperson wandering onto the set of Fantastic Beasts or summat. K that includes all the salient details about “L’Esseziale”, moving on~
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263. Elhaida Dani - “I’m alive”
Albania 2015
“I am alive” has some surprising novelty: it is the ONLY Albanian Eurovision entry that didn’t win FiK!! and I‘m , thank fuck for that, because “Diell” was suuuuper boring and would’ve been out a long time ago.
However, I personally... do not care much for “I’m alive” either, whoops. It’s okay? However, it also happens to be one of those overambitious songs that crams too many difficult notes in a short time frame, making it more a vocal exercise/nightmare than a legit song. Oh well.
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262. Nevena Božović - “Kruna”
Serbia 2019
Oh hey, another one of those whatever songs that presented a decent effort! I’ve already spoken of the solo blonde woman AND of the balkan ballad, two tropes i do not care about, so this ranking shouldn’t come as a shock to you by now. “Kruna” is boring, period.
However, Nevena really makes the most out of it. Her efforts are not nearly enough to push her into green and beyond, mind, but we’ve definitely seen worse than Steampunk Odette conjuring up vortexes of vapesmoke and stardust. <3
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261. Firelight - “Coming home”
Malta 2014
As you can see, we are definitely in that part of the ranking where I find the songs boring, but am able to find SOME enjoyment. “Coming home” is a great example of this: The song itself is a big ball of meh (and probably shouldn’t have won MESC, because “Pin the middle” was right there!!), but the live interpretation has a few glimmers here and there; specifically, lead singers Richard and Debbie
I quite like that Richard's anxiety and nerves transform him into Cumberbatch’s Sherlock
Highly functioning sociopath... with your number;
I quite like that they brought a fucking DULCIMER to the stage <3
I quite like Debbie feisty middle eight.
Is it enough for a high spot? Well no. Not nearly enough. However, I appreciate the effort, which is more than what can be said about the songs Firelight outrank. If you’re going to be boring, at least give me small nuggets I can cling to.