i impulsively wrote a Very short gone fic bc i wanted to get back into the swing of writing and also wanted to post smth to ao3
it’s a little piece focused on astrid & little pete, and it’s set during hunger !!
the grammar is not the best and it’s also not my best work but it’s smth !! so u can check it out if u want !! (or if u haven’t u can go to my ao3 and read my other gone series fic which is longer and better)
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
tag list: @emilybarger @lordcheesy @sheeswee @tayuya3 @sweetlialia (hit up my askbox if you want to be added/removed)
A/N: look at me posting chapter updates like someone with their shit together! hope y'all enjoy!!! also if you haven't seen on ao3, i got my shit together and there will be a total of 27 chapters of heartbeat on air, meaning that we are 2/3 of the way through the story.
The cafe was small and loud, but the perfect place for the three exhausted surfers to go after five hours in the waves. Astrid had caught a few, and Sam and Quinn had fun teaching her. Now, however, they were long gone from their peppy morning selves. They ordered their overpriced food at the counter and sat down. Under the table, Astrid saw one text on her phone from Diana.
On my way, can’t wait to see you. A smile tugged at the corners of Astrid’s mouth, but she pushed it down. What was she doing?
“I am…so hungry,” Sam said, yawning and stretching. “I want our food already.”
“Yeah me too,” Astrid replied, a little too quickly. Nervousness trickled up her spine. Diana could be here any minute.
“We should have packed lunch,” Quinn said, staring at the ceiling. “Never again am I making that mistake.”
Sam leaned back in his chair. “Yeah, but we had fun. Remember when the undertow threw Astrid?”
Quinn laughed. “Yeah, and the look on her face…” He trailed off, shaking his head.
“Hey! That was my first time out that far.” Astrid glared at Sam and Quinn. “You guys are just mean.”
Just like that, they were reminiscing about their time on the waves, letting their laughter substitute food for the time being. While Astrid could feel the knot in the bottom of her stomach tightening as the minutes passed, her phone received no new messages. If only Diana would come to take her mind off of things.
Diana pulled into the parking lot and found a parking spot. She turned off the car and checked the address Astrid had texted her. This was the place. Now she had to let Astrid know she was here and ready to talk. Whatever that meant, whatever that led to.
While she did want to talk with Sam and Quinn at some point, now would probably not be the best time. They were probably the ones who had taken care of Astrid in the aftermath of the breakup, so she wanted to talk to her ex-girlfriend first. And maybe, just maybe, convince her to come back.
Taking a deep breath, she got out of the car and walked towards the entrance. The doors were glass, and through them Diana could see Astrid with Sam and Quinn at a table, eating their food and laughing. Something in her heart pinched.
She texted Astrid. I’m right outside. Still looking into the cafe, Diana watched Astrid check the message on her phone, and saw her expression change as she looked up at the door. Diana gave a small wave.
***
Astrid looked up, and there was Diana. Without fully thinking, without actualizing what she was doing, Astrid stood up from her seat and started walking towards the door, only to be stopped by a light touch on her wrist from Sam.
“Where are you going?” He looked politely curious, as if expecting her to say “bathroom,” but concern still creased his features. Apparently she hadn’t been as surreptitious with her secret as she’d thought.
“I just wanted to get something from the car,” Astrid fibbed, hoping he wouldn’t notice the way her heartbeat was rising, the exhilaration pulsing through her body.
“Cool.” Sam dug back into his food, and Astrid walked towards the front of the cafe. She could hear Quinn asking Sam where she was going as she walked away, but she couldn’t think about it.
The steps towards Diana took forever and no time at all. Astrid’s heart twisted as she approached, as Diana’s beautiful face neared. It had been so long since she’d seen Diana, and yet she looked exactly the same. The same eyes that Astrid had gazed into many a time widened as she approached.
She opened the doors to the restaurant and stepped outside into the just-cold California air. Astrid walked towards Diana, tongue-tied.
How do you talk to your ex that you’re still in love with?
Diana crushed her into a hug, and Astrid breathed in her familiar scent as she returned the embrace. They stayed there for longer than was necessary, slightly swaying. Astrid hadn’t been lying when she said she missed her.
Both of them separated at the same time, and Diana felt a pinch in her gut at how synchronized they were, after months of not seeing each other.
“So…you said you wanted to talk to me?” Astrid said, the words evaporating into the space between them.
“Yeah,” Diana said, looking down. Overtaken by shyness, she half-mumbled. “I missed you.” She met Astrid’s eyes. “Also, I wanted to talk to you about something. Like, long-discussion type talk.”
“Let’s um, go over to the outdoor tables,” Astrid said, moving in the direction of the umbrellad tables just outside of the restaurant. She fought the urge to hold Diana’s hand as they walked over. Maybe I’ll get to do that again someday, she thought.
They sat next to each other, both no longer willing to deny themselves the closeness they’d been missing. Diana spoke first. “Before we go into anything else, I want you to know that…I want to get back together.”
All the hope Astrid had rose to her mind, flooding her senses. She could have everything back that they’d had before, and more. But she couldn’t help but wonder why Diana was proposing this. It seemed too good to be true. “What about Caine?” Astrid asked.
That had been why they’d broken up, after all. The danger Diana’s ex presented.
Diana took a deep breath and looked into Astrid’s eyes. “I don’t think he should control who I date, Astrid. I don’t want to give him that sort of power over my life, but I did. And what we had—” she gestured between them “— it was so wonderful, so perfect. I’m going to fire him from the station tomorrow, because he’s a shitty employee as well.” Diana paused for a moment, thinking through her words. “I don’t care about him, or what he thinks he can do. Letting him into my head was the worst mistake I ever made, because I never got him out. But I want to have you by my side, if you’ll have me.” She held eye contact with Astrid, even though she was getting emotional.
“No more sneaking around? No more shadows?” Astrid asked, tears welling in her eyes. This was everything she’d wanted since Diana had broken up with her. Or since she’d met her, because Astrid could imagine no better future for herself than one with Diana in it. Diana as her girlfriend, her whole girlfriend. No hiding from everyone, no fear, just being with her in private and in public.
“No,” Diana said. “You can introduce me to your parents, and we can get dinner in Perdido. Does that sound good?” She ignored the happy tears starting to run down her face, even as she started to smile.
“As long as we still stop by the Healing Place once in a while,” Astrid said, grinning. “I missed us.”
She turned in the chair, and moved close to Diana, seeing her expression mirrored on her girlfriend’s face. “I love you,” Diana said.
Astrid kissed her, tangling her hands in Diana’s hair. She let Diana kiss her back, matching her fierceness ounce for ounce. It was the kiss that they’d wanted for months, and as hurried as it was, it was perfect.
They broke apart, breathing heavily. There were tears in both their eyes, streaking down their cheeks, maybe mixing together.
“So… are we back to dates every week? And calling each other when we’re lonely? Texting into the morning?” Astrid asked, looking at Diana with all the love in her heart.
“Yeah. Whatever you want, dear,” Diana replied, smiling at her girlfriend.
“Should we go in and talk to Sam and Quinn? I think they might want to catch up with you,” Astrid said, holding Diana’s hand in her lap.
“Of course,” Diana said. Hand in hand, they walked back into the restaurant.
The look on Sam and Quinn’s faces when they saw them was priceless. Quinn took several seconds connecting the dots until his face landed on an expression somewhere between confusion and understanding. Sam was befuddled, squinting at them as if somehow, they weren’t real.
Astrid pulled up a chair for Diana, and they sat down.
“Diana,” Sam said, like he wasn’t sure about it.
“Hi.” Diana said, sensing the awkwardness slowly engulfing their table.
“Didn’t you break up with Astrid?” Quinn asked, still trying to connect the dots.
“Yeah, she did,” Astrid said, “But I think we’re back together now, right, Diana?” She turned towards Diana, looking at her for confirmation.
“Uh-huh,” Diana said, very happy at this information.
“Ok…” Sam said. “When exactly did this happen?”
“Just now, actually. It’s kind of crazy.” The two girls laughed, sharing a look.
“Is Caine no longer an issue?” Quinn was still confused, while Sam appeared to have accepted their reunion as a fact of life.
Diana let out a short, brittle laugh. “Fuck him, he doesn’t get to determine who I date. I am in contact with several large, intimidating security guards who I have bonded with over talking about cute dogs and cute girls. I’m his employer. He should be afraid of me, not the other way around. Plus, he’s getting fired,” Diana said. It was so satisfying to say it out loud, that she didn’t give a rat’s ass about Caine.
Sam high-fived her. “You are a godsend. Can you send him across the country?”
“I have tried to get him reassigned to another city, but apparently some people in Perdido like hearing his voice on the radio,” Diana said, rolling her eyes. “But I am going to look into a restraining order, since I have plenty of evidence against him.”
“You deserve to stay away from that creep forever,” Astrid said, squeezing Diana’s hand.
“Totally,” Quinn agreed, finally understanding everything in the situation and kicking himself for not figuring it out earlier.
“I’m happy you guys are back together,” Sam said, piling up their dishes and silverware. “You’re a cute couple, and I’ll let you know if Caine is going to do something dumb. He is my brother, after all.”
“Thanks, Sam, but we shouldn’t need it too much. Once I fire him, there shouldn’t be much risk of him finding out and coming after any of us.” Diana looked down at her and Astrid’s entwined hands. “I’ll make sure of it.”
“So, talking about Diana and Astrid is great, but Diana has missed out on some great Astrid moments,” Quinn said, shit-eating grin ever-present on his face. “For instance, we went surfing today and—”
Astrid groaned, cutting him off, but let Quinn tell the story anyway. Diana laughed and smiled at Quinn’s dramatic retelling of the event, much to Astrid’s mortification. They stayed at the cafe for longer than the staff liked, Sam and Quinn catching Diana up on everything she’d missed in Astrid’s life.
Most, if not all, of the stories were hilarious, and even Astrid found herself laughing at the more embarrassing ones. She enjoyed Diana’s company, too, savored Diana’s warmth as she leaned her head on her shoulder.
Eventually, it came time for them to go their separate ways. Astrid decided to let Diana drop her off at her parent’s house, and retrieved her bag of wet clothes before slipping into the familiar passenger seat of Diana’s car.
A/N: I am honestly so into this right now, and I’ve taken so long contemplating how this will play out. It’ll be a real fic with chapters and all that sauce. The request didn’t come with any specific pairing, but with the specific mention of Thor and Loki, it just felt right for the reader and Loki to be the main pairing in this. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
*Loki’s POV*
Only recently had I felt a small yet significant shift in the universe. The water had stood completely still, almost like glass, but this sudden shift was a ripple that would turn into a tidal wave. I could sense her at all times, like a quiet hum in the back of my mind. It wasn’t overpowering, and it was often overcome by all my other thoughts and the other sounds of Asgard, but it was always there, always present, always a reminder of her. No matter which realm I was in, I could feel her mere existence. The humming would change when she was in pain or when she felt grief or even when she was anxious, and I would be alerted to her state of mind. Even though I was forbidden to travel to Midgard alone, I was still given the opportunity every once in a while to see her. Thor would escort me to the world that was so precious to her, the world I once tried to claim for my own, the world upon which I wreaked havoc. It was at one point that I saw the Midgardians as an inferior race with almost no redeeming qualities. Upon meeting her, this...warmth came alive within my frozen heart, and for the first time, I saw the power and resilience of the human race. It was in her eyes. The strength and will that I failed to see was in those beautiful orbs that captivated a god like me. And when I saw my reflection in them, I was forced to take responsibility for my actions for the first time in my life.
She wasn’t a fighter, but she did prefer going out onto the field with the rest of the Avengers when they went on missions or operations. In fact, it was almost impossible to make her stay put because she’d always seem to find a way, and usually, that way was more dangerous than if they just allowed her to tag along. I could see where the rest of the team came from when they tried to refuse her a spot on the quinjet. They were all wildly protective of one another, but she was a completely different story. They saw her in a similar light that I did. She valued peace and harmony above all things, but there was this strength that was undeniable. Even in the face of danger, she stood strong. It was almost like the danger didn’t faze her, like she was accustomed to it. Even though she had the heart of a fighter, she refused to fight. However, she stayed vigilant on the field as a medic and pulled her weight at the tower as an expert in communications. She challenged both Tony Stark and Bruce Banner when it came to intelligence, and she even managed to teach the two geniuses a thing or two, which made her a valued member of the team. Everyone kept a close eye on her as if she became the unofficial younger sister of everyone on the team. Even Thor asked Heimdall to keep a close eye on her whenever we were in Asgard.
When that soft humming ceased, it was in the middle of the night. It was a strong enough change that it woke me from my deep slumber, and I found myself running from my chambers with no specific destination. I was delirious from waking up so suddenly, but I was also alert at the same time because I knew that something was wrong. A piece of me wished that I had simply died in the middle of the night to save me from the harsh reality of the situation. At the time, I didn’t even know where I was running as my mind was fully saturated with nothing but thoughts of her. The questions continued to flow freely. They came and went so quickly that it left me utterly confused. As I raced through the streets of Asgard, I heard everything. Doors closing, locks turning, children disobeying their parents request for them to go to sleep, glasses clinking, hearty laughter. However, the humming was gone. Every turn was another mindless movement my body made as I focused solely on finding her again. Maybe it was just something wrong with me. Perhaps, I had gone too long without seeing her, and this was the consequence. The logical part of me dismissed that theory almost immediately, but I held out hope that it was true. The gentle hum had become a fundamental part of my daily life. Whenever I found myself overwhelmed with the constant stressors, I found that soft humming, and I focused my mind on her. It was as if she was always right there with me without having to be there physically. My little human. My (Y/N).
Before I knew it, I found myself staring down the long bridge that led to the bifrost, the one I had once fallen from. The anxiety built up within my chest, and I could feel my heart begin to race. I purposefully refused to walk to the end for fear of falling. The bridge was wide enough that even if I did fall, I would still land on the solid surface, and I knew that it was plenty strong enough to hold my weight. I had remembered just how difficult it was for my brother to destroy it in the first place, but the thing I remembered most was falling through the dark abyss mixed with the pain and loneliness that came afterward. The bridge terrified me after that fall, but I knew that Heimdall was at the other end of it. He was sure to have the answer to my question. He was sure to know where she was. If I had been able to clear my mind, I would’ve had no problem teleporting to the other end of the bridge, but I couldn’t shake the fear of both the bridge and losing her. The most likely reason why I could no longer sense her was that she had died, which only prompted more fear. Therefore, I had no other choice but to run, and that’s what I did.
Upon reaching the bifrost, I was met by Heimdall, the trusted gatekeeper. He had boasted before about having the ability to see “nine realms and ten trillion souls,” which was why Thor had trusted him with such a task as to keep an eye on her. However, that confidence had suddenly turned into paranoia. It was the same paranoia that I’d seen on Thor’s face when he thought he misplaced Mjolnir at one point. However, I had cloaked the hammer with invisibility. This was clearly much more serious, since Heimdall never wore a look quite like that before. When he sensed my presence, he turned to look at me with fear clouding his golden eyes. I guessed that it was because he had only bad news to give me, and he knew that I didn’t handle bad news very well. My chest felt like it had tightened, like I couldn’t breathe, and the fear in his eyes wasn’t helping. When I finally found my voice, the fear within my own body nearly kept me from speaking. My hands found each other as I fidgeted with my fingers in front of me, “where is she?” I croaked out
A frown formed on his lips as his eyebrows pulled together in sorrow, “I cannot see her. One moment she was in her bed, and now...she’s gone”
tag list: @emilybarger @lordcheesy @sheeswee @tayuya3 @sweetlialia (hit up my askbox if you want to be added/removed)
a/n: i am posting this during school hence the weird time. woot woot.
“Did you hear Jack got a girlfriend?” Quinn said, “because I wish that was me, brah.”
Sixteen-year-old Sam looked back at him. They had just wrapped up playing video games in his basement, and now it was the time where they actually talked about things. He slumped on the couch. “Me too. I wanna kiss a girl, you know. Like…”
“Girlfriends are work, though. I mean, you have to text them and talk to them and probably end up getting dumped and maybe they won’t want to kiss you. It’d be much easier to like…” Quinn contemplated his words for a few seconds. He still wasn’t completely sure about this thought. “...date one of the guys. No hassle, you’d just stay being friends after and wouldn’t have to like, talk about it.”
“Yeah.” Sam nodded in agreement with sixteen-year-old Quinn. As if the idea had just struck him (which it hadn’t), he looked Quinn up and down. “Hey, we could try that. Like, the two of us.”
“Yeah. I mean, we already know each other. We could skip the getting-to-know-each-other part and get to the like, kissing. The fun stuff,” Quinn said, nodding.
“But like, not gay,” Sam said.
“No homo, obviously,” Quinn said. Then, hesitantly, but with the sureness of someone who has no idea what he’s actually doing, he closed the distance between him and Sam. Not entirely, but enough for the musty scent of the basement to be replaced by the intensely personal scent of each other.
“So, about the kissing thing,” Sam said, going a little cross eyed at Quinn so close to him.
“Yeah,” Quinn said, leaning forwards to touch his lips to Sam’s.
It was a terribly awkward first kiss, although neither were really counting it as a first kiss at that moment. At first, it was just their lips smushed together, with both of their eyes open. Eventually, though, they opened their mouths and moved onto a proper, if not sloppy, makeout session.
At least a few months passed, with many more clandestine rendezvous like the first, before Sam realized he was actually really enjoying the whole making-out-with-his-best-friend thing, which was definitely also a gay thing.
Well, shit, was his first thought. He was, undeniably, gay. And smack in the middle of a small, subtly homophobic town, where his highschool didn’t even have a like, gay club, and he and his buddies made anti-gay jokes on the regular. Also, feelings were beginning to develop. He wanted to take Quinn on dates. And hold his hand, and talk about their futures together, and watch movies together, and have sex, and support each together…
And maybe this wasn’t anything serious to Quinn and they would break up—was it even breaking up?—and Sam would be left alone as a closeted gay kid with nothing to do and a secret to hide.
Fortunately, about a week later, Quinn also realized that he was, in fact, developing actual feelings for Sam. His best friend slash...dare he say it? Boyfriend. He went through a similar thought process as Sam, and arrived at a different conclusion: Quinn didn’t want him and Sam to be whatever it was they were unless Sam knew.
And maybe, a little part of him hoped, felt the same way.
At this point, they were meeting places other than Sam’s basement. Like Quinn’s basement, and the shed where they kept their boards. Both had, separately, considered trying the closets at school during lunch and after school, but neither really wanted to make that move. It was too dangerous.
It was at the surf shed when Quinn brought it up. It was in between kisses when he actually remembered that he’d been meaning to bring it up.
“Sam, hey Sam, stop, hold on,” Quinn said, in between Sam trying to continue kissing him. “I think I might have feelings for you. Like, gay romantic feelings.”
Quinn had expected Sam to call off their meetings, or say “But we’re not gay so it’s not gay.” What he did not expect was for Sam to look down at the floor and say:
“Me too. Kind of. Like, I want to take you on actual dates and stuff. Hold your hand,” Sam said. Both of them looked down at their hands. Sam’s were at the back of Quinn’s neck, where he’d been pulling Quinn’s face towards him. Quinn’s were around Sam’s waist.
They were most decidedly not holding hands. “So, do you wanna be...boyfriends or something?” Quinn asked, “I know we used to think being gay was wrong and shit, but”-he squeezed Sam tighter, closer to him-“I’m reconsidering.”
“Yeah,” Sam said, “I think that would be cool. I actually looked some stuff about the LGBT community up online, and…I think it’s gonna be ok.”
And that was the beginning of Sam and Quinn, the origin story they’d told no one except each other for so long. With good reason, of course. They hadn’t had anyone to tell it to, and Sam was personally too embarrassed by the story to even bring it up in conversation.
***
“I can’t believe you actually told her,” Sam said to Quinn, glaring at him. “If I had my way, those memories would be wiped from my brain with bleach.”
Quinn nuzzled his nose against Sam’s. “But then you wouldn’t have me.”
Sam’s face cracked into a smile. “True, true. We’ve grown a lot since summer of sophomore year, and mostly for the better. And I love having you as my boyfriend, even if it’s just the two of us who know about it.” He leaned in to kiss Quinn, soft and slow.
Astrid waved her hand at their faces. “And me. Don’t forget that I also know about this thing. Also Caine. You guys have told people. You’re like, one foot out of the closet.”
“Hm, what were you saying?” Sam asked, pausing his kiss with Quinn. “I was too busy kissing my boyfriend, who I would die for.”
“As the kids say these days,” Astrid said, “We been knew.”
Sam and Quinn fully separated from each other. “Our movie’s in a little bit,” Quinn said, “Let’s go, we can be gay for as long as we want in the theater, where it’s dark.” He gave Sam a look that made Astrid feel like she was intruding on a private moment.
The movie was fun, an action movie that turned out to be more like a rom-com. Contrary to their behaviour before entering the theater, Sam and Quinn silently ate popcorn while watching the movie. Astrid sat next to them, with her own bowl of popcorn, and half-watched the movie.
Mostly, she thought about Sam and Quinn’s weird origin. After actually hearing it, Astrid understood why Sam didn’t want to talk about it. She could also see that Quinn was determined to move beyond that awkward beginning, and that moving on meant acknowledging and understanding what had got them there.
And at the end of the day, they were both grateful for hurried first kisses in a dark basement for bringing them together, and helping them realize who they were. It was a lesson Astrid needed at the time, because she needed to know that her and Diana could move past a rough patch, and even emerge stronger for it.
Of course, threats by a psychopath were a bit different than internalized homophobia and teenage embarrassment. Nevertheless, no matter how long it took before Caine was out of the picture, Astrid found herself confident that she and Diana could get back together. Diana hadn’t ended the relationship because there was no love between them, she’d ended it because there was too much.
Eventually, the movie went to credits, and the trio left the theater. “So,” Sam said, “did that cure you of your loneliness from Diana?”
“A little. I mean, I’m still sad, but at least I don’t share a body with my girlfriend, because it would be hard to break up in that situation,” she joked. “But I feel a little better about what could happen. Diana and I could very well get through this and come out stronger.”
“I hope you guys do,” Quinn said, “Because I actually kind of want to go on a proper gay double date with you guys. The last one was hella awkward.”
Astrid laughed. “Don’t you have other gay friends to go on double dates with? I know you guys are closeted, but you have to know some people.”
“Well, we do, but according to Quinn,” Sam said, “it’s only a proper gay double date if it’s one lesbian couple and one gay couple because that way it’s not a, uh, ‘hang with the guys.’” He gave his boyfriend a look, showing that he didn’t put much stock in Quinn’s rationalization of the idea.
“Look, whenever we double date with Edilio and Roger, it literally just feels like a hangout. We need ladies in the equation, Sam, otherwise we start making dick jokes,” Quinn said.
“Ok, but isn’t the point of a date with the two of us,” Sam said, leaning closer to Quinn, “is that there’s no ladies involved?”
“Get a room, you two. Also, Diana and I are bi. Dick jokes abound in our conversations,” Astrid said. Her expression immediately became more downcast after mentioning Diana. “As they would during a normal double date.”
“Sorry,” Quinn said. “I don’t know, I just wanted to get to know you and Diana better. Diana seems like a cool chick, and she’s objectively hot.”
“Yeah, she’s hot. What did you guys think of the movie?” Astrid asked, a little more quickly than necessary.
tag list: @emilybarger @lordcheesy @sheeswee @tayuya3 @sweetlialia (hit up my askbox if you want to be added/removed)
Rarely did Astrid feel like drinking her emotions away, but she was missing Diana, she was in Perdido, which was full of memories of Diana. But she at least had the self respect to not go to an actual bar. While some of her floormates might think a one-night stand after a breakup was how you got over things, Astrid wholeheartedly disagreed.
So she found herself at The Healing Place, breezing past the hostess stand and to one of the barstools. An unfamiliar waitress was behind the counter. “What can I get you?” she asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe like, a Sprite? With alcohol. Even though I’m not legally allowed to drink.” God, she was a mess, and crying about Diana about twice a week wasn’t helping. Neither was the late hour.
“You sound like you need a Lana,” the waitress said, leaning against the taps. “I’ll get you that, on the house.”
All Astrid fully registered was the “on the house.” She mumbled out a thanks.
Lana slid into the stool next to her. “What’s on your mind?”
Astrid startled. She hadn’t realized Lana was there for a second. “Oh nothing. If you can consider Diana nothing. Which I am having a really hard time doing. Where’s my drink?”
“You two broke up, huh?” Lana handed Astrid a Sprite.
“Yes. Affirmative. I wish we hadn’t. I miss her.” Astrid took a sip from her drink. The carbonated bubbles only reminded her of eating here with Diana, and it wasn’t helping. Even though that was a stupid thing to be sad about.
“So she broke up with you,” Lana offered. “That’s gotta suck.”
“I…I guess she did, but it doesn’t feel like it,” Astrid said, ignoring the way that her voice wobbled. “It’s a long story.”
“I’ve got a long time to listen to it,” Lana said, her voice soft and caring, like a hug you can just sink into.
Astrid barely knew Lana, but she found herself telling her the whole story of how they broke up. The story tumbled out of her like a waterfall, Caine, Sam, Quinn, celebrities, and radio stations all. It felt good to really talk about it with someone, to let the story live outside of her for a bit. Even as she choked back tears, it felt nice.
Lana didn’t say a word through her whole story, just listened to everything she had to say, nodding a little. When Astrid finished, she said, “Do you know where this Caine guy lives? I just want to talk.”
“Nice joke, but from what I’ve heard about him from Sam and Diana, he’s a dangerous person with dangerous friends. As in, untouchable.” She heaved a sigh.
“I’m a dangerous girl, and I am absolutely willing to pound this asshole’s ears into his brain,” Lana said, matter-of-fact as can be.
“I appreciate the sentiment, Lana, but I don’t even want to think about Caine right now. I just miss Diana, and it’s killing me.” She slumped forward on the counter, staring at the Sprite like the bubbles were going to give her an answer.
“Well, think of the positives,” Lana said, leaning forward with her.
“What positives? My loving girlfriend of five months broke up with me because of her ex and I’m a college student trying to not fail literally all of my classes.” Astrid took a sip of her drink, setting the glass down a bit too hard.
“Diana didn’t want to break up with you, Astrid. I saw you two, she loved you as much as you loved her. She probably did it because she wanted you to be safe. She’s probably as heartbroken over this as you are.” Lana paused, forming her words. “You guys had five wonderful months of happiness and love. Now, it sucks that it had to end, but isn’t that better than nothing?”
For once, Astrid didn’t respond immediately, letting the thoughts roll over in her head. “I guess I’d rather know Diana and be her girlfriend and kiss her and touch her and have sex with her than…” Never know her as anything but Huntress.
“See? It’s not all awful.” Lana patted Astrid on the back, and the younger girl leaned into the touch. “If you need to cry about it, cry. Do whatever it takes to move on, Astrid, and I’ll be there to help you if you need it.”
“I’ve already cried,” Astrid mumbled. At Lana’s look of confusion, she repeated, “I’ve already cried. I want to put it in the past, somehow. All of it. Every single second of every minute of every hour that I spent with her.”
“You can tell me,” Lana said, noting the tears and snot on Astrid’s face. “I promise I won’t laugh at all the first times and during the serious parts. I won’t even talk if you don’t want.”
“I dunno,” Astrid said, sniffling. Goddamnit, she’d really thought she was done with the crying part. “There’s so much, and I might end up crying again.”
“That’s ok. How did you guys meet?” Lana asked, and then Astrid let all of the memories and moments spill out of her in waves. She told Lana everything, and it felt like a relief. Lana barely talked, just offered a shoulder to cry on. And sometimes that was all Astrid needed.
The diner closed at midnight, and Lana offered to drive Astrid back to Berkeley. Wordlessly, Astrid handed her the car keys and followed Lana to her car. They got in, Astrid taking the seat where Diana had sat next to her so many times, and they had barely turned onto the interstate when Astrid was telling Lana about moving into her dorms and kissing on the newly made bed.
Lana parked Astrid’s car in the appropriate lot, and Astrid took the keys and got out. She felt better, but also worse. It was three in the morning, and dark circles were appearing under Lana’s eyes. Astrid assumed she looked the same. Lana stepped out of the car.
“I’ll leave you here, Astrid. You’re a tough cookie, and you’re going to get through this.” She gave Astrid a parting hug.
Astrid opened the door to her building, then turned back to Lana. “How-how are you getting home?”
“I have friends. Cigar’s picking me up, I texted him before me left. Don’t worry about me, I’m not the one with a broken heart.”
And like that, Lana Arwen Lazar walked away into the darkness.
***
Brrzzt
Brrzzt
Brrzzt
Oh god, did Astrid have a class at this ungodly hour? Fuck, fuck. She floundered for her phone before grabbing it and turning it on.
Nope. Just one text from Sam Temple and three from Quinn Gaither. And this ungodly hour was 10:30 AM. Astrid rolled into a more comfortable position and read through the texts.
Sam had sent a small Hey, just checking to make sure you’re doing alright.
Quinn had sent Lana said you were going through some tough shit
I don’t know you that well but um that fuckin sucks bro
Any friend of Sam’s is a friend of mine and if you want to do something or talk that’s cool
Astrid noted that they had both sent the messages privately, not on the groupchat. Individual concern, nice. Lana must have let them know, which she didn’t mind. It was a nice gesture, especially since she really liked hanging out with them. They were good guys, and great friends.
***
“And that’s all for tonight, everyone,” Diana said into the microphone. “I’ve got to get some sleep, and if you’re listening, you probably do too. Huntress, signing off.” She pressed the button and slumped back in her chair.
It had taken a lot of schedule scrambling, to the displeasure of the other DJs, but she’d managed to get a shift away from Caine. Diana was one misdemeanor away from firing his ass, but she couldn’t take the stress of it. He was bound to try and manipulate her if she fired him, not to mention redoing schedules so that his slot would be covered and finding a replacement and fucking paperwork.
The fake cheeriness of her on-air voice dissipated as Diana shuffled around the room, collecting her possessions. She flicked off the light in the booth before walking out of the building. No one was here at this hour, Diana was the only one crazy enough to take the night shift. Belle and Mary would be here in the morning to do the talk show, but for now Diana’s footsteps were the only sound in the building.
She decided to take a moment and look at the stars once outside, taking a seat on a bus bench. It was an unusually clear night, but Diana’s thoughts were everything but clear. Work swirled in her head, mixed in with her love life. Or, currently, lack thereof.
For a second, Diana imagined Astrid next to her, pointing out the constellations. They’d never been stargazing together, but Diana wished they had. She could hear Astrid’s laughter as Diana mispronounced an ancient Greek name, picture the taste of her lips when the stars were no longer enough to keep them occupied.
Diana snapped out of it, blinking her eyes to get rid of the fantasy. Whatever she and Astrid had was over. It wasn’t safe with Caine still working at 104.5. She had done the right thing, no matter how much it hurt both of them. Caine could kill them. Diana had gazed into his eyes often enough, she knew there was a murderer living there.
But goddamn it, she missed Astrid. Her soul fucking ached, and it hurt. She wanted Astrid, and some delusional corner of her mind was convinced she needed her. There was a solution here, but either Diana was looking in the wrong places, or intentionally avoiding it.
***
Now that the trial was over, Sam was hoping that his life would move somewhere in the direction of normal. His mother had gotten a job working at the local diner, which eased his stresses, but now he was worried about college. Could he even afford it?
Sam scrolled through the websites hundreds of times before sending in a few applications. He didn’t tell Connie. She was doing incredibly well after the trial (and the generous court settlement check helped), but Sam didn’t trust it. The whole situation felt fragile, and he didn’t know if finances would push Constance over the edge again. He’d hate to lose her income, especially when he knew they needed it.
Connie came home with tales about bad customers and good ones alike, telling them to Sam even when he wasn’t listening. She didn’t manage the money any more, letting Sam be the head of the household when it came to finances. But he knew he had to tell her sooner or later.
“Hey mom,” Sam said one night over dinner. “I applied to a few colleges, do you think I’ll be able to go?”
“I don’t know, Sam, I think that might be too much stress on both of us,” Connie replied, filling up her cup with more lemonade. “Maybe wait a year or two.”
“Well, this is kind of a gap year to begin with,” Sam said, “And I don’t want to take more than one, otherwise my high school knowledge won’t be fresh and I’ll have to retake some classes.”
“You’re smart, Sam. I’m sure remembering won’t be a problem. Besides, I’d miss you.” She took a bite of her hamburger, as if to cut off the conversation.
“It would help me, I don’t know, get a better job?” He posed it as a question, not sure whether Connie would shut him down or not.
