#late queue

[destiny-in-the-universe]

Pines Headcanons [Happy Birthday, Grunkles]

I cannot believe I just now got reminded of this- holy shit. Unfortunately, I'm not an artist so have these headcanons instead about Stan and Ford

Stanley ‘Lee’ Pines

He’s bisexual. This is not up for debate (/lh). It just made sense for him 

Stanley is ambidextrous. He can write and utilize both his left and right hands. This was something he self-taught himself in after the portal accident 

On the power of ‘I said so’, Stan does have some level of book smarts but instead of math or science- it’s creative writing. He’s got the talent for it; however, he rarely - if ever - shares these stories with anyone

Stan has some form of neurodivergency. Young Stan definitely gives the impression of ADHD but also I feel he’s got dyslexia- don’t ask me why. This is canon now

He does have scars from the time he spent on the run and doing his sales. I’m not sure what they are exactly, but just know he has them 

Stan knows martial arts. Other than boxing, I feel he would’ve taught himself in other forms of fighting- like the ones done on the streets and it’s a weird mix of martial arts and free-style fighting

He can be a bit of a poet, but for the most part- Stan prefers show-and-tell as his love language. He will present his partner with gifts, and makes sure they understand he’s there for them 

He’s kind of protective over his partners, and definitely has gotten into fights in an attempt to protect their honor. It’s ill-placed sometimes but he’s not about to let some bozo mess with them

Stan always sought his father’s approval. He attempted multiple times to perfect his studying skills before the science fair accident, but apparently Old Pa Pines didn’t seem to notice and the rest, well, it was already history

He fantasized of being a pirate when he was a kid. This is where the whole thing of going on a seafaring adventure with Ford came from! Unfortunately due to canon events, this soured out but he held onto a photograph he and Ford took in front of the beach as a memoir

He’s very much not a big fan of vegetables

Stanford ‘Ford’ Pines

He’s arospec and ace!

Ford absolutely loves puzzles. Why? It just weirdly fitting for his character

He definitely has C-PTSD following the events of Weirdmaggedon

Autistic Ford? Autistic Ford. There is no way he doesn’t have it- I said what I said

Before he got involved in the strange and paranormal, one of Ford’s main interests was actually crystals and rocks! It felt weirdly fitting for his character, and here we are

Ford is more of a cat person. At one point, he rescued a cat-adjacent creature from an auction and named her ‘Nova’. Of course, it’s far from a cat but well, we’ll get to that later

He would be into LARP if it exists in the Gravity Falls canon. Like, that man is a nerd and already enjoys the show’s version of Dungeons and Dragons, there’s just no way he wouldn’t participate in LARP

He does have scars from his time in other dimensions for thirty years. He’s very secretive about them and doesn’t let anyone see- not even Stanley

Ford deals with the aftermath of a burnt-out gifted kid- like, he was the prodigal son and got all the right honors, scores, all of it but as he got older- the more he struggled, the more he felt like something was missing. As the golden child, he was brought up with the notion he would be important but then got smacked in the face when he realized none of it truly mattered

He had a lot of issues adjusting to his new life in Gravity Falls, Oregon after he was brought back from the portal. Ford’s triggered fight-or-flight response would kick in with unexpected situations- like, he’s definitely pulled a blaster/space gun

He likes hot chocolate

Ford enjoys cuddle piles, let’s be honest here. Once he gets more comfortable, he begins making nests with the rest of the Pines family

He’s protective of his family!

I’ll try and come up with new headcanons soon, but since I took too long releasing this- given I got sick unfortunately, I decided to post a smaller version 

[avas-wonderland]

If you’re still doing asks then how about Hagakure with apple pie and shortcake?

Oh, I don’t mind :) sorry it’s so late...

Apple Pie: How does your f/o sleep? Do they snooze soundly next to you or do they toss and turn etc?

Hiro and Sasha share the same room. So you’re gonna find them sleeping on top of each other.

Sasha snores louder than Hiro, believe it or not..

Shortcake: What’s your f/o’s love language? (physical affection, giving gifts, etc)

Usually, they tend to *ahem* hold h*nds...it’s simple but yet it feels so intimate for both of them....

And also hugs are just reminders of how much they love each other...

(Sorry it’s so short, it’s getting really late that’s all..)

[sykesplaining]

Rush Limbaugh: Americans should “adapt” to coronavirus, like famous pioneers who “had to turn to cannibalism”

The full quote should be there, so I won’t quote it here.

There was so much wrong with this that I just had to publish my rebuttals to it. This is a senile old boomer who's about to die of brain cancer (look at that, chemo’s shaved off 100 pounds off this piggy!), as if the nuclear take wasn't evident enough of this, so it's a shame I'll never get to tell him this to his face.

I'm going to ignore the saucy headline where this methhead tells us that cannibalism on the streets is the new normal. Believe it or not, there's worse takes here to be had.

"A later study found that measures such as banning mass gatherings and requiring the wearing of face masks could cut the death rate up to 50 percent, but this was dependent on them being imposed early in the outbreak and not being lifted prematurely." You think this is 2020 don't you? No, it's 1919. This is from Wikipedia's article on the Spanish flu. Suck shit.

Even if a world leader wanted to talk about a global pandemic, which is not even a real argument seeing how questionable an authority he was on other issues, Woodrow Wilson could not talk about the Spanish Flu, he had suffered a stroke by that point which left him unable to do his duties. His wife was de facto president for the later years of his presidency.

And, oh yeah: SPANISH FLU KILLED MORE PEOPLE THAN BOTH WORLD WARS COMBINED.

This isn't of concern to him. He's on his deathbed; he wants to take the world down with him. This boomer's got stage 4 brain cancer. Just die already.