#l0cation4sia

[0jo4sia]

You were my clouds and my sky

And when i slice myself open

You are still the blood that pours out, effortlessly.

How do you always do it all?

[0jo4sia]

There's an ocean to my right / And a riptide inside of my chest. / I feel nothing but the breeze in my hair,

And the wind spinning my stomach in circles.

Maybe it's my brain overheating

Or the grit-

Of the sand on my skin...

Skin?

That has timelessly been ruined / over and over again, / By two forces:

Me

And the ...sands of time.

Looking at myself now,

I feel more like an accessory to the existence of the wonder.

The loud constant roll, / or the children laughing-

Did i enjoy this back then ?

Am i enjoying this now?

... I could be anywhere and

I'm trying not to be here...

Playing in the sand today / thinking of young days of sandboxes- did i ever picture the ocean? Did i picture dreams? Did i picture making it this far!

Did the childlikehood wonder in my chest wash away?

Did i bury them in the sand?

What was the mistake

Where did i leave myself

What was i thinking all these years ago

And why can't i focus to think long enough now to make a plan to drive to the mountains instead?

... Is the beach really a metaphor if i can see it in front of me?

Or am i the metaphor in this example of trying to explain to the ocean?...

[0jo4sia]

Oh. Almost forgot.

Last night i drempt(?) about Natalie.

It was subtle and cute and sweet.

We stole wristbands for a movie theater, and tried pawning them off on young kids who didnt know any better.

We ran until the manager of the theater stopped chasing us.

We were laughing so hard driving “home”.

I dont know where home is or was in that dream,

But i think i wouldve liked it there.

[0jo4sia]

B&w,

I. Know the wrong turn I made,

And I don’t know how to fix it.

[0jo4sia]

Michael wants to follow me on tumblr bc its my last safe spot and i don't know what i ever write on here so its pretty nerve wracking and i cant imagine i say anything bad but like i dont really think when i blog so its like ehhhhhhhh maybe i do write things?

[0jo4sia]

I was okay

And then i started thinking about Pun Pun and

Now im not.

See how fun life is?

[0jo4sia]

I dont wanna do my hw but ill fail if i dont and jose and i arent over but are spending less time together and the house is empty and people in orlando are flakes and i just dont want to be alive can i sleep this off or just die idk jfc why is this so AGGRAVATING

[0jo4sia]

Sometimes i just wanna reblog porn

But i know im a good lil noodle so i dont?

Or whatever