#leesh14

[leesh14]

[leesh14]

No one can't top over Beyonce's performance, I was sobbing thru it all.

[leesh14]

I made myself watch my film documentary. Next thing I know tears are flushing down my face. Can't you believe something that happened only months ago can make you this big ache in your chest. I feel like an elder looking back at their old days but the funny thing is I'm only 17 thank god

Enjoy your youth.

[leesh14]

Alli knows wats up

[leesh14]

My name is not Russian but thanks Dan

[leesh14]

I could literally have a great satisfying day then at night I start stressing out from the tiniest things and cry. 

[leesh14]

I was typing government until auto correct changed it to force enemy... touché my friend...touché

[leesh14]

I was casually editing my documentary in class until I received unread text messages from my friend

1:32pm “Look at Char and Alli’s tweets Leesh I’m literally terrified”

1:43pm “Leesh as soon as school ends watch the vlog you need to”

1:53pm “The vlog. Char explained everything. I’m unstable.”

My mind went in different directions. Did someone died? Is Charles ok? Alli? The dogs? All I had in my head were all these probabilities though the separation was something I never even thought of.

I quickly opened Youtube on my phone, and the first thing I see is a thumbnail of his face looking very upset with the title “We need to talk....” I felt so anxious while the video was loading, everything was a blur. After listening to Charles for the first 1 minute and then hearing him say about his separation with Alli traumatized me. I thought hey at least no one is physically hurt or anything but a separation? I kept thinking who’s going to be there for him through his struggle, the dogs, the vlogs, everything.

At that moment I bolted out the classroom, called my best friend and listened to her cry, cry and cry. We were so attached to their everyday lives it’s insane how we reacted to all this.

People think “Oh calm down everybody gets divorce, they’re just separating” but they don’t understand. I watched Charles propose, plan the wedding, buy and refine the house, watched their everyday adventures around the world, going through these health difficulties, they were like my family. I lived everyday vicariously watching their lives together. No one ever suspected this to even happen, ever. So finding all this out out of the blue breaks my heart.

I know I believe love is lived differently with everyone else; love is something that can last or cannot last but no matter how long you were with the person, the love was always there. But hearing this happen looses my faith because I depended on their lives, their love too much. I saw them so happy together I never even fathom that this could ever happen. And to happen out of a sudden just makes me lose faith in everything.

I love Charles and Alli with all my heart, I would support their decisions anyway. Always. No matter if they’re going their separate ways. I love you Charles & Alli<3

But really depresses me is that I’m currently working on a documentary that includes a clip of their wedding. How the hell will I be able to contain myself in class while I’m editing my film. After my scene. It’s so hard.