tag list: @emilybargerâ @lordcheesyâ @sheesweeâ @tayuya3â @sweetlialiaâ (hit up my askbox if you want to be added/removed)
A/N: look at me posting chapter updates like someone with their shit together! hope y'all enjoy!!! also if you haven't seen on ao3, i got my shit together and there will be a total of 27 chapters of heartbeat on air, meaning that we are 2/3 of the way through the story.
The cafe was small and loud, but the perfect place for the three exhausted surfers to go after five hours in the waves. Astrid had caught a few, and Sam and Quinn had fun teaching her. Now, however, they were long gone from their peppy morning selves. They ordered their overpriced food at the counter and sat down. Under the table, Astrid saw one text on her phone from Diana.
On my way, canât wait to see you. A smile tugged at the corners of Astridâs mouth, but she pushed it down. What was she doing?
âI amâŠso hungry,â Sam said, yawning and stretching. âI want our food already.â
âYeah me too,â Astrid replied, a little too quickly. Nervousness trickled up her spine. Diana could be here any minute.
âWe should have packed lunch,â Quinn said, staring at the ceiling. âNever again am I making that mistake.â
Sam leaned back in his chair. âYeah, but we had fun. Remember when the undertow threw Astrid?â
Quinn laughed. âYeah, and the look on her faceâŠâ He trailed off, shaking his head.
âHey! That was my first time out that far.â Astrid glared at Sam and Quinn. âYou guys are just mean.â
Just like that, they were reminiscing about their time on the waves, letting their laughter substitute food for the time being. While Astrid could feel the knot in the bottom of her stomach tightening as the minutes passed, her phone received no new messages. If only Diana would come to take her mind off of things.
Diana pulled into the parking lot and found a parking spot. She turned off the car and checked the address Astrid had texted her. This was the place. Now she had to let Astrid know she was here and ready to talk. Whatever that meant, whatever that led to.
While she did want to talk with Sam and Quinn at some point, now would probably not be the best time. They were probably the ones who had taken care of Astrid in the aftermath of the breakup, so she wanted to talk to her ex-girlfriend first. And maybe, just maybe, convince her to come back.
Taking a deep breath, she got out of the car and walked towards the entrance. The doors were glass, and through them Diana could see Astrid with Sam and Quinn at a table, eating their food and laughing. Something in her heart pinched.
She texted Astrid. Iâm right outside. Still looking into the cafe, Diana watched Astrid check the message on her phone, and saw her expression change as she looked up at the door. Diana gave a small wave.
***
Astrid looked up, and there was Diana. Without fully thinking, without actualizing what she was doing, Astrid stood up from her seat and started walking towards the door, only to be stopped by a light touch on her wrist from Sam.
âWhere are you going?â He looked politely curious, as if expecting her to say âbathroom,â but concern still creased his features. Apparently she hadnât been as surreptitious with her secret as sheâd thought.
âI just wanted to get something from the car,â Astrid fibbed, hoping he wouldnât notice the way her heartbeat was rising, the exhilaration pulsing through her body.
âCool.â Sam dug back into his food, and Astrid walked towards the front of the cafe. She could hear Quinn asking Sam where she was going as she walked away, but she couldnât think about it.
The steps towards Diana took forever and no time at all. Astridâs heart twisted as she approached, as Dianaâs beautiful face neared. It had been so long since sheâd seen Diana, and yet she looked exactly the same. The same eyes that Astrid had gazed into many a time widened as she approached.
She opened the doors to the restaurant and stepped outside into the just-cold California air. Astrid walked towards Diana, tongue-tied.
How do you talk to your ex that youâre still in love with?
Diana crushed her into a hug, and Astrid breathed in her familiar scent as she returned the embrace. They stayed there for longer than was necessary, slightly swaying. Astrid hadnât been lying when she said she missed her.
Both of them separated at the same time, and Diana felt a pinch in her gut at how synchronized they were, after months of not seeing each other.
âSoâŠyou said you wanted to talk to me?â Astrid said, the words evaporating into the space between them.
âYeah,â Diana said, looking down. Overtaken by shyness, she half-mumbled. âI missed you.â She met Astridâs eyes. âAlso, I wanted to talk to you about something. Like, long-discussion type talk.â
âLetâs um, go over to the outdoor tables,â Astrid said, moving in the direction of the umbrellad tables just outside of the restaurant. She fought the urge to hold Dianaâs hand as they walked over. Maybe Iâll get to do that again someday, she thought.
They sat next to each other, both no longer willing to deny themselves the closeness theyâd been missing. Diana spoke first. âBefore we go into anything else, I want you to know thatâŠI want to get back together.â
All the hope Astrid had rose to her mind, flooding her senses. She could have everything back that theyâd had before, and more. But she couldnât help but wonder why Diana was proposing this. It seemed too good to be true. âWhat about Caine?â Astrid asked.
That had been why theyâd broken up, after all. The danger Dianaâs ex presented.
Diana took a deep breath and looked into Astridâs eyes. âI donât think he should control who I date, Astrid. I donât want to give him that sort of power over my life, but I did. And what we hadââ she gestured between them ââ it was so wonderful, so perfect. Iâm going to fire him from the station tomorrow, because heâs a shitty employee as well.â Diana paused for a moment, thinking through her words. âI donât care about him, or what he thinks he can do. Letting him into my head was the worst mistake I ever made, because I never got him out. But I want to have you by my side, if youâll have me.â She held eye contact with Astrid, even though she was getting emotional.
âNo more sneaking around? No more shadows?â Astrid asked, tears welling in her eyes. This was everything sheâd wanted since Diana had broken up with her. Or since sheâd met her, because Astrid could imagine no better future for herself than one with Diana in it. Diana as her girlfriend, her whole girlfriend. No hiding from everyone, no fear, just being with her in private and in public.
âNo,â Diana said. âYou can introduce me to your parents, and we can get dinner in Perdido. Does that sound good?â She ignored the happy tears starting to run down her face, even as she started to smile.
âAs long as we still stop by the Healing Place once in a while,â Astrid said, grinning. âI missed us.â
She turned in the chair, and moved close to Diana, seeing her expression mirrored on her girlfriendâs face. âI love you,â Diana said.
Astrid kissed her, tangling her hands in Dianaâs hair. She let Diana kiss her back, matching her fierceness ounce for ounce. It was the kiss that theyâd wanted for months, and as hurried as it was, it was perfect.
They broke apart, breathing heavily. There were tears in both their eyes, streaking down their cheeks, maybe mixing together.
âSo⊠are we back to dates every week? And calling each other when weâre lonely? Texting into the morning?â Astrid asked, looking at Diana with all the love in her heart.
âYeah. Whatever you want, dear,â Diana replied, smiling at her girlfriend.
âShould we go in and talk to Sam and Quinn? I think they might want to catch up with you,â Astrid said, holding Dianaâs hand in her lap.
âOf course,â Diana said. Hand in hand, they walked back into the restaurant.
The look on Sam and Quinnâs faces when they saw them was priceless. Quinn took several seconds connecting the dots until his face landed on an expression somewhere between confusion and understanding. Sam was befuddled, squinting at them as if somehow, they werenât real.
Astrid pulled up a chair for Diana, and they sat down.
âDiana,â Sam said, like he wasnât sure about it.
âHi.â Diana said, sensing the awkwardness slowly engulfing their table.
âDidnât you break up with Astrid?â Quinn asked, still trying to connect the dots.
âYeah, she did,â Astrid said, âBut I think weâre back together now, right, Diana?â She turned towards Diana, looking at her for confirmation.
âUh-huh,â Diana said, very happy at this information.
âOkâŠâ Sam said. âWhen exactly did this happen?â
âJust now, actually. Itâs kind of crazy.â The two girls laughed, sharing a look.
âIs Caine no longer an issue?â Quinn was still confused, while Sam appeared to have accepted their reunion as a fact of life.
Diana let out a short, brittle laugh. âFuck him, he doesnât get to determine who I date. I am in contact with several large, intimidating security guards who I have bonded with over talking about cute dogs and cute girls. Iâm his employer. He should be afraid of me, not the other way around. Plus, heâs getting fired,â Diana said. It was so satisfying to say it out loud, that she didnât give a ratâs ass about Caine.
Sam high-fived her. âYou are a godsend. Can you send him across the country?â
âI have tried to get him reassigned to another city, but apparently some people in Perdido like hearing his voice on the radio,â Diana said, rolling her eyes. âBut I am going to look into a restraining order, since I have plenty of evidence against him.â
âYou deserve to stay away from that creep forever,â Astrid said, squeezing Dianaâs hand.
âTotally,â Quinn agreed, finally understanding everything in the situation and kicking himself for not figuring it out earlier.
âIâm happy you guys are back together,â Sam said, piling up their dishes and silverware. âYouâre a cute couple, and Iâll let you know if Caine is going to do something dumb. He is my brother, after all.â
âThanks, Sam, but we shouldnât need it too much. Once I fire him, there shouldnât be much risk of him finding out and coming after any of us.â Diana looked down at her and Astridâs entwined hands. âIâll make sure of it.â
âSo, talking about Diana and Astrid is great, but Diana has missed out on some great Astrid moments,â Quinn said, shit-eating grin ever-present on his face. âFor instance, we went surfing today andââ
Astrid groaned, cutting him off, but let Quinn tell the story anyway. Diana laughed and smiled at Quinnâs dramatic retelling of the event, much to Astridâs mortification. They stayed at the cafe for longer than the staff liked, Sam and Quinn catching Diana up on everything sheâd missed in Astridâs life.
Most, if not all, of the stories were hilarious, and even Astrid found herself laughing at the more embarrassing ones. She enjoyed Dianaâs company, too, savored Dianaâs warmth as she leaned her head on her shoulder.
Eventually, it came time for them to go their separate ways. Astrid decided to let Diana drop her off at her parentâs house, and retrieved her bag of wet clothes before slipping into the familiar passenger seat of Dianaâs car.
what do you think about astrid/diana as a ship? do you think they'd work good as a couple?
astrid and diana should have dumped their respective boyfriends, run away to the island together and then returned to rule with dekka as the most powerful lesbians of the fayz.
joking aside, itâs hard to say considering they didnât really have that much interaction in canon, but i think ladrison could have worked as a good ship. i recall seeing analyses about them being essentially two sides of the same coin, and that could create some interesting dynamics between them. it most likely wouldnât have been a love at first sight kind of thing, and astrid in particular probably would have had to âcome to termsâ with the fact that she liked girls, but i think theyâd complement each other well when they finally get together.
I was listening to a cover of "Little Miss Perfect," and my mind went off like a lightbulb. It's definitely a Ladrison song for when Astrid's still figuring out her feelings for Diana since considering all the other things in the FAYZ that give her conflict with her religion, realizing she also likes girls would give her even more trouble with the internalized homophobia I can imagine was drilled into her at how devoted she seems to her ideology.
Plus, "straight hair, straight A's, straight forward"? That describes her to a T. Perfect Astrid the a, the girl you know if your parents met, they'd compare you to and the girl who before the FAYZ never got into any trouble. It just got me thinking, got know. Especially since Astrid would probably have this huge internal conflict about liking Diana while she would just be completely cool with it.
Plus, I kinda find it cute that these two don't have that have much interaction in the books but a lot of us seem to agree they'd make an amazing power couple.
Hi again, everyone! I was recently inspired to do a fun Gone sim project. Iâm taking Gone ships, mostly headcanon and WLW, and making them into moodboards and sims! For my first pairing, I chose Ladrison/Disastrid, also known as Diana and Astrid! I noticed @dykecainesoren saying they wanted to see more LGBTQ+ Gone content, so I tried to do just that with my sims. Instead of using the style I typically do, I was inspired to try and use @gone-series-orchidâs style of making sims, since theyâre always amazing!
Question of the FAYZ: What relationship should have happened in the FAYZ? It doesnât have to be headcanon, just something that seemed like it naturally wouldâve occurred. For me, Iâd say Howard and Edilio or Lana and Dahra.
The Moodboard:
I tried to do it in the colors/order of the bisexual flag, since I think that a fitting headcanon is that theyâre both bi! Dianaâs side is at left, Astridâs at right.
The Sims:
Above are Astrid and Diana! I gave them both what I thought were âdate outfitsâ.
I gave Diana a more âfeminineâ look, with a peach button-up tank and a white skirt with sneakers to match, while I gave Astrid long, black pants, a blue blouse, and black and white loafers.
astrid: the education system is horrible but i want a phd so when we marry i can write us in as âdr. and mrs.â and let people make the assumption that Iâm a man and see their faces when we show up and weâre two lesbians
diana, in tears: god i love you
Every Caina Scene Ever: Part 1: Scene 5: "'Of course you dislike me,' Astrid said, 'I make you feel inferior.' Diana's eyes flashed. 'I don't feel inferior to anyone.' 'Really? Because usually a person who does bad things realizes there's something a little wrong with them. You know? Even if they suppress it, they know they're sick inside.' 'Yeah,' Diana said laconically, 'I feel bad about all that. My evil heart and all. Give me your hand.' 'What?' 'I promise not to infect you with my badness. Give me your hand.'" -Gone, 254
tag list: @emilybargerâ @lordcheesyâ @sheesweeâ @tayuya3â @sweetlialiaâ (hit up my askbox if you want to be added/removed)
a/n: i am posting this during school hence the weird time. woot woot.
âDid you hear Jack got a girlfriend?â Quinn said, âbecause I wish that was me, brah.â
Sixteen-year-old Sam looked back at him. They had just wrapped up playing video games in his basement, and now it was the time where they actually talked about things. He slumped on the couch. âMe too. I wanna kiss a girl, you know. LikeâŠâ
âGirlfriends are work, though. I mean, you have to text them and talk to them and probably end up getting dumped and maybe they wonât want to kiss you. Itâd be much easier to likeâŠâ Quinn contemplated his words for a few seconds. He still wasnât completely sure about this thought. â...date one of the guys. No hassle, youâd just stay being friends after and wouldnât have to like, talk about it.â
âYeah.â Sam nodded in agreement with sixteen-year-old Quinn. As if the idea had just struck him (which it hadnât), he looked Quinn up and down. âHey, we could try that. Like, the two of us.â
âYeah. I mean, we already know each other. We could skip the getting-to-know-each-other part and get to the like, kissing. The fun stuff,â Quinn said, nodding.
âBut like, not gay,â Sam said.
âNo homo, obviously,â Quinn said. Then, hesitantly, but with the sureness of someone who has no idea what heâs actually doing, he closed the distance between him and Sam. Not entirely, but enough for the musty scent of the basement to be replaced by the intensely personal scent of each other.
âSo, about the kissing thing,â Sam said, going a little cross eyed at Quinn so close to him.
âYeah,â Quinn said, leaning forwards to touch his lips to Samâs.
It was a terribly awkward first kiss, although neither were really counting it as a first kiss at that moment. At first, it was just their lips smushed together, with both of their eyes open. Eventually, though, they opened their mouths and moved onto a proper, if not sloppy, makeout session.
At least a few months passed, with many more clandestine rendezvous like the first, before Sam realized he was actually really enjoying the whole making-out-with-his-best-friend thing, which was definitely also a gay thing.
Well, shit, was his first thought. He was, undeniably, gay. And smack in the middle of a small, subtly homophobic town, where his highschool didnât even have a like, gay club, and he and his buddies made anti-gay jokes on the regular. Also, feelings were beginning to develop. He wanted to take Quinn on dates. And hold his hand, and talk about their futures together, and watch movies together, and have sex, and support each togetherâŠ
And maybe this wasnât anything serious to Quinn and they would break upâwas it even breaking up?âand Sam would be left alone as a closeted gay kid with nothing to do and a secret to hide.
Fortunately, about a week later, Quinn also realized that he was, in fact, developing actual feelings for Sam. His best friend slash...dare he say it? Boyfriend. He went through a similar thought process as Sam, and arrived at a different conclusion: Quinn didnât want him and Sam to be whatever it was they were unless Sam knew.
And maybe, a little part of him hoped, felt the same way.
At this point, they were meeting places other than Samâs basement. Like Quinnâs basement, and the shed where they kept their boards. Both had, separately, considered trying the closets at school during lunch and after school, but neither really wanted to make that move. It was too dangerous.
It was at the surf shed when Quinn brought it up. It was in between kisses when he actually remembered that heâd been meaning to bring it up.
âSam, hey Sam, stop, hold on,â Quinn said, in between Sam trying to continue kissing him. âI think I might have feelings for you. Like, gay romantic feelings.â
Quinn had expected Sam to call off their meetings, or say âBut weâre not gay so itâs not gay.â What he did not expect was for Sam to look down at the floor and say:
âMe too. Kind of. Like, I want to take you on actual dates and stuff. Hold your hand,â Sam said. Both of them looked down at their hands. Samâs were at the back of Quinnâs neck, where heâd been pulling Quinnâs face towards him. Quinnâs were around Samâs waist.
They were most decidedly not holding hands. âSo, do you wanna be...boyfriends or something?â Quinn asked, âI know we used to think being gay was wrong and shit, butâ-he squeezed Sam tighter, closer to him-âIâm reconsidering.â
âYeah,â Sam said, âI think that would be cool. I actually looked some stuff about the LGBT community up online, andâŠI think itâs gonna be ok.â
And that was the beginning of Sam and Quinn, the origin story theyâd told no one except each other for so long. With good reason, of course. They hadnât had anyone to tell it to, and Sam was personally too embarrassed by the story to even bring it up in conversation.
***
âI canât believe you actually told her,â Sam said to Quinn, glaring at him. âIf I had my way, those memories would be wiped from my brain with bleach.â
Quinn nuzzled his nose against Samâs. âBut then you wouldnât have me.â
Samâs face cracked into a smile. âTrue, true. Weâve grown a lot since summer of sophomore year, and mostly for the better. And I love having you as my boyfriend, even if itâs just the two of us who know about it.â He leaned in to kiss Quinn, soft and slow.
Astrid waved her hand at their faces. âAnd me. Donât forget that I also know about this thing. Also Caine. You guys have told people. Youâre like, one foot out of the closet.â
âHm, what were you saying?â Sam asked, pausing his kiss with Quinn. âI was too busy kissing my boyfriend, who I would die for.â
âAs the kids say these days,â Astrid said, âWe been knew.â
Sam and Quinn fully separated from each other. âOur movieâs in a little bit,â Quinn said, âLetâs go, we can be gay for as long as we want in the theater, where itâs dark.â He gave Sam a look that made Astrid feel like she was intruding on a private moment.
The movie was fun, an action movie that turned out to be more like a rom-com. Contrary to their behaviour before entering the theater, Sam and Quinn silently ate popcorn while watching the movie. Astrid sat next to them, with her own bowl of popcorn, and half-watched the movie.
Mostly, she thought about Sam and Quinnâs weird origin. After actually hearing it, Astrid understood why Sam didnât want to talk about it. She could also see that Quinn was determined to move beyond that awkward beginning, and that moving on meant acknowledging and understanding what had got them there.
And at the end of the day, they were both grateful for hurried first kisses in a dark basement for bringing them together, and helping them realize who they were. It was a lesson Astrid needed at the time, because she needed to know that her and Diana could move past a rough patch, and even emerge stronger for it.
Of course, threats by a psychopath were a bit different than internalized homophobia and teenage embarrassment. Nevertheless, no matter how long it took before Caine was out of the picture, Astrid found herself confident that she and Diana could get back together. Diana hadnât ended the relationship because there was no love between them, sheâd ended it because there was too much.
Eventually, the movie went to credits, and the trio left the theater. âSo,â Sam said, âdid that cure you of your loneliness from Diana?â
âA little. I mean, Iâm still sad, but at least I donât share a body with my girlfriend, because it would be hard to break up in that situation,â she joked. âBut I feel a little better about what could happen. Diana and I could very well get through this and come out stronger.â
âI hope you guys do,â Quinn said, âBecause I actually kind of want to go on a proper gay double date with you guys. The last one was hella awkward.â
Astrid laughed. âDonât you have other gay friends to go on double dates with? I know you guys are closeted, but you have to know some people.â
âWell, we do, but according to Quinn,â Sam said, âitâs only a proper gay double date if itâs one lesbian couple and one gay couple because that way itâs not a, uh, âhang with the guys.ââ He gave his boyfriend a look, showing that he didnât put much stock in Quinnâs rationalization of the idea.
âLook, whenever we double date with Edilio and Roger, it literally just feels like a hangout. We need ladies in the equation, Sam, otherwise we start making dick jokes,â Quinn said.
âOk, but isnât the point of a date with the two of us,â Sam said, leaning closer to Quinn, âis that thereâs no ladies involved?â
âGet a room, you two. Also, Diana and I are bi. Dick jokes abound in our conversations,â Astrid said. Her expression immediately became more downcast after mentioning Diana. âAs they would during a normal double date.â
âSorry,â Quinn said. âI donât know, I just wanted to get to know you and Diana better. Diana seems like a cool chick, and sheâs objectively hot.â
âYeah, sheâs hot. What did you guys think of the movie?â Astrid asked, a little more quickly than necessary.
