Let’s Tango || Anita & Teagan
TIMING: Saturday, January 22. LOCATION: Local Dance Studio PARTIES: @teaganmyrick and @a-bugz-life SUMMARY: Just two soft girls dancing out their feelings. CONTENT WARNINGS: internalized homophobia tw
Teagan spent a few days scouting the dance hall, noticing that many of the couples who signed up were traditional. A man and a woman. On occasion, there were same-sex couples, which alleviated the anxiety she felt about being portrayed as who she suspected she might be. There was no chance at hiding her attraction to Anita while the two danced so closely. She wasn’t sure if she was ready for that kind of exposure, the looks that they might get. Did people even do that anymore? She didn’t see the same-sex couples get stares, so she couldn’t decipher why she was so on edge and so sure that it would happen to her. To prevent the chance though, she rented the room for a private lesson that she would be giving. With years of experience as a dancer and a few refresher videos on YouTube, she was able to perfect her technique and prepare for the date.
As always, punctuality shined through when the nervous nix walked into the building thirty minutes early. Sometimes anxiety had its benefits. Teagan walked around the spacious room and placed the bouquet of roses and a little gift box on a table, smiling softly. Inside were Hot Hands packets that she snagged at the store when she was shopping. Anita was always seeking warmth and Teagan used the packets often in her days as a dancer when she would perform outside. She just hoped her gifts weren’t too much, that she wasn’t going overboard. Were gifts even a thing during a date?
Not wanting her anxiety to overtake her, Teagan took the time she had to practice some movements. She always found it best to shift her anxious energy into physical exertion. After all, energy is energy, and the way a body utilized it was entirely up to the person. It always helped, and before she knew it, there were a few minutes to spare. She was just messing with the speaker for the music when the door clicked open. Her face flushed and she stood up quickly with a squeak. “Hi.”
Anita didn’t deserve what she felt when she was around Teagan. She knew that like she knew any scientific fact. Putting aside all of their similarities, Anita didn’t deserve the happiness or ease she felt when she was around the fae. Despite having a complete understanding and acceptance of that, Anita simply couldn’t stay away. There was still a lot about herself that she had not revealed to Teagan, but Anita had shared with her more than she ever shared with most and in such a short period of time and none of it frightened the other woman.
Every time Anita tried to express that feeling, the undeserving-ness, to her, Teagan just pushed it away. Instead of sharing in the shame of what she was like she had done with Marley and instead of fully embracing the darkness like she did with Xiomara, Teagan always tried to make her see that she was good and kind. That was a feeling she desperately needed to cling to.
So Anita had agreed to the date. She figured things with Teagan were safe since she still seemed to be discovering herself. Anita didn’t mind being a stepping stone in that discovery. As she arrived at the dance studio she was a bit pleasantly surprised to see that Teagan had opted for the private rental opposed to a crowded class. “Hi,” Anita said with a grin. It was so cute how nervous and flustered Teagan sometimes got and Anita reveled in knowing she was the sole cause of it. “So, just you and me and some salsa, huh?”
“I hope that’s okay,” Teagan looked towards the ground, feeling that flutter cascade from her chest to her stomach. It was a symptom of enjoying what she was looking at, but it was the strongest she ever felt when she was around Anita. So in reality, it was a symptom of liking the woman, of letting herself indulge in whatever was developing between the two. “I practiced quite a bit and am a good teacher if I do say so myself.” Slowly, she removed her cardigan, recoiling a little at showing so much skin with her sleeveless turtleneck. After a few breaths though, she relaxed. The reason for sleeves wasn’t even the cold, she had just learned to keep herself covered in case her scales flared up with her emotions. While she had control, she never wanted to risk an aggravated headspace causing her to reveal herself. But she didn’t have to worry about hiding around Anita.
Teagan walked timidly towards the speaker, hitting play on her phone and letting the song continue in the background, just loud enough to be heard so she could give instruction. “I have it on a loop so you can constantly have the tempo and energy echoing.” Anita looked lovely, and knowing that this was indeed a date made the nix a little rigid, a stark contrast to her usual demeanor. She was constantly anxious, but she was livelier in most settings. There was an added pressure that diluted her, made her stumble and trip over herself as she strode over to Anita. Face flushed with embarrassment, and she smiled sheepishly, “I guess I’m a little nervous. I’m sorry. I swear I’m a proper dancer. Oh!” She pointed towards the table. “I got you those roses and a small gift.”
Anita had been on many dates with women who were trying to figure out their sexuality. She didn’t mind it, either being the one to show them the ropes or being the one to make them realize this wasn’t what they wanted. And while she hoped it wouldn’t be the case, even if Teagan never wanted to go on another date or on another moon-lit walk, at least Anita had this time. These moments where Teagan looked at her with a slightly frightened and slightly thrilled expression. These moments when Teagan believed that Anita was a good person. For split seconds, it almost had Anita believing.
It was evident in Teagan’s body language and in her overall demeanor that she wasn’t her usual self. So Anita decided to try and take the lead on things. “You didn’t have to get me anything,” She said with a grin as she looked over to the table that had the flowers. “And now I feel a little bit bad that I didn’t bring you anything.” But she figured that maybe if she could take some of the pressure off that could be gift enough. “So, I might not have any formal or classical training, but I’ve spent enough time in enough salsa clubs to know the basics.” Reaching out, she cupped her hands around Teagan’s to get in basic form. “And one thing that I know for certain is that this dance is all about the hips.” As she said that, Anita began doing a very rudimentary salsa footwork and let the beat of the music roll through her hip movements.
Teagan let out a tiny gasp as Anita took her hands. Despite her hands being cold, they always made her feel so warm. “Your presence is gift enough, don’t worry.” She looked down adoringly, getting momentarily lost. This was a very real date, with a very beautiful woman, and somehow the anxiety she felt pooling in her stomach formed into something familiar. Something better felt. Butterflies. “Hips, yes. Lead with them and guide with the shoulders, which I’ll be doing as the leader. Like so,” She pulled Anita closer, allowing for muscle memory to drive her into confidence. Dating was something she didn’t know anything about, but dancing was her element, her swimming outside of water. “Eight steps total that you can repeat and throw around if your partner is experienced enough.” Anita was perfectly comfortable, she could tell. She smiled gleefully as the woman moved around the room with her with ease. “And it looks like you are the perfect partner.” With a firm pressure applied to Anita’s lower back, she was dipped and pulled back for the two’s eyes to meet.
“That’s corny as hell,” Anita replied with a bit of a smirk. It was moments like that where she was almost glad she wasn’t a warm-blooded creature. So that nobody could see how much cheesy compliments would make her blush if she was physically capable of doing so. “But sweet.” It had been a while since Anita had been with someone so fresh-eyed and inexperienced, but what she and that woman did could hardly be classified as dating. But this was a date. Something she wasn’t really used to. Neither was Teagan, though, so that made things a bit easier.
Anita grinned when Teagan pulled her closer, she could feel the heat and nervous energy practically bouncing off the fae’s skin. ”Trust me, hermosa, I’m plenty experienced.” She winked with the comment, letting its double meaning linger. The two women’s bodies moved together to the rhythm of the song in unspoken ease and harmony. The tension between the two when their eyes met back up after the dip was thick, and it made Anita wonder if now was the right time to go in for a kiss. If she had been dancing with anyone other than Teagan she might have gone in, but she had a very real fear of scaring her off by going too fast too quickly. So instead she just pulled her closer, so that their bodies were fully touching, “Got any other tricks to show me?”
The bounce and flutter of the music muffled into the outer confines of Teagan’s attention. Her confidence built up from dancing faded, leaving no trace of the energy behind her actions not even seconds earlier. She blinked several times at the question, searching her brain for an answer, but only coming up with the dial-up sound until she utilized simple honesty. “None that I’m good at,” Stomach sank and skin hummed with the anxiety of saying something so stupid. Humming so greatly that scales sprouted in an instant, blushing in her own way.
The more she looked at Anita, the more Teagan felt inclined to lean in. Like it was nature taking over. And maybe that meant she truly wasn’t so strange. Her wiring worked, nothing was crossed. For the first time ever, she wanted to kiss someone and she knew they wanted to kiss her too. It was a fact spoken more than once. So really, what did she have to lose when her dance partner was the one who made their bodies flush? When she had accomplished her most important life goal and could give in to some of the indulgence of discovery, guilt-free? “Is this where…we, you know, kiss?” More scales surfaced, her body growing warmer. “I want to. I’ve never done this, though. What if I’m bad?”
There was a wash of emotions flowing over Anita as Teagan leaned in ever so slightly. She felt guilty, like this amazing woman in front of her deserved a much better partner for her first kiss. But she also felt like she needed this, to trick herself into believing that she was worthy of connection after all of the harm she had caused. Which brought on even more guilt because that was her own problem to work through, and maybe it was just too selfish to allow herself to give into this fantasy she had created around Teagan and her endless support and approval of her.
But as Anita spiraled in her head, she heard the soft echo of Teagans words. And in that moment she felt like all her own shit didn’t matter so much. She knew that she was the kind of person who was only meant to be a temporary blip in the lives of others. And if that was the case, then she wanted to be a positive blip for Teagan. Well, as positive as she could be. “It’s okay. Just… let me lead with this part.” Teagan had shown her some dance moves and now it was time for Anita to share some moves of her own. Anita moved her hand to the small of Teagans back, then leaned up letting the space between their lips slowly close. Her kiss was gentle, as she always aimed to match her level of intensity to the woman she was with. And first kisses should be soft and gentle and warm.
As lost as the nix had been, as green as she was with this new path, Anita was still more than willing to be patient. And green wasn’t so bad when she looked into her eyes, those emerald pools she could swim in all day. And she was offering to take over, leaning in and connecting the two. Scales sprinkled over her shoulders as warmth flowed through every part of Teagan’s body. She kissed back, applying her own pressure, finding herself wanting to continue and extremely happy. So, so happy. Over and over again, she kissed Anita. She was motivated by years of restraint, denial, and fear. Holding back didn’t have to be her only option anymore.
Teagan pulled back slowly to check in, face dusted pink. “Was that…okay? I think you’re good. Very good.” She bit her lip, looking down at her feet, made sheepish by her words. It showed just how inexperienced she was. But then she looked back at Anita with a bright smile. It was the happiest she’d been in a while. The least lonely she’d ever felt. The least judged. “Can we…” She placed a careful and somewhat scaled hand on Anita’s cheek. “…do that again?”
Taking things slow wasn’t in Anita’s nature. It wasn’t something she was taught. Her family lived by their own pleasure and put great emphasis on doing anything that brought pleasure. Despite trying to outrun her family’s teachings, literally and figuratively, that was one thing that tended to stick. Maybe it was because she did always feel like she was running from something, so a brief moment of quick bliss felt like all she could afford. Teagan seemed to have lived her life in an opposing manner, having suppressed her desires to put her family first. Maybe they could each learn a bit from the other.
At Teagans comment, Anita pulled back slightly so that she could laugh. She wasn’t judging the question or the comment, but it was still a bit funny to hear. “Yes, it was okay.” As she said that she reached up with her right hand and softly cupped it around Teagans cheek and smiled. “It was good. Warm. Sweet.” Without waiting after the question, Anita leaned in again and kissed Teagan. There was a bit more urgency in the kiss this time, more need. It felt so damn good to be wanted like this, even if she didn’t feel worthy of the affection. It was almost as though she had forgotten how it felt to connect with someone in the last few months, forgotten how much she needed it.
The way Teagan was beginning to understand, was that denying oneself the simple need for gratification was damaging. She had been so busy ensuring that she was everything her family needed, that she forgot to be everything she wanted. And what she wanted to be was the woman kissing Anita, smiling, and matching the energy she was enjoying greatly. At the end of her life, she didn’t have to have regrets. She’d done the impossible: be herself. Because she was pretty sure death had heard all the excuses as to why a person needs more time on this water planet. What was she waiting for before? What was anyone waiting for? Hesitation so often became a full stop, but she wasn’t going to let that be the case anymore. She didn’t have to hold back because now she knew the joys of letting herself simply be. So she continued to embrace Anita, pulled her closer, only halting the kissing to connect their foreheads in a gentle pause. The hour was not up, it had only been maybe thirty minutes, but she wanted to be home. With Anita.
“I think…I think we should go to my place. This is a dance studio and not a kissing studio, after all.” Teagan smiled the brightest she could, hoping that the woman would agree. She didn’t want the night to be an echo in her memory that she would replay with each bounce yet. “What do you say?”
The joy on Teagan's face felt so foreign to Anita. Not just because she hadn’t felt that joyous in so long, but because it was so odd to her to think that she was the reason, at least partially, for it. It softened the harshness inside of her for a very brief moment. But she quickly brushed it off, as she figured it was more the elation of having a first kiss that was causing Teagan’s smile than necessarily whom she was kissing. Still, it was nice to pretend.
Somewhat instinctively, Anita smirked and cocked an eyebrow up at the nix’s comment. “Well, I must be a much better kisser than I am a dancer if you wanna ditch the studio already.” The comment was playful, as she really didn’t mind getting out of here and seeing what else the evening might have in store for them. “But yeah, let’s get out of here and go back to your place.” She leaned in for one more kiss before pulling herself away slowly and walking over to the table with the little presents that Teagan had brought. As far as first dates went, this one was pretty fantastic so far.
