Condensed Post on Corrin Tumblr User Cishetfoleo/ Cometlucifers/ Lellyphant
All the links going to different posts would no doubt make everything confusing so I figured this was necessary for easier navigation. Hey it’s easier on me! So here’s a bunch of links to every post written apropos of this toxic piece of shit
My callout post: [Here] [Archived Version]
Rocco’s callout post: [Here] [Archived Version]
Testimonials from other people: [Here] [Archived Version]
My warning post in case he remakes: [Here] [Archived Version]
My post addressing Corrin’s lies: [Here] [Archived Version] and [Here] [Archived Version]
Rocco’s post addressing Corrin’s lies: [Here] [Archived Version] and [Here] [Archived Version]
Any questions, feel free to ask! And if anyone reads all of this and thinks me and the 6 other people who have all come forward to point out how Corrin is toxic and bigoted are lying then please just leave. But let me know who you are first so I can block you in turn.
So I caught wind of some of Luca’s lies and I wanted to address them. I didn’t read his callout post because I knew it was a croc of shit and I already had enough things stressing me out. Plus I didn’t need any more of his lies raising my already high blood pressure. This is a quick and dirty post, I just wanted to say my piece on some of the things he’s said about me. And now that he’s gone I can publicly say these things without having to worry about him twisting them for his own agenda.
I actually touched on a couple of these things before in my callout post but there’s more. (There’s always more with this creep) There’s a chance I’ll update this when I remember more things. Regardless, here’s what I have so far.
Rocco touched on some of the lies Corrin told about them in their own post here and here.
1) I raped him.
I’m a fucking black csa survivor so ofc I go around raping white people in my spare time! Because of course I want to instill the very same nightmare-ish trauma in someone else that I have and will have for the rest of my life! Makes perfect sense!
Moreover, he sexually assaulted me which is something I talked about in my callout. I’m not giving this bullshit the time of day.
AND IN ADDITION, he asked me to continue fingering him and eating him out until he orgasmed. I asked how long he wanted me to pleasure him and he told me to continue what I was doing until he finished. Every single sexual act I performed on him I made sure to ask before (and sometimes during) if he wanted me to do it and if he liked it/was it okay. Every single thing I did he consented to.
I didn’t rape him and frankly I would never rape anyone. But of course, being a white person, he’s going to take advantage of every single horrible stereotype about black people and use it to make himself the victim.
2) I’m lying about/hiding behind my race and I’m only white.
The fact that this rumour is being spread shows how desperate Corrin is to defame me.
While I was dating Corrin I solely identified as Black. Now I say that I’m Mixed Race. I am mixed with Black, Indigenous and Asian blood. I don’t advertise that in my about because I am tired of dealing wit antiblackness.
I used to only ID as Black because of mixed feelings about actually being mixed race. I only really “look” black. Afaik, I don’t have any discernible NDN or Asian features that I can point to and say that I’m “truly” NDN or Asian. But the reality is that I am mixed. I just never felt “mixed enough” to identify as such.
The one thing that actually held me back from coming forward about being mixed is Corrin pretending to be NDN. He didn’t even know if he was actually NDN (and said that if he does have NDN blood it’s incredibly minimal) but still shoved his way into NDN and mixed spaces because he felt entitled to do so. He even outright tried to completely and utterly deny his whiteness which is incredibly racist and disrespectful. He was raised white, is white “passing” and will always be treated as a white person, if we run under the assumption that he does have NDN blood. There is no reason for him to EVER deny his whiteness
I felt that if I came forward about being mixed, especially while dating him, I would be seen as a huge fake. So I didn’t. But I did tell Corrin in private that I was also Asian and possibly NDN as well. And after he left I contacted a family member and had that confirmed.
I guess he wanted to take advantage of the fact that my paranoia prevents me from showing my face and thus proving that I’m not white. Joke’s on him, here’s a picture of my face (albeit partially covered up) so that you can see that I’m not a cracker. There is a sepia filter on the picture but it’s still obvious my skin’s pretty dark and NOT white.
3) I’m ableist and frequently used slurs against him.
This is sorta true and but Luca purposely left this accusation without context to make me out to be Horrible Ableist Monster™.
Luca has AsPD and NPD which would technically make him a ps*chop*th. He would frequently use this term in reference for himself and also use it as a catch all term to describe those with AsPD and NPD. He’s obviously allowed to use it in a reclamatory fashion but not towards others. That never stopped him but I guess it’s okay for some reason.
Now, I used the term to refer to him too. This is absolutely true. But, the thing is, he ALLOWED me to do this. He 100% allowed me to call him that term.
I would often ask him if it was okay to use the term in reference to him. And each and every time I asked, he would say he didn’t mind it and that it was okay. I didn’t call him a ps*ch*path out of malicious intent and tbh I didn’t do it often at all just to be safe. Regardless, I did make sure to ask if it was alright with him. I even did it publicly and he responded publicly in a positive manner and never expressed being bothered or triggered by me calling him that word. We would banter back and forth about him being a ps*ch*path and he seemed to enjoy it.
If it made him uncomfortable, then frankly, he shouldn’t have lied to me. Repeatedly. I’m not going to sit here and take being lied about because Corrin either 1) Never bothered to speak up despite being prompted to numerous times or 2) Just pulled being uncomfortable out of his ass to make me seem awful.
4) I encouraged him to kill his dogs.
This also is both true and false. Context is important here too.
Luca hates his two basset hounds. He finds them gross, smelly, annoying and bothersome to take care of. Both publicly and privately he has expressed hating them and wanting to kill them/wanting them to hurry up and die. Me “encouraging” him to kill his dogs was me agreeing that his dogs were awful and he should kill them.
Let me word this in a different way: He would tell me that he wanted to kill his dogs and I would essentially tell him to go ahead and do it. That’s it.
I already addressed how I felt pressured into being someone that I wasn’t while I was dating him, and that includes someone who would just go off and murder animals for no good reason. And I’m going to admit that I really hate dogs because of trauma from being attacked by dogs and other dog-related incidents that have scarred me to this day. Regardless of that, I wouldn’t purposely hurt a dog (unless out of self-defence) nor would I kill one.
I made it very clear on my current blog and my past one that I hate dogs. I’m not shy about that fact. But Luca calling me out for hating dogs is really insensitive and ableist (using my trauma to demonise me). Moreover is ignoring the context of the situation where I was in an abusive relationship and had to lie my way into being liked by him/lessening the emotional abuse I suffered.
5) His ex Rocco is abusive, antisemtic, anti-asian, and antiblack.
I’m including this point here because I’m part of the reason this rumour even started and I’m gonna put it to rest. I wrote the callout post that was the reason these stupid allegations even started.
A year ago, Felia and Rocco were dating. They broke up and the break up wasn’t pretty but it involved a three-way fight in between all of us that resulted in me and Felia cutting off Rocco. Afterwards, Felia continuing to slander Rocco for MONTHS ON END talking about how awful it apparently is.
Felia then got the idea to make a callout post against Rocco and asked (read: very strongly coerced) me to write it. For some reason he didn’t want the thing on his blog. The thing is, neither of us had an receipts and anything “incriminating” against Rocco was allegedly said in private and deleted. So Felia hunted down a bunch of screencaps that we could twist in his favour and slander Rocco with a callout post.
Before even making the post, I told Felia I didn’t want to use some of the screens we found because they were old (like going back to one of Rocco’s first blogs even) or even with things that it was justified in saying (For example: One of the screencaps in the post was with its alter Dottie arguing with someone and using ableist slurs. Corrin made me leave out the fact that Dottie was arguing with some anti-sj asshole and that Rocco actually apologised for its alters behaviour at a later date) But Felia told me to do it anyway because it would make Rocco look worse.
None of the accusations Corrin and I leveraged against Rocco are true. It was either a bunch of lies or things twisted in his/our favour in order to slander someone. Felia really doesn’t like it when people dislike him, regardless if he’s at fault or not. As a result he makes it his mission to slander the person to hell and back in order to “get back at them” for having the gall to dislike him. This is what he did with Rocco: It justifiably hated him so he got me to be his attack dog and hurt and slander it.
Apropos of antiblackness: I thought Rocco was antiblack because it used to use AAVE and (presumably) wasn’t black. Rocco thought it told me that it actually was black but it didn’t. It DID actually tell Felia though and Felia purposely didn’t tell me this information because he knew I would’ve dropped this issue and moved on. He indirectly facilitated the fight between the two of us and watched our friendship crash and burn for his own amusement
Apropos of anti-Semitism: This accusation was leveraged because at one point in time, Rocco spoke up on an issue related to Judaism that it shouldn’t have due to being gentile. The screencap we got for that accusation was months old at the time and Rocco actually apologised to that person for speaking out of bounds before we even made the callout
Apropos of anti-asian racism: This was related to one IDing with kins outside their race (specifically anime characters) Rocco is Asian so it had every right to. I didn’t know this but Luca did and, once again, withheld that information from me in order to slander Rocco further
Apropos of abuse: I’m gonna keep this short and straight up say that Luca abused Rocco. It detailed the experience here in it’s callout post.
6) I’m not actually poor and lied about needing donations.
LMAO NO.
So I used to have a donation page on my blog that I took down because I felt guilty after a while. I felt as if there were people who were more deserving of donations than me so I removed it. I’m still in a financial bind but I don’t think I’ll e-beg any time soon because I think I can handle it.
I think the reason he believes I’m lying about being poor is because I admitted to him that I actually did have a couple thousand dollars saved. But that amount was saved up over the course of about 2 years (And the first year was me being homeless so I didn’t have to pay rent every month) and I actually had to half that amount recently to pay off some school loans my parents thrust upon me without telling me (Literally the Board of Ed took my tax returns earlier this year and that’s how I found out I was in debt)
The donation page was for top surgery! And if by chance I reached my goal and beyond, I would’ve put the rest towards HRT. Top surgery is ~$8000+ so even if I didn’t need to pay off that loan I would still not be anywhere near my goal. And to be frank, if I didn’t need donations, don’t you think I would’ve gotten a mastectomy already? I still have my breasts and they aren’t coming off any time soon. If I truly didn’t need donations then I wouldn’t be a dysphoric mess every day.
7) I threatened and scared him.
And to add insult to injury, he didn’t call the police because he was afraid of what they’d do to me. Oh how noble~ (/sarcasm)
What he’s referring to is the night before he left where me and him got into a fight and I ended up yelling at him, I'm pretty sure. I didn't threaten him during this fight. The threatening happened prior from one of my alters (Tyran) when we were in a dissociative triggered state. And I took responsibility for this still, numerous times.
Anyway, yeah. We got into a fight later and it was during that fight when he decided to leave. He abused and manipulated me for months on end and I finally lashed out because I was fucking tired. And during this whole escapade, he was lowkey mocking me. Sneering at me and rolling his eyes. And getting annoyed with me when, despite everything he fucking put me through, I begged him to stay as to not go back to his abusive family.
I didn't threaten him. Nor did I scare him. He full on admitted he doesn't feel fear so how could I have possibly scared him if that's the case? I guess being black is fucking frightening to redfacing racist whites? He didn't call the police because he didn't care too. He wasn't afraid of me and he knew I wouldn't and couldn't do anything to him. He had no regard for my life or wellbeing back then (nor does he now obviously) and it's evident by how he fucking abused me while we were dating. He's a horrible, antiblack individual and is incredibly transparent
Warning Post for tumblr user Cishetfoleo/Lellyphant
This is another post about Felia, tumblr user cishetfoleo also known as Gracen (lellyphant). If you check his blog, he’s deactivated. However, after knowing him for quite some time, I can say with full confidence, that he’ll remake on tumblr (if he hasn’t already) and lie/obscure details about himself to keep himself from being found. But I’m not as stupid as he thinks.
Cishetfoleo is a dangerous and abusive person. There are posts detailing why [here] and [here]. He emotionally and sexually abused both of his exes and has shown himself to be antiblack, anti-asian, anti-native, antisemitic, ableist, xenophobic and, arguably, paedophilic. And every single thing he’s guilty of, he’s instead decided to accuse his exes of instead. So this post is just to give you details about him so you’ll be able to spot him and subsequently avoid him when he remakes.
Every single detail in this post are things he’s made public himself. It’s all compiled here for easy reading and easy identification. This doesn’t have to be reblogged, but if you notice someone who fits the below criteria, 1) LET ME KNOW and 2) Block and avoid him. He’s not someone you want to engage or even befriend.
Everything is under the cut:
Here are all his past URLs that I can recall in case you want to know who I’m talking about: cishetfoleo, cometlucifers, ranpokitan, syntheticfreak, tsisquaa, lucaiah, ocdyoite, ocdkaworu, nyctolovely, aspdlain, aspdkaworu, aspdhomura, nyoompuppy, prettyboyprivilege, marshmallowknight, lellybirb, pupfierce, lellyphant, transyoite, schizoidlain, psychotickaworu, cannibalsinner, cannibalgender, schizoidisms, pupfierce, schizoidferret, schizoidshion, aspddoll, aspdalcor, agenderalcor, xenofury, intersexizaya, ugeyudi, and roccoandrocaiocalloutblog.
He also had the URLs razorfucker and knifefucker hoarded to use later.
He had a couple sideblogs: prunusboy (fashion blog), perpetualphobia (sj blog), and candysugarguts (gore blog)
Here are other blogs he used to run: intersexcharacteroftheday (but it seems to be under new ownership), and [ask-an-antisocial] (Mod Pika)
He’s on archiveofourown under this username: [lellyphant]
He’s on fanfiction.net under the same username: [lellyphant]
Here’s his Skype username: stargender
Here’s his Line username: psychopathetic
Here are all the names he is/has used: Felia, Lucaiah, Corrin, Lovely, Nill, Henry, Rose, Ellie, Dove, and Gracen. He wants to legally change his name to Lucaiah Henry Grayson. He wanted to use Matthew as a middle name previously. And he may use the names of his fictionkins (Especially Foleo, Forrest or Alcor since he IDs with those the most)
Here are some of the names of his current and past system members: N, Wren, Cian, Zin/Zinnia, Echo, Min/Miranda, Xeno, Hale, Lark/Larkspur, and Rose. He likes to kill off or absorb alters who he deems useless so this list is always ever changing. Collectively they are the Error System.
Here is some of the media he likes:
Haikyuu!
Litchi Hikari Club
Love Live!
Show by Rock
Hibike! Euphonium Girls
Tokyo Ghoul
Tsuritama
Free!
Comet Lucifer
Hunter X Hunter
Gatahcaman Crowds
Durarara!!
Ace Attorney
Togainu no Chi
Bravely Default
Fire Emblem
Neon Genesis Evangelion
Dogs: Bullets and Carnage
Sailor Moon
Rampo Kitan: Game of Laplace
The World Ends With You
Persona (3, 4, and 5 I think. I’m not sure if he played 1 and 2)
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor 2
Loveless
Prunus Girl
Yuki Yuuna Is a Hero
No. 6
Nabari no Ou
Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Vocaloid (He has Vocaloid video games)
Pokemon (somewhat. He’s played a couple games)
Binan Koukou Chikyuu Bouei-bu Love
Psycho-Pass
Yuri!! on Ice
He’s shown Interest in Steven Universe but I’m not sure if he’s watched it yet.
He started to watch Kekkai Sensen but I’m not sure if he ever completed the series.
Here are some of his kins: Alcor (Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor 2), Shion (No. 6), Kyuubey (Puella Magi Madoka Magica), Nill (Dogs: Bullets and Carnage), Henry (Fire Emblem Awakening), Kaworu (Neon Genesis Evangelion-I think) and Foleo/Forrest (Fire Emblem: Fates). He also possibly IDs as Felia (Comet Lucifer).
He used to (and probably still secretly does) ID as Rei Ayanami (Neon Genesis Evangelion) and Ritsuka Aoyagi (Loveless) neither of which he should ID as given he’s white and not a csa survivor (wrt Ritsuka). And he may claim to be kin with either Rin or Kau from Togainu no Chi which he shouldn’t because he’s not a rape victim. (He’s lying about that after sexually violating both his exes)
I have a hunch he secretly IDs as Naoto Shirogane. (Persona 4)
ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. However he did use the old name OSFED--Otherwise Specified Food or Eating Disorder--when talking about it)
ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder)
CAPD (Central Auditory Processing Disorder)
OCD (Pure-O Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
AsPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder)
NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)
AvPD (Avoidant Personality Disorder)
SzPD (Schizoid Personality Disorder. He told me his psychiatrist believes this could develop into full blown schizophrenia. So he may claim to have that instead of SzPD)
(Possibly)BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder. His dead alter Wren had it and he suspects he may have it too)
Scoliosis
IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome)
PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome)
Possibly CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Me and him talked about it and he agreed it was a possibility.)
Hearing Loss
Heart Arrhythmia
Here are some other facts about him:
He’s physically 23 years old but age-slides between 10 and 17 (so he may claim to be a minor).
He’s from Florida.
His birthday is on September 11th (He’s a Virgo).
He lives with his abusive parents and younger brother.
He’s a college graduate from the University of West Florida (He has a Bachelor’s in something related to Writing) and is currently in grad school. He wants to be an archival scientist in the future.
He currently works at Arby’s.
Hearing loss runs in his family on his dad’s side.
He wants to convert to Islam in the future. He can’t pursue conversion now because of abusive Christian parents.
He’s a god that grants wishes (though he’s very bad at it)
He really likes ball-jointed dolls and pullips.
With respect to Persona 4, he HATES Yosuke, and seeing Naoto without a binder is incredibly triggering to him.
With respect to fictionkin, he doesn’t mind if others share his kins but he doesn’t like seeing “fakes” of his friends’ kins and will publicly shame and vague them even if they are minors.
He is VERY good at pretending to be nice and thus is quite charismatic. There will be an air of condescension when he talks though.
He’s white but claiming Cherokee heritage on his mom’s side. He may try and claim Seminole instead or in addition to being Cherokee. (NOTE: When he remakes, he may claim to be a white passing NDN instead of acknowledging that he’s mostly, if not, completely white.)
He’s intersex.
At the time of him deleting he used he and it pronouns.
He may use fleur/fleurs pronouns on account of him coining them.
He identifies as both Intergender and Trigender. (Male, Female and Agender) I’ve been told that he no longer IDs as male but considering his track record, he may just being lying about that to avoid being held accountable for being transmasculine/having male privilege. (NOTE: He may claim to be Two-Spirit instead.)
He’s aromantic (recipromantic specifically from what he told me) and grey-asexual.
He WILL DEFINITELY have a page stating not to follow him if you follow me, Rocco (who isn’t going by that name and remade), linguisdyke, and trashslut. He’ll probably add vulcanscienceofficer and hooguro to that page too.
He blacklists sex/nsfw, paganism, and Christianity.
He will bar those who like Wadanohara, those who participate in the Cg/l lifestyle and those who are Christians from following him
He will lie about being a rape victim.
He will lie about being a child sexual assault victim (he tried to convince me and Rocco that he was a csa victim but gave up on that for some reason).
He LOVES gore and may have a sideblog dedicated to this.
He’s very interested in fashion and fancies mostly pastel things and lolita style clothing. He also likes to crossdress.
His favourite colour is purple and he hates the colour chartreuse.
He HATES dogs but owns two basset hounds. (the previous host of the system loves dogs)
He will probably talk about wanting to abuse or mutilate animals.
He loves cats, ferrets and elephants.
He’s owned 3 cats in the past. (Pearl, Ollie and another one I can’t remember the name of that he lost like 2 hours after bringing home)
And I need to make this explicitly clear:
HE WILL LIE ABOUT BEING A RAPE VICTIM DESPITE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF BOTH OF HIS EXES SEXUALLY
Here’s some info about his current living alters (Note: He may let one of them create a blog and talk to people through it privately):
His alter, N, is 24, is a nonbinary woman, uses she/hers pronouns, is a lesbian, and is quite vain and thinks women to be better than non-women. She also struggles with the idea of if she’s real or not and is incredibly skittish and nervous because Felia forces her to front around their abusive father all the time. She cofronts a lot with Felia a lot and is one of the few alters he deems useful and thus won’t kill off or absorb for now. Honestly he’s really abusive to her. Also she used to have a blog @cogita-ergo-sum or something like that.
His alter Lark is very lazy (too lazy to front even), loves children (he’s gotten Felia babysitting money this way), hates orange juice, and also uses she/hers pronouns.
His alter Miranda is a little (around 6 or 7 iirc), is nonverbal/selectively mute, uses she/hers pronouns and likes to colour.
His alter Xeno is a prophet, uses it/its pronouns, (It may have changed it’s name to something more feminine like Gabriella and use she/her pronouns), wants to kill Felia, has referred to him as “Son of Cian”, and regularly aggravates and triggers Felia with its prophetic/religious actions.
His alter Zin is just an asshole that he hates. And they may also go by Foxglove.
Hale likes knives, has violent urges, wants to mutilate animals and likes inappropriate URLS. So they’re basically Cian 2.0.
NOTE: It is possible that he will have his alters pretend he died off within the system to avoid accountability. He’s too stuck up to die off, so don’t fall for it.
Here’s some info about his deceased alters in case they ever come back (Note: If they do come back, he may let them make blogs and speak to his friends privately through those):
Wren was a aromantic/homosexual boy 15 year old boy. He’s dogkin, very excitable but also quick to anger and confrontation. He had BPD and often starts fights a lot with strangers that N or Luca had to do quality control with after. He also had his own blog under the URL @pupfierce when Felia was @lellyphant. After he remade Luca used the URL for himself for a bit.
Echo was just really annoying and hyper. She was “born” after several friends cut contact with Luca after realising how awful he is. She really annoyed Luca and had a crush on Wren which wasn’t requited.
Cian was just awful. It only really fronted very late at night/early morning and would antagonise Luca’s friends and followers, make triggering posts using slurs, and generally be a nasty individual. It would also torment the alters in their headspace and it’s favourite activity was yelling slurs at Luca to see him cringe. It absorbed parts of Wren when he died and mellowed out but was still nasty enough to work together with Luca and make plans how to con and hurt people weirdly enough. It was recently killed by Xeno
Rose liked to pretend to be Luca (to the point where she used his name and pronouns at one point) in order to get attention but she was really bad at it. She did not care at all whatsoever about anyone and was incredibly impulsive and had a severe case of schadenfreude. She started to slowly die off and then Luca finally absorbed her becoming the heartless abusive bastard he is today.
He also used to have an alter name Ben when he was younger but I know nothing about him. He may talk about Ben every once in a while though.
And last but not least, [here’s] a couple pictures of him. I took them out of this post because it was triggering to see his face with every new edit, honestly.
I’m writing this as an explanation post. Felia/Luca (Lucaiah) aka, tumblr user cishetfoleo (aka Gracen lellyphant) is my abuser.
EDIT 10/15/15: I added some details about him lying about his race. They’re added at the end of the post.
EDIT 10/23/15: He’s now deleted but I know for a fact he will remake. [Here’s a post talking about him] and what to look out for, for when he does.
EDIT 11/19/15: I forgot to mention this earlier. I did not read Felia’s callout post (simply because I didn’t want to give him the time of day) but I have had people tell me a few ridiculous accusations in it that I feel I need to address. They’ll be addressed in [this post]
EDIT 6/23/16: I should’ve posted this earlier but Rocco has made a couple posts addressing Corrin’s lies about it [here] and [here]. Also I did a bit of trimming to the introduction of this post
EDIT 10/19/16: I decided to put testimonials from other users in an easy to access post [right here]
EDIT 6/17/17: I simply updated the intro line and added a title. This isn’t much in the ways of a callout post but really an explanation as to what actually happened and why things between me and Corrin ended up the way they did.
If you’re unfamiliar with him, here’s the past few URLS he used:
He also ran the blog intersexcharacteroftheday (but it seems to be under new ownership) and was Mod Pika for ask-an-antisocial.
He changes his name often and past/current names include: Felia, Lucaiah, Corrin, Lovely, Nill, Henry, Rose, Ellie, Dove, and Gracen.
Here’s a post that goes into more detail about him and past aliases: [Right this way]
And finally, another link to another callout made by another of his victims: [Here]
Luca has abused me sexually, mentally and emotionally. He’s extremely manipulative, racist and ableist and frequently uses my disabilities and trauma and how it intersects with my race in order to demonise me. He is not someone to be trusted and I would suggest avoiding him at all costs.
This post is really long, but I’d appreciate it being reblogged to get the word out about him. I don’t care what he or any of his friends have to say about this. I don’t want to even interact with him anymore. When we broke up, he said he wanted to forget I existed but he insists on beating a dead horse which is why I’m typing this out. I wish he’d hurry up and forget so I and my friends can move on with our lives.
I’m going to be honest and say that I don’t have screenshots. A lot of what I’m talking about in this post happened/was said while we were together in real life so I can’t have screenshots for it. So it’s a he-said/it-said situation and I’m gonna ask people to actually try and read what I have to say before saying I’m demonising my ex or something.
TL;DR: Felia/Luca is sexually abusive (taking away my ability to properly consent to sexual activity), emotionally abusive (consistently put me into situations where I felt uncomfortable and kept me in a relationship I didn't want to be in), racist and ableist. (uses my mental illnesses against me and how they intersect with my race) All of this is expanded upon below the cut.
Me and Luca dated from December 26, 2014 to July 1st, 2015. We lived together from June 3rd 2015 to July 2nd 2015. That entire month was absolutely horrible for me, but I faked being happy and put up with Luca because I felt responsible for him. At that point, I wasn’t even sure if I loved him anymore, but he was with me irl so I had to take responsibility and help him make a life for himself away from his parents.
Honestly, some parts of the relationship were good. But most of the time, I was unhappy and self-loathing and VERY suicidal. I had gotten over a grande majority of my suicidal ideation before dating him but it all came back a few months into the relationship. There was little to no love present. I knew for a fact he didn’t really care about me and that most affection was counterfeit. He couldn’t feel love and really only wanted to date me for attention an praise. Hell, even a few days before he left me he went on tumblr asking people to date him. I’m polyamorous so I don’t mind my partners dating others, but he never discussed this with me prior (communication is super important especially in polyam relationships) and made it very evident that he was doing this because he was getting bored of me and was considering leaving me.
He just used me for his own self-aggrandisement and to inflate his ego and even admitted this to me after I was having a breakdown and admitted to him that I felt like nothing but a slave to him. I had to lie afterwards and assure him the feeling went away but it didn’t. The biggest reason why I let him move in with me was out of fear and obligation because I still felt like his personal slave. I had never felt so fucking horrid being with someone, that I had him. He literally loved his dead cat more than he loved me and didn’t seem to care that I was aware of that fact.
One night, while together, we had engaged in sexual stuff. I don’t really want to call it outright sex personally, only because we only really gave oral to each other. Nothing more than that. I was just kissing him a lot on his cheeks and then he took his clothes off. Then I asked and he gave consent to doing sexual stuff with me. And since I asked, obviously I consented too. But there was something about this I didn’t consent to and that was going anywhere near a rancid, shit-filled, genitalia
(Honestly, I didn't really want to do anything sexual with him, I just felt I had to. He discards anyone who doesn't give him attention enough to his liking and has expressed desire for me to do sexual things to him before. Like I said before, I felt responsible for him at this point (any love I had for him was slowly ebbing away) and NEEDED to do anything to give him attention. Even things outside my comfort zone. I was nothing but a slave to him.)
I have to give some back story on this: Luca has horrendous hygiene. It was so bad that my landlord and several tenants had complained about him to me. It was extremely embarrassing to be held responsible for someone as disgusting as he was. My landlord was very close to actually kicking him out (or the both of us actually) because of how bad he was. One of the more extreme examples was that Luca somehow got his feces on the floor in front of the toilet, stepped in it and trailed it to our shared room. This is actually how our landlord found out it was him consistently making the bathroom and kitchen a mess. He led them right to us and left me to clean it up (LITERALLY)
So, going back to the story: I went down on him. It was quick and an awful experience for me. In between his legs smelt like dead fish (this actually isn’t an exaggeration in the slightest) and there was actual small pieces of feces in there that I obviously ended up ingesting. It wan an awful experience and I wanted desperately to stop so I ended up asking how long he wanted me to keep going for. Luca said he wanted me to keep going down on him until he came, but that was obviously something I didn’t want to do. So I ended up pretending that my jaw was hurting too much so I could stop. Luca got up later to go get something to eat and I ran to the bathroom because I ended up vomiting from how physically ill I got from the ordeal.
After we broke up and I was venting about this ordeal to a friend and they actually told me they were surprised I even agreed to go anywhere near Luca’s genitalia because of him most likely having an infection down there. This friend showed me a read more post from Luca (that I never saw. I most likely never saw it because I may have been at work when he made it) where he said that his genitalia has been burning and itching for quite a few days. That (along with a putrid smell) is clear indication that he probably has an infection of some sort (probably caused from the feces and general hygiene issues).
I NEVER gave consent to do anything sexual with a racid-smelling vagina.
I NEVER gave consent to doing anything sexual with a vagina that was filled with feces.
I NEVER gave consent to do anything sexual with a vagina that was fucking DISEASED.
I got physically ill and vomited from that ordeal there is NOTHING about that experience that I would have EVER consented to. Luca, in no way, disclosed to me everything that he should have about what was going on between his legs. He made it impossible for me to consent properly to it. I was already sex-repulsed as is, but that experience made it even worse (and triggered some other things I really don’t feel comfortable getting into).
He took away my ability to consent to sexual activity. He’s a sexual abuser. He’s MY sexual abuser. And it took me so long to come to terms with this. Now that I have I’m going to say this as clear as I can:
LUCAIAH HENRY GRAYSON TOOK AWAY MY ABILITY TO CONSENT TO SEXUAL ACTIVITY. HE IS MY SEXUAL ABUSER. HE IS MY RAPIST.
Before deleting, Luca made a post saying that I, a csa survivor and HIS victim, wanted to rape someone, an ex of mine who he claims is a rape victim. THAT IS A BLATANT LIE. I am a sex-repulsed csa survivor. I would NEVER even dream of putting someone through that type of trauma again. Moreover, that ex is not a rape victim. He was never a victim of any sexual assault, as far as I know.
Luca is not a csa survivor or a rape victim, so for him to use the narrative of rape/csa victims like this is absolutely disgusting. Moreover, I’m black, and just saying something like this is perpetuating the antiblack myth of all black people being rapists/sexual assailants. He is making me out be a future rapist and using my skin colour to make it seem more believable. Because I’m black, I’m already at risk of being profiled as being a rapist, or potential rapist, and thus at serious danger of police brutality as a result. For him, a non-csa or rape survivor, to make a mockery of my trauma, weaponise my race against me in such a manner and to put me at more risk of police brutality by spreading that bullshit is fucking disgusting.
The most confusing thing about the rape accusation is the fact that if it was true, he could have just screenshot the message I allegedly sent and made a callout post that would have completely RUINED me. But he didn’t for some reason? Like, just entertaining the possibility of it being true, there was nothing to prevent him from publicising that message. Fear couldn’t have been a factor simply because he’s white and could EASILY run a smear campaign against me and have 90% of tumblr believe him (like he no doubt is now). So either he approved of the message I supposedly sent (and thus is a rape apologist), or he’s lying about me telling him I wanted to rape someone in order to slander me (and thus is an antiblack piece of shit).
Luca also made a post saying that my mental illnesses can make me abusive. And fuck it, he's right! I do have the potential to be abusive but no more than any other person, neurodivergent status be damned. But 1) He has just as much potential to be as abusive as anyone else and 2) Linking abusive behaviour at to one's mental illness is 100% ableist and doing it to a black person with schizophrenia, (i.e., me) is even worse. The reason schizophrenia and other psychotic illnesses have such a stigma attached to them is BECAUSE they are associated with black people. Specifically, black people who were fighting for their rights during the Civil Rights movement. For him to say that I’m abusive because I’m schizophrenic and no doubt taking into account my blackness is antiblack, ableist, and reprehensible.
He’s been bigoted towards all his exes actually!!! Two of us are TPoC (me and his ex named Rocco) and one is a trans woman (named Artemis) He’s made fun of all of our appearances, which being a white AFAB person is absolutely 100% racist and transmisogynistic. He’s mocked the way Rocco speaks and since English is it’s second language that a huge racist, ableist and xenophobic microaggression. He’s made fun of our writing and, once again, considering Rocco speaks English as a second language and I’m developmentally disabled (I’m unsure about Artemis), this also comes off as racist and ableist. He’s misgendered Rocco and Artemis in private to me and I have no doubt that he’s misgendering me as well and I don’t have to explain why that’s transphobic and transmisogynistic. He told me in EXCRUCIATING detail how he’d like to maim and kill his exes and I’m sure that now extends to me too (once again, considering his race and ASAB that’s super fucking gross).
He also made a point to tell me that he always made an effort to not lie to any of his partners but then he’d tell me numerous lies he told, or planned to tell, Artemis and Rocco including proposing to Rocco just to get attention and disregarding the fact that it’s BPD leaves it spoonless often and not always available to give him the attention he wants.
He’s going to deny his abuse. He always has and always will. He is hellbent on convincing others that he is the hapless victim when he is more than capable of hurting others. With respect to me (and I’m pretty sure wrt Rocco as well) his abuse was also race-related, whether he realises it or not. As a white person, he was raised in a racist society that caters to his whiteness and that racism is inherit within him. For him to deny his abuse is also to deny his racism. As a white person, he is not in any place to do that.
I am not a future rapist. I am human and am capable of making mistakes and even being abusive. I asked Luca on more than one occasion, before he left, for him to tell me what I did wrong exactly so I can apologise. Instead he brushed me off and went on a several-month-long smear campaign against me. He gaslit me up until the day he left, made fun of me to my face and on his blog numerous times, fucking rolled his eyes at me while I'm on my knees begging, smirked at me while I was damn near tears and treated me overall like shit for 6 months neverending. And he has the audacity to accuse me of being abusive. He’s went off to accuse me of stalking (he has a IP tracker on his blog! If I’m stalking him show proof!), lying, abuse, harassment, and a slew of other crap that I don’t even know of!! I made several sacrifices and let that fucker LIVE WITH ME OUT OF FEAR. Fear that was exacerbated by his presence irl so close to me and escalated into fearing for my safety. Why would I even think of doing ANYTHING to him?
He broke up with me. I want to move on and I am slowly. But every once in a while I get people coming to me and telling me that Luca is saying x, y, and z about me and I’m baffled because he said he wanted to forget I existed!!! And he isn’t!!! I know’s he capable of doxxing me (I have a screenshot of him publicising the city I live in so I know he has no reservations of doing so. I have no reservations on protecting myself by any means necessary so I moved out of the house we were living in and quit my job so there’s nothing he could possibly do to hurt me. HOPEFULLY.
So here, I’m coming forward with only a small part of the abuse that he inflicted on me while we were dating. Right now, I’m considering saving up money in order to start seeing a psychiatrist about the whole ordeal because it just has me all types of fucked up. I have nightmares and flashbacks and I’m just terrified of seeing his face ever again because of the whole ordeal. He manipulated me, frequently used my mental illnesses against me, gaslit me, and made me feel horrid on numerous occasions because of my race.
There is no reason why my black ass needed to feel like I was only dating him and loving him to be his fucking slave. NONE WHATSOEVER.
Dating him was one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made. I once told a friend that all he had to do was take a belt and start whipping me and he’d be EXACTLY like my abusive subhuman creature of a mother. And I still firmly believe that today. I know they’d get along well too.
UPDATE 10/15/15: I’ve been updating this callout every once in a while but that was really just to add a URL or name change if anything. But now I have something to add that I have neglected to do so initially. In short: Luca is lying about and/or exaggerating his Native heritage.
And here’s the long explanation for that: Luca has been recently claiming that he is Cherokee and even going so far to completely deny that he is white. He is definitely white and his Native heritage is either not there at all, or incredibly minimal. Luca has said this (both publicly and privately) that whatever Native heritage he has, it’s from his mother’s side of the family but his mother is being vague about it. However, he expanded on that to me personally.
Like I said, Luca’s mother is incredibly vague about being Native and most times denies being anything but white. He’s has claimed to be Seminole as well, but for some reason, dropped that. He said that he does know that IF he has any Native blood it’s pretty minimal. He also tried to cover his ass and say that most Natives these days are heavily mixed with white (There was no way he didn’t grasp the racist connotations behind saying that) and look white anyway. And as a Black NDN that REALLY offended me.
Frankly, even if one doesn’t know their BQ, as long as they’re respectful about claiming their Native side, I don’t really care. But considering how many whites desperately grasp for ANY hint of non-whiteness they can find so escape their white privilege and insert themselves into spaces meant for PoC, I am very scrutinising towards whites who claim to some minimal amount of NDN like 1/16th or less Cherokee from a great great grandmother twice removed or be reincarnated Cherokee princesses. It’s always just some bullshit they employ because they want to get away with being racist. Luca was my friend and partner at the time so I figured I could trust him to handle this with grace.
He didn’t. He absolutely 100% did not in any way whatsoever and made dating him SO much more difficult.
Citrusdeity mentioned this before in jam’s testimony about Luca: While living together, I gave Luca the option to get involved with Native events going on here. There are powwows, Native artisans selling crafts and other events and organisations that we could have attended. And powwows are open to all races (but only Native Americans can participate in the ceremonial dances and such) Every time I asked him if he wanted to attend or get involved with ANYTHING Native related he was dismissive and completely and utterly disinterested. But was very fond of giving me stories about how he hated “being denied” his Native heritage. I was giving him opportunities to experience SOMETHING related to being Native and he dismissed every single opportunity.
He was “learning” Cherokee but really was simply learning random vocabulary words and putting no effort into actually learning the language as a whole. But he very quickly took up the opportunity to look up books to learn how to curse in Cherokee (the #1 sign that someone is just fetishizing a language: learning profanity so they can be quirky and pepper their English with butchered curse words). He claims to be speaking “at a beginner’s level” but inserting random Tsalagi words into English sentences where they don’t make any grammatical sense is anything BUT speaking at a beginner’s level. It’s fetishistic. An actual Cherokee person, Citruseity, (who is connected to his culture mind you) called him out on this twice and he completely ignored it. Jam is also black so it really goes to sow how much he hates and disregards black people.
Once he started to identify as Cherokee he almost immediately went on tirades against white people “destroying (his) culture and raping (his) ancestors” while completely ignoring the fact that he’s white and may not even be NDN. He would make jokes about white people (sometimes ones that originated in black communities which REALLY grossed me out) as if his possible minimal Native heritage exempt him from being criticised for being fucking racist. He would complain that all whites look the same even though he’s just as generic looking as any other white person out there. (blonde hair, blue eyes, chubby baby face, pale and sickly as a ghost.)
He was raised white, and treated as a white person hitherto and will be treated as nothing but a cracker henceforth. He knows full well that how he was/is being raised effects his perceptions of PoC and needed to always take that shit into account when inserting himself into spaces specifically meant for us. He completely disregarded that and just crashed the party when he shoulda knocked on the door and be invited in.
It was just so suspicious that he went out of his way to avoid anything and everything to do with Native culture irl, but online made it his mission to use his possible minimal Native blood to speak on things he really should keep quiet on. He was using his possible minimal Cherokee blood to distance himself from his white privilege--as if being non-white is something that can be employed for one’s uses and then taken off the next day. He has made posts in the past and current day that if he’s abusing his Cherokee heritage to call him out. Me and my alter Faolan did on more than one occasion and he responded with threatening to kill himself and then publicly blame me for his death. Citrusdeity called him out and he completely ignored jam. It was just a manipulative silencing tactic to avoid accountability.
TL;DR: Basically, he’s one of those Generokee Pretendians. And by any off chance he isn’t, he sure as hell acts like one.
To celebrate such a day, I will be posting many a pic of cute elephants. If you don’t wish to see these magnificent beings, blacklist “lellyphant” and or “elephant appreciation day”. Alternatively, if you wish to submit pictures of elephants, please do. I don’t care if it’s a doodled elephant on a napkin, I will love it so much.
@lellyphant said: i felt like this at work a lot too--turns out it was my anxiety disorder, aggravated by caffeine ooh yeah that feeling sucks but I know it definitely wasn't that bc anxiety doesn't manifest (completely) like that for me it's more tremors and chest pain and stomach issues in terms of physical symptoms (especially when I've had caffeine don't ever let me have coffee) and that feeling was completely different -_-
