#letting out

[valriyaalways]

Its okay to have breakdown once.

Actually sometimes its necessary

When things dont work

Its okay to let it roll down rather than bottling it up

Toxicity that you carry haevies your head mind and soul

Free it out

Free your soul

[alexas-fandom-and-random-blog]

Dear stranger who in my mind I cannot flee your judging eyes,

I regret nothing! No remorse and no guilt! Growing up is different than apologizing for your existence. And you can never stop growing up. Age is but a number. A level to reach and record your progress and eradicate your excuses but not a tool to torment you with thoughts of staying behind or moving too fast. I don't need your approval nor do you need a fixing from me. We could listen to each other, maybe sympathize but not agree or understand. Neither if us have lived each other's lives and even if I owe you respect as a fellow human being, I cannot promise to give you parts of me for your wounds and scars if it ends up hurting my own and leaving me with holes hard to fill. I could never count on your assistance because you as l, don't owe it to a stranger. Because a far away, uncertain of essence voice is one I don't trust and neither should you. I can be a lot of nasty things, not beneficial or fitting to your problems or struggles. I DON'T CARE! I don't if it means drowning myself in the world's rotten side. The only thing I could promise is not to get violent, not to attack or attempt to viciously steal something from your body or soul. As long as you do the same. My best defence is distance and forgetting you if you cross the line of argument to harassment, but I would hurt or tear you apart if you ever insisted to pursue me out of the internet world. I must protect myself because. My life is more important than yours cause it is mine. My feelings are more important than yours cause they are mine. I alone am responsible for my growth, my thoughts, my relationships and my view of the world. I can't blame it on your opinion of me dear stranger. My conscience, honest and awake as much as I can make it, should be my only judge. And please don't forget that I am a stranger to you too. We stand in the same position against each other.

[glittered-tits]

What you'll never get because you never listen

It wasn't about expectations It wasn't about if you were good enough What it is... I wanted my space Because you suffocated me I saw the writing on the wall I knew I was trapped In your cocoon A cocoon of thoughts of Jealousy and a fake love Love that isn't love Love that is contaminated When caring becomes smothering And touching becomes abuse It becomes rape Raping my soul Ripping Tearing me to shreds But you never listened You talked over me A slap in the face For me And for you.

[vanrottenhart]

One is a nice number

One cup of coffee, one shot of vodka, one hug.

One vals or one Zeppelin song.

One kiss. One hour to be happy.

But just one, because more will end up hurting.

Because one is the loneliest number of them all, but two can be as good? bad as one.

[irtealli]

Looking ahead

So this year has been a rollar coaster ride so far, well which year hasn’t been? But this one specially takes the cake. I know that there’s good and there’s dark and we need both in order to have our life in order but  I have been observing how for me (and many others I know) 2015 has been leaning towards the dark aspect more.  It’s crazy how the soul is being tested by so many factors in terms of emotion, in terms of money, in terms of family bond and creativity.  Every day I would try and wake up with a new hope and by the end of day I would just wanna bury my face into pillow and probably never wake up. 

But whatever the shit I’ve been through and I feel I ain’t alone in this, one thing is sure. Strength is being tested and I just want to say that ‘I ain’t giving up baby’  I  am not giving up.  I observed with whoever I shared my situation, they nodded and shared similar situation of their life with me. Maybe it’s about to go...I know if happiness ain’t forever , sadness isn’t permanent either. We need both and soon it’s gonna be the light which will spread faster and wider. It will be light which will take over and whatever tests we’re going through , the result will be pleasing and an eye opener.  I may not have much to thank for everyday but I am super thankful to making through each and every day.  I am proud of myself.

[shien78]

My dedicated life on Tumblr

So I’m basically just gonna leave my kpop life in my twitter account. 

Basically, my twitter and facebook are filled with people I don’t like. Friends who judge and comment on the smallest things and family who might have the possibility of giving me those personal face-to-face talks about what I post. It irritates me sometimes, though helpful, but I’d rather share it to people who don’t know me. It feels nice and keep my mind off things they might say, you know?

I love a variety of things: kpop, photography, music, dancing, lettering, learning new languages, etc. Of course, I would need an outlet to do each and everything, and so I’d like to be more active here and dedicate my tumblr to my lettering and photography. Sounds kinda lame and common, but I hope I could inspire people and make a lot of youth appreciate things like this. Ive posted photos in instagram but it’s kinda difficult for me to work on it there. And also, I miss tumblr. It’s been almost a year since I last visited. And I could freely express a lot here. Which makes it more... hmm... democratic. (lol) 

I’m so busy right now, I just made this silly text post. So I have to continue working on this paper work and I got a book-thick coverage to study for exams. Wish me luck and hope to make friends here. 

shien

[ma-tee]

I hate people

So this girl (woman? she’s 23) in my town felt terrible abdominal pain last night and went to the hospital and turns out she was in labor. She had no idea she was pregnant and just like that she was pushing a 9 month 3kg baby girl out of her. Apparently she would still get a bit of menstruation every month and a pharmacy test she did was negative. I’m very glad that the baby is OK because she wasn’t taking care of herself and taking pre natal and stuff. So thank God they are both fine, and the baby girl is healthy. I can imagine what a big shock it was for her... no 9 months preparing yourself mentally for being a mom. Nope, just had her entire life changed in one night. But see.. that is the only thing that surprised me in the story... not the fact that she got pregnant. She’s 23 and has a good family to back her up and all. Not a big deal. But I got really pissed when every one on whatsapp was talking about it and judging her! I had to read comments from ‘friends’ of mine saying “She could not not know.. I bet she was hiding it this entire time because of what society might say” WTF? She had a baby! She didn’t murder anyone! She would hide from her family from 9 months and then show everyone the baby when she was born? ¬¬ Another ‘friend’ said that if she was her she would move to another town. And lastly someone said ‘come on girls, if it happened to you wouldnt you consider hiding as well?’ OMG Seriously what is happening?? These girls making these coments are all around 23 yrs old too and have sex. They all have sex. Why is to get pregnant, to have a beautiful baby, an inoccent child, to become a mom, so horrible? And when it could easily happen to one of them as well. OMG I’m disgusted. I’m getting angrier. I’ll stop now cause I’m sweating.