I like to invest time to study and read, but I am almost just as lazy and sometimes unwilling to put in the effort to do what I had set out to do. So if you're like me, a lazy ambitious student (which happens to be one of the worst combinations), or that you could relate to this even in the slightest amount, I want to tell you that it's okay to start anywhere.
You don't have to be three chapters ahead of your peers, heck, you could even be way behind on the lecture notes and assigned readings. And that's okay. Anxiety grows. Being fully aware of the fact that you're behind and need to take time to study, is way better than trying to convince yourself that you could finish 10 chapters in a day, or that you could pull a week of all-nighters so you could catch up, or eventually you start trying to persuade your superego that exams really aren't that important because your life shouldn't be defined by your grade.
You're right. We are not defined by our grade, or any number that may have been assigned to us because of how we look, how much we weigh, or whether or not we have the luxury of being able to take a photo in the crowd effortlessly without needing to fight for a position where you could finally see what you're taking a photo of.
But you chose to be here. You chose education because you are fully aware of its privilege and that the more you invest in it, the more you could gain. So allow yourself to take breaks and procrastinate, because our first priority is not being a student, but being human. It's okay to be behind. But don't let anxiety convince you that you should stop learning because you won't achieve the grade you had initially promised yourself. Your only duty ever, as a learner, is to start learning. It doesn't matter what chapter you're on, or what page the girl next to you is reading. You're entirely responsible for your own learning. Make the most out of it.
