COMPLETELY 100% ABSOLUTELY NO DOUBTS INSPIRED BY SOULs
a/n: This was supposed to come out for Kurotsuchi Week but i had a family emergency that month and i kind of lost interest but came back to it and glad I did because i had fun! This is my first ever full on M/M fic!!!!!
Warning: Modern AU, SFW. M/M, Slightly suggestive. No smut (yet). Reader is a matchmaker. I realize I can’t get Mayuri well in character but fuck it. I can’t let it kill my fun!
Tags: @toxictaicho @r473n @srtruth
“Mayuri? Hey!! Dr. Kurotsuchi~” you sing from behind.
Your intern colleague was sitting outside on a bench, lost in his thoughts while holding a sandwich in his hand. He had been sitting there for 20 minutes, and not a single bite had been taken of the soggy sandwich he bought from the hospital cafeteria.
“Hey! Dr. Kurotsuchi!!!” you tried a little louder, knowing he was hard of hearing.
That was unusual. Typically, this man was annoyingly very sharp and always aware of his surroundings. Although not medically accurate, you swear he had eyes on the back of his head.
You were also a second-year intern and had a little competition going with him. A healthy competition. Makes for a fun learning environment. So much so that teasing and sarcastic play on words had become your regular means of communication.
“Way to be firing those synapses overtime. The way you're looking, someone might think you're a psych patient who wandered off”, you test him.
He didn't take the bait. Now you know something was wrong.
You realized he was looking in a particular direction. You walk around the bench and sit beside him. Still no response. So you look in the same direction and squint your eyes as if that would help bring into focus whatever he was intensely gawking at.
And sure enough you spot his interest.
“Him? Don't tell me you have a thing for Dr. Urahara?”, you asked without hesitation. Dr. Kisuke Urahara, Head of Neurology, had just stepped out of his expensive car and was casually conversing with a police officer. Someone probably vandalized his car again.
The name ‘Urahara’ seems to have triggered some deep seated emotions because it snapped him out of his mid-day daze.
“What nonsense are you spewing? Your observational skills are on par with a five year old’s. That is why the surgical team prefers me to scrub in”, he suddenly snapped. Ouch! He sure told it like it is.
“Really? I thought that a certain Neurologist was playing favorites. I heard he has a thing for the younger ones”, You tease him, pointing towards Dr. Urahara.
“Do not play with me! I despise that man and you know it”, he yelled, reminding you of that incident from last year where the cunning man had stolen Dr. Kurotsuchi’s research data and published it as his own, earning him a few awards. Unlike most interns, Dr. Kurotsuchi had a passion for medical research and had earned his PhD well before pursuing his medical career.
“Then why were you gawking at him like you are ready to suck his dick”, you blatantly asked, all filters off.
Mayuri flinched and was ready to snap at you once more but decided against it as a team of senior doctors were passing by.
You focus your gaze back at the head neurologist. He had that silly smug look on his face while having a chat with the handsome police officer. It looked like he was scheming something.
Suddenly it just hit you. Your eyes quickly landed on the tall man dressed in uniform that was a little too tight against his muscular figure. His black hair was a mess and barely contained under his hat. But what really caught your attention was the scar on his face. He was wearing sun glasses so you couldn't see how far up his face the scar travelled.
“Damn. He's hot. My type. But… Not exactly your type”, you turn to face Mayuri to study his reaction.
“How exactly are you aware of my type? I have never revealed my type to you. And why am I having this conversation with you of all people”. He hated how he was quick to admit that he was in fact checking out the police officer.
“Because we are like totally best friends forever. Oh shit. Oh shit. Look alive. He's coming this way. Act cool!” you squealed.
Mayuri’s face suddenly went a dull shade. Even without a stethoscope, you could tell his heart had just gone into tachycardia.
“Hey. Are you Dr Kurotsuchi?” came the deep, raspy voice of the police voice. Shit! It made your clit vibrate.
“That's what the tag says. Who's asking?”, Mayuri responded in his usual matter-of-fact way, which lacked warmth.
“Gotta take you in for some questioning”, the officer stated.
“Wait what? Questioning for what?” You asked before Mayuri got a chance to respond.
“Just some complaints about vandalizing private property”, the officer explained further.
“Do I look like the vandalizing type?”, Mayuri asked, clearly offended by the possible accusation.
“I don't know. I just wanna ask a few questions.”
“What's your badge number? This is absurd. I have committed no crime! That dirty Urahara still wants to slander my academic reputation. Stealing and plagerizing didn't seem to be enough for him”.
“It's 1112. Officer Zaraki”. He said while flashing his police badge. “And I didnt accuse you of anything. Just wanna ask a few questions is all.”
You look over at Mayuri, the man was stunned. Speechless. You elbow him lightly in the ribcage, trying to get him to say something.
“Sorry my friend here doesn't do well with authoritative figures. He freaks out”, you added, trying to dissolve some of the tension.
Mayuri spent the next half hour crammed inside the officer’s cruiser because he refused to talk out in the open. His reputation already took a beating thanks to Urahara. He didn't need more rumours and gossip floating around the hospital.
The police car looked relatively small. Or the officer was just too big for the small car. He took up so much space that he had to take off his uniform hat before sliding into the driver's seat. Even then, the top of his black hair was flattened against the roof of the car, giving it a messy press.
“Officer Zaraki, was it? Make it quick. In case you didn't realize, I'm a doctor and have lives to save”. Mayuri didn't care about the emergency room full of idiots and hypochondriacs. It was the surgical experience he sought.
“Ya don't worry. I'm a cop. And this is the least exciting part of my job”, the officer replied, sounding just as unenthusiastic as Mayuri. He rather be chasing actual criminals and wrestling them to the ground. Like Mayuri, he preferred the more hands-on experience.
Officer Zaraki found it amusing that Mayuri didn't sit in the back and plopped himself onto the front passenger seat like he owned the car. Probably didn't want to look or feel like a convict. Fine by him. Saves him from cranking his muscular neck. Besides, the man smelled nice— unlike the Urahara guy who had a slight stale, unclean smell to him and he even looked the part. Mayuri was well put together. Presentable.
The questions were simple and Kenpachi already knew Mayuri was innocent. Not sure why but he could tell what type of man Mayuri was just from appearance and attitude alone. Mayuri didn’t seem petty enough to vandalize private property.
“You sure made your conclusion as if you know me enough. We just met.” Mayuri challenged Kenpachi once the officer finished going through a list of questions written on a piece of paper that was folded several times.
“Wait? Are you saying you lied to me?” Kenpachi asked, confused but also getting impatient. He did not want to take the man to the station for further questioning. His delicate, beautifully manicured hands did not belong in a cuff. Or maybe they did?
Kenpachi realized he was now admiring the man as he once did before. “We met before”, he finally revealed.
“We have? Are you sure it was me? For someone wearing sunglasses when it’s cloudy, I doubt your vision is the epitome of perfection”. Mayuri, being Mayuri, had to add in a subtle insult. Fortunately for Mayuri’s sake, Kenachi didn’t catch on to it quick enough.
“Oh I remember you alright. You are hard to forget”. Kenpachi shifted in his seat so he could see the other man’s reaction.
“Well, so are you. But I don't remember you”, Mayuri denied.
“It was last year. I got injured on duty. Ya stitched my eye up and saved it”. He lifted up his glasses to reveal his previously injured eye. Although the eye was saved, there were some intense scars wrapped around the lid that barely opened. Not a pleasant sight and it explained the sunglasses on a cloudy day.
Mayuri could not recall treating the man. Odd. Typically he would remember all his patients but this one he subconsciously decided to forget.
“Still don’t remember me? Don’t blame ya. My face was swollen and bloodied up pretty bad. I almost lost my eye. But ya saved me or else I would have lost my job if I lost my eye”.
“Do you have good vision in that eye?” Mayuri asked, wondering if his handiwork really was worth the praise.
“Nah. They don’t need to know that. I’m functioning fine with one eye”.
There was a moment of silence as both men thought of something else to say. But there was nothing else to say on that topic.
Mayuri’s pager suddenly went off, saving them both from the awkward goodbyes.
”Yes. Got to save another eye. Or….”, he looked down at his pager. “Brain”. His eyes lit up at the thought of performing more brain surgery and he quickly got out of the car and darted towards the hospital main entrance.
Kenpachi watched the doctor disappear behind those sliding doors. He pulled out his list of people to question regarding the vandalism case and Mayuri’s name wasn’t even on the list.
The next couple of days, Mayuri noticed Officer Zaraki making his rounds. The vandalism attacks got worse and more cars were targeted, particularly the expensive cars. The hospital had its own security but it was pretty useless and ill equipped.
Mayuri was sitting in the cafeteria, enjoying some strong coffee, his eyes fixated on his new crush who was outside the parking lot checking out a newly vandalized car. He didn’t think he had a thing for men in uniform. He hoped to have some quiet time while secretly admiring the cop but he could detect your annoying aura even before you made your grand entrance into the cafeteria
“He sure looks hot in that uniform. Imagine how he would look without it”, you whispered beside him.
Mayuri almost choked on his coffee and passed you a silent threat. His dilated golden pupils said it all— he was infatuated.
“What? Just saying as I see it. Want me to talk to him for you?”, you asked while grabbing his untouched bagel and helping yourself.
“Talk to him about what? The weather?”. He was in full denial, and his stubbornness was deeply rooted.
Unfortunately for him, he befriended someone who was just as stubborn and was not ready to let go of a possible romantic match.
“Fine. Then if you are not interested, I will ask him out”, you grinned. The cop was definitely your type but you really wanted your friend to get laid so he could calm his ass down. The stress was written under his eyes, underneath all that makeup.
He didn't respond to your agenda and watched you get up from the chair, bagel still in hand and head out. Mayuri did perk up a little bit, following you with his eyes until you were out of his peripheral vision. You showed up again but this time outside, walking with determination towards the cop who was now squatting down to look at the underside of the bumper. What a view. You noticed the outline of his flexed muscular glutes through his tight pants. You looked up at Mayuri who was now standing at the window, looking directly at you, silently begging for you to not do or say anything stupid. You passed him a wink and put out your hands to indicate ‘he has a nice ass’.
Mayuri rolled his eyes and pulled away from the window. He stormed out of the cafeteria and out into the parking lot. By the time he got to you and the officer, you were already giggling and conversing with the man.
“We meet again Doc”, the tall officer grinned as he towered before Mayuri.
Why was he grinning? What did that fool say to him?
He was not going to stick around and find out.
“Yes. I came to grab my colleague” Mayuri was quick to avoid any unpleasant greetings and awkward conversations.
“Grab me? What for? We don’t have any urgent matter to attend to”, you innocently flutter your eyelashes. Oh he wanted to pluck them right off, one by one and watch you wither in pain.
“I was just updatin’ them on the vandalism situation. Ain’t got a clue who's doing it. Your car alright doc?” Kenpachi asked with his one hand now resting against his belt, thumb hooked behind it. His other hand was casually resting up against the car he was investigating. The pose was absolutely calendar worthy. It made your mouth watery and Mayuri was drooling somewhere else.
“My car is just fine”, Mayuri replied quickly.
“Lies. He doesn’t drive. We carpool. Doesn't look like it but he got some serious road rage”, you explained. You did not need to look his way to realize that his golden eyes were shooting death rays.
“Ain't that so? Hold on a sec… you that doc I pulled over a year ago for running five red lights?” Kenpachi now shifted his weight from one hip to the other while leaning forward to try and study Mayuri and his reaction.
Your eyes grow wide with excitement. You just got a front row seat to something juicy that was about to unfold.
“There was a transplant happening and I wasn't going to let that opportunity slide. You know that is a time sensitive matter.” Mayuri was explaining it to you, assuming the officer lacked any knowledge about organ transplants.
“And so is causing an accident and needing a transplant yourself when your organs go flying out of your cavity”, you retorted.
“Well I would be damned. Ya know, once I gave you a ticket and suspended your licence, that's when i ended up in the hospital with the injured eye which you patched up. What a coincidence, eh?” Kenpachi had a grin on his face.
“What happened to your eye?” You asked, feeling rather uneasy. Your gut was clenching with excitement and anxiety. This could go either way.
“Don't really remember what happened. Ended up with a bad concussion. So I couldn't remember pulling you over. I remember opening my one eye and seeing your face. And I ain't grateful for much in my life but i am damn grateful for you, Doc.”
You glance over at Mayuri who should look mortified from this revelation but instead appeared more guilt ridden more than anything.
“So Doctor Kurotsuchi, you were there. You know what happened to him once he gave you a ticket? Help him recall that particular day, wont ya?” You began your subtle interrogation.
“What? You think I punched him?” Mayuri stood defensive.
“No. I don't think you are capable of using someone's face as a punching bag. Why you getting so defensive?”
He went silent and looked away, clearly trying to hide the fact that he knew something.
“Come on! Spit it out!”, you ordered.
“Some idiot driver decided to physically confront me directly about running the red lights and was ready to throw a few punches. Well this officer got in the way and took the full brunt of it. I took him to the hospital in my car and stitched him up. It is as simple as that”, Mayuri finally explained although reluctantly.
“You drove me to the hospital on a suspended licence?” Kenpachi asked, while rubbing his scared eye under the sunglasses.
“I saved your eye didn't i? Idiot”, Mayuri muttered.
“Wait! Hold on! So the other day…when you said you didn't remember him, you recognized him all along?” You interjected, not letting Mayuri escape this one.
“I didn't want to open that can of worms again”.
“Because it made you feel guilty. Look at that. The heartless Dr. Kurotsuchi feels guilty about something!”. Now that was something worth celebrating.
“Well no need to feel guilty. I was just doin’ my job. Would have protected anyone in that situation”, Kenpachi inserted himself back into the conversation.
You noticed Mayuri’s stiff shoulder slightly lower with relief.
“How about this. Why not have Dr. Kurotsuchi take you out for drinks sometime. Just to make up for the inconvenience and properly thank you for your act of heroism?” You suggested with a innocently sweet smile that had Mayuri hurl on the inside.
“Act of heroism? He just said it’s his job…ouch”. Mayuri was now holding his ribcage, gasping for air.
You gave Mayuri a quick elbow to the chest to shut him up.
Kenpachi found it all too amusing. “I wouldn't mind that. Gotta show my gratitude as well. I still got an eye and my job thanks to your handiwork”.
“There you go!” You stood proud, knowing you’d just played matchmaker. Whether it sparks or implodes, time will tell.
Kenpachi and Mayuri exchanged numbers to set something up in the future. The officer went about his day, and both you and Mayuri went back into the hospital.
“Damn. Who would have thought this would have done a full circle? You two will make such cute babies”. You chimed with excitement.
“Do not get overly excited and wet your panties. It is just drinks”, Mayuri reminded you, sounding more realistic but also passively pessimistic.
“I'm sure it would lead to more than just drinks. I mean have you seen that sexy tongue? I bet it can reach your prostate with little to no effort at all”, you giggled, practically drooling over the imagery.
“You’re way too invested in this. Why not just sit in the front seat and steer me around?” Mayuri suggested sarcastically.
“Oh! Oh! Is that an invitation to have a front row seat?”
Mayuri just can’t anymore with you. He really can’t.
(smut scene will be posted during Smutfest where perverted reader gets to watch!!)
