Most of the psychological reasons to decide why you have an idol is to see yourself in that person, a strong representation where you feel like you have a best friend who can live far away, but never absent. My thing with John Lennon was different: I wanted to see myself in him, something I had to fight to build within myself. John is complicated; it hurts when he wants affection, runs away when he wants to stay, asks for silence when he wants help, smiles when he wants to cry. It is a complex at the same time as it is real. It has barriers that are difficult to see over, with just a few awkward holes where you have to pay attention to see. There are some sharp wires that, close by, you can see are made of pillows and the rough colored mortar has some hearts painted black. To get to know him, you have to put in a little effort. I got to know him and that made me know myself. His human sincerity taught me to be equal, to accept that I'm not perfect and that I must not only understand that but be clear about it. I've always had trouble realizing that I shouldn't try to get it right all the time, as well as assuming that maybe that or that wasn't right and that I can improve, but he taught me that, made me see myself in him to be more human. No false perfection, lying hypocrisies, fallacies to sound superior. Me being just me, as he was just him. John being talented was one more detail. His art was revolutionary in its own way and he was trying to break out of the sameness - another thing I've learned to accept that I like - which makes him even bigger. He wouldn't accept being the same person and artist for more than a week, adding to his genius. As a whole, he is really different.
John Winston Lennon, the "not angel but still angel", the little baby, the man you can hate or love but never ignore, the man who is still misjudged where he just needed understanding, the idol who made me mature and who makes me proud to be your fan. I could spend days talking about you, for you, but I boiled down to saying one of the reasons I love you, receiving love is your greatest birthday gift. I hope you have a great birthday up there, you deserve everything even outside our current plan. You are different and therefore you are eternal.