I Am Femslash - lesbianorla
This post is part of Femslash Revolution’s I Am Femslash series, sharing voices of F/F creators from all walks of life. The views represented within are those of the author only.
Femslash is and always will be very important to me, but the best thing about it is how it helped me when I was first discovering my sexuality. I’m a lesbian, but I didn’t realize that I liked girls until I was around 19. And as I realized that femslash was so important to me.
When I was young I wouldn’t let myself even think about the fact I might be gay, because I grew up in a religious family in the south. I was too afraid of what would happen to me because all I had seen were negative depictions of non straight people. Where they died, or at the very least lived a deeply unhappy life where all their friends and family ended up hating them.
I did not want that to be me. So, when I would find myself thinking anything about how maybe I wasn’t straight, I would convince myself that I had to be wrong. That of course I liked boys and only boys.
Eventually though, thanks to fandom, I started seeing depictions of non straight people where they did get to be happy, and live out full long lives where they weren’t shunned by their family and friends and where they got to grow old with the person they loved. And a lot of my friends both in real life, and on the internet weren’t straight, so I started letting myself actually think about it.
And once I realized that I was indeed a lesbian, (or at least, that I liked girls, I actually originally thought I was bi) femslash was crucial in helping me come to terms with it and not be so afraid.
Reading about these girls being in love with each other, and being happy, and living normal lives, was so incredibly important to me. And it continues to be. Femslash reassured me that it was okay for me to be gay, and that there wasn’t anything wrong with me, and that I didn’t need to be fixed or change anything about myself.
And of course growing up in such a homophobic environment has left lingering doubts in me. Sometimes I get upset about how there are definitely people in my family who are homophobic. Or I get worried about never finding a girl to fall in love. Or any number of other things, but femslash is there as an escape. I can lose myself in fanfic or fanart or whatever of these girls in love with each other and just forget about the real world for a while.
So, that’s why it’s important to me, and why I hope femslash can continue to grow and reach more people. I think it can be an incredibly important tool for people who are struggling to accept their sexuality. And even for people who aren’t, people who grew up in extremely accepting cities and families, I’m sure it’s still important to them too. It’s always nice to see yourself represented and since the mainstream media doesn’t do a good job representing us, I’m glad femslash fandom is here to.
About the Author -
I’m Christa! I’m 25 years old and I’ve been in fandom since I was around 13 but didn’t get into femslash until I was around 19. I grew up in Kentucky, but I live in New York now. I’m not really sure what my main fandom is right now, but i’m really into Check Please, YA lit, One Day at a Time, Brooklyn Nine Nine, Skam, and Shadowhunters.
I can be found on tumblr here, or at my Harry Potter blog here.
Or I’m also on AO3 here.
