#lasting relationship

[zenwords]

The roots of a lasting relationship are mindfulness, deep listening and loving speech.

Thich Nhat Hanh

[far-away-destiny]

The Five Languages of Love

So today I wanted to talk about the Five Languages of Love. This idea came from the author Gary Chapman who wrote a book with that same title, you can look it up if you're interested. Now, I haven't read the book per se just yet, but I've read other things online and watched videos explaining this. I'll present and explain them in my own words and hopefully you can understand them and learn something new to help you and your relationship!

Now, the five common love languages Chapman talks about are the following:

Gift Giving

Quality Time

Physical Touch

Acts of Service

Words of affirmation.

Now, starting with Gift Giving: some people may think of this as only for "gold diggers" and only being interested in expensive gifts. Let me stop you right there and tell you that that's a misconception. Having the love language of gift giving might mean that you are someone that likes to show your partner how much you love them by getting them stuff. Price doesn't matter, nor does the size or brands of said gift, in this situation it's literally the thought what matters. You might either like to give your partner something or like to be on the receiving end. Some good and humble examples could be if your loved one gave you a simple flower they found on their way just because it reminded them of you. Another example is a simple but romantic love letter they wrote to you. In this case, gift giving means that they found something that reminded them of you and are showing you their love (or you show them your love) by giving this gift, regardless of what it is. This will make them feel acknowledged and loved because you are thinking about them even when you're not together.

Quality Time: here, gifts are not a priority to give or receive, what they value the most is their time spent together. Even if you're both just cuddling watching a movie and not talking much, the fact that you're spending that time together alone is what makes them happy and feel loved. Maybe going on a date together, walk around, or just lay at home doing nothing, as long as you do it together they will deeply appreciate this as quality time.

About Physical Touch: no, this is not just about sex. It's about any type of physical touch you can have with your partner on a daily basis even in non sexual ways. Sitting next to each other, holding hands, giving long hugs, kissing each other. These are all ways that can make people craving physical touch to feel seen, acknowledged, secure, and loved by their partner. Someone with the love language of physical touch might deeply appreciate cuddling in bed together after a long day at work/school, or maybe just receive a massage from their SO. And maybe do some more passionate physical touch together!

Now, Acts of Service: people with this love language are the most happy and loved when their partner decides to do certain things for them. For example, doing the dishes, preparing dinner, help with some errands, helping them last minute with something they forgot, these are all acts of service or acts of devotion that show you are there for your partner whenever and no matter what. Just doing one simple things for them will probably make them feel very happy throughout the whole day!

Finally, Words of Affirmation: here people love to say they love their partner or love hearing it. But also, words of affirmation could be anything positive said to your SO that you know will make their day. Tell them how pretty they look, how smart they are, how amazing they're doing in their work/school, anything that you know they will appreciate hearing from you! Now let me remind you, this does not make that person insecure or narcissistic, they just appreciate hearing things like these for their loved one because they might not get enough people (or no one at all) to tell them, and it just makes them very happy to hear it from someone they love! It's just a reminder of how truly special they are and how much they mean to you!

With all these explained, I encourage you to think and analyze a bit which love language is the one that most resonates with you and which one resonates with your partner. Once you have established which one(s) are the ones you both have, then you can work in a better way to make your partner feel loved in the way most important to them. Everyone is different, you might need to hear how much they love you (words of affirmation) but they might not be used to that and prefer to show their love by gift giving or quality time. Just because your partner is not showing you love the same way you would does not mean they don't love you. This is just something you both gotta talk about and explore together. Maybe make some accomodations and always remember what they would like. After a fight or something you might feel the need to buy them a gift or something, but maybe all the really want from you is to tell them how much you love and need them or just help them with something in an act of service; it's all about knowing what makes your partner happy. Some people don't even know what's their own love language, but once they do then they can start proactively working on that to build a better and happier relationship full of love portrayed in different ways!

P.S. So here's a short quiz I found online -----> https://m.365tests.com/personality-tests/what-is-your-love-language/

I don't assure you it's gonna be accurate but once you get the result, you can determine that yourself. Also, usually we have a combination of 2 or 3 of these love language, it's not just strictly one. And btw, if you want to know more about this go ahead and look for videos on YouTube, some videos explain better if you're still confused! 😊

- far-away-destiny

[stoicmike]

It's no use meeting the right person if you aren't ready to be someone's right person. -- Michael Lipsey

[dbaydenny]

Friends before lovers just to fall apart - lovers first we remain friends. D W Eldred

[stoicmike]

A lot of little love affairs don't add up to one big one. -- Michael Lipsey

[yourkiscica97]

[mariafraniayu]

Finding Love in a Complex World: A Review of Logan Ury's "How to Not Die Alone"

Last year, while aimlessly scrolling through social media, I stumbled upon a book titled “How to Not Die Alone” by Logan Ury, recommended by Ali Abdaal. The book, which claims to be a “life-saver,” intrigued me with its provocative themes of “death” and “loneliness.” These two topics have become a constant source of reflection for me over the past few years, making this book a timely…

Finding Love in a Complex World: A Review of Logan Ury's "How to Not Die Alone"