Keep Going
Pairing: Leo x GN!Reader
Slight Hurt/Comfort, but mostly some emotional fluff!
Summary: After an especially trying mission, you try to comfort Leo in an unexpected way: singing.
Warnings: Self-deprecating comments
Word Count: 2.9k
A/N: Hi again! Thank you all so much for all the love on my first fic! I truly didn’t think it would receive any traction, but you guys blew me away! I’ve actually been working on this fic for quite some time now. I just couldn’t seem to get the emotions the way I want them. I’m pretty sure I’ve rewritten different parts of it at least a dozen times now, but I think it’s time to just let it go. This is a topic that’s quite special and personal to me, and I can only hope it resonates with someone else.
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For a bunch of ninjas, your turtle friends sure were loud.
You could hear the boys’ playful banter and recounting of the night’s events echo through the sewer tunnels from your place on the Lair’s main couch. At this point, you were pretty used to waiting for your friends as they headed into the night on a mission or just patrol. Sure, some nights you would join them, putting your kickboxing and archery skills to good use. But for the most part, you decided to leave the crime fighting to the turtles in favor of some peace and quiet back at the Lair. Tonight was one of those nights.
As you heard the laughter and footsteps thump closer, you sat up on the couch and simply listened. The first few times the boys had gone out and left you behind, you could not calm the anxiety racing through your body. What if their communicators broke and they couldn’t contact you? What if something happened and you weren’t there to help? That anxiety only amplified when you started your relationship with Leo. What if he needed you and you weren’t there? At the end of the night, when they inevitably made their way home, as they always, always, did, you nearly pounced on them, checking them over for any injuries and constantly asking if everyone was all right.
Now, after a little over a year of the same routine, you were much more practiced. It was as if you had gone through your own training, learning all the little signs that could signify the difference between an emergency and a victory. You again listened closely to the voices getting steadily louder, a soft smile playing across your lips. There were no sounds of labored breathing, no panicked voices or hurried footsteps. Just the boys taunting and teasing each other as they finally made their way into the Lair’s main living room.
Still, old habits die hard. From your spot on the couch, you looked over each turtle intensely, trying to scope out any injuries or strain, but thankfully found none. Your eyes landed on Leo last, who was lightheartedly shoving Donnie for some comment he had made about a portal from the night’s escapade. Leo laughed and made some jab right back at his brother, but his shoulders seemed more tense than usual. You followed the movement, a tinge of concern niggling it’s way to the back of your mind. As if feeling your eyes on him, Leo turned to face you, a smile alighting his features.
“Don’t worry, the wait is over! Your heroes have arrived!” Leo said with a flourish, making a grand gesture towards himself and his brothers, who laughed and rolled their eyes before giving you their own greetings.
You laughed at the display and the brothers’ lighthearted annoyance before piling on. “There’s my knight is shining plastron!”
“Oh baby you know I’m more of a prince,” Leo said, confidence oozing from his voice. “You just can’t hide this face under a helmet. Gotta give the people what they want!” He struck a pose, finger and thumb framing his apparently princely face as he smirked down at you. His brothers groaned in protest before choosing to ignore you both in favor of heading down the hall to the kitchen, following the smell of the pizza you had brought with you about an hour ago.
Even with the blithe reply, that tinge of concern in the back of your mind alighted again. You could tell something was off. The smirk may be trademark Leo, but the light didn’t quite reach his eyes. You cocked your head slightly, your own smile just barley slipping as you once again raked your eyes over his frame, looking for any potential injuries you could’ve missed the first time. But you still came up empty handed.
Leo noticed your gaze travel over him. “Like what you see?” he purred, hand going to his hip as he raised an eyebrow.
Your eyes shot up to meet his. Of course he could turn your routine concern into an innuendo. You felt warmth reaching your cheeks, but you refused to acknowledge it, deciding instead to beat him at his own game. “Hmmm, I haven’t decided yet. Do a little turn, I need to see all the angles.”
He laughed and did as you requested, gracefully making a small circle as he held his hands up, presenting himself. You leaned back on your hands as your feigned appraising him. However, you couldn’t help but take the chance to quickly run your eyes over his shell, noting no cracks or blemishes. The back of his head and his muscled legs yielded the same result. Not a physical injury then. “Well?” He was facing you now, an expectant look gracing his features. “Do I meet your expectations?”
You sighed dramatically, flipping a hand dismissively at him, “I suppose you will do.”
His laugh rang out again as he sauntered over to your place on the couch, lightly flicking your nose in response. “Oh how gracious of you mi amor.”
“What can I say? I know what I like,” you replied playfully, leaning forward to place a quick kiss against his lips. A softer smile spread across his lips as he followed your retreating form, lightly nuzzling your nose with his before stepping back.
You blinked at the sudden retreat, very much expecting another kiss at the very least. Instead, he took off his gear and laid it haphazardly on a random beanbag chair. You could almost see the playful energy dwindle out of him as he flopped next to you on the couch, head lolling onto your shoulder as a huff of air escaped him.
The slight concern turned into a full-on warning bell in your mind. Snuggling after a mission was nothing new, Leo’s main love language was touch after all, but it usually didn’t happen as soon as he walked through the door. Normally he would be too wired to sit still, practically bounce around the room as he regaled you with his heroics of the evening (always exaggerated just enough to make him out to be the true hero of the mission of course) and scarfed down enough pizza or take out to make any normal human sick.
You decided you’d had enough beating around the bush. “All right Champion, what’s eating at ya?”
“Who says anything’s ‘eating at me’? Can’t I just cuddle up with my partner after a long mission?”
“Come on Leo, I know you better than that,” you replied softly, nudging him gently with the shoulder he was resting on.
He sighed, “Sometimes I think you see me a little too well.”
“You said it yourself, you just can’t hide such a beautiful face.”
He snorted at the remark and then fell silent. You reached over and grabbed his nearest hand, intertwining your fingers. The two of you stayed like that for a few minutes, you waiting patiently and rubbing soothing circles on the back of his hand as he sorted his thoughts. It was always this way with Leo. For someone who seemed to hide behind words, he always chose them carefully, especially with you.
“Tonight was just...hard.” He finally said softly.
“Hard how?”
Another sigh escaped him as he kept his eyes trained on where your hand held his. “Things didn’t go the way they were supposed to. The plan was to take out some Foot faces before they did something stupid, simple as that. But by the time we smashed into that warehouse, we were surrounded. It was an ambush, a trap. And I didn’t see it coming.” He took a second to huff out a frustrated breath, and you waited, not wanting to interrupt.
“It wasn’t like it was anything we couldn’t handle, I mean the Foot clan hasn’t exactly upped their recruitment policies. But I was so caught off guard. I’m the leader, I’m supposed to know what’s going on and how to handle it, but I didn’t. I led my team, my brothers, into a literal trap. And it could’ve been so much worse. Hell, it almost ways. I was so preoccupied with trying to make sense of everything that I couldn’t even make a portal properly!” He flung the hand not holding yours up in frustration. “If it wasn’t for Donnie’s tech, I would’ve been knocked out cold. What kind of leader does that?! What kind of leader can’t figure out a situation or manage to hold his own?” He leaned his head into your shoulder more, dragged down by his own guilt.
Your heart tightened at the confession. Ever since being named leader, and especially after the Kraang incident, Leo had been impossibly tough on himself. You’d lost track of the number of times he had chosen extra training over coming to bed. How many strategy textbooks and medical journals he had read and reread between training and patrol and family time. He put in so much of himself to be the best leader, the best brother, he could be. And yet, in moments like these, he couldn’t seem to see that.
As much as you wanted to bring all of this up, you knew from experience that it wouldn’t assuage the guilt tightening his expression. So instead, you said, “A leader’s job isn’t to know everything. There are times where you’re simply going to be surprised, whether it be for better or worse. I bet even Raph couldn’t avoid that when he was leader.” You received a small huff at that. “What’s important is what happens after.”
“Yeah, and I froze. I messed up.”
“What happened,” you pressed on, “is your team worked together to solve the situation. No one expects you to know everything that’s going to happen or to fight it all on your own. You may have frozen, but your team was right there to have your back, just like you would have theirs if the roles were reversed. It’s not all on you.”
He mulled over your response before sighing. “I just thought after everything we went through, everything I went through, I would have this figured out by now.”
“I don’t think there really is a way to figure it all out. You just need to trust your brothers as much as they trust you. Leader or not, you’re not alone.” Leo hummed in reply, seemingly deep in thought at your words.
You pulled your eyes away from their focus on your joined hands and glanced at him sideways. You could tell the night and conversation were taking their toll from the way his forehead was creased and his drooped, exhaustion clearly pulling on his features.
After a minute, you carefully leaned away from him and gently nudged his head off your shoulder, causing him to look at you, an eyebrow raised. Rather than respond to the question in his eyes, you shifted so that you laid on your back across your half of the cushions, your shoulders and upper body supported by the arm of the couch. You looked at where Leo still sat upright, now caught between your legs, and smiled as you opened your arms invitingly.
“Come on, don’t leave me hanging!” you said playfully, yet softly, mindful of everything running through his head. Still, he could use some lightness right now.
He returned the smile and gladly made to lay on top of you, his plastron fitting snuggly against your stomach and his head nestled on your chest. He wrapped his arms around your torso and sunk in, nuzzling his face further into you. Still smiling, you placed one hand on his shell as the other came up to rub against the back of his head.
Leo sighed contently at the motion, somehow pulling you even closer. Looking down, you felt your heart both melt and tighten at his response. He carried so much responsibility on his shoulders: his brothers, his father, you, hell even the fate of the world on occasion. It was such a heavy burden to lift, even with the mutated muscles and shell on his back. You wanted nothing more than to take that weight, to give him a reprieve if only for a little bit. To show him just how important he was, leader or no. Lost in these thoughts, you closed your eyes and lightly dragged your nails across his skin and shell, receiving a pleasant shiver in return.
Then you started singing.
The lilting melody began softly, as if hesitant to break the comfortable silence the two of you had created. The notes gradually floated from you in an almost whispered caress. You couldn’t help the small smile that tugged on your lips as they formed around the familiar lyrics you’d sung so many times before. Only a few bars in, you felt Leo stir from his position on top of you. You abruptly halted your song, eyes flying open as you tensed.
It hadn’t been a conscious decision really. You often sang to yourself when you wanted comfort, always feeling calm and centered when the music surrounded you. It seemed only natural to want to bring that same comfort now, to wrap the two of you softly in your voice.
But maybe that was selfish of you to think. Your mind flashed to other times you had found yourself singing around others, their smiles and compliments masking the annoyance you could see in their eyes. Maybe Leo didn’t want to hear you right now. Maybe he thought you were showing off when all he really wanted was comfort.
You cringed softly as you looked down at him, apology already on your tongue. But his face made you pause once more. He looked up at you, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. While the exhaustion remained, there was a twinkle of wonder and affection in his gaze that had you blowing out a light breath of air.
“Keep going,” Leo whispered into the small space between you. You stared back at him unmoving, the moment feeling delicate and indescribably precious. He waited, eyes never leaving yours.
So you began again.
As before, you started softly, the melody gracefully whispering into the silence around you. Then your voice began to grow, the song taking full form.
The melody floated off your tongue and hung suspended in the air like ribbon. You softly dragged and pulled the notes as you wove them together, blending them seamlessly. The tapestry of your song surrounded you both and softly wrapped you in its warmth. All the while, you found yourself unable to look away from Leo’s wonder-filled eyes.
As you came to your favorite lyric, you reached up and gently grazed the tips of your fingers down and across his cheek, trying to imbue the words and motion with every ounce of love you felt for him. He leaned into your caress as his eyes went glassy. The true vulnerability and intimacy of the moment threatened to take your breath away, but you pushed on, determined to give him this gift, this piece of you however small.
Because that's what it was, you realized. Singing had always been a part of you that you cherished, even if no one else seemed to. And here he was, the love of your life, soaking up every emotion-filled word and comforting note as if they were the last he would ever hear.
Words couldn't begin to describe the emotions swirling through your chest.
Without even meaning to, you had found your own way of showing just how much he meant to you, how much you admired and cherished him, regardless of any mission. Your heart soared at the thought as your eyes watered. Yes, you would gladly give him this piece of you over and over and over again. Every lyric, every note, every breath could be his if it brought an ounce of comfort. If it showed even a fraction of the love that filled your heart. He could have it all.
With a newfound purpose, you brought the song back down to a whisper, something meant only for the two of you. You shifted your hand so it was cupping his cheek. He once again leaned into your touch, a soft smile wobbling across his lips as a tear slowly made its trek down his cheek before your thumb brushed it away. You returned the smile knowing he understood. He knew exactly what you were trying to say, even if the exact words never left your tongue.
Too soon the song ended, leaving the two of you suspended in its afterglow. For a long moment, neither of you spoke, simply breathing in the comfortable silence. If it were up to you, that's exactly how you would stay, basking in the comfort and love that surrounded you both.
However, Leo could only stay silent for so long. “You’re incredible,” he finally whispered. Even having not moved for the entirety of you song, he seemed breathless. “After all this time, you still continue to amaze me.”
“I was just thinking the same thing,” you replied equally soft, thumb still rubbing soothingly across his cheek. His smile broadened slightly at the remark, but there was no quick retort.
Instead, voice still low, he asked, “Would you sing another?”
And that’s how you stayed for the rest of the night, Leo pressed against you, his own churrs vibrating from his chest in tandem with your swirling notes, and you, singing softly until you were both lulled into a peaceful sleep.
