January 3, 2023
My day:
Work related: Change is coming. This is the calm before the storm. We have a new CEO and a new President. And they are bringing in new Leadership with them who will be making changes in the coming months. My org already has a new VP who is making changes, like requiring everyone to work from the office, a two-hour commute for me. Luckily, I was hired as a remote employee, so I am not assigned to an office. I work remote, from home. I actually don't think our office could handle all of the employees if they were to come in. I expect a re-org in the coming months, and my department will probably report into a new org. I hope my boss does a good job advocating for us, and educating Leadership on who we are and what we do.
Boyfriend: I am happy alone. I'm not someone who needs to see their partner every day. But today I was hoping to take the boyfriend out to his favorite restaurant for dinner. Unfortunately he has fallen behind in writing "notes" for his clients (treatment plans, discharge summaries, and things like that) so I didn't even mention the dinner plans to him. I told him he needs to get caught-up tonight. When he falls behind at work, he feels like a failure and suffers from Imposter Syndrome. I recently got him to change his meds, he suffers from depression and anxiety, that has hurt him his entire life. Hopefully the new meds will get him back on track, it's still too soon to see results. We'll see if he actually gets caught up tonight. (I expect not.) Instead I ordered too much food to-go from a local Mexican restaurant and binged everything while watching "The Menu" on HBO. (I enjoyed the movie a lot, yay for originality. But I am now stuffed, bloated and miserable.)
Spirituality: Here is where I mention that I am currently enrolled in a 9-month course working directly with Rebecca Campbell in "sacred mysteries". In December we were working with the rose. In January we are working with water. As some of you may know, I already have a very deep relationship and understanding of water. But working with the rose was new to me and VERY profound.
I have never had a close relationship with flowers, roses in particular. While kything with a rose (all living things have a consciousness and kything is connecting to that consciousness to receive wisdom or messages) I felt a very feminine energy coming from it. Roses have represented the Goddess since ancient times. The rose wanted me to touch it, to stroke it, to kiss it. To perform reiki on it. Roses are very sensual beings.
I asked it if it had any messages for me, and it told me to touch all of the roses everywhere. To give them all this same level of attention. To touch them, stroke them, kiss them, and talk to them.
The final week of December, after working with the rose in various capacities all month (tending to a rose altar, anointing myself with rose oil, drinking rose water & rose tea, meditation, chanting) I took a bath with roses and got a deeper understanding of the rose.
Yes, the rose itself is a plant and has a consciousness that I had already connected to. But there is also the Goddess aspect of the rose.
During a deep meditation session in the bath, I entered my inner temple and my guide introduced me to a goddess from the lineage of the rose. The goddess led me through a cave to the sacred rose temple. There I was encircled by countless beings of the lineage of the rose. Female and male. Ancient ones who are carriers of the rose thread, and I realize they are all having various types of sex. The goddess from the lineage of the rose approaches me and anoints rose oil on my third eye. A rose opens where my third eye is and it blooms into a vagina. Then she places rose oil on the front and back of my heart, and the same thing happens, a rose opens and turns into a vagina. They continue to anoint rose oil on my belly button, and my root chakra. And the same thing happens. They anoint oil on the palms of my hands, the same thing. The bottoms of my feet, the same thing. And then the circle encloses around me. I feel the presence of all of these wise ones. And all of my "holes" gets filled (all of the vaginas, my anus, and my mouth), opening my understanding, deepening my compassion. Initiating and activating me. Welcoming me into the lineage of the rose. Reconnecting me to the wise ones through the ages. Transmitting into me. I become one of the carriers of the sacred thread, of the earth, of the cosmos, of nature, of humanity. And I meet the Mother of the Rose. The great ancient wise one. I am allowed to ask one question. Feeling. Knowing. The Goddess IS creation. Women give birth. And creation happens from sex. Creation feels good. A rose feels good when it digs its roots deep into the earth, and when it reaches its leaves towards the sun. The labia has been compared to the petals on a rose. And the anus has been compared to a rosebud. Even when a gay man is eating another man's ass, they are worshiping the Goddess. All sex is creation, creating energy that spreads across the globe. The sacred Mother Goddess of Creation is embodied in the rose. It's sensual nature and allure. Wisdom. Power. And grace.
