the last time i drove in England
I was completely fearless about driving on the left side of the road. Planning my first trip to England, I was all "Sure, I'll do the driving." I thought, "I'm a great driver, so this should totally be my role." There were four of us sharing the car, and everyone else was "Like, no way, not me".
Factors that were unhelpful:
• Assuming that a lifetime of experience driving on the right side, with skills so deep down in my muscle memory that the car and road and I are as one, would be applicable when all those muscles are transposed to the opposite side of the car and the road. On the contrary, it's like a good baseball hitter waking up to discover he's suddenly left-handed, and all he has are right-handed muscle memories. The champ can't even strike out gracefully, whereas a kid with no previous experience could figure it out.
• Not reading one thing about the rules of driving in England, like, ya know, the meaning of the different road signs. (I was busy.)
• Two days before, my own car was totaled in a collision, while my son and I were in it.
• Not sleeping for the previous 48 hours. (I was busy dealing with my totaled car, making alternate arrangements for our 250 mile drive to the airport, and packing.)
• Letting the rental car company upgrade us from the “compact car” we paid for to the very widest and shortest mini-van known to man (3 bucket seats across in front, an identical row behind).
• Allowing myself to drive any vehicle made by Fiat.
• Believing my friend when she said she's an awesome navigator.
• Guzzling caffeine well beyond the point at which it's pleasant. (I was sleepy.)
• "Warming up" to the whole left side experience by exiting the parking lot directly onto the M4 expressway at 113 km/h. "What are these meaningless signs on the entrance ramp?" (hint: It turns out, they mean something.)
• Having the stick shift knob come off in my hand, while in a roundabout.
• Roundabouts.
• My designated navigator not knowing where to go, while we circle around and around the roundabouts.
• Driving the widest mini-van in the world on medieval lanes which were designed for a small, slow ox cart. (Clearly, 1500 years ago when Saxon serfs cleared these tracks, oxen were much skinnier; and the 1500 year old hedges, growing where the left and right shoulder ought to be, were then saplings.)
• Having the Fiat's transmission completely fail while driving down one of these scenic bicycle paths.
• And don't even get me started about how English tow trucks function. (Proof that England does not have personal injury lawsuits.) A pair of oxen would be safer.
• No, I didn't do much better the next day, after a full English breakfast.
• English breakfast.
That was the last trip I drove on the left.
