DENIZENS OF THE PLANES, HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?
YOU WANTED TO GO SOMEWHERE, BUT WAIT! ALL KINDS OF DANGERS! FROM SCYTHECATS TO CROCODILES, BALOTHS TO DIRECTIONS!
SO MANY THINGS TO SEE, SO MUCH TO EXPLORE! BUT SO MUCH DANGER! YOU NEED TO HIRE A GOBLIN SHORTCUTTER! I AM A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL. I HAVE A PET.
CONTACT TODAY! DISCOUNTS ARE CURRENTLY BEING APPLIED TO TRAVEL THAT REQUIRES THREE OR MORE OMENPATHS!
travel to Zendikar is currently off limits. Strange doors will be avoided.
DON'T JUST HEAR ABOUT THE WORLD, SEE THE WORLD!
I am proud to announce a new season of 2v2 deathgames* at valor's reach!
The game is good old 2v2 combat.
Anyone can join, top 8 is broadcast to the multiverse, narrated by yours truly.
Now, why should you join? We have a truly monumental collection of prizes here, there are moxes, warships, pure knowledge, and even our very own interpretation of an aetherspark!
Teams consist of two people, with a possibility of having one "swap-out" member.
Drowning, boiling, exploding, bodywarping of opponents and any form of long lasting mental magic will result in immediate disqualification along with a ban from all kylem official tournaments.
*Only a title, no death will be involved. Any spells resulting in death will be immediately neutralised by referees, anyone competing gains complete protection from weapons for the duration of the tournament
The arena shone brightly in the afternoon sun. Freshly cleaned and polished stone walls, spectators standing tall in the thousands, likely greater, for the debut matches. The exhibition match had many animal cardboard cutouts and posters littered everywhere throughout the city.
Viridian and Thermophagy stepped into the arena. Viridian covered herself in sparkles, her dress shape being extremely unclear, as whatever form it took pulsed and moved with her excitement. Thermophagy wore a black cloak, similarly featureless, but rather than the joy of performance and becoming a spectacle, it remained stagnant in the windless circle.
As the competitors stood, preparing themselves, the gates to their sides opened. The announcer began as animals started to spill through,
Viridian and Thermophagy, VERSUS: Koda and Vasro Hayashi!
Cunning crept through the dense – far too dense – undergrowth of the Ulvenwald. A thick mist obscured the air between the aspen, birch, and maple trees. Not animals made any noise. No dryads nor werewolves nor spirits of any sort attacked. Everything was unnaturally silent.
After searching the entirety of the continent of Ixalan and coming up empty, Innistrad was the next best choice for tracking down where Azzie had disappeared to and where the distressed messages from their communicator were coming from.
They had noticed several signs that they were on the right track from the moment their prosthetic feet crossed the threshold. Their Dokuchi Reckoner tattoos had instantly dulled as though they had been away from the rest of the gang for a week. Their connection to the telepathy network of the gang had been blocked. Their spark was suppressed. Even their magic wavered for a moment, as did the magic of their various weapons and tools. They considered it a very good thing that they did not need their magic.
But this was not the work of the Ulvenwald itself. Cunning was used to forests that moved on their own and imposed their will upon visitors. But in the silence, the Ulvenwald was trying to convey that this was not normal even by its own standards.
They kept creeping forward, ever-deeper into the forest.
Their head hurt. How long had they been here? At least they weren’t alone.
Cunning tightened the bandana over the lower half of their face. They had smelled something strange and didn’t want to take their chances with what it could be. The magic kicked in and filtered the air immediately around Cunning so that they could breathe easily.
They finally found a clearing. Instead of entering it, they ducked low to the ground to peer underneath the brush in front of them. Their horns would get caught in the foliage if they tried to move forward. They laid low and squinted to look forward past the dirt and roots. Everything in the clearing was stagnant. Moss grew over stone, fallen trees, and...were those people?
It was hard to tell beneath the moss, vines, and wooden roots that had overtaken the clearing, but there were figures of varying heights and potentially species standing perfectly still. Frozen in place but not encased in ice, petrified but not turned to stone.
Cunning’s gaze swept across the clearing, trying to see if they recognized anyone or if they could see Azzie from here. The people were posed like Innistradi statues with outstretched hands and downturned faces, supplicants seeking angelic aid that would not come. Each was turned either towards the far end of the clearing or mirroring each other. Despite their state, Cunning did not smell death and decay. It was as though someone had just pushed a pause button on one of Yuriko’s movies.
They slowly moved back so that their horns didn’t hit the greenery they were hiding under. Briefly, they wondered if they should have asked Yuriko to borrow her Thousand Faces Mask. They dismissed that thought immediately; she needed it for on-plane operations. They kept low to the ground, prowling like an animal rather than walking like a person, and clung to the shadows rather than the shrubbery while they worked their way around the clearing to reach the far end. Since most of the frozen people were pointed in that particular direction, it made sense to Cunning that whoever was responsible would be there.
Everything ached. Something familiar was nearby. They couldn’t tell what.
At first, Cunning couldn’t tell if there was a person sitting on the stump-carved chair or not. There were certainly plants growing in a humanoid shape, but Cunning couldn’t tell if there was flesh and blood beneath it. They remembered part of the message that an unknown person had sent using Azzie’s blog – strange man made of plants – and what Azzie themself had said about strange magic from one plane now being on another. This, Cunning determined, was probably the person responsible for this strange clearing and the weird non-activity in the Ulvenwald, regardless of if they were just plants or if there was more than that.
Their gaze drifted around the throne until it landed on two rats that were set up on the throne’s back like the komainu outside of Jinja Dokuchi. They recognized Azzie. And the other rat looked a lot like Azzie. A parent? A sibling? Some other family member? They needed to get both rats out of there, everyone else be damned.
This was dangerous. This plant person clearly had more pull over the Ulvenwald than Cunning did. Cunning had no access to their Dokuchi-derived magic, they couldn’t call for backup easily, and it was dangerous to try to sneak away at the moment because there was no way the plant person didn’t know they were there.
As if to confirm just that, the plant person’s head turned in Cunning’s direction.
Cunning was trained to act quickly on their feet. With a flick of their wrist, smoke filled the clearing, choking out the already-limited light and cutting down on visibility. They vaulted over the brush and made it to the throne as the plant person stood up. They felt the grass beneath their boots stir and try to reach for them, so they choked it out with more smoke. Their hands wrapped gently around Azzie and the other rat. To their relief, both were easily removed from the strange throne without harm.
Cunning pulled the two to their chest and kept moving. The smoke was growing thicker. Flames began to lick from their boots. Plants writhed away from the smoke and the flames. The plant person fell back, alarmed by what they were doing. They vaulted back over the brush and through the forest, leaving chaos behind them.
Everyone else be damned, they were getting Azzie out.
Azzie let out a soft sigh as they were gently placed in the small Thunder Junction stream again. It had been a long several hours of Cunning searching for a water source and then carefully submerging and scrubbing both them and Dhana to remove the paralyzing moss safely. At least, Azzie would describe it as paralyzing. How else would they describe it?
They found their voice. “We should warn people.”
“Already told Tony to get information to Vasro, let them handle that,” Cunning replied, gently scrubbing Azzie’s back to dislodge the last bit of moss from their armor. “How are you feeling?”
“Like my brain is made of sludge.” They looked over at their sister, who was handling the scrubbing of her own clothing to dislodge the last of the plant matter. They opted to use the telepathy network instead of speaking aloud. I shouldn’t have gone alone, but I needed to help Dhana. After Remington gave me the warning...
We’ll make sure this is handled. With fire, if need be, Cunning promised, responding in kind. Dokuchi to Dokuchi, let us handle it.
Azzie swallowed. Is Boss Hayashi...?
He’s been worried about you. And getting prepared to head out on a ship, I believe. I’ll be taking both of you directly to him once you’re scrubbed down.
They let out a sigh of relief. Thank you, Cunning.
They just hoped they could feel safe far, far away from the Ulvenwald.
I have left Ravnica for the first time, to go to Kylem. I have various things to comment on.
1. I think some weird simic hybrids escaped. There are little messed up pigeons making bug sounds. With their mouth, unlike bugs. Listen [Audio clip of birds chirping]. There's also the one I think was specifically mixed with a mosquito [12 fps video of a humming bird drinking, then zooming out of view. It's buzzing wings are audible]
2. The trees keep requesting things of me. Or through me? Don't know. Why are they on the fungal network. Why is nothing else on it. Why are some of them deliberating on it. They are trees. I keep hearing "starve animal" and "make seeds".
3. Some big bald crows keep swooping at me. I think to eat me. I have killed 5 already. There's still more circling above me.
Plxtwt walks on screen once more, behind them the gates of Valor's Reach. They wave at the camera before beggining to sign in kylem sign language, a button appears at the bottom of the screen reading "translations", upon clicking it there are four options, "Kamigawan" "Capennan" "Audio" and "Subtitles".
Clicking on Capennan or Kamigawan pops up a small display of Plxtwt in a dressing room signing "Thank you to Vasro for teaching me this language", before signing whatever the big screen Plxtwt signs in the respective sign language.
Pressing Audio results in a voice over, pressing Subtitles results in subtitles.
"Hello Multiverse, I am your host, Plxtwt, happy to announce that signups for the very first edition of "Kylem presents:Multiversal Deathgames" are now open. I will walk you trough the signup process! There are two ways to go about it, one in person and one digitally, trough your Izzet transmitter, or whichever other device you are accessing the network with. I shall begin with in person sign ups!"
They walk trough the gates of Valor's Reach, the camera following it closely. It turns left almost immediately after entering and approaches an information booth, a nervous looking human sitting behind it.
"Good afternoon! I would like to sign up for the death games! ^" Plxtwt chirps at the human.
"Y-yes, just fill in this form" The human sputters before shoving a piece of paper into the homunculus' hands.
"Thank you Kyle!" Plxtwt holds the paper up to the camera "These questions are the same as the ones you find in the digital form, the link to which can be found after this broadcast!" It turns back to the human, "Say, Kyle, this form asks for two to three members of a team, but I'm here by myself, whatever must I do? Will I be unable to participate?"
"No, you can fillinthisotherform to help us machtmake." Kyle mutters before handing Plxtwt another piece of paper, which it also holds up to the camera after briefly cringing. "Great job Kyle, indeed, if you are alone without a teammate or you're a group of two looking for a third there is a different form for you to fill in. After submitting it we will assign you a new partner or two to fight alongside with!"
The camera begins moving backwards until it leaves Valor's Reach once more, flying upwards so you get a clear view of the whole stadium, inside there are a bunch of people setting up what seems to be a small town, except all the houses are empty and have no windows or doors in the respective frames. The words "See you soon!" appear on screen before the footage cuts out.
Signup as a team (only needs to be filled in once per team)
Tony Fandango sat on the rooftop and wiped the blade of his spear with a cloth, trying to remove the blood before it dried. They had handled another mark for Raffine. And like usual, she felt nothing.
He took a deep breath and focused on something else other than the fool who crossed the Obscura so badly that an assassination was needed. The feeling of the sun and wind on their feathers. The smell of baked goods on the breeze from a nearby shopfront. The sound of a getaway vehicle tearing down the road. The way the light glinted off of the curved roofs nearby.
Yet he couldn’t stop thinking of the schmuck that they left dead a few alleyways from where she now sat.
He sighed and used their spear to stand up. She needed to wrap things up and head home for the night. Hikari was waiting for him, after all. They stretched, closed her eyes, and focused on the Towashi apartment that his partner lived in.
Something hit their back, shoving her off of the roof. He cawed in surprise and twisted as the net wrapped around them. She beat his wings frantically to weaken the fall. The net was weighted and kept dragging them down.
She clenched his beak shut as they hit the ground on her side. A sickening crack came from his right shoulder. Their spear was trapped beneath her body, though at least he hadn’t been impaled. They clawed at the net covering her, trying to get free. He looked up as they heard her assailant make their way down. And he recognized them.
The elf bore horns that were chipped and broken near the base, leaving jagged shapes. Their dirty blond hair whipped wildly around a face that bore a facial tattoo over the right eye. Beneath a coat was a tall yet lean physique, bringing to mind a professional runner. The planeswalking hunter.
Tony didn’t know their name. Or if they even had a name. But Tony and Cunning had thwarted them on one hunt already – when they went after Octavia – and Tony themself had been the very public target of a ridiculous New Capennan bounty that her ex and former mentor had put on him.
“I would have expected an assassin to be more careful,” they said as they slipped down the fire escapes and stonework of the building.
Tony clawed at the net, loosening it around themself. She prepared to tap into his Reckoner tattoos. “Ah, shit,” they hissed quietly. She looked at the elf once they made it to the ground. He knew what was going on. “You could have killed me at any time.”
“If my aims were your death, I would be done already, yes.” They gave a small, satisfied smile. “My aim is to hunt. Run or die.”
Tony tore away the net enough to unleash their Reckoner tattoos. The yellow, purple, and blue serpents across her right arm leapt up from under his feathers. They finished tearing herself free and hauled himself to their feet. She could run. He was very good at running. They made sure to grab her spear with his working hand as they ran.
She felt the tattoo serpents dissipate as the hunter destroyed them and began their pursuit. That was fine. The tattoos had done their job.
He made it out of the alleyway and dashed down the street, keeping their broken arm in close and her wings tucked against his back. They were being toyed with. The hunter was giving her a head start. He’d do their best to make good use of that.
She knew there was an Obscura safehouse nearby. He could get there, have their shoulder tended to, and keep going before the elf decided to hunt her among a crowd. He knew it might be smarter to stick to a crowd so they were harder to aim at, but she also knew that it would be harder to keep an eye out for the hunter that way.
But he had a few extra tricks up their sleeves.
She took a deep breath and plunged into the shadows.
Tony’s shoulder still ached, even after the work done by the healer-doctor to fix the broken shoulder. It was a patchwork job, but a necessary one. He still handed over a good amount of Halo in a bottle for it.
They secured her spear across his back again. They knew that she wasn’t going to have much luck fighting back against the hunter, so he needed to stay alert and just keep moving instead. But that didn’t mean that they couldn’t keep her spear. It would be way more stupid to not have a weapon.
They stepped out of the safehouse.
Her feathers bristled.
His eyes analyzed the crowded sidewalk.
They saw the hunter again.
She took off in the opposite direction again. It had taken the hunter a bit to get close, and they didn’t seem to have noticed which specific building Tony came out of, which meant they were probably hunting Tony based on magic rather than any knowledge of New Capenna.
Sucked to be them, though. Tony knew every layer of New Capenna and then some.
He slipped down an alleyway, ducked past a dumpster, and entered the back door of a building. It was a Cabaretti restaurant. The back room was busy enough that Tony drew no attention as they slipped through. She exited through another door into an alleyway disconnected from the first one he had ducked into. Not an unexpected thing on New Capenna for someone from the plane. Less helpful for visitors from other planes. They removed her spear from his back and readied themself.
She focused on the telepathic network among Dokuchi Reckoners. It wasn’t built into the gang’s tattoos. That meant it would work when the tattoos wouldn’t. Lillie, Cunning, he called privately to them. I’m in the Mezzio being chased by that elven hunter again. They’re closing in on me. They pressed an image of her surroundings through the network. Help.
He spun and used the butt of their spear to knock the thrown net to the ground. She saw the hunter’s wide, unsettling grin. “Having fun?” he asked, settling into combat banter while brandishing their spear. The area was more than open enough for her and the hunter to fight in without getting noncombatants involved.
“Of course! Every hunt should be a gamble, after all.” They had a large hunting knife. Some small and deranged part of Tony’s mind wondered if he should ask the make of it so they could get a similar one for Lillie as an Adio Allerbe present. She dismissed that part and focused as the hunter spoke again. “Only cowards hunt what they know they can kill.”
“For some reason, I’m flattered that you find me to be a potential threat.”
The hunter moved in to strike. Tony made sure that he kept them at bay using their spear. She had the benefit of reach and the knowledge of how to fight properly with a larger weapon in New Capenna.
But what he lacked was the reaction time that the hunter had. For every strike that Tony landed, the hunter landed two. A slice across the cheek was responded to with a slice across the arm that also sliced through some of Tony’s primary flight feathers. A jab received a kick and a stab.
Thankfully, it didn’t take long for a red-bladed rapier and two red-bladed wakizashi to join the fight from the shadows. Cunning darted forward to duel the hunter. Lillie Short stayed back to heal Tony’s cuts.
Tony let out a pained exhale as the skin knit itself back together. “Thanks for the rescue.”
“Save it for once they’re gone,” Lillie retorted, drawing the sai that she dual-wielded with her rapier.
Tony nodded and readied their spear again. Exhaustion hung heavily in her limbs from all of the running that he had been doing. But they still joined the other two Dokuchi Reckoners. Obscura, Cabaretti, and family-less extraplanar were New Capennan titles that didn’t matter.
The hunter was grinning. They weren’t winning yet they also weren’t losing. Tony knew that three against one just gave the hunter more targets. And despite Lillie’s dueling experience and Cunning’s tournament experience, they still received some blows. So Tony pressed forward and made sure that she was the main target.
Once everyone’s muscles felt like fire under their skin, the hunter suddenly disengaged. “This hunt has been so much more exciting,” they quipped. They faded from view as they planeswalked away. The last thing to vanish were their eyes and that damned unsettling grin.
Tony waited for a few moments to make sure the hunter was actually gone, then slowly lowered his spear. Their chest was heaving from exertion. And even still, something within her was still excited. For reasons that he didn’t quite know, being chased and then getting into a fight at the end...that was fun. They shook her head and chided himself for acting like Boss Hayashi.
Lillie finished healing herself and stepped over to heal Tony’s new wounds next. “You alright, Fandango?” she asked. “They were getting you pretty good. And...I don’t think I can do anything for the wings.”
Tony spread their left wing to examine the damage. Her primary feathers were slashed fairly high up. Not high enough to cause lasting issues and prevent them from regrowing, but high enough to keep him from flying for a while. “Figures. Thanks anyway, Lillie. You too, Cunning. I would have been fucked without you two.”
“Or utterly clucked,” Cunning joked as Lillie moved on to their injuries. Tony groaned at the horrible joke. “Oh come on, it wasn’t that bad!”
“Yes it was,” Tony grumbled.
Much to their dismay, Cunning suddenly grinned wider as an even worse joke came to their mind. “Oh, oh, then how about utterly plucked?”
That got an even louder groan from the older Dokuchi. “Cunning, with great affection, please don’t ever become a stand-up comedian.”
“Not even the Cabaretti would hire you for that joke,” Lillie snickered as she finished healing the azra. She straightened up and used a small spell to clean the blood off of her armor and clothing. “Well. After all of that...how about we go get lunch?”
“Lunch would be great.” Tony turned slightly to reassess where the trio was. “Oh, I know a great deli near here. Not family affiliated, so there shouldn’t be an issue with the three of us coming in together. Shall we?”
