This is a follow-up to "Close My Eyes and Leap" and "Take a Message Back from Me" taking place a couple of weeks after those two.
“Did Blaine get hold of you yesterday?” Kurt froze up a bit, because first of all, his ex wasn't exactly Kurt's favorite topic on conversation, and second, that tone of voice from Rachel? Rarely meant anything good for him.
“No, I haven't spoken to him since he called and whined about me not coming to the wedding.”
Thankfully, because Kurt might have agreed in a weak moment to keep communications up, but talking with his ex – or being talked at, more often – wasn't something Kurt enjoyed that much. In fact, he'd been pulling back as much as he could while still coming off as friendly. (The last thing Kurt wanted to do was encourage Blaine's barely hidden delusions about getting back together.)
Of course, if Blaine was going to try and get around that by having Rachel play messenger – and if Rachel was stupid enough to let him – well. Maybe it was time to stop playing friendly too.
“Why, did something happen?” Please, please, let it be nothing more than the usual whining.
“Not exactly, but he's thinking about coming up the weekend after next to look at his apartment – you know, get a feel for the place, get his bearings. So I thought we should get a couple of people from NYADA together, go for dinner, take him to Callbacks, you know. Make sure he feels welcome – that he knows he won't be lonely and left out in the fall.”
Like I did went unsaid, but Kurt still knew that that was what Rachel meant. He scowled, not liking the assumption that of course Blaine would be there in the fall, that of course he'd get accepted to NYADA without issue. (Unlike Kurt, which also was unsaid but loud and clear.)
And okay, maybe he was being petty, but spending an evening making nice with Blaine, making sure he got a nice, smooth transition to New York – taking advantage of the hard work Kurt and Rachel had put in – was not exactly on the list of Kurt's favorite things to do. (Or any of Kurt's lits, to be honest.) He preferred spending his rare weekends off with Adam, in private, doing more exciting things than going to Callbacks.
Only that was obviously not going to be an option – Rachel Berry wasn't one to accept “no” after all.
“Okay, I guess we could do that. Not sure how much time I'll have to see Blaine though, between school and work and vogue, but I know I have that Saturday free. I'll make sure to keep it that way.” And ask a few of the Apples to come along, to make sure he'd have some sane people to talk to. Rachel was his friend, yes, but the crowd she ran with at NYADA made Kurt's skin crawl. Being stuck having only them and Blaine to talk to for an entire evening?
No thanks. The mental images accompanying that reminded Kurt of a trapped animal trying to chew its leg off.
He'd ask Adam to come as well, of course, but... Well. The Brit worked as hard as Kurt, but he also had every reason not to want to spend an evening with not only Rachel and her “friends” but Kurt's ex as well.
“...so Sophie from my voice class is letting us borrow a cot, and I thought we could put it in your part of the loft, keep him and Santana from killing each other.” Wait, what?
“What? Rachel, don't tell me you told Blaine he could stay here!”
“No, I didn't.” Thank god. “I wanted to make sure I could get an extra bed first.”
Oh, hell no.
“I'm sorry you went through that effort for nothing, Rachel, but Blaine is not staying here.”
“What? You can't forbid me to have friends stay here, Kurt! This is my home as well!”
“Yeah, it is. And that's why I haven't had Finn come stay here like, half a dozen times already. Because it is your home as well as mine, and I thought having your ex-fiancé staying here would make you feel uncomfortable. Now, if I'm wrong about that, then great, I'll let Finn know he can come visit any time.
“But that doesn't change anything about this situation. Blaine can afford a hotel for the weekend, you know he can, and so there's no reason for me to suffer. That's it.
“Or well, I guess you can insist on having Blaine stay here, but then you will be paying for me to stay elsewhere. And just so you know, that won't get you out of hauling that cot all over town, because there's no way he's sleeping in my bed. Also, you're responsible for keeping him away from my belongings – he doesn't touch a single thing.”
“But Kurt...”
Rachel was pulling out all the stops, making herself look as much as a kicked puppy as she could. Normally that'd make him fold – had, too many times to count – but not this time. Not when it came to this.
“No. I realize that's not a word you're that familiar with, but I don't care. I am not comfortable with having my cheating ex-boyfriend staying in my home, and if you really are my friend then you need to respect that. So, what's it going to be? Me or Blaine?”
Rachel backed down a lot quicker than Kurt had expected after that, though maybe she picked up on the fact that he really was serious when it came to his ultimatum. She didn't back down gracefully however, and it was obvious things would be tense at the loft for a while as a result.
And that was... Well, Kurt was used to it, after all. Rachel made things difficult more often than he cared to think about, for reasons both serious and silly, and for the most part Kurt had learned to navigate around it.
He was not, however, willing to navigate around Blaine. Not any longer.
For years Kurt had given in to whatever Rachel, and Blaine, wanted from him. There had been no limits for what he'd allowed them to get away with. Things were different now though. For the first time in his life Kurt had developed limits, some hard ones even, regarding not only what he'd do for others but also what he would allow them to do to him.
Adam had helped him do that – as had Blaine too in a way, seeing as he was the cause for more than one of Kurt's new hard limits.
In the end though it didn't come down to Blaine, or to Adam for that matter. It came down to Kurt, and what was best for him. And for the time being? That was living with limits.
TITLE: The Spaces In-Between
RATING: M
PAIRINGS: Eventually Kurt/Blaine, unrequited Kurt/Finn
ADDITIONAL TAGS: All the tags! Mostly slowburn romance and friendship
SUMMARY: The story of Kurt Hummel’s life in the spaces between what we saw on the show – goes through the entire series, and follows his adventures throughout, including falling in love with Blaine, his friendships with Mercedes and Rachel, and his relationship with his dad.
Thanks to @snarkyhag for the beta - she makes all my work better <3
Thanks to @lallagoglee for the wonderful cover art! <3
***
Chapter 3: Poison
The Lima Bean is always a tad busier right after school. Kurt’s hardly been in there - only a couple of times - and usually he makes sure to stop in when other people aren’t there. But since he and Mercedes started becoming friends, he begins to frequent the little shop a lot more. Mercedes changes up her order a bit. Kurt, meanwhile, has discovered a massive appreciation for non-fat mochas because why not love yourself by indulging in a little chocolate every once in a while?
“I cannot believe it’s only been a few weeks and New Directions is already a hot damn mess,” Mercedes chatters away next to him as they stand in line. “The Cheerios joining, Mr. Schue leaving to start a boy band, and frankly Rachel Berry is getting a little out of control, even if I do think she’s right and we need someone to lead stat - even if it is that Stanley Dakota guy.”
Kurt nods along but is only half paying attention. Standing a few spots in line in front of them are Quinn and Finn. Quinn’s arm is around Finn, and Kurt’s fixated on her hand, which lazily traces a circle on his back. Finn is apparently stressed at the mere idea of choosing a drink, and maybe this is Quinn’s way of calming him down? He doesn’t understand their relationship. Why would anyone want to be in a relationship with someone so hateful and controlling? If Finn were his boyfriend, Kurt would definitely let Finn have a few choices - like what color of red the drapes would be in their apartment.
Mercedes is still chattering about glee, which normally would have Kurt locked and engaged, but Quinn’s hand keeps moving south. Eventually, it dips into Finn’s back pocket and stays and god knows what she’s doing in there. Is she actually caressing his ass in public? That’s so disgusting. But he can’t tear himself away. There’s a part of him that wonders what it would be like to be that open. To just be able to touch someone like that in public. What if he were the one who could touch Finn…
“Will you stop that? It’s distracting,” Finn says, loud enough that the entire line to hear. He pulls away from her.
“I am just trying to be a loving girlfriend,” she snarls back.
“Well, maybe I don’t need so much love while we’re in a restaurant.” Finn’s embarrassed, and looks around to see if anyone’s watching. Mostly not, but Kurt wonders if she had turned him on. Unfortunately, his jeans are too baggy to tell.
“It’s a cafe, idiot,” Quinn mutters under her breath.
“I’m so glad we’re not like them,” Mercedes comments. She’s snakes an arm through his, and pulls him close, resting her head against his shoulder.
Mercedes tends to do this a lot. He’s not quite sure what to think about her constant touch but she’s soft and smells nice and never asks too much of him, so he allows it. He holds onto her as if she’s his armor, there to block any unwanted or unwilling attack. And it’s a comfort to know that there’s someone out there who isn’t instantly repelled by him.
“Oh, how cute,” Santana and Brittany join the line behind them, and Santana doesn’t make it two seconds without shooting them a mocking look. “Aren’t they such an adorable couple, Britt?”
“I’m secretly jealous that I’m not in a relationship with either of them,” Brittany says softly.
“Hi, guys!” Mercedes says, a broad smile on her face, as she curls further into him.
Mercedes is much more tolerant than he is, Kurt would rather not give them the time of day. Neither of them respond to Mercedes, instead Santana whispers something into Brittany’s ear causing her to burst out laughing. It’s clear they’re being made fun of but Santana and Brittany can screw off for all he cares.
“So, are you guys going to help out with the car wash tomorrow?” Mercedes asks.
“Of course we are,” Santana says, barely looking up from her phone. “Coach Sue is having the Cheerios help out because, let’s face it, the best payers are guys with sweet cars and lots of money - and they are totally not going to stop for you rejects. They’re going to need hot girls to stare at. And while they’re staring, we’ll be taking all their money.”
Kurt raises an eyebrow at her. “Of course you’ll whore yourself out for cash,” he mutters.
“I’m sorry, excuse me?” He should have bit his tongue but Santana’s wrath doesn’t scare him. “Well, at least I have sex. And why not get paid for something I am clearly good at? I’m pretty sure the only people who would ever want to touch your clearly bedazzled-in-glitter dick are creepy, very closeted old men with a fetish for boys who dress like girls.”
“Hey!” Mercedes cuts in before Kurt can tell Santana to fuck off. “Leave Kurt alone, Santana.”
She squeezes his arm tighter, almost protectively. He doesn’t need her to fight his battles, but it’s a nice sentiment all the same.
Santana eyes her sharply, but before she can say whatever wicked remark on her tongue, Brittany speaks up. “Guys, let’s not fight,” she says. “We should go back to talking about car washes. I like car washes because it reminds me of when Santana and I take bubble baths together.”
Wait, what? Did Brittany just say that? Santana gives her a livid stare, before pulling Brittany out of line to talk to her privately.
“I wouldn’t listen to her,” Mercedes says, squeezing his arm tighter. “I’m sure you’ll find someone… eventually. And it won’t be some old dude…”
His first reaction is to tell her he’s not gay. Because -- well, that’s what he should say, right? But then he looks across the room to see Quinn and Finn cuddled in a booth together. He’s got an arm around her, she’s looking up at him lovingly. No longer are they the bickering couple they were in line. It’s almost as if they care about each other. His heart aches just a little.
It’s not fair that way deep down, all he wants is to be in a relationship - to love someone who loves him back.
He wants to tell Mercedes the truth… god, he wants to tell her - tell someone so badly. And Mercedes, well, he trusts her. She seems safe, she would keep his secret. And, god, how much of a relief would it be to actually share this with someone.
He wants to. He really does. But he just can’t. Not yet.
***
That evening Kurt is at his desk, on his computer, fingers hovering over the keypad hesitant to go through with it. His dad’s out for the evening - some kind of late night inventory that happens a few times a year, which means he has the house to himself. And wants to try an experiment. He wants to see, for sure, if it’s true. He wants to test if he really is… gay.
So, he’s going to try out what most guys his age have probably already been doing for ages now. He’s going to look up some porn. He feels a little weird doing it - like he’s doing something wrong. But even his dad has a few risque magazines in his closet, and everyone has looked at porn at least once, right?
Before he can chicken out, he goes to an incognito browser (so anyone can’t find out) and types in ‘porn’. He quickly clicks on the first link he finds and - Oh. My. God.
Big breasted women with their legs spread all the way open pop up everywhere. There’s screaming and moaning and he quickly hits mute even though he’s alone. In the corner pops up a little window with an older woman without a shirt asking if he’s in the area and if he likes MILFs. There are a lot of women kissing other women with their asses in the air, and women sucking dicks, and women playing with themselves. Body fluids just keep coming and… this is gross. So gross. Are people actually turned on by any of this? Are the people in these films actually enjoying themselves? And how is she able to bend her leg like that?
On the side bar there are a list of options, and dear god, there are a lot of specific types of fetishes. He doesn’t even want to know what half of them are. With a deep breath, he clicks on the ‘gay’ link.
Oh dear god…
He isn’t sure if this is better or worse. Now guys with huge dicks are shoving themselves into other guys’ various holes and… doesn’t any of this hurt? There’s a lot of weird stretching and things that don’t look physically possible and, dear god, why are there so many tattoos in places no one should get tattoos? Then there’s the semen. So much semen. Nothing about this is appealing. Maybe he isn’t gay at all. Maybe he’s asexual. If this is what sex is, then he really doesn’t ever want to do it.
He flips through a few pages, seeing if there’s anything that he might actually want to watch. He’s about to close out when something catches his attention. The thumbnail is not a huge dick ramming into an ass, it’s just two guys kissing. He clicks on it.
And is pleasantly surprised.
It’s kissing. Just kissing -- two shirtless guys in jeans. One is a scrawny blond guy, who isn’t really doing anything for him. The other guy, though… he’s a decent build, with dark hair and light eyes and he sort of reminds him of a real life Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid. The room suddenly begins to grow really warm, his pants begin to feel a little tight. He tries to ignore it and just watch the kissing.
And it’s nice - the way the dark haired guy has the other guy’s face cupped, the way it seems like they actually are enjoying each other. The way it seems natural that they’d lie down on the bed together, and begin sliding their bodies against each other. His own dick begins to throb just a little. He can’t tear his eyes away as the two men’s rocking becomes more frantic.
Well, shit. Shit, shit, shit.
Then, the video is suddenly cut and it skips to the dark haired guy jamming his oversized dick into the blond guy’s mouth. The porn loses its appeal, and Kurt clicks out of the website completely.
Still. The throbbing feeling isn’t going away. The image of the two men making out and moving together is firmly locked in his mind.
He goes to lie down on his bed and, for a moment, argues with himself about whether or not he’s actually going to do this. It wouldn’t be like it was the first time. There have been a few times, in the shower, where he’s touched himself -- just to see. This time feels a little different, a little more urgent.
He gets out of his pants, but remains in his briefs, and lightly strokes himself through his underwear. The touch is nice but it’s not enough. He closes his eyes and tries to think of a girl - but the first girl who pops in his head is Rachel Berry and that nearly kills the moment.
He tries to think of Mercedes - what it would be like if he tried kissing her, if he cupped her chin like the guy in the video did. He does care for Mercedes a lot - she’s his first real friend. She’s kind, and pretty, and stands up for him. But he can’t do it. He can’t see himself kissing her at all. She’s not gross, she’s just… not doing anything for him.
His mind suddenly shifts and it’s no longer Mercedes he’s kissing in this fantasy, but Finn. And - wham! That does the trick, and his dick is now at full attention. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries not to think of Finn at all.
Instead, he tries to think of the dark haired guy in the video. What if that guy kissed him, deeply, like they do in the movies? What if that guy held him closely and said romantic things into his ear? What if he allowed that guy to reach down and touch him, stroke him, be gentle with him?
His dick is almost painfully throbbing now, wanting desperately to be touched. Kurt’s hand is quickly in his underwear, grabbing himself, as he fantasizes that it’s the dark haired man’s hand doing the job. His hips are soon arched, pumping frantically into his own hand. And it’s not long before his orgasm hits. He lets out a little cry, not being able to control himself. He then falls back to the bed, feeling pleasantly dazed.
When his mind clears, however, an unsettling feeling grows in the pit of his stomach.
Yup. He’s gay.
He’s most definitely and undeniably gay.
It’s not about his voice or his clothes or his love of cooking.
This is my drabble fic for both the @gleepotluckbigbang Drabble December and the 2019 @klaineadvent. The GPBB story is about Carole Hudson-Hummel and the KA story is (mostly) about Kurt. Mostly canon compliant but the world needs more Carole so here it is. :)
GPBB Drabble December prompt: Presents
Klaine Advent prompt: Emergency
Getting Kurt to leave them alone was hard. God, he was more like a mother hen than a teenage boy sometimes. She did her best to finesse the situation but tonight she finally just said he needed to go out (and leave them be). A sleepover at Mercedes’, maybe even with Rachel, was just what he needed to loosen up after the last few weeks, she prompted. After all, she was more than capable of taking care of the now mostly-recovered Burt.
The dinner wasn’t much — just some baked chicken and steamed vegetables with two very small glasses of red wine — but it was a gift for them. Time together unhurried and romantic. She had another present in mind all together and, by the way Burt was responding to her conversation, he was happy to receive it.
She wasn’t expecting something vigorous — though she had watched him walk upstairs a few times over the past week to make sure she wasn’t going to kill him off. It had just been so long and they really needed to reconnect. Specifically she need to reconnect with his strong hands and thick fingers, and then anything fun for him that was low impact. Tonight was theirs.
-------------
Kurt needed his girls. It wasn’t an emergency per se but he was dipping close to tragic and that needed to get fixed asap. His dad had been on the mend the last few weeks but that duet debacle with Sam had him depressed (and lonely). Why did it always feel like he was starting over at the bottom? “Maybe This Time” blared in his speakers on the drive over as his mind drifted. He was so sick of this. Was he really going to have to wait until college to start dating? Was he possibly the only gay guy in Ohio? No, it just felt like it. There must be some somewhere. Where are they hiding?
Brunch with the Hummels was nice. Blaine still wasn’t use to the comfortable way conversation flowed; it was a welcome change from the stilted almost formal conversations from his own adolescence. He envied Kurt in his relationship with his dad and step mom; but couldn’t find it in his heart to let that feeling grow, Kurt deserved the best things.
Kurt had tears in his eyes as they hugged his family goodbye. Blaine listened as he promised his dad he would see him at Christmas; he wasn’t looking forward to spending the holidays alone again.
He wrapped his arm around Kurt’s waist as they walked, wanting to give Kurt the comfort he knew that he needed.
“My dad likes you,” Kurt told him softly.
Blaine smiled. “I like your dad. Carole, too.”
“Oh, Carole absolutely adores you! She never gushed over any of Finn’s girlfriends the way she does about you.” Kurt laughed.
“Really?” Blaine asked.
Kurt smiled sweetly at him. “Really, in fact they both told me I had better invite you to join us for Christmas… I would love to have you if you think you can.”
Blaine’s heart rate picked up in an unpleasant way. “I don’t think…”
“It’s fine, maybe it is too soon.” Kurt interrupted.
Follow-up to Concepts of Insanity, spawned by a talk with @jwmelmoth
Slighty different mood than that one, but same base principle.
Returning to the loft after skating should be a relief after the awkwardness of doing such a loaded activity with his ex. Except it doesn't feel that good, and he's got some uncomfortable suspicions regarding Blaine's backpack.
“So, dad. You brought Blaine. Exactly when's his ticket back?”
“Day after tomorrow, same as mine.”
“Right. And where is he staying?”
“Well...” His dad's facial expression answers that question in a way that makes Kurt's heart sink.
Fan.Tast.Ic.
“So when you said I could return my present if I wanted to, exactly how was that supposed to work? It isn't, is it? I'm stuck with him whether I want to or not.”
“Kurt!”
His dad's voice is full of surprise and a bit of censor, but Kurt isn't going to let that influence him. His dad's crossed a line, and Kurt's not going to pretend otherwise.
“Remember the first Christmas after mom passed away? How you sat me down and apologized for my presents, before I'd even opened them, because you just weren't good at buying gifts? And remember how I told you that anything you'd gotten me would be perfect, because it was from you and I loved you? Yes?
“Okay. I still love you, but I'm taking the rest of that back. You coming here to tell me you have cancer was bad enough. Finding out you consider my ex an acceptable 'gift' for Christmas goes from bad to really shitty, and I don't know what you were thinking. Especially seeing as apparently you felt it was okay to tell him about your cancer before telling me.”
“I didn't want you to be alone.”
Kurt just stares, unable to process.
“I have cancer, and I knew you'd have a hard time to deal. I brought Blaine because I figured you'd need the support, the comfort.”
“And you brought my ex for that?”
Then again, support wasn't Blaine's strongest suit even when we were together, was it?
“Hey, you're the one who told me he wasn't just your boyfriend, he was your best friend too.”
“Yes, but that was before” he cheated on me “we broke up.”
His dad still doesn't seem to get it and Kurt can't take it.
“You know what, I need some air. I'm going to take a walk. You stay here, make sure Blaine stays out of my bedroom.”
Kurt starts out with going around the block, but he's still upset after and takes another loop, this time longer. It takes half an hour for him to feel ready to go back inside and deal.
Sitting on the couch with his dad and Blaine as they watch baseball is annoying as hell. Any other time, he'd take the closeness and read Vogue, especially now that his dad has admitted to knowing about it. But with Blaine actually watching and interacting with his dad about the game Kurt feels uncomfortable not doing the same. So he tries. Once he gives up and reaches for his magazine he heard his dad and Blaine joke about having bet about how long he'd hold out.
And then the next hit comes.
“So, Kurt, I know that this might be a bit weird for you, and you can totally say no if you want to,” sure, just like I could return the 'gift' of your presence, “ but I'm applying to NYADA for next year.”
Kurt sighs silently. Of course he is. The thing is, he can see it, the way Blaine probably assumes it'll play out. Blaine moving to New York, going to NYADA, buddying up to Rachel just like in high school... Kurt being expected to just take it, regardless of if he had been accepted or not. Any contacts Kurt might have gotten supposed to be at Blaine's beck and call, Blaine talking his way into Kurt's classes trying to replace him, like he had in Glee and with Cheerios... Kurt bending over backwards to make Blaine happy, just like in high school.
Because there would never be a chance of him being allowed to continue to say no to Blaine with them at the same school.
Thank god that's not going to happen.
And really, what was Blaine trying to do here? Pretending that Kurt's opinion mattered? The time for that would have been months ago, before applying.
“Oh really? You know what, I think NYADA might be perfect for you.” Not in terms of actual schooling, maybe, as Kurt's had the blinds torn off regarding Blaine's talent, but for the rest... He imagines Carmen Tibideaux subjecting Blaine to some of her special treatment. The definition of Karma, surely.
“Really?”
“Oh yeah. From everything I've heard you'd get along really well with the dean, and well, Rachel seems to thrive. Good luck.”
With no encouragement to keep talking about NYADA Blaine wanders off to grab something to drink and Kurt refocuses on his dad, trying to squeeze out as much of this visit as possible.
“Hey Kurt? What does NUY want with you?”
Kurt turns his head so fast it feels like he's in danger of whiplash.
“Are you going through my mail? Stop it!”
The words come out hard and he can see both his dad and Blaine react. He doesn't care though.
“You know, you going through my personal things wasn't cute when we dated either. Back then I just cared more about keeping the peace than about keeping my privacy. Since that's not a problem anymore, let me just be clear. I might be allowing you to stay here, but that's not an invitation in any way. Not to snooping, not to feeling at home, and not to getting back together.
“This is my home, and you are – putting it kindly – a guest. Behave with the decency I know your mom expects of you. If you can't do that then leave.”
He wishes Blaine would, but knows it's not likely.
“Buddy...”
“Kurt! You can't mean that you'd throw me out. Where would I go?”
Blaine looks like Kurt has done the verbal equivalent of throwing a bucket of ice water in his face. It has no effect on Kurt's resolve though.
“I neither know nor care. You either respect my home or you don't stay in it. This is New York. There are thousands of hotels and hostels.”
His dad just stares at him, as if he doesn't know who Kurt is anymore, and it hurts. Out of all the people liking Blaine better than him Kurt had never figured his dad would be one. And yet here he was, feeling the same way as he'd once felt with Finn.
“Buddy, you're being a bit harsh here, don't you think? Yes, I'll admit that maybe bringing Blaine without warning you was a little...impulsive, but why are you so angry? And don't be so hardnosed about getting back together, for your own sake.
“Like I said earlier, love's important. Holding on to love is important. I don't want you to throw away what you and Blaine have, not when you never know what will happen, or how long you'll have that opportunity. It's a cruel world, Kurt, but having someone to share with makes it better.”
Kurt takes a deep breath and tries, really really tries to keep his bitterness in. He's not doing that great a job.
“Holding on to love is important, sure. But there's such a thing as holding on too long and too hard. Blaine and I broke up for good reasons, and I wish you'd respect that.”
It's like his dad isn't even hearing him though.
“You know, your mom and I found it hard being apart too.”
Kurt did know. As a kid he'd loved hearing about his mom's semester in France, and he'd been told enough to know that it'd been tough. He'd read some of their letters to each other though, and he doubts either of them dealt the way Blaine did.
“So? Yes, being apart is hard. But that isn't an excuse for everything. I didn't want to get you involved in all of this, but since that's obviously not going to be an option anymore, fine. Blaine cheated. He felt I didn't pay enough attention to him, you know, between finding a job and a place to stay, and making enough money to pay the bills, and generally trying to make myself a life here after he practically pushed me to go here.
“And so he went and found someone else to give him that attention.”
He practically spits out the last sentence. It feels good to finally allow himself to say it, but the look on his dad's face doesn't feel as good.
If he was less angry maybe he'd be able to stop himself, worry about his dad's heart. But the anger's been simmering too long for that.
“That's why we broke up, and that's why I find the idea of getting back together objectionable. And you can talk about holding on to love until you're blue in the face, but I'm not the one who needs that lecture.”
He swallows down the lump in his throat, but goes on.
“As for the rest of it, are you seriously suggesting I take back my cheating boyfriend because that's better than being alone? Or because I don't know how long I'll live? Because if you are... What's next, dad? Telling me I should marry him because you and mom didn't get enough time together?
“If any of those things are going through your head you are also welcome to leave. I'll never not welcome you in my home, dad, but I need you to respect me. I need you to not act like you're putting someone else's son above yours.”
That's a warning that hits the target, and it's obvious that Burt Hummel remembers a row of uncomfortable talks about Finn. He deflects by turning on Blaine though.
“You...”
“No, dad. It is over and done with. Leave him be. Just... Just leave it alone. I don't want to take anymore fighting. Please?”
They stare at each other and for a while Kurt wonders if he should have done as he normally does and just backed down. Swallowed down his hurt and anger and frustration, kept quiet about the injustices done to him, and just pretended to be okay. Tried to not upset his dad, and risk his health.
Except he's done that for years, and it's clearly not working. His dad's health has failed again, with the cancer – and no matter how good the prognosis, or the treatments available, a cancer diagnosis is a health failure. Plus his dad is trying to fix him and Blaine, out of some misguided idea that they're going to be the next Burt-and-Lizzie, and he never would have done that if Kurt'd been honest about the cheating instead of blaming distance.
At least Kurt hopes he wouldn't.
“Sometimes, dad, first loves end. They end because of death, or because they're not meant to last, or because of something else. And then you meet someone else, and they make your life amazing. I'm not going to deprive myself of that by holding on to something that's ended. Just like you didn't. You found love again. I will too.
“I just need to be allowed to do so.”
They keep staring at each other, and then his dad nods. Kurt can't help it, he throws himself in his dad's arms, with tears already beginning to fall.
As they hug Kurt hear Blaine muttering in the background about finding a hotel, but he doesn't care. The door to the loft closing feels like it's closing on him and Blaine too, and it's such a relief.
After several minutes they let go. Both need to remove traces of crying, but that's good.
Once they're seated again Kurt searches for something to talk about, but his dad beats him to it.
“So, NYU? Or should I pretend I didn't hear that?”
“No! I have been thinking about things, about school, and I was an idiot for not applying to more schools last year. So, I did some research and then I did something about it. I've applied to half a dozen schools, and I've already been accepted to one for the fall semester. I don't know if there's any school willing to take me for the spring, but if there's not I'll just keep working and try to save up money.”
“And what about NYADA?”
There's no judgment in his dad's voice, and Kurt smiles as he tries to describe the situation diplomatically.
“It's...not looking as good in my research as I thought, so while I did reapply there I'm not sure I want to go there. I really shouldn't have listened to Rachel last year, because as it turns out? NYADA actually isn't the most prestigious school for performing arts, and it's probably not even the best for me. I guess we were both a little starstruck, you know?”
The game is back on, but they ignore it and talk, and it's everything Kurt would have wanted.
O--o---o--O
Months later as classes start up Kurt receives voicemail after voicemail about Blaine starting at NYADA, about how bad it is that Kurt's not been accepted, about them meeting up. Kurt ignores them as he did the calls and walks into vogue.com with a smile.
He doesn't feel the least bad about not getting in. Hell, he didn't even apply for the fall semester.
No, Kurt's happy where he is, with his job at vogue.com, a spot at the New School and a couple of scholarships helping pay the way. Oh, and a new boyfriend, which also contributes to his happiness.
Turns out? Acting in new ways can get you new and rewarding results. All you got to do is try.
This is the last part of this. Of a story that I was pretty certain I wouldn’t finish and just posted the bit I had in my scraps and snippets tag for a lark. You read that, and you liked it, and your response made me want to try and finish it. And so here we are, ~29k finished fic.
Thank you for the support.
Follows pt I, pt II, pt III, pt IV, pt V, pt VI, pt VII, pt VIII, pt IX, pt X, pt XI, pt XII, pt XIII, pt XIV, pt XV, pt XVI and pt XVII.
New York is big and loud and filthy and expensive.
Kurt's first apartment had been an absolute rathole. He'd shared it with four others, and his “room” had been a repurposed coatroom. There had been just enough place for a bed and a tiny table instead of a desk. He'd only brought the most necessary in way of clothing, and with the exception of two shirts hanging from a nail in the wall he'd been forced to keep everything in a suitcase under the bed.
He'd moved out after a month, tired of never being able to keep food in the kitchen, weary of the nicks surrounding the lock on his door – he'd replaced the old one day 1, but even the best of locks only went so far – and fed up with having to carry all his valuables with him at all times.
Luckily the Warbler network had activated and Trent's older brother had offered up his guest room (and if that wasn't a sign of wealth, a student in New York with a guest room, then Kurt didn't know what was) for the rest of the year provided Kurt find someplace else to spend the night on those occasions it was needed. During the fall it'd mostly been solved by Sebastian coming to visit and the two sharing a cheap hotel room, and during the fall by Kurt spending the night at Sebastian's apartment. It had been tempting to move in with Sebastian then, but Kurt had resisted and they both agreed they'd become stronger for it.
Living together had been tough, especially since Sebastian had a lot more money available than Kurt. They'd managed to find a balance though and looking back Kurt feels proud of the work they'd put in to make it work. Three years (and counting) together and these days Kurt is willing to proclaim that Sebastian is as much of a perfect boyfriend as it's possible to be.
Yes, New York is still loud and filthy and big, but it's also full of light and laughter and love. Kurt's learned to find his way around both city and school, and he's on track for graduation with excellent prospects. Life is good.
Of course, that kind of means he's overdue for a cold shower and unfortunately it comes as cold and icy as is possible.
“Blaine. I guess I should have known you'd turn up.”
Like a bad penny, Kurt thinks. His ex-boyfriend just smiles wider at the words, clearly not picking up on the undertones.
“Yes! I'll always come back to you, Kurt. We're meant to be – you're my soulmate.”
Kurt shudders. All these years, and he still haven't gotten over his negative reaction to those words.
“Yeah, I'm pretty sure you and I have different interpretations of what those things mean. Personally I can't see how someone who walked out of my life without a word years ago could be considered my 'soulmate', but that's me.”
“That's not fair! I never wanted to leave you, but my parents made me.”
Blaine does this thing with his face that resembles what Kurt remembers of Blaine's “I've apologized, sort of, and you should forgive me now” expression and Kurt thinks that if Blaine could see himself he'd never ever do it again. It's not pretty. It kind of looks like he's about to shit his pants, frankly.
“Right. Your parents. And why, exactly, were they so determined to get you out of Lima without saying goodbye?”
Blaine flinches, and Kurt can see the realization hit him. Strange. It's as if he never even thought about the possibility that Kurt would know about the lies Blaine had told. Emotions run across Blaine's eyes and face, one after the other, and Kurt just waits without even trying to figure out what's going through his ex's mind. He's beyond caring.
“Kurt, I... I, I have a confession to make. When I got home that last night, my parents, they were waiting up for me. They made assumptions, and I, I let them.”
Blaine's face twists, and a couple of tears start falling. Kurt would be touched, really he would, except he happens to know that Blaine can cry on command.
“I know I shouldn't have, I know it was wrong, I was just so afraid! I thought they'd throw me out, and so I kept quiet and did what they wanted. I'm so sorry I did that to you.
“I love you, Kurt!”
The thing is, he can remember when those words from Blaine's lips would make him melt. That's no longer true. Now he listens to them like he would a performance, and he finds them lacking. He should have gone for soft instead of intense, a hint of tears maybe, not volume and anger.
This isn't school though, even though it very much is a performance, nor is it worth critiquing. It's not worth anything, really. Kurt sighs a little, just wanting all of it to be over and Blaine to be gone.
“Here's the thing. I understand, I guess. In your shoes I would have been worried to tell my dad the truth too. I think just about every teenager out there would be at least a little afraid to tell their parents they got drunk and stupid.
“But I also think that just about every teenager out there knows that there's some kind of middle-ground between 'I got drunk and tried to rape my boyfriend' and 'my boyfriend drugged me and tried to rape me'. Except apparently you didn't. You just went with what would get you of the hook the fastest and easiest.”
“Hey! That's not fair!”
“Oh, it isn't? You doing what you did is okay, but me calling it what it was is unfair? Now, why am I not the least bit surprised that that's how you feel?
“You know, at first I didn't understand how you could do it. How you could say you loved me and then not just leave me, but let your parents believe that I would do something like that to you. Well, that you could let anyone think I'd do that to anyone.
“But as I said, I understand why you did it.”
A triumphant look flash up in Blaine's eyes. Oh, he's doing a pretty good job at hiding it – much better than he would have been able to as a teenager – but Kurt knows him, and he's looking for it.
“You threw me under the bus because you knew it'd be an easy out. You could have told your parents something else, anything else, but you chose the worst possible lie – one you had to have known would get me in trouble. You did it because it was easy, and it would get you of the hook – maybe even get you some sympathy instead of the punishment you deserved – and you did it because that was all you cared about. You.
“I always knew you were a bit self-involved, but I told myself it was just part of you being a performer. A healthy ego's pretty much a must, and I used to think that was it. Except it turned out you were so focused on you, and your needs and wants, that nothing else mattered. Certainly not me.
“It took me a while to accept, but I know now that regardless of what you said you didn't love me. Not really. You might have thought you did, but Blaine? Love means that the other person's just as important to you as you yourself are. And I never was that to you.”
He ignores Blaine's protests and just continues, projecting his voice to be heard over the barely restrained excuses and lies.
“The truth is that your lack of empathy and care for other people borders on Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and quite frankly I am better off for not having you remain in my life. Just don't expect me to thank you for it though.
“No one else will either. Do you realize how many people you worried with your little disappearing act? There was quite a few at Dalton who were convinced that your parents had shipped you off to conversion camp. They were counting down until your 18th birthday and from what I heard there was even the beginning of a fund to pay your way at Dalton if you escaped and were disowned.”
There's a triumphant gleam in Blaine's eyes. Clearly he's pleased about his friends being so worried about him and so ready to help him out. Kurt just wants to stomp that light out. Violently.
“Then when you didn't resurface after your birthday a few started worrying that your parents had you in a mental hospital, and there was talk of trying to stage some kind of rescue. That only lasted so long, of course.
“You see, somehow it's hard to convince anyone that their friend is practically jailed and in need of a rescue when they're seen out and about clubbing in L.A.. After all, these days everyone carries a phone, so the idea that you were unable to contact someone – anyone – and ask for help went up in flames pretty quick after that.”
Thad had been so angry that he'd made sure every single Dalton student that had ever know Blaine found out, and even the boy's most die-hard supporters had given up then and there.
They'd all understood not wanting to getting into a conflict with your family, especially when said family usually paid for college and any possible trust funds tended to be under the family's control for a while longer. What they hadn't understood was Blaine's total lack of communication. Email telling them that Blaine was okay but under orders not to contact anyone from Ohio would have gone a long way to ease worries, and was, they felt, the very least he owed them.
“Funny thing about you showing up here now? I can't help but remember that you turned 21 a couple of weeks ago. You didn't happen to get access to a trust fund then did you? Not that I actually care, but there are some old bets to settle.”
There wasn't, not really, but enough Warbler had warned Kurt about this very scenario with an added “I bet he shows up afterwards, thinking you'll take him back” for it to not quite be a lie.
Blaine splutters before launching into a long row of “explanations”, one more shitty than the other. It's obvious that he didn't expect Kurt to be angry with him, but instead to be welcomed with open arms. It's even sounding as if Blaine expected Kurt to take him back and just let him slide back into his life as if nothing had happened. Kurt isn't quite sure if Blaine intended for him to move in with Kurt and start a new life in New York, or if the idea was for Kurt to give up everything and follow Blaine back to L.A., but both options are equally ridiculous.
“Stop. Just, stop. I told you, I don't care. If you want to get in touch with any of your old friends from Dalton and McKinley and explain all of it to them, do so. But you don't need to explain anything to me. I don't want to hear it. Your window for explaining yourself to me closed years ago. It closed after you let your parents walk into a police station ready to have me charged with rape.
“Nothing you can say will ever make that okay. Nothing you say can make me forgive you.”
Kurt stops himself and takes a deep breath. There's so much he could say, so many accusations that could be made, so much hatred to be poured out.
Blaine's actions had gotten Kurt into trouble, and could have landed him in jails. They'd been what had stopped Burt Hummel from running from reelection after being asked – while nothing had come from the Andersons' accusations there had still been enough people who had known about it for it to leak and ruin a political career. After all, who cared if it was true when it made for a good weapon? And “local congressman buries son's rape charge” made for a great weapon.
Kurt had been willing to risk it, but his dad hadn't wanted to. Had it leaked the only way to prove Kurt's innocence would have been to make the video of Blaine trying to assault Kurt public. No good parent does that to their kid had been Burt's position, and Kurt had been grateful.
That didn't mean he wasn't aware of exactly how much that had cost not just his dad but the whole state. The man who'd replaced his dad had been the kind of bigot that wasn't good for anyone, not even his followers.
Kurt still blames Blaine for that, and even if he'd been insane enough to consider forgiving everything else he's never forgiving that. The chance of making Blaine understand any of that is minuscule though. The chance of him caring is even less.
There is, simply put, no point in spending even another second on trying to get through to him.
“You're not welcome here. Please leave. Goodbye Blaine.”
Once the door is closed and locked behind Blaine Kurt finally relaxes. He's closing the door on Blaine in more than one way, finally able to truly do that – because regardless of what he's hoped he's always known that one day his former boyfriend would pop up again.
“If he comes back you're filing for a restraining order.”
“He won't come back, Sebastian.”
“You don't know that. He did today, didn't he?”
It's obvious that Sebastian is coming from a place of care and worry, and Kurt feels himself soften. Blaine hasn't just been the monster under Kurt's bed during all of these years.
“Yes, he did, and no, I guess I can't really know. But honey, I really don't think he will. Blaine was reminded today that actions have consequences, and he found out I have the means to ensure said consequences. Coming after me and trying to change my mind is more work than he's ever shown himself willing to put in.
“After all, he's not the kind to stick around when the spit hits the fan.”
This is the penultimate part. The last one is written and drafted - I did finish while on vacation. Expect it for next weekend.
Follows pt I, pt II, pt III, pt IV, pt V, pt VI, pt VII, pt VIII, pt IX, pt X, pt XI, pt XII, pt XIII, pt XIV, pt XV and pt XVI.
It's as everything happens in May. Kurt feels as if he should be used to it by now, but this year is worse than any before. It's understandable, he guesses, what with it being his senior year, but understanding doesn't help. Some of the squares on his wall calendar has so many things on them they're barely legible, and there are days when he wants to just quit it all.
He can always work in his dad's garage for the rest of his life. Surely that's not the worst thing ever?
The only reason he's not a complete wreck when Nationals comes is the Warblers meeting held right after Regionals where David had used logic (how dare he) and suggested their approach to Nationals.
Kurt's first, immediate reaction is “we're never going to win with that” which he also says out loud, only to be met by “so what”.
“I don't say this lightly. I've been a Warbler for four years. It's been amazing to be surrounded by all of these talented people, and make music just because we like it, and that's why I've kept it up even with all the hints I've gotten that my 'future career' would be better served by me spending that time on learning another language or studying harder. After all, what use is singing and dancing for a lawyer?”
There's a bitterness in David's voice, and it's echoed in a number of murmurs around the room.
“This is the one thing I do for fun, that I do just for me, and some days the only thing that makes slogging through my mountain of homework bearable is knowing that once I'm done I can go enjoy Warblers. This year's group hold more talent of all my years here, which is why it hurts to say that I don't think we can win, no matter what setlist we go on with. We're simply not the kind of group that wins a contest like this.”
Which, probably true. The Warblers are good, yes, but they're an all boys a capella group performing in uniforms. They don't have the productions that teams who wins Nationals do. Doesn't mean that it hurts just as much to hear as it hurts to say.
“The truth is – and I'm sorry, I know we don't talk about him, but I have to – the truth is that we didn't even compete before Blaine.”
Kurt expects it to sting to hear his name. It does, but not much. He's moving past that.
“Blaine walked in here and wanted to compete so badly. He spent his first semester here trying to talk us into trying, even with all the reasons we had for not going so, and he got his way. That doesn't change the fact that this is only our second year competing, and we've surpassed all expectations by making it to Nationals. To do so again and win, or even place in the top... I don't think we can do that, not even with all the talent in this room.”
No one likes hearing that, but no one's disagreeing either. They aren't going to win. That's just how it is.
“So why not do that we like? Why don't we pick songs we like and that showcases our strengths? Why don't we sing a song that will make you happy, Kurt? And if it knocks us down in the ranking to do so, who cares? I don't.”
To hear someone say that Kurt's happiness should matter more than placement – to hear David say it, after everything the year before – causes tears to well up in his eyes. To hear every single Warbler agree make those tears fall.
They'd walked out of that meeting stronger than they'd gone in, and Kurt lets himself gather strength from that memory for a few seconds before he steps forward and lets his voice soar.
“Something has changed within me, something is not the same / I'm through with playing by the rules, of someone else's game”
They finish eleventh. It's better than they'd dared to hope, with all the absolutely excellent teams competing. It the joy is tinged with a little bitterness? Who can blame them? Maybe, more than one of them wonders, a more conventional setlist could have placed them among the top ten. At the same time they're all aware that maybe it would have have placed them dead last. There's no way of telling, and no use speculating.
They did their best, enjoyed their performance and finished eleventh at Nationals. That's nothing to look down on. In fact...
“We did better than New Directions last year” Kurt says with a smirk.
They've beaten his old team, his so-called friends, in every way possible and he allows himself to see that as a win.
Finn posts video of all their songs on his Facebook and is proud (and smug) enough to also post the “Defying Gravity” performance in the Glee group with a comment about how Kurt obviously could hit that note, tagging both Rachel and Mr Schue. It's petty, and Kurt should be big enough of a person to ask Finn to remove it, but no. If his brother wants to stand up for him Kurt isn't just going to let him, he's going to be grateful.
Feeling loved and protected is not something he's ever going to scoff at.
Nationals is followed by finals, the less said about the better, and then prom. Or well, “the Dalton Academy and Crawford County Day Joint Spring Formal”. Same thing right?
Wrong.
The spring formal is every thing junior prom wasn't. It's not really the fact that Sebastian asks Kurt properly to be his date for the formal, and compliments his outfit. It's not that even without decorations Dalton's auditorium is more grand than McKinley's gym. It's not even the grand dinner with lit candles, waiters and three courses before the dance or that there's a band that plays waltzes and foxtrot for the first two hours before the DJ is allowed to take over.
It's that even before they've entered the transformed dining hall Kurt spots half a dozen same-sex couples, a number that keeps going up during the evening. It's the fact that he gets to dance the whole evening, not in a group or with a girl, but with Sebastian and the occasional Warbler. Mostly it's Sebastian's arms he's in, and it's amazing.
It's so far from his junior prom and Blaine that it almost hurts.
“Is there something wrong?”
“No. Everything is... This year everything is perfect.”
Sebastian doesn't look entirely convinced, but decides to drop it and instead lean closer for a kiss.
The evening really is perfect.
The morning of his birthday Kurt walks into the dining hall alone only to be met with a table full of Warblers that stand up and sing for him as soon as he clears the door. There's one place left at the table, next to Sebastian, set with the kind of breakfast not even Dalton serves (fresh croissant, strawberries, a piece of brie and a one-person pot of tea) with a rainbow rose in a vase. Kurt sits down with a smile and leans over to kiss his boyfriend's cheek.
“So, rainbow roses are going to be our thing, is it? I love it.”
He spends the day with a smile on his lips, because his boyfriend took the time to do something special for him on his birthday and his friends have promised cake in the Warblers' room after dinner, and he feels loved.
“Cake” turns out to be cheesecake and presents, and more singing, and so much more smiling. Afterwards Sebastian walks him back to his room. There's no kissing though, which Kurt finds unacceptable.
“Isn't there some kind of rule that you get kisses on your birthday? I would have thought that was a part of the boyfriend experience, and to be honest I'm feeling very much unkissed.”
That nets him a crooked smile, but still no kisses. It's almost enough to worry him.
“You can have all the kisses you want, and not just on your birthday, you know that babe. However, there's something else I wanted you to have first.”
Sebastian pulls out a small package from him pocket and hands it over with a smile, which begins to fade when Kurt doesn't immediately take it. It's just, well.
“Another present? You shouldn't have.”
“Another? What do you mean?”
The truth is that Kurt fully expected breakfast and a rose to be the whole of Sebastian's congratulations, and he doesn't quite know how to take getting more than that. He doesn't really know how to explain it though, and definitely not in a way that won't start Sebastian on another rant about how Blaine was unworthy of Kurt's affection. Especially since it's not just about him.
Turns out he doesn't need to say anything – and apparently he's getting yet another present in the form of the absence of that rant.
“Breakfast was a treat. This is your actual present, which I hope you'll like at least as much as that.”
Sebastian looks a little worried as Kurt removes the paper and opens the small box inside (and if he's a little shaky to open a jewelry box from his boyfriend no one needs to know). It's a pair of gorgeous cufflinks with just the right balance between classy and unique and he absolutely loves them.
“These are amazing! They're too much, really, but they're so gorgeous that I'm going to pretend they're not. I love them!” I love you. But that's a bit too early to say, and so instead he leans forward and does his absolute best to communicate exactly that through kissing.
Follows pt I, pt II, pt III, pt IV, pt V, part VI, pt VII, part VIII, part IX, part X, part XI, part XII, part XIII and part XIV.
Being Sebastian's boyfriend really isn't that much different from being his friend. They do a lot of the same things, and talk about the same stuff, only now there's hand-holding and kissing and cuddling with it. Apart from the touching though? Nothing really changes much.
Which kind of makes it sound like how it was with Blaine.
It's not though.
Sebastian will hold his hand in the hallway without worrying about being seen. And yes, Dalton is different from McKinley – so, so much different, and safer – but Blaine even hesitated to hold Kurt's hand in the choir room, surrounded by friends.
Sebastian kisses him in a way that never leaves Kurt doubting there's attraction, and has to stop his hands from wandering too far on a regular basis – yet never making Kurt worry he won't stop.
Sebastian makes Kurt have to stop himself, both from allowing it and from doing his own wandering. They're still too new to go there, no matter how much Kurt's hormones sit up and beg every time Sebastian touches him. (They'll get there, Kurt's sure, just... Step by step, and not yet.)
Sebastian reaches out for Kurt without looking – sometimes seemingly without thinking – to pull him close, and always makes a space for him.
And when Sebastian sings, it's with Kurt, or for him, not at him.
It's a far cry from scheduled make-outs and avoiding even PG13 levels of PDA and being made to feel like his boyfriend is more interested in his own hand than in Kurt.
It's amazing.
There's a rainbow rose hanging on Kurt's door on Valentine's day. He and Sebastian have been dating for two days – a day and a half, if he was to be picky – and Kurt knows from last year's insanity that there's not a flower shop within two hours of Vesterville that carries rainbow roses. They have to be ordered special, and with a lot more warning than two days.
Kurt's not the least bit ashamed about how he squeals, or how he turns on his heel and kisses his boyfriend (!) for long enough to be a little dizzy afterwards.
This isn't to say that Sebastian is a perfect boyfriend. He's not. Then again, neither is Kurt. He's working from romantic movies and the examples from the New directions, and of course from his time with Blaine. Neither is a good road map. Romantic movies have so many flaws Kurt don't really want to examine, and a lot of his favorites are set too far back in time to be useful as guidelines. The loves lives of his old glee mates are...well. They're flawed too, when seen without rose-colored glasses and envy.
As for his relationship with Blaine... Even if he's not counting how it ended that relationship was so very less than perfect, and honestly it was both their faults. Kurt's not without blame, he knows that and can admit it without somehow pretending what Blaine did wrong never happened.
So he's trying to learn from his mistakes, and other people's mistakes, and he does his best to communicate with Sebastian – who does the same in return.
Also, no one can say that they don't argue. They definitely do. They have from the beginning, and they're both opinionated passionate people, so why should they stop now? Their relationship has changed – they themselves haven't.
It's just that they manage to argue in a way that works. That doesn't makes Kurt pull out his claws to eviscerate Sebastian, that doesn't scare Kurt, or make him give in to “preserve the peace”. That, right there, was one of the things that had sent his relationship with Blaine down the wrong turn. When he'd first told his dad that he'd begun dating Blaine Burt Hummel had told him never to go to bed angry with his partner. He'd meant to sort out arguments and disagreements, but Kurt had interpreted it as needing to back down and push down his anger or hurt. With Sebastian he doesn't.
They argue, because that's who – and how – they are, but they do it in as mature and healthy way as they are able to, being teenagers. And they apologize if they step over the line. Not Kurt apologizes, regardless, with Sebastian pouting until he does, but both of them.
If Kurt had to, he'd call it damned near perfect. Instead he'll just say it's good, and he's happy.
That's never something to look down on.
The week of Regionals is weird. Kurt's never felt as prepared or as calm with a competition approaching, which is rather telling. The rest of the Warblers are a different story though. Kurt has made it clear that his primary goal is to beat the Troubletones, and his friends are feeling the pressure. They even ask if Kurt and Sebastian won't reconsider singing 'Human Nature'.
“Look, guys, I'm honored, really, that you would trust me, us like that. But I want to win more than I want that solo. And even if we ignore the fact that Ohio doesn't seem ready for a gay duet, I really do think the setlist we have is stronger as is. The Troubletones have a great presence, and both Mercedes and Santana are awesomely talented. However, everything about the Troubletones are built around them. The rest of the girls are background and dancing. If we go on with a number that's the same they are going to win, for no other reason than that most people find girls prettier and nicer to look at.
“But if we go on as an actual choir, for a show choir competition? We'll win. I'm sure of it. We've worked so hard with our songs, and I wouldn't change a thing about our setlist.”
And it's true. They have an amazing setlist, and everything flows in a way that makes Kurt feel practically professional, and he's not giving that – and its chance to win – up to stare longingly at Sebastian while singing a song that exposes them to the core.
No. Kurt's going to have quite a lot more time in the spotlight than he'd expected when turning down a proper solo. He's going to sing with his friends, and his boyfriend, and he's going to show McKinley what it means to be a team onstage.
The Troubletones are just as amazing onstage as Kurt thought. They've done a good job picking their songs, and Mercedes still has the best voice he's ever heard live. Santana's not quite as talented, but give her the right song – which these are – and she'll blow your mind. Their choreography showcases the girls poached from the Cheerios without making Mercedes look too far behind, and their clothes look good.
Kurt would vote for them any day, even with Rachel being given a place in the background, except this one. This is going to be his day. He meets Sebastians eyes as they line up and nods.
Showtime.
'I want You Back' does exactly what it's meant to, namely getting the audience in a party mood. As the last notes flows into the first from 'Man in the Mirror' the mood shifts and Kurt feels his own shift with it. His solo feels a little raw, because in no way can he sing those lines without being reminded of all the crap he's gone through over the past 6 months.
“...a willow deeply scared, somebody's broken heart and a washed out dream...”
Well. His heart might have been broken, and his dreams about Blaine did wash out. But he's got new dreams, and his hearts healed, and no matter the scars he's whole where it matters. And even if he wasn't? He's looking in the mirror, and he's changing.
They bring the party back with their last song, giving their all transforming the sounds of 'Beat It' to sounds that can be reproduced by the human throat. The dancing is the most demanding Kurt's ever done onstage, and he knows he will definitely be beat after. But they look and sound awesome, and that's all that matters.
Or maybe not, he ruefully thinks as he sees Finn on his feet, jumping up and down and whooping as the Warblers are proclaimed the winners and Rachel looks like she's been pelted with eggs again.
“You stole our songs!”
Of course. All Kurt wants to do is get on the bus, go back to Dalton and celebrate. Okay, shower, then celebrate. So naturally Rachel is waiting to ambush him. Well, that's not going to go the way she's probably thinking.
“Really? Really Rachel, you're going there? You know very well that we didn't steal anything. Oh, I know that there was a suggestion that the New Directions do Michael for Sectionals, but I also know that you were the one who refused to accept it.
“You really blew it there. Michael is a great choice for Sectionals or Regionals, what with the Ohio mindset, and I'm pretty sure you would have won with the setlist the guys suggested. I'm not surprised you put a stop to it though.”
Rachel draws back, looking first shocked, then insulted, then finally like an angry goose, complete with hissing sound. He's not letting it touch him though, lets it run over him, one might say, like water over a goose.
“There are no songs in Michael Jacksons discography that's a given for you, no certainty that you'll be featured. And in the end, that's what mattered, wasn't it? Not that the New Directions won, but that you won. You wanted to beat the Troubletones, didn't you? Wanted to show that you were better than Mercedes, wanted to prove that her beating you when auditioning for Maria was just a fluke. Wanted to prove what everyone knows, that's she's every bit as good as you, and sometimes better, is wrong.
“Well, congratulations. You got what you wanted in terms of the setlist and the spotlight, but you fucked up everything else. And not just for you, but for everyone.”
An expression of pain flies across Rachel's face, and he pushes the knife in a little bit further.
“We weren't as blind though. The minute Finn told me about the Michael setlist I knew it was a winner. As did the other Warblers. I asked Finn first, and Sam and Puck. They didn't think we needed their permission, as you didn't use the songs, but they gave it any way.”
Kurt looks at Rachel, looks at the way she's still fuming, still refusing to see any other side than her own. It won't matter what he says – she'll keep ignoring any and all arguments against her. Once he might have tried harder to make her understand, but as things are he just wants to leave. His boyfriend's waiting and that makes Kurt out of time to spend on his former friend.
“Your loss, our gain.”
He starts to leave, but thinks better of it. He's got one more jab in him.
“Oh, and Rachel? Don't worry. Going to Nationals is a privilege, and we won't waste it. We've already gotten started on a setlist.”
It's petty, but. So's she.
That evening the Warblers celebrate as thoroughly as a bunch of uniformed boys in a well-staffed boarding school can. This means that it's late when Kurt drags Sebastian to his room (unlike him Sebastian's in a single), but neither of them is under the influence of anything but happiness.
That's important to Kurt as they tumble into Sebastian's bed while kissing, because he doesn't want there to be any doubt in Sebastian's mind that when Kurt pulls off his shirt and then goes for his fly it's because he wants to.
Having Sebastian stop him is frustrating, to say the very least.
“Hey, what are you doing?”
It's only the fact that it's Sebastian, and that he's shown himself trustworthy in so many ways over the past months that stops Kurt from storming out.
“I thought we... You know?”
It's so hard to say, to open himself up like this, years of being told he's a predator, or ugly, or plain wrong getting just as much in his way as the fact that he's never done this, and the only time he's been even close wasn't even about him.
Apparently he's going to have to use his words regardless, because Sebastian's not taking the opening.
“I thought we could have sex.” There. Words. Consent. Door wide open.
And yet Sebastian's still not taking the opening.
“What's the hurry?”
Kurt pulls back a little, hurt blooming.
“No, no, don't. Talk to me, okay? I'm a bit surprised I guess. We haven't even been dating for two months yet, and I know this is new for you.”
“So? It's not like I'm waiting for marriage.”
Kurt knows he sounds a bit snippy, and he has sort of been waiting – not for marriage, but for something, some feeling of more. He's got that feeling with Sebastian, so what's the point of waiting any longer? Everyone else his age (or so it feels) is having sex so why can't he?
Some of it must bleed through because Sebastian gets that “aha” look, and nods a bit.
“Look, regardless of what I might have said or implied when chasing Blaine, I'm actually not the whore of Babylon. I have, however, rounded a few bases and enjoyed them. I think you'd enjoy them too, and I would love to find out first hand. But that doesn't have to mean we go straight to fucking.” Kurt blushes, because he might be ready to do it, but those words...
“So. I'm not going to push, and I'm not going to rush. I am more than interested though, I'm just happy to take it a bit slow. To build up to every step. As far as I'm concerned you've earned that.”
Sebastian's looking so earnest it kills Kurt annoyance, and then lightning-quick it's replaced by a vicked look than makes him shiver all over.
“I wouldn't mind showing you the first of many, many bases now though. How about it, babe?”
Kurt doesn't mind either, neither then nor the next day.
