#lanaha lore

[existancexisxaxtide]

Today is four months since my breakup! Yay wow it feels like a whole new life.

My sister and I are going to the zoo to see the eclipse in totality. Another one of the many things I am able to do now that I wouldn’t have before :3

[existancexisxaxtide]

I'm gonna try this again haha. this time- no lewd DMs please

ANYWAYS- today marks the 8th month of my breakup. I have been alternating between mourning my lost time, and being grateful for where I'm at. I have a long ways to go before I'm where I want to be, but I feel a type of optimism that I didn't know I could feel before tbh

It was very confusing to be repeatedly gaslit and attacked when attempting to assert boundaries. Early on, you may know they’re manipulating you, but if it goes on long enough, it just starts to feel like it’s your own intuition that can’t be trusted.

[existancexisxaxtide]

I’m waiting for a service to come help me clear my house out and I can’t help but feel humiliation for people seeing it this way.

I put my things in one room and the rest of the house is just an explosion of his chaos that I can’t bring myself to look at.

It kind of feels like a reflection of the humiliation I felt when people would catch a glimpse of what things were actually like for me within the relationship... Things I never wanted people to see.

[existancexisxaxtide]

I always create things that look like me because it’s the easiest reference source lol. This is a work in progress of a childhood ambition to create a ball jointed doll. I actually did make one as a kid with super sculpey but tbh it is nightmare fuel.

on the rare chance someone on here that finds this knows how to do face-ups, can I get some tipsss I'm too scared haha

[existancexisxaxtide]

I’ve resented Valentine’s Day for 6 years now. The first year the psychosis started was on Valentine’s Day. He (my ex) booby trapped the house that night and it was all a chaotic downward spiral since.

It's just really difficult to make sense of in my head. The things that happened really hurt and I really really really want to be angry, but I feel for him. I can't imagine what his experience in all this was like, and when I start to try to understand I just get so sad. Like that's just his life now forever, and he can't seem to ever get himself out of it. I've watched him cycle over and over and over, I couldn't keep being the collateral damage... Life really sucks sometimes. I don't even remember the feeling of love towards him anymore, it's just a weird empty hole... I'd like to move on and be happy and have nice days and not hate holidays, but here I am. picking up pieces, trying to make sense of madness.

[existancexisxaxtide]

Scenes from my present and my past.

[existancexisxaxtide]

[existancexisxaxtide]

Went to therapy, pumped up my car tires in the sun, picked up my cats, and shared the evening with good company yesterday. It was a really nice day actually.